The Foolproof POTTER System
by lovelyapper
Summary: REWRITTEN/COMPLETE. What happens when Sirius badly wants Remus to himself, and is idiot enough to ask help from James? Slight chaos, that's what. Remus has no clue what's happening around him, Lily starts to act like a Marauder, and Peter chokes on things. / Plan idea from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Rated T for language and... stuff, just in case.
1. The Beginning of Something Glorious

**A/N:** What can I say? I just love the Princes James the Dork and Sirius the Needy. I cannot write these two enough. If you like the fic (or don't), leave a review :) Always appreciated.

The system is originally from the television series "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" in which the character Dennis has his own pick-up system. Check it out, it's awesome. But read this first.

_English is not my first language._

ALSO! If you're interested, this story has been translated to Spanish (El sistema POTTER a prueba de tontos) by Yonofuii, before the addings. Check it out and leave them a review: s/8662864/1/El-sistema-POTTER-a-prueba-de-tontos

**REWRITTEN.**

**Disclaimer:** Do not own anything. (Except my shoes.)  
**Beta:** Do not own.

* * *

After one downright ridiculous Monday, Sirius Black had had enough. Rather feverishly he pulled his hair while grunting, "You sit right there on the bed."

The boy, who he was talking to, obeyed him wearily, and as soon as he had descended his very arse on the mattress, Black opened his mouth again.

"Okay, so you are..." Sirius paced on the dormitory rug and gestured towards the other boy, who was sitting silently on the bed, frowning slightly at him. "What I kind of mean is... I know you very well, and bloody hell, you might find this either very funny or totally disgusting, but bear with me, will you, please."

He glanced quickly to the other boy's eyes, mustered up a massive amount of courage – which, to be quite honest, wasn't that much – and almost shrieked, "You see the thing is, Remus, I love you!"

The boy on the bed burst out laughing immediately after that, and almost falling off, he snorted, "Oh my sweet Merlin! You've got to be kidding me!"

"Stop laughing at me, Potter!" Black shouted indignantly, crossing his arms on his chest.

Potter now hollered, "Have you gone completely soft in your head? You can't say it like that! He'll freak out of his pants!"

"That's the plan, you dork!"

James adjusted his sweaty glasses on his nose, and sighed. "Sure, but he's old-fashioned. Sorry... try ___antediluvian_. Prehistoric."

"What?"

"Nothing, forget it."

If someone was to ask, James would say that playing Remus Lupin wasn't fun at all, not when a certain maniac was trying to come up with a good way to declare his undying love for the bloke. James shook his head. Knowing that Sirius had some major toning down problems when he tried to express his positive feelings towards basically anything (like the other day when he had told McGonagall he positively loved her), James had decided to be a good mate, and help out the poor sod. Of course he now regretted the whole thing.

During the entire day of Monday they had done this exact thing in their spare time; Sirius had been trying out different approaches, making James do nothing except shake his head continuously as if to tell Sirius that he was an absolute idiot (it had worked rather well the first few times) and by the time it was 6pm, both of them were bushed; tired of trying to come up with good excuses to get the others to not come with them, because, you know, Remus duh, and... James, personally? He was rather tired of Sirius being a total daft.

Who wouldn't be?

Also it should be mentioned that at times Black also had almost forgotten that it was actually _James_ in front of him, and not Remus.

Thankfully Potter had brilliantly quick reflexes, therefore he had been able to flee the danger zone every time Sirius had started to look like he was about to jump his bones. Ugh, the horror.

Sirius snorted at something, and slumped on James' bed. As he rested there on his back, he asked, "Then what do you suggest, oh great master of love confessions?"

The master smiled sadly at him. "My good man, from today I gather that you're totally lost at what to do. That is why I'm going to represent you with something..." James closed his eyes theatrically. "Something you'll appreciate very much, indeed. You must realise that I couldn't have showed this to you earlier because it is _so_ brilliant you might have been blinded, but since you are absolutely lousy at this, I'm afraid I have no other choices than to jeopardise you sight for..." He squinted. "Hanky-panky."

Black grimaced as he rubbed his face. "Are we talking about those nude pictures of you? The ones which you used to persuade Evans to go out with you during Potions class the other day? Because I really don't appreciate seeing those again..." He pulled a face. "Like ever. I mean, what's going on with your tits, man?"

"From now on, since you are a total twat, those pictures are for Lily's eyes only," Potter said and walked to his trunk. He opened it and started to rummage through it.

"How did that work out by the way?" Black grinned evilly at the ceiling of James' bed, and feigned to think. "Oh, I remember! She hit you with a court shoe, am I right?"

Potter felt a slight blush of anger creeping on his cheeks, but instead of showing it to Sirius, he hid it in the trunk. "Yes she did as a matter of fact, but I believe that was only because her maternal instinct told her to give some sort of clothing to a bum naked man."

"You were only naked in the picture, James, and she didn't give you the shoe, she smacked your forehead with it."

James nodded as he opened a thick book. "Yes she did."

"Your point being?"

Searching between the pages but not finding anything, Potter said, "She acknowledged me."

Sirius laughed at that. "Well, I've noticed her acknowledge the flobberworms also, but that doesn't mean she's ever willing to go out with one."

Taking another book from the trunk, James winced at it; a spider crawled out between the pages, and not thinking about it for a second, he threw the book into a wall. He shuddered tremendously, turning back to his friend. "You're a real bastard, did you know that?"

"Yes, my mother never forgot to mention it."

His head again in the trunk, James' voice was muffled to the extent Sirius was barely able to understand him. "So... you're a bastard, afraid of my sexy naked pictures, and utterly unaware of how you're going to make Moony to acknowledge you, yeah? Aren't you the whole package."

"Right", Black agreed from the bed, ignoring James' last remark. "Except of those pictures, you're not sexy in them."

"Nonsense," James muttered blearily, and surfaced from the trunk with a smile. "But don't be afraid, I know exactly how we'll roll."

Not even turning to look, Sirius mumbled, "Yeah, I'm not rolling anywhere, that's Pete's job. He's the tubby one."

"What I meant was," Potter groaned in a manly way, as he again took a book from his trunk. Of course they all were there – as if he needed them. He browsed through the pages. "At first we're going to make Moony notice you, and then take a proper fancy in you. Otherwise he won't take you seriously when you tell him you _love_ him." James smirked at the book, stood up, and took in the sight of Sirius. "And we both know just _how_ seriously he takes you now. It's ridiculous, really; the way you think he does when he's actually all but laughing at you."

"Shouldn't you be quiet?"

Finally James had found what he was looking for; he stooped over his trunk, shoving everything he had thrown on the floor back in it, closed it and trudged to his friend, gripping a piece of parchment in his fist. "It's not _me_ who should be quiet. That's your job, for I am now_ telling _you how exactly you are going to get him to like you."

Sirius merely stared at him. But as if that had stopped James before.

He nodded in a knowing manner. "You'll follow a few basic rules and soon he'll be liquid wax between your fingers, or... whatever makes you happy."

For that Sirius suddenly leered like a lewd idiot. "I do like the sound of that, all right. Okay, I'm in."

"Of course you are, because you are a raging pervert." Potter sat next to his friend and gave him a piece of parchment.

Sirius stared at the rumpled, folded paper in his hand. "Am I going to write him a love letter? You know I don't like writing. The information travels way too fast from my brain to my hand for me to keep up with."

"You idiot, open it," James groaned. He watched as Sirius did just that, and pushed his glasses up on his nose."On that particular paper I have scribbled down the P.O.T.T.E.R. system, and I'm ready to share it with you. Please don't tell anyone about it."

"The what now?" Sirius asked as he tried to make a sense out of James' horrible handwriting. "What... What exactly is this?"

"This, my dearest friend," James stated, tapping the paper with his finger. "This is my self-made system; in other words it is a list of foolproof instructions to make anyone within your dating field to fall hopelessly in love with you." As Sirius showed no signs of life, James nudged him in the side. "Did I say it's foolproof? It means even you can use it. It's absolutely faultless."

"Within my dating field?" Black huffed and shoved the paper back to his friend. He all but glared James. "Yeah, brilliant. It's not going to work on Remus, then."

James was baffled. "What do you mean?"

"He's not _within my dating field_, James," Sirius quoted and sneered, after which he proceeded to rub his face until he resembled a boiled lobster. "That's the main problem here. As you just said yourself, he's never going to take me seriously enough so I can _somehow_ tell my feelings, because... if you haven't noticed, I've been kind of a lecher. With birds, yeah?" Suddenly he frowned. "Not that if I had _him_ I would have done that, I just... I mean –" He turned his eyes on James and pouted. "In your words... he's never going to _acknowledge my existence_ as anything more than just his... caring mate, or whatever. So... I don't like to play your plan down or anything, but it's never going to work."

Potter made quick notes. "Right. First of all, Sirius, you're not a caring mate, you're a twit led by his cock. Secondly, we must get rid of that ludicrous insecurity of yours. It's disgraceful to your own kind. Thirdly, thank Merlin my plan is going to fix all this."

"Are you seriously calling me insecure?" Sirius snorted. "Me? Insecure?"

James eyed the parchment. "Yes, you. Although you try to act otherwise, actually you are as self-confident as the potato sack under Pete's bed."

"You're the potato sack under Pete's bed," Black retorted intelligently.

"Witty."

"Fine." Sirius made a face at his profile. "Then tell me what to do, Mr. Confidence."

"Well, as you know, the first thing towards recovery is to admit you've got a problem," James croaked while he took his glasses off. He swept them on his robe sleeve, grinning at Sirius. "And you already did that, kind of. Good job!" He gave Sirius thumbs up, and put the glasses back on his nose. "Now, read the first point on the paper."

He shoved the parchment back to Sirius, who blinked at it. "Yeah, you see _I would_, could I make anything out of this horrid handwriting of yours", Sirius grunted, but tried nevertheless. He moved the paper closer to his nose, squinting at it. "It says... purc... purgatory? _What_?" His eyes were on James immediately. "So I'm going to go to purgatory for him? What should I pack? Trunks?"

James moved closer to him and assisted. "Yeah, no. You're not going anywhere. The word's... er." He narrowed his eyes, leaning closer to the paper Sirius had in his hands. "Yeah, that's 'panegyric'. Probably." Sirius just stared at the paper as Potter continued explaining, now sitting straight again. "As you can see, each of the letters of the name Potter makes a step. Yeah? Once you follow these steps, you will win the heart which you yearn for. That's the P.O.T.T.E.R. system. Isn't it brilliant? The 'P' here stands for 'panegyric'."

Sirius cocked a brow at him. "Be honest. Did you make that word up?"

"It's a word for a speech which is about good qualities and such," James told him as he read the paper in Sirius' hands. "I think."

"Where on bloody Earth did you find such a word?"

"I'm brilliant, so I found it in my spine."

Pursing his lips, Sirius nodded. "Sure, so... You borrowed one of Remus' books?" Potter nodded sadly at him as if he had been defeated in a great battle, and Sirius resumed examining the paper. "So, are you saying that I have to tell him how adorable, good-looking and savvy I am? Because... I believe he already knows that."

James shrugged nonchalantly as he turned his eyes off the parchment. He rubbed his nose. "Yeah, well... it's effective only if the said things are true."

"Prat," Sirius mumbled and studied the paper. Something dawned on him. "So is this program, or whatever it is, the reason you keep telling Evans how capital you think you are?"

"Yes," Potter said solemnly and fell on his back on the bed. To the bed ceiling he resumed, "But somehow I'm not able to get to the second letter. I'm stuck in the first one."

Black tried to suppress a grin. "This is your system and you're failing at it? Good going, Potter."

"Like I said," James muttered while rubbing his eyes behind the glasses. "Somehow I just can't get pass the first step. She always walks away, making me unable to finish."

"I wonder why," Sirius sniggered at the paper.

While Sirius tried to read the paper, James was drowning on his Lily-thoughts. Obviously.

Once he noticed James had started to drool his own mattress, Sirius groaned and poked the boy's thigh with his bony index finger. "Earth to Potter? I can't read this by myself, you know. Your handwriting keeps getting worse and worse... Were you running from an ogre when you wrote this?" He shook his head. "Horrible, just horrible. Please tell me what this next step is."

Potter returned from Lilyland by slowly sitting up. He blinked heavily, trying to get the dizzying feeling to go away – was he dizzy because of movement he had just made, or because of the thoughts he had had of Lily? Who knew – and he took the paper from Sirius, peering at it. "Now, this 'O' here stands for... 'occasional flattery'? Yeah, that's it, I think." He tilted his head slightly at the parchment. "And I don't understand what you're whinging about. It's not that bad, I can read it just fine."

"'Occasional flattery'?" Sirius repeated as if he hadn't heard correctly. He crossed his arms. "Big words for such a little man..." He quickly moved into James' sight, and slammed his hand on his shoulder. "Hey... does that mean I get to flatter him and tell him how perfect his –"

The Gogglehead interrupted him by saying, "Only a couple of times."

Now Black looked like he _really_ hadn't heard what James had said. "What? Per an hour that is?"

James shook his head vigorously while he tried to figure out his own handwriting. "No, only a couple of times altogether."

"No way." Black couldn't believe his mouldy ears. They undoubtedly were very mouldy since he kept hearing James wrong. "Seriously? Why can't I flatter him more often than that?"

"The rules forbid you, dummy," James sneered, ogling seriously at the text. "You don't want to overdo it. And, admit it, you have kind of a problem with overdoing everything."

"Stupid rules!" Sirius huffed and stood up. He took a few long strides to the next bed – his own, by the way – and sat down on it. He threw his hands in the air. "They should be burnt! What great idiot invented them anyway?"

"I did."

"Should've known. Okay, keep going," Black mumbled as he leaned his back against his own mattress. "The third step?"

James readjusted his glasses on his pointy nose, and squinted at the horrendous letters. They were pretty bad. "It says..."

"Oh, come on man, you can't read your own writing!" Sirius teased and streched his arms above him. He moved them as if he was doing butterfly strokes in a pool. "Did you write that thing with your foot?"

Potter brought the paper closer to his eyes. "Nah, I tried, but the quill kept slipping."

Sirius now drummed his stomach with his fingers. Someone might have noted that he seemed very restless, but Sirius would have told them stupid commenters that he was _never_ restless. He was always very composed and tranquil. Obviously that was the reason why he moved his hands to pull his hair whilst his feet popped up and down in the air like those of a little boy. "I just can't believe you can't remember your own system without reading it from a paper."

"I have plenty of other things going on in my head, thank you very much."

"That's rich," Black laughed, and rolled on his stomach. Between the open curtains of his own bed he saw Remus'. He squinted at the sight.

"Okay, the first 'T' here stands for 'tell something unique'." James waited for his brain to agree. "Yeah, sounds about right." He glanced at his friend, who was now sitting on his legs, head completely turned towards Remus' bed. Although Sirius' shoulders looked like he wasn't listening to him at all, James continued, "So basically you should tell Moony something only you can tell him."

Sirius moved to sit on the edge of his bed, contemplating James' words like the serious man he was. His toes wiggled in the direction of bed next to his. "What should I tell him, then? Like... how incredibly sexy he is?" He tilted his head slightly as though he was contemplating something. "Everyone knows that."

"Eh." James shivered politely, and noted Sirius' back, "The most important point is that you shouldn't tell anyone else what you're going to say to him."

"Naturally," the dog muttered, slowly rising from his bed. He moved briskly – yes, that's exactly the right word, for when Sirius was moving towards Remus or _anything_ that had something to do with the bloke, Sirius was always _brisk_ – at the bed on his right, quickly drawing the curtains open and snatching one pillow from under the duvet. With that, he jumped on his own bed again.

A moment passed during which James was silently trying to figure out the fourth word, and Sirius, being so mindbogglingly interested in his best mate's current activity, pretended to be snogging Remus on his bed.

"Aha! The second 'T' is for 'tacit declaration'," James finally cawed. He turned his eyes on his mate. "I know, I know, it sounds stupid, but if I remember correctly, it means you should let him know about your feelings without actually saying anything. Got it? Sirius?"

Nothing.

"Sirius?"

A grumble replied under the pillow, "Remus."

"You know, I'm getting pretty good at reading this stuff," Potter randomly pointed out. "And stop sniffing his pillow."

"Congratulations for actually making sense of your own handwriting," Sirius mumbled lazily as he moved the pillow to under his head. He turned sideways, his mug facing James. His fingers manly played with his longish hair as he pondered the second T. "So... does that mean I can touch him and caress him and hug him and snog him?" He buried his nose in the pillow again, mumbling, "If it does, then it's the first step to actually make sense."

"Whatever you decide to do, just please... keep me out of it."

Sirius closed his eyes. "Brilliant. Continue."

James huffed for a moment, and then uttered, "This 'E' here means 'ease off temporarily'." He stared at Sirius. "You know what that means?"

"Cheers, but I'm not a total idiot." Sirius opened his eyes and watched James back. "It means that when I'm ravishing him, I should let him go to the loo every now and then. That goes without saying."

"Yeah... no." James shook his head. And scratching his nose, he elaborated, "It means you must stop acting the way you've acted during the previous steps. Completely. This will... confuse him and make him think that there's something wrong with him, and because he's falling for you at this point, he'll do just about anything to be with you."

Sirius sat up, now appalled. The pillow he brought to his lap. "There's nothing wrong with my Remus! Are you an idiot, James? I'm sure as hell not going to do any of that. Dreadful."

"You might not want to, but it's essential." Potter gravely stared at him back. "Descend on being merely a friend again."

Suddenly Sirius stood up and walked to the bathroom with the pillow. James heard him shout from the room, "_Tell me, how on bloody Earth will I be able to leave him alone after all that hugging and touching?_"

"What are you doing with the pillow?"

Naturally Sirius didn't answer him.

"All right," James resumed without hearing an answer. "I knew the second last would be the hardest for you." He put the paper down on the bed and rubbed the bridge of his now sweaty nose. Then he realised something and stared at the open bathroom door. "Wait... Which step you thought was about hugging and touching?"

Sirius' head emerged in the door frame. "The fourth one? You know, the tic-tac-toe one?"

"The tacit declaration?" James asked, bringing a hand to ruffle his hair for no apparent reason. "No, you got it wrong. It means you'll have to be subtle."

"_Subtle? Are you serious?_" Sirius laughter echoed from the bathroom as he had vanished there again. "_How do you even know such a word?_"

"You have to be subtle, Sirius," Potter tried, flailing his hands in the air a bit, emphasising the words to absolutely no one. "No touching, and no overly wordy love declarations, which you're probably going to do. Remember what you said to Minnie? Do not, and I repeat, _do not_ say any of that to Moony. He would die."

Sirius came back from the bathroom with the pillow and hugging it against his chest, he stopped in front of his firiend and tilted his head at him. "How am I going to let him know that I fancy him, then? Jamesie, you haven't thought this through at all."

"I don't know, stare at him like the madman you are, you've been doing a great job so far." James smirked nastily at him but suddenly got serious. He watched Sirius lower himself on his bed again. "Just... forget the touching, okay? It might get ugly."

"You're ugly. Whereas we," Sirius said, and gestured at himself and the pillow. "Me and pillow-Remus are beautiful. Look at us."

"Yeah, he seems lovely," James muttered, frowning at the pillow. He took the paper from the bed, turned it over in his hands and pointed the last step to the boy. "Look here; the last letter 'R'. It stands for 'restraint and rapture'."

Sirius made a face and pressed his jaw on the pillow. "Meaning?"

"Meaning that once you've restraint yourself from his company for a little while – stop making that idiotic face – he's going to fancy you so much he's going bananas just for seeing you. Which means you can basically do whatever you want with him." James ogled at Sirius, who was watching him back. "Jusk ask his permission first." Then he was silent for a moment. "And don't mention the pillow to him."

Sirius stared at him. "I don't like bananas."

Potter ignored him. "Once he's realised how much he fancies you and confronts you for it, you can turn him into a shaking pile of pudding by slobbering his face off, after which you two will of course live happily ever after like the little princesses that you are. Naturally this results in you leaving me alone for a bloody second; everyone is happy and we'll probably have cake."

"If Remus really falls for me because of this, then he's not the smartest bloke I know."

Snorting, James asked, "Who said he was?"

Sirius stood up, leaving the pillow behind, and walked over to his friend. He lowered his hand on James' shoulder, and said gravely, "James... Your system is the most idiotic thing I have ever seen, but I am desperate enough to try it."

James beamed up at him. "You know, there's a great difference between what you think is idiotic and you being an idiot. And I think you just mixed those two up."

"Yes, but there's absolutely no difference between you being idiotic and you writing your idiotic things down on paper."


	2. Probably the Most Brilliant Bloke Ever

**A/N:** Bear with this.

**Disclaimer:** Do not own.  
**Beta:** Do not own.

* * *

Remus Lupin was sitting in his favourite corner of the antiquated library of Hogwarts when Sirius decided to bother him. The werewolf considered the library to be the only place in the whole bloody school where he was able to study without the three-headed Marauder huffing behind his back all the time.

But of course Remus had no such luck that day.

"Remmie, can I talk to you?"

Sirius obviously needed no answer for his question, for he was already seated next to the geek. Sure, Remus loved this guy but sometimes, just sometimes, he wished that Sirius would leave him alone, at least for a minute or two. He winced inwardly for being so selfish.

He gave up, sighed, and glanced questioningly at his friend. "What is it now, Sirius?"

Black rested his hands on the table and grinned charmingly at him. "How's it going?"

"You came here to ask me how am I doing." Remus frowned at him and had to bite his chapped lower lip to keep himself from throwing a crazy werewolf fit in the middle of the library. Madame Pince wouldn't probably appreciate that. Was this guy serious? Now Remus really wanted him to go. He had a lot of studying to do.

Sirius kept his grin directed at Remus' face.

Trying to be as polite as possible, Remus said with a small smile of his own, "I have a lot of studying to do."

"Wow." Sirius grinned even more widely. "You sound tense."

"_Really_?" Lupin pulled a face. When the Animagus only stared at him, he continued, "Well, don't worry about it. I'm fine, just, you know... awfully busy doing my homework." Remus hoped Sirius would take a hint.

"I could help," Sirius offered happily instead of leaving. He leaned a bit closer to Remus, his eyes glistening. "I'm pretty good at doing... things and... stuff."

"I don't think that's necessary," Remus tried. All he wanted to do was to finish his stupid Ancient Runes essay, but evidently that was not going to happen anytime soon. He closed his tired eyes and cursed professor Babbling and her long assignments to Merlin-knows-where. "Look, Sirius, could you just go?"

"No. Let me help," he heard Sirius say. "I'm good at helping."

Remus slowly opened his eyes and directed them at the boy. Sirius looked too way too cheerful; he didn't seem to fit in the dusty and unremarkable library at all. "You are? Remember how you tried to help James get out of McGonagall's detention last week?" Remus tilted his head as he waited Sirius to say something. The boy didn't, so Remus resumed, "You ended up there yourself, and you were still soaking wet when you got back. You watered the whole dormitory floor. I almost broke my neck."

"The evidence Minnie had against me was merely circumstantial," Sirius huffed as he leaned into his chair, crossing his arms on his chest. He stared at Remus in an unwavering manner. "I just happened to be there."

Lupin battled a smile. He tried to keep his face straight, all right, but the grin just pushed through. "In the middle of the flood? Really?"

Still keeping his arms on his chest, Sirius smugly closed his eyes. "I stand accused, but I did nothing wrong."

The conversation needed Remus' full attention, so he put his quill on the table, and turned a bit in his chair. He still tried not to smirk when he asked carefully, "Not even when you were hitting on her after she gave you the detention? That's not wrong at all, hitting on your Transfiguration professor." He bit his lip so he wouldn't laugh. "You did that yesterday, as well."

"I can't really help it." Sirius told him, peeking from his right eye. "You know what older women do to me."

"What do they do?" the werewolf asked, now fully grinning. Somehow he seemed as though he was unable to avert his eyes from the guy's face. "Give you detention when you're trying to get your friend out of one?"

Throwing his hands on the air, Black pouted. "Fine! I'm not good at helping! But..." He licked his lips as he kept his eyes on Remus. "I'm good at other things."

"Such as?" Remus didn't realise that he had forgotten his essay entirely. Well... It wasn't that important of an essay anyway.

Sirius mulled over his skills while staring at the geek and then snapped his fingers. His face lit up. "Sleeping! I'm a brilliant sleeper! I can sleep anywhere and nothing I know fazes me or keeps me awake. You can't argue with that." His eyes were gleaming. "Do it; point me a place and I will sleep in it. Pince's bin? You've got yourself a deal, man!"

The stupid smile still on his face, Remus admitted, "I'm not arguing, but _why_ would you want to sleep in the library?" He fiddled a bit with the table edge. It was such a lovely table. "And in a bin? Surely you're not serious."

Black glanced the place. "Yeah, that's idiotic. So much dust." Soon enough he focused his eyes on Remus again. "You like dust, don't you?"

Laughing slightly, Remus shook his head, and ignored the question. "Any other skills you might want to tell me?"

After another moment of obvious thorough thinking, Sirius smiled widely and leaned in closer. He whispered to the werewolf, "I can make a mean dungbomb."

"Yes you can," Remus agreed, very much amused. His right hand snaked up to his neck to give it a slight rub. The muscles there had ached for a good while. "Although, I don't think Madame Pince would appreciate your rad dungbomb skills in her library again. Don't you remember the last time you did that? You were banned for a year."

"I know, she's such a killjoy! What a terrible old hag." Sirius took a glimpse at the librarian over his shoulder, and as he couldn't see her, he then leaned even more closer to Remus, making his chair scrape the stone floor. "There was this one time, when me and James had this –"

"It's 'James and I', Sirius." Remus smiled while briefly glancing at his parchment. He had rubbed his neck with his writing hand and once he left the neck alone, the skin stayed brashing red under his shirt collar. He took the quill from the table and failed to notice how Sirius' eyes were nailed on that red spot on his neck.

The Animagus licked his lips. "So yeah... we tried to lend this... er, forbidden book... which would have..." Sirius trailed off. "The Cloak wasn't..."

Remus now stared softly at him. "Yes? Go on."

"You know what, never mind." Sirius smiled sheepishly, and waved his hand a bit. "It was stupid. The point was that Pince is kind of a grinch."

Coming to the conclusion that his friend was acting more weird than usual, Remus shook his head as he dipped the tip of the quill in his ink bottle, and said rather smartly, "You're acting weird."

"I'm not weird," Sirius mumbled to his hands on which he was now leaning. "You're weird."

Laughing at that, Remus tapped the quill against the mouth of the bottle. "I didn't say you were weird, I said you were acting weird." He checked out his writing. "There's a difference."

"Prongs said something like that too, but I don't think he even knew what he was talking about," Sirius uttered whilst he stared at his friend. "And he's always using big-arse words like 'bulbous', 'finnimbrun' or 'nudiustertian'. What the hell do they even mean?" He huffed loudly, hiding his nose in his robe sleeve. "No one uses words like that. They're stupid."

"Those are all normal words," Remus said with a smile addressed to his essay.

The essay didn't smile back.

"Maybe for you, but you sleep with your dictionary," Sirius said, trying to sound as if he hadn't been watching. "James has problems even tying his shoelaces."

"You got me there," Remus sighed and resumed writing his essay once again, not that it was possible when a distraction called Sirius Black was hovering next to him. He tried his best, though. "So do you have any other useful skills I should know about? Like... leaving? You might want to use that skill right now."

Sirius stared at him intently and ignored his hints. "You already know I'm pretty, don't you?"

Remus snickered at the huge book he had slammed open on the table. After licking his fingers, he turned a page and studied the text. "That is not a skill per se, but yes you are."

He failed to see the glimmer behind Sirius' eyes.

"Look, I don't want to be rude or anything, but I should really get back to work," Remus mumbled, and despite of Black's appearance, annoying and puppy-like at the same time, Remus managed to flash him an apologetic smile. "This essay here is due on Monday, and I should try to get it done or my professor will fail me."

Naturally Sirius wasn't listening. It just seemed that way because he was staring at Remus with wide eyes. Why? Because the geek's quill-free hand had travelled up to rub his neck again. "Yeah, okay," he breathed. "That sounds nice."

Remus started writing while sighing loudly. "Sirius, you're well aware that I don't like to ask this, but could go prank someone? Please? Maybe you should go and find James. Go bother Peter if you must." He managed to write one petty word, and continued, "He was having some problems with his pants this morning. Maybe you should continue with that, for I'm sure it was your doing."

"No... I don't want to, and you can't make me."

"You don't want to prank anyone?" Remus lifted his eyes, completely surprised. He studied Sirius' face. "Are you all right?"

Licking his lips, Sirius tore his gaze from Lupin's red neck and replied, "Yeah. I was just wondering... er, if I could just sit here and watch you do that... thing... you were doing just now. It's nice and I want to watch. Please let me watch."

"What thing?" Remus frowned. "You want to watch me do my homework?" he asked and smiled vaguely. He placed the quill on the table and turned to face the boy better again. "Are you feeling feverish? You really sound unwell."

Without a fair warning, Remus swiftly moved the scrawny hand, which had mere seconds earlied rested on his neck, onto Sirius' forehead. Sirius was hardly able to breathe as Remus' hardel just laid there on his face, and he tried his hardest not to tremble under the gentle touch. Of course Lupin noticed nothing.

"No fever," he helpfully diagnosed. "But there's something wrong with you. You're shivering. Are you cold?"

"I feel fine." Sirius sighed once the hand left his forehead. Trying to blink the sweat away from his eyes, he muttered, "I'm just perfect."

Remus was baffled. "All right... But why exactly would do you want to watch me do my homework?" He tilted his head. "I'll just be sitting here, writing. I cannot keep you company."

"It's okay," Sirius hemmed contently. His face was supporting the most idiotic smile ever. "I'm here if you need me to do something for you."

"Like an assistant?" Remus simpered. Shaking his head, he grabbed the quill he had disregarded too many times already, and turned to his books and paper. "You really think I need assistance?"

"You probably don't." Sirius shrugged. "But I'm pretty damn good at..." He moved closer to the geek and peered at whatever he was writing about while definitely _not_ sniffing him. "The runic writing of anc... ancient? Of ancient incante... you know? Whatever it is, I'm brilliant at it."

As he moved no muscle to move away from Remus, Lupin eyed him suspiciously. "You're brilliant at runic writing of ancient incantations? Whyever didn't you tell me?" Remus smirked amusedly. "You could have helped me ages ago."

"Yeah, my er... mum, she told me everything about those things."

"I thought the only thing she taught you was that you're a bastard." Remus raised a brow at him. "Not literally, but..."

Sirius shut his eyes as he was still hovering near Remus' shoulder. "Besides that."

"Well, I guess you can stay here while I study," Lupin said, feeling somewhat defeated. "Just promise to be quiet so I can concentrate."

"I won't breathe a word."

* * *

Ten minutes later:

"I'm so bloody bored I could set myself on fire!"

Remus rubbed his sore neck once again and opened his eyes, only to see his infantile friend slouched on the study table. How he had not seen this coming? Tiredly sighing, he muttered, "Sirius, you promised to keep quiet. I haven't gotten anything done since you came here."

Black flashed him a ridiculous smile. "That's because I'm so pretty."

"No, it's because you keep whining and pestering me." Remus frowned and rubbed his neck, for it was really starting to hurt. That's what you get for carrying those huge books around you like you need them to stay alive. Lupin flinched at himself.

He really needed to get some work done.

So, he shut his eyes for a moment to gather his strength to shoo Sirius away, and naturally he missed the small mischievous grin that was forming on his lazy friend's face.

"What's wrong with your neck?" he heard Sirius ask. "You keep rubbing it."

The lycanthrope exhaled as he opened his eyes. Briefly he focused his eyes on the boy, who had now sat up properly instead of lolling on the table, and trying to figure out just what the hell was going on behind that devilish smirk, Remus said, "I... I don't know. I must be getting a migraine or something. It's nothing, don't worry about it."

A pause.

The smile on Sirius' lips did not cease when he mumbled nonchalantly, "I could give you a quick massage if you'd like."

"You don't have to do that," Remus said quickly, but didn't really object the idea.

A massage? Bring it on.

Black had already stood up and was stepping towards Remus' chair. He rested his palm on the boy's shoulder while moving closer. "It's not a problem."

Remus eyed him suspiciously over his shoulder, and with a couple of quick moves Black was sitting skilfully on the backrest of Remus' chair, legs straddling his sides from behind, and long bony fingers sinking into the sore muscles of his shoulders. He started carefully kneading the neck in front of him.

Of course Lupin had to grunt at the sensation.

"See, I'm a brilliant masseuse," Sirius breathed hotly in his ear as Remus seemingly relaxed under his touch. Lupin exhaled with a small smile and closed his eyes again. A massage was not something he got every day, so he wanted to make the most of it. Even if it was Sirius who was giving it.

"Actually," Remus mumbled while lowering his chin towards his chest. He tried to stretch his neck as much as possible to grant Sirius more access. "You're a masseur."

"Is there a difference?"

"Breasts?" Lupin chuckled under his breath. What a grand joke. He tried to incline his head a bit more, but realised it was impossible.

"I don't have boobs," Sirius noted.

"I know that," Remus told him, slightly moving his shoulders as it felt Sirius' hands were trying to bruise him through the clothing. It kind of felt nice.

For a second the fingers stopped moving. Remus was about to ask him why, but then he heard Sirius mutter, "Does it bother you, Remmie?"

"What do you mean?"

Suddenly Black dug his fingers deeper into his cloth-covered flesh. Remus had to stifle a loud moan; he wasn't exactly ready to draw unwanted attention by whimpering while his friend was giving him a massage, _oh dear Merlin_, even though their table was situated in one of the darkest and most distant corners of the library so no one wouldn't even notice anything. Remus had hard time concentrating on Sirius' words as the boy kep speaking softly in his ear. "I just... Does it bother you that I'm not a bird?"

With a deep focus Lupin mumbled, "I don't get massages from girls on daily basis, if that's what you're asking me."

It felt nice to have someone massage all those long sleepless nights off his shoulders, it really did. And the boy hadn't been lying – he was a rather proficient masseur with skilfull hand movements.

"You should add a daily massage like this to your calendar." Sirius pressed an exceptionally tight knot with his palm and made Remus squeak. Again he leaned closer to whisper, "Preferably from someone who knows these kinds of things."

Remus started to feel comfortably warm under the bloke's touch. A small smile spread across his lips as he felt all his troubles and frustrations melt away, but at the same time he felt stupid, because a simple massage like that made him so happy.

He made a quick note to himself to get more contents to his life.

The magic fingers moved closer to the neckline of Remus' robes but somehow he didn't care... But then suddenly, one finger slid under the collar of his dress shirt, and he quickly moved to glance up at his masseur. Sirius stared at him intently, and even though Remus had turned so Sirius couldn't actually massage him anymore, the boy never stopped fiddling with his neck.

Very quickly Remus realised that Sirius' ridiculously long legs around him were... very close.

And the heat radiating from him was overwhelming.

Remus felt like an utter pervert. A stupid blush crept on his face, and he coughed, "Er... that's enough."

Sirius sluggishly pulled his hands away. He straightened his back and eyed the werewolf leisurely. "Feel better?"

When his neck was alone again, Remus swallowed hard and darted his eyes away from the guy towards his intriguing essay paper. He didn't want to ask Sirius what was going on. He didn't want to ask whether Sirius knew why Remus was feeling like he did. No. So, he just muttered at the table, "Not exactly... but, er, yes. Thank you."

Black jumped down from the chair and smiled at his oddly red, slightly trembling friend. He patted Lupin's shoulder and grinned. "Yeah, you know what? I should really leave you alone with your essay, huh? You obviously have a lot of work to do."

Once Sirius had winked his friend goodbye and left the library, Remus' hand moved instinctively to touch the warm skin Sirius' fingers had just fondled a moment ago.

He stared at the library aisle where Sirius had disappeared, and whispered to himself, "What the hell was that?"

* * *

**A/N:** No one knows, Remus, no one knows...


	3. Obviously He's Oblivious

**A/N:** Okay... This chapter is a little bit longer, but I can't help it – I'm having way too much fun with these boys. So, even if this seems super dull, please just bear with me, okay? Also, I'm sorry if I make Lupin seem like a party pooper; it's just that they can't all be scatterbrained blockheads and unfortunately the job of being the mature one falls on Remus. Like... always. But that's how it goes. So... yeah. I apologise in advance.

English is not my first language.

**Disclaimer:** Marauders mine are not.  
**Beta:** Beta I don't have.

* * *

James almost choked on his baked potatoes when Sirius told he had given Remus a massage in the library the day before. The two of them and Peter Pettigrew, a rat Animagus extraordinaire, were sitting in their usual seats at the breakfast table in the Great Hall, stuffing bacon, eggs and the aforementioned baked potatoes into their mouths as though they had never seen food before.

Lupin, for his part, was doing something Peter liked to call his 'alone werewolf time', but in reality he was chatting with his Muggle Studies professor in the corridor because apparently he had nothing better to do that early in the morning.

"Are you kidding me?" Potter coughed and tried to get the food out of his lungs. His eyes watered a bit as he managed a dry, "A massage? You mean like a backrub?"

"You gave Moony a massage?" Peter asked Sirius, who nodded like an idiot in response to the both of them. "Why?"

"I did." Sirius smiled contently at them. "It was magical."

Taking in the twitterpated look the bloke had on his face, James sipped some water from his glass, and continued, "Sure it was. This whole school is, imagine that." As Sirius didn't stop sighing, James shot a scowl at him. "Tell me, what step was that again?"

"Step?" Sirius asked, and after a moment of just staring at his best mate, he remembered. "Oh, a step!" He shrugged as he poured himself a glassful of juice. "It was the first one, I guess. Purgatory?"

"What blooming steps are you guys talking about?"

James stared at Sirius. "No, _panegyric_. Did you make a speech? Did you talk about your good qualities?"

Nodding eagerly, Sirius grabbed a handful of bacon from the plate and placed them neatly on his slice of toast. He smiled lopsidedly at James. "I tried, but as it turns out, I don't really have that many good qualities." Regarding the situation, his grin was way too wide. "I never would've guessed!"

"You could have made something up," Potter whined at him, pressing his palms on the table. "Like that you're great with old people, or you give money to charity! Anything!"

"Or that you give money to old people," Peter said. He selected the biggest chicken leg from the dish in front of him, and hoisted it onto to his plate. "Old people should have more money. Old people are brilliant. Just like... Dumbledore." He turned his eyes from the chicken leg to his friend. "But don't give money to him. I think he already has enough, and if he gets any more, he might turn into an egoistic lunatic."

Ignoring Peter, James stared at his best friend. "Did you _at least_ say something which he could have taken as a good quality of yours? Anything at all?"

Sirius contemplated that. "I did tell him that I'm pretty?"

"Are you serious?" James asked with a lazy blink. "You're serious, aren't you? Oh lord."

"Oh!" Sirius pointed a finger up. "I did mention the fact that I make killer dungbombs! He was pretty impressed by that."

"That's it, everything's ruined," James groaned and rubbed his face with his bacon-greasy hands. His glasses hiked up on his nose and all the way to his forehead. "I should've just pushed you down the stairs."

Peter munched on his chicken leg.

On the other side of the table, Black frowned and huffed at James. "I couldn't help it, okay? He was staring at me with those gorgeous eyes. I wasn't able to concentrate on anything else besides him. And... Also... I got sort of _super_ distracted when he started rubbing himself."

Peter inhaled the chicken leg he was gnawing and Potter shrieked something outrageously nasty about goblins whilst he smacked Sirius on the head with the full soup ladle he just had picked up. "I don't want to hear that!"

"Ah, it's not what you think!" Black yelled, trying to cover his head. "Stop hitting me with that, you bastard!"

"You're the bastard!" James shouted and tossed more soup on Sirius. "And can't you remember that I told you I don't want to hear anything about your sex crusades with the bloody bibliophile!"

At this point, everyone in the Great Hall basically thought Sirius was having a rather intriguing (and undoubtedly one-sided) love affair with Madame Pince.

"There are no crusades! And stop using those pompous words, Potter!"

"Pompous, my arse! How dare you!"

Apparently the situation didn't differ from a normal Marauder breakfast at all, since none of the professors bothered enough to even silence them. A few students had moved away from them once the curse words and food started flying, but other than that, the peace of the Great Hall was not overly disturbed.

"Stop smudging my hair with the soup, you wanker!"

"No, don't throw the bacon! DON'T THROW THE BACON! I can eat it, but don't throw it! No, Sirius, wait! Throw the bacon in my mouth! Aim at my mouth, you prat! Are you deaf?"

Whilst this was happening, Peter tried very hard to breathe. Granted, he had been choking on things since he was a little boy, so he knew his enemies, but damn that particular chicken leg was a tough one.

He scanned the room to find some sort of help, but before he could do anything drastic to save his own life, he saw something on the other side of the room. Naturally, being the good friend he was, he also tried to mention that something to his fighting mates, but failed for obvious reasons.

So, the only thing he could do was to flail his arms towards the double doors and wish that the twits next to him would be troubled enough to take a look.

Fortunately the twits did, and once they realised that Remus was walking towards the table, they stopped fighting. They didn't really want Lupin to cause a snappy werewolf scene in the middle of the breakfast.

Because, you know... _That_ would be crazy.

Sirius tried to clear the courgette soup from his face and hair, but in vain. He glimpsed at Lupin and suddenly seemed to have a shocking epiphany. He quickly turned towards Peter, who was growing bluer and bluer next to him, and growled, "Keep your mouth shut about the massage, or I'll eat you for dessert!"

Naturally Peter said nothing.

James on the other side of the table tried to remove the bacon strips and beans from his hair so he would seem less wacky.

He failed.

Lupin had already trudged to the table, and he lowered an enormous pile of dusty books and one very pathetic looking pot plant on it. He yawned, and started to rummage through his satchel without even glancing at them. "How are you lot?"

Potter mumbled something that sounded like, "We're just hunky dory."

Now Remus looked up and frowned at his friends.

A very pale and soupy Black stared back at him like he'd never seen a living human being before; Potter's bacon-laced hair and askew glasses made him look like that loony owl they saw every Tuesday, and Peter...

"Peter, oh my god!" Remus yelped. "Are you all right?"

Pettigrew shook his head and pointed at his swelling throat. Remus scowled at James, who was now eating the beans he had found in his hair, but refused to look at Sirius, who was still staring at him like a kook for some reason. Remus huffed tiredly at everyone in the table, whilst drawing his wand from the satchel.

The rat could have now passed as a blueberry.

Lupin rushed over to Peter, and flicked the wand at his throat. "_Anapneo_."

The half-eaten chicken leg flew from Peter's mouth instantly and landed on some unfortunate Hufflepuff's plate, who instantly started wondering if there really was an entire roasted chicken, who was missing a leg, flying over him in the Enchanted Ceiling. Peter, on his part, inhaled air with such vigour that he looked like he was about to pass out. Remus patted his back reassuringly and turned towards the other boys.

"You two seriously couldn't help the guy?" He seemed rather annoyed. "He was choking."

"What?" James asked mouth full of beans and studied Peter's now red face. "He didn't say anything to me."

"Or me," Sirius piped in, and as soon as Remus replied his gaze, he tore his eyes off the werewolf only to stare at his own, very interesting lap. "But I guess we could have done something."

Peter wheezed, "Cheers, Moony."

"Don't mention it, Peter. Just..." Lupin tilted his head at the boy. "Try not to choke today, all right?"

At times like this Peter was very lucky to have at least one mate, whose brain was running on at full capacity.

"I'm just amazed that you three are still alive," Remus said, shoved the wand back to his schoolbag, and slumped on the bench next to James. He stared at all three of them equally long. "For you are impossible. I cannot leave you alone for five minutes because you're off to wreak havoc. I am not your babysitter."

"Sorry." Sirius pouted and pointed a finger at James like he was five years old. "It was his fault!"

"Oi!"

Then Peter thought of something. "Moony... Are you saying that you're not going to have your alone werewolf time anymore?"

Remus yawned as he watched Peter. "Sorry?"

Sirius kicked Peter in the knee.

"Oh... nothing."

Lupin sighed and started lazily scooping some scrambled eggs on the plate in front of him. "You know... You three pull this kind of stuff on daily basis, and I'm the one who has to reprimand you lot for it, because the professors have given up. Even _McGonagall_ has given up. Do you know what it makes me feel like? Having to be the one who always grumps?" He looked at his friends. "A mother hen, that's what."

Sirius' eye twitched for he tried very hard not to imagine Remus in high heels and a feather-covered apron.

"You seem like a mother hen, all right." Potter gestured towards the pot plant. "Carrying that pathetic twig around doesn't exactly make you manly, you know."

"You're a pathetic twig," Sirius noted him quietly from the other side of the table. No one heard him.

Remus snorted at his eggs, yet evidently addressed James. "Well, that _pathetic twig_ will get me at least an A in Herbology. Now, back to –"

"Wait, what?" The Pathetic Twig hurried before Remus could continue. "The professor didn't assign me one!" He looked at Sirius, and then Peter, all the way returning to ogle at Lupin. "Why is that? I can nurse a sodding pot plant for a grade!"

"You can't even keep your head alive if it falls off your shoulders!" Sirius tittered, having revived from his earlier coma.

"Good one," Peter told him.

"Forcefully returning to the earlier subject," Lupin said with a loud voice as he poured himself a glass of orange juice. Once his friends' eyes were on him, he sighed again. "Look. All I'm saying is that I should be able to leave you three alone without constantly having to think whether or not you have killed yourselves while pulling your godforsaken pranks." James was about to say something, but Remus didn't give him a chance. "However, I cannot be with you every single second either, for I can't get any work done when you are around." His tired eyes glanced quickly at Sirius.

"A hen that needs alone werewolf time," Peter mumbled to himself and took a full mouthful of bread. "What's to become of this world? It's rotting. In the summer, my gran was planning to add a few flower beds to her garden, but guess what? Snakes had taken over the whole bloody plot!"

James watched him seriously. "Bastards."

Next to him, Sirius kept his eyes on Remus. After a while of thinking, he said, "But yesterday you were –"

The werewolf shot an intent look at him and shifted nervously in his seat. His neck was reddening a bit.

Black noticed nothing. "Yesterday you told me to go find James and do pranks. I am 300% sure you said that to me. Don't you remember? I do!" He frowned. "I think."

James quit staring at Peter, who was telling an elaborate story on how he and his grandmother had turned the snakes into bunnies so they wouldn't have been so scary, but all hell had broken loose for them bunnies had started eating Peter's grandmother's rose bushes. Apparently Peter had forgotten all other spells he had learnt in school and he had been forced to haul bucketfuls of water into the garden as a way of trying to shoo the rabbits out. His grandmother had as good a memory as Peter and together they had tried to drown the bunnies by splashing water on them. Naturally tuning off to this, Potter turned his eyes to Remus. "You sly thing! Obviously you _want_ us to do shenanigans! What!"

"One of the bunnies started speaking about a doomsday –"

"No, I tried to study," Lupin explained, emphasising the word _tried_, and rubbed his neck again. Sirius stared at him feverishly and unconsciously licked his lips – or he might have done it consciously as well, preparing himself for... er, something. Remus slowly continued, "And, I don't mean to sound catty, but Sirius was kind of distracting me."

As he had finished with his story, Peter grinned at him. "I heard that!"

In a nonobvious fashion Sirius smacked him in the jaw and then turned to Remus. "Is your neck still aching?"

Remus shook his head a bit. "It's a bit stiff, but don't worry about it." His eyes dropped on the table. "Thank you."

"You know what," Potter said loudly and despite talking to Remus he stared at Sirius. "I think... Moony, you do a grand job studying, even if you're being distracted by –" He lowered his voice. "An amorous puppy." He grinned at Remus, who watched him. "Studying is hard and you do it well. Good man."

Black inclined his head questioningly at James. Remus was now stuffing food into his mouth. "Well, I try," he said after swallowing. "Thank you for noticing."

James made a few overly obvious gestures at Sirius' direction and mouthed the words, "_Compliment him._"

A lazy light bulb lit above Sirius' head.

"Oh yeah," he started as he followed the example, turning to look at Remus. "Yeah, Remmie, I think you do... a splendid job at everything you do." He licked his lips again. "You're brilliant, and you can never do anything wrong, ever, even if you tried. And I'm sure you're so smart that you wouldn't even try, I mean, if you think about it, only stupid people do stupid things and you're not stupid." He spared a nervous glimpse at Potter who was now shaking his head in disbelief.

"_No._"

"No... What I mean is," Sirius went on as the three Marauders all stared at him. "Is that..." With every word his voice got more power. "There's nothing wrong with you!"

Remus was baffled. His fork was resting against his plate. "Did someone say otherwise?" He looked around them and tried to find the culprit. "Who?"

"No, Remmie, what I meant was that..." Sirius kept ogling at the guy and licked his lips. "That you are perfect in your own way, and I don't care what anyone else thinks, you should never ever change, even if someone says you should, because you shouldn't, because they are just stupid, them people suggesting something like that, because that's just majorly stupid and –"

"Sirius," James said sternly. "Shut up."

The boy fell very silent very quickly and turned his gaze to his lap again. Peter was cackling into a handful of bacon strips.

Lupin was utterly confused. "Has someone been talking about me? I don't understand." He frowned. "I know I'm not perfect, but no one is. If someone has a problem with me, they should come to me and tell me."

"Don't worry about it, Moony, no one's said sanything about you." James grinned soothingly and swung his arm around the werewolf. He swept something off Remus' shoulder. "We like you just the way you are, even if you are a bit of a nagger."

Peter and the bacon strips nodded simultaneously. Remus smiled tiredly at James and gave Peter a nod.

The bacon strips he ignored.

Sirius shot up from his seat. "That's what I meant to say, Remus! Not that you're nagger, but if you were, I wouldn't mind _at all_ if you would constantly nag at us because I just –"

"Sirius."

Black sat down.

Remus watched as Sirius shut his mouth once again and turned to look away. Then Remus looked at James, who just kept grinning manically beside him, and lastly at Peter, who had finally finished eating everything he had piled in front of him. Lupin blew out some air, sipped the last of his orange juice, and rose from the table, pushing his plate away. "So... Obviously you lot have finally gone bonkers. That's just brilliant."

"You're brilliant," Sirius muttered. James made his worst a face at him.

Of course Lupin neither heard nor saw anything.

As Peter crammed a few muffins into his sleeve before getting up, Sirius gestured silently at James that he wanted to talk to him.

Potter said to Remus, "Er, you two go ahead, we'll follow you." He glanced at Sirius, who was gesticulating as though he was swimming and then diving. "We need to check the, er... Dolphins under the table." He frowned. "Apparently they're having a bonfire and we need to bring the booze."

"All right," Remus said slowly – probably knowing that contradicting James and Sirius was absolutely futile – and hoisted his bag strap on his shoulder. He waited as Peter was ready to go with him, and then lifted the huge pile of books from the table, without forgetting his precious pot plant. After yawning he muttered to James and Sirius, "Just don't be late. The class starts in five and you know Slughorn likes to give you detention."

Sirius muttered under his breath, "Don't worry about us. You're so pretty that you shouldn't worry about anything..."

James made a gagging noise and rolled his eyes. Peter rolled towards the double doors.

Idiotically smiling to himself, Black watched contently as Remus disappeared into the crowd. Peter also disappeared into the crowd but Sirius was not staring at his backside. Then he turned his eyes to James. "I'm hopeless!"

"That you are." James nodded in a manner he knew what he was talking about. "It's comforting to know that you realise that."

Black pulled his hair as they stood up. "I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to do here! He probably now thinks I'm some blooming idiot now and will never take me seriously! This is rubbish."

They headed the corridor. Craning his neck from the Great Hall doors towards the corridor that lead to the dungeons, James rubbed his long nose as he made sure the object of their conversation wasn't in a hearing distance. "You talked to him yesterday, yes?"

Sirius nodded at his back.

Turning back to Sirius, James asked, "And he has known you for over six years now, hasn't he?"

"Yeah."

James patted his shoulder, saying, "So he probably already thought you were an idiot... you know, before today. No harm done."

"You are _not_ helping."

Naturally James ignored that, and pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket. "Don't know what to do? Let us brush up your memory, shall we."

"I know what it says on the bloody paper, Potter. What I meant was that I don't know how to proceed with _Remus_," Sirius mumbled as they started to make their way towards the dungeons. "I don't know how to compliment him. I thought it was easy, but it's really difficult. Birds never needed any flattering, because they were always very willing to... er, _go out_ with me even if I kept my mouth shut. And... Most of those birds weren't even as half as smart as he is, so I'm kind of lost here." He lifted his hands up as though he was defending himself. "Yeah, I know you're probably the most unfit person to guide me since you're still stuck on the first step of your own program, and let's face it, you're a bit thick, but you're also the only one who can help me, James. Please help me."

"Kind words," Potter snorted as he shoved the paper back into his pocket. "Now, let me start by saying that what you did back there was a marvellous example of what you should not do under any circumstances. Ever again."

Sirius glanced at his friend. "Look, I tried. Lately his presence has made me act all... stupid. Believe it or not."

"I do believe you, since you always act stupid. But... when you say things like '_you're brilliant, Remmie'_," Potter imitated him with a squeaky voice. "Or '_you're perfect, Remmie. I could listen to you nag all day long, Remmie' – _it's not complimenting, it's embarrassing. To us all."

"You can't do any better yourself, you git." Sirius tried to smack his friend, but James still had quick reflexes. "I told you, I'm not good at that stuff, not with him."

Potter made another face; it was the one he got as a present on his 8th birthday. "By the way, what's with that bloody nickname anyway? Did you come up with that by yourself? I bet you did, because it's moronic."

"Your face is moronic," Sirius muttered, glaring at the boy. "Remus likes that name."

"I'm sure he does." James ran a hand over his face. "Okay, let's see. Remember how the goal was to compliment him occasionally, yeah?"

Black nodded beside him. "I do."

"It means you should do it only sometimes, you know, and in a way he doesn't get too suspicious. Be subtle. Remember that word, _subtle_?" Sirius didn't show any signs of life next to him. James huffed at him. "And I don't mean to freak you out or anything, but he probably got a bit scared just now when you started _complimenting _him at the breakfast table."

Sirius frowned. "Was it really that bad?"

"You're lucky he's got no frigging idea," James said. Nodding rather smugly, he went on, "Also you should thank Merlin that you have me, for I shall now bestow you some of the world's most brilliant pointers on how to compliment someone without coming across as a complete nutter."

"You should use them on Evans at some point of your life."

* * *

Remus sat quietly in the back of the classroom, peering at the blackboard, and jotting lazily down professor Slughorn's notes about poison vegetables.

Usually he found the professor's monotonous voice rather soothing, but now he was having some severe problems in the staying awake department. Remus reasoned intelligently that it probably had something to do with the fact that he hadn't slept at all during the previous night. What a brilliant deduction! It was 10am and he already considered taking a nap.

"Remus."

Remus put the quill unconsciously down, and closed his eyes slowly as the tiresome voice and the thick dungeon air made him even drowsier. Somewhere in his brain he knew that he should be taking the notes down, but at that moment he really couldn't care less.

He rested his head against the backrest of his uncomfortable chair whilst every single voice in his head shouted to open his eyes and study. But somehow it was bizarrely difficult for him to move his muscles once they had relaxed.

All of a sudden he felt a light jab on his right shoulder and jolted slightly in his seat. He took a hazy glance at what he thought was his killer, but the only thing he saw was a pair of light grey eyes shining next to him.

"Remus?" Sirius whispered as Remus turned his eyes away from him. "Are you sleeping?"

The werewolf closed his eyes again. "No, I'm not sleeping."

Slughorn mentioned that there were several kinds of pernicious squashes in the world and one should not eat them.

Such a wise man, Remus thought sleepily.

"Your eyes are closed."

"I'm just thinking very hard."

Remus relaxed more and more as he listened to the distant drone of professor Slughorn's voice.

"You do that a lot, don't you?" Sirius breathed. His voice now seemed to come much closer than before, but Remus rationalised that it was only because his sleep-deprived mind was playing a trick on him. Why would have Sirius moved closer to him? That was stupid.

"Sleeping?" Lupin asked his friend, never opening his eyes. Oh how warm he suddenly felt, but he didn't bother to investigate that sensation any further, for the feeling of a total relaxation... he was going to enjoy it. It was already the second time within two days he felt like that, and he couldn't help but become utterly addicted to the feeling. What was the source? Could he maybe try to find it? His hazy brain tried to come up with a sensible reason _why_ he had suddenly started winding down in weird situations such as that at hand... The thought died the second it reached his tongue. "I like sleeping."

Something shifted next to him, and Remus felt how Sirius' voice made the warm air vibrate lightly next to his sensitive ear. "I mean you use your brain a lot, Remus."

That made Remus chuckle, and he answered drowsily, "You're right."

"That's odd," Sirius' voice said softly. It made Remus want to fall asleep so bad. Not that it was boring, Sirius' voice, it was... dulcet, in a calming manner. "Usually it's you who's right."

Clicking his tongue against his teeth, Remus said intellectually, "Hmm."

"You never doubt yourself or question what you want, you just go at your goals with the speed of a train. I've heard people call you book smart, but hell, none of them knows how you handle that knowledge you've read. It's amazing. They make it sound bad, but you bring a positive meaning to the word." Remus was certain he heard a smile on Sirius' lips as he spoke. "You are so lovely and it kills me to see you suffering, in any way. But you never are discouraged by the fact that you have less luck in life than others, and I just admire you because of that," Sirius' voice whispered. "Among other things."

Remus kind of wished in his sleepy mind that Sirius would bring his lips closer to his ear. Those lips...

Wait, what?

What was he thinking? Or was he thinking? Did that even happen just now?

No, maybe he was asleep already.

"I have doubts," Remus murmured blearily, tilting his head a bit towards the sound; towards the warmth, which his skin was itching to touch. "A lot of them, and books. We share, Pince and I. Books. Many..."

Sirius' voice chuckled a bit, making Remus think of a purring cat who was kneading a blanket. "Perhaps you do, but you never voice them, and that makes you stronger than anyone I know."

Something besides the total lack of control of his own muscles made Remus extremely warm and contented. There was an odd sensation in his stomach, something he had never felt before, but it wasn't bad – he wanted to follow that feeling and curl up next to it like a whimpering child would do... He wanted to take it in his arms and kiss it wet, he wanted to make herbal tea for it and then nuzzle it in his bed and maybe fall asleep with it. And somehow the pressuring warmth he felt emitting from his right side made the feeling even more intent.

He shifted a bit closer to it.

"Are you asleep?"

"Warm," Remus told him, smacking his dry lips together. "Hmm, yes."

"Remus, this might sound weird coming from me, but you really shouldn't sleep during class. You're going to have a sore neck."

"Hmm," Remus only mumbled again, somewhere in the back of his mind hoping that it was enough for an answer.

Sirius' voice sounded as though it was hovering on Remus' mouth. "How adorable can you be?"

And with that question the werewolf slept until the class was dismissed.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, I just realised that I've been imagining Peter, James and Sirius as the three Marx Brothers. Oh, and no, Lupin does not hear voices. And yeah, I know... the ending was kind of cheesy, wasn't it? R&R!


	4. Ten Things I Like About You

**A/N:** "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." Ahem. It's sickly sweet and gooey... in some way. If you don't like it, sue me. (No wait, don't.)

English is not my first language. Try to cope with the spelling mistakes, but if they bother too much, point them out to me.

And super thanks for the reviews so far! You are lovely.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and the boys below are not mine.

**Beta: **No.

* * *

A rat, a dog and a stag walked into a bar. Well, actually they were strutting along a corridor, but that was not the point. The point was that Lupin wasn't with them. It was a very good point, actually, for it allowed more room to another point.

The stag wiped his glasses with his sleeve, as usual, and grunted pathetically at his mates. "You groped the guy?"

"I deny nothing," Sirius muttered while trying to find his wand from his bag.

Potter gawked at his best friend who was walking beside him, and sighed. "You were supposed to _only_ compliment him during the class."

Laughing a bit, Black nodded at his bag. "Oh, that I did, James. You can count on me."

"But you also groped him, which was not the plan."

Sirius pondered this as he rummaged through his bag, which wasn't at all a long time; soon enough the wand was in his hands and he was eyeing it. "Well, not exactly. He sort of... groped me, I think. While sleeping... so."

Potter kept staring at him with such vigour that his glasses steamed and he ultimately couldn't see anything.

"...In my lap," Black finished, grinning at them. Peter shook his head.

"Brilliant." James rubbed his face exhaustedly and took his glasses off. He once more cleaned them on his robe sleeve, which had become some sort of habit of his by now. This didn't always even do any good, considering their normal activities and the chances of getting their clothes dirty. Sirius had given him a cleaning set for his glasses a few years ago as a Christmas gift, but obviously Potter never used it. He shoved the spectacles onto his nose and asked, "Did you talk to him afterwards? Where's he now?"

Sirius frowned. "He left immediately after the bell rang. Didn't even look me in the eye."

"No surprise there." James shrugged, and shoved his hands into his pockets. "He probably hates you right now."

"Thanks for pointing that out."

Peter, trying to keep up with their long legs, spoke suddenly. "There was this one time I accidentally fell asleep on Thomas Dickinson."

Without slowing down, Potter and Black both turned to look at him. Sirius sputtered over James, "What?"

"Please, do not continue the story," James groaned to his left, shaking his head. "It sounds horrible already."

"Who the hell is Thomas Dickinson?"

Peter drew a blueberry muffin from his robe sleeve, and before he stuffed it into the pit of his mouth, he said, "He's a Hufflepuff, year below us."

"Pete," Sirius went as he stared at Peter with a grave expression of concern on his face. "We're your friends and therefore not supposed to judge, but why on bloody Earth were you sleeping on someone?"

"And what's more important," James added from the middle. He tilted his head so he could ogle at Peter. "Why were you sleeping on a _Hufflepuff_?"

"What I'm trying to say is," Pettigrew ignored their words and munched his muffin. Once his mouth was empty enough for him to say something, he told them, "That after I woke up on him, I didn't really stay there and chat. I ran."

Sirius huffed. "You don't run."

"I ran then," the rat recalled. He shoved the almost finished muffin in his mouth, and staring at the horizon, he mumbled, "Oh boy did I run."

"Hey." Sirius snapped his fingers over James. Both Peter and James jumped. "Concentrate. What's your point?"

"My point is that he tried to talk to me about it," Peter explained, and shoved the now empty wrapper into his pocket. "Like... non-stop. I was freaked out!"

"The bloke wasn't probably that bad," Potter said to Black, who nodded gravely at him. "The little dude's just exaggerating."

"But he's not little."

Peter flailed his arms in a manner he was forming a box in the air. "He followed me into the bloody loo!"

Sirius bit his lower lip as he thought about it. Then he squinted at Peter. "So are you saying that I shouldn't talk to him?"

"No, he's not saying that," James muttered reassuringly, and turned to Peter. "Are you?"

Peter furrowed his brows. "I'm saying that don't follow the bloke into the loo. Makes you seem like a loony."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" Sirius asked them. He played nervously with his wand – no, he didn't. Sirius Black was never nervous. "This whole stupid plan is only doing damage to my relationship with Remmie. Nothing good can come out of this."

"Yeah, yeah, blame the plan," James snorted. He took a long step and stopped in front of Sirius, halting him by putting his hands on his shoulders. "You know, everything would be just fine if you'd follow the steps."

Sirius glared at him. "Well, you designed the system to get a bird. Remus is not exactly what you might call a bird."

"Yeah," Peter helped beside them with a lower voice. "He's a werewolf."

Potter rolled his eyes at Peter, and turned back to stare at Sirius, who was evidently moping. "Just... Act like nothing's changed, all right? You know, the same idiotic way you normally would. That way he won't take a fright... more than he already has, that is." He swept something off Sirius' shoulder, and tilted his head. "And follow the steps, will you? This plan won't help you if you don't."

"Fine," Sirius mumbled as James removed his hands on him. They started moving again. "What was the next step again?"

"You should tell him something unique," James said, pointing a finger up.

"What does that mean?" Peter inquired eagerly behind them. "Unique meaning... like he is?" He whispered, "Like _a you-know-what_?"

"Yeah, we get it, Pete, now shut up!"

After Peter had stopped blabbering, James glanced at Sirius on his right. "Tell him something he'll appreciate because it's you who's saying it to him." He mulled over his words. "Make a list of ten things you fancy about him. Yeah? Easy."

"Tough." Black scratched his ear. "There's like hundred things I fancy about him."

"Of course there is," James said with something that might have reminded the passer-by of a gurn. "Just jot down _ten_ things that first pop into your head, and memorise the list, for obviously you're having major problems articulating whenever he's within hearing distance. Tell him the things in order, so you won't forget."

"But... I didn't have any problems during Potions class," Sirius reminded him. "I was smooth."

"Yeah, and that's because he was asleep. Basically unconscious," Potter told him, and smiled a hello to a neglected painting.

Immediately the painting yelled at him, "Whaddaya lookin' at, rapscallion! You wanna fight?"

James stopped, and pulled a face while leisurely flipping the painting off. "Yeah, I was just being nice, you rotting sod!"

Sirius stared at him for a moment, and once he was certain that Potter wasn't going to explode, he resumed the conversation. He poked James in the shoulder with his wand. "James. How will I know if the things I'm writing down, and saying, are unique enough for him? And how do I know that he'll appreciate them?"

"Well," James muttered whilst he finally turned his eyes away from the rude painting and to Sirius. "All I can say right now is that they probably aren't, and he probably won't, but it doesn't really matter, because I don't think he has heard any compliments before anyways."

* * *

Remus whined loudly as he set down the books and the pathetic twig he had been carrying around onto a library study table. He slumped in the nearest chair and groaned, "Help me."

Lily Evans had looked immediately up once she had heard Remus enter the library, and was now studying his tired and rather pale face. The boy looked absolutely horrible, she noted inwardly to herself. Admittedly, she had many times wondered if Remus had some sort of recurring medical problem, for he looked crestfallen at least once a month; but Lily knew better than to start questioning him because of it. Nevertheless, she had also decided a long time ago that as soon as Lupin started to appear more sickly than normal, she would take action.

Fortunately to Remus, Lily thought his absolutely horrible appearance of that day was nothing unusual.

"Sugar, you look morbid," she said calmly and put down her quill on the table, next to her parchment. "Are you all right?"

"I feel terrible."

Lily flashed a reassuring smile. "Figured as much." She watched Remus droop in his chair. "Are you ill?"

"I'm tired," Lupin muttered, placing his hands on the table.

Now chuckling, Lily grabbed her quill again and continued writing her essay. "So am I. But I have studying to do, so I cannot be bothered to think about it too much."

"I want to die."

"Sure," she retorted slowly, and cocked a brow. "Naturally every 17-year-old wants to _die_." She shook her head at the pathetic boy. "This is none of my business, but may I ask why?"

"I fell asleep during Potions class."

To that Lily could just gawp a little, before she resumed, "Remus, I might not be an expert, but I'm fairly positive that's not good enough a reason to die. You can have my notes."

Evans thought that this was what Remus did every time they had a conversation of some sort; he clearly wanted to talk about his issues, but somehow she got the feeling that he didn't know how to proceed. It was like he had bought himself a gorgeous chocolate cake and had all the utensils he needed to eat it, but ultimately didn't know how to chew. Poor boy. She decided to wait until he was ready to share.

Because if Lily knew one thing, it was that forcing someone to talk about their problems, when they didn't want to, was _not_ a wise thing to do. She had witnessed it too many times with her peculiar older sister.

And it wasn't like Remus even had any problems other than the school related ones... right?

"It's not like that, Lily." Remus shifted in his seat and rested his pasty face against the table between his hands. "It's just that... I don't know. I wasn't able to sleep last night at all, because I keep having this funny feeling."

"About Potions? Why would you be worried about Potions?" Slowly, watching the boy fidget in front of her, something dawned on her. "Or is it about something else?" Lily asked, now very much intrigued. Remus and she were close, sure, but they mostly ever talked about school stuff or her hatred against Potter.

Hatred is such a strong word, Lily's brain noted. Okay, so maybe they talked about how much she _disliked_ Potter.

Lily snorted – Potter would have peed himself if he had heard her thinking about... well, anything besides grades.

Suddenly Lupin muttered something incoherent against the table and interrupted Lily's train of thought; but when the table didn't respond him, she had to ask so she could. "What was that?"

"I said I think they're playing prank on me."

Lily knew the answer already, but asked nonetheless, "Are you talking about Pettigrew and the goon twins?"

Remus nodded even though the table was in the way. "They have been acting very weird lately."

"It takes one to know one."

"Are you calling me weird?" Remus darted his tired eyes on her, but didn't look angry. She smiled at him.

"You hang around with them, don't you?" She tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I'd say that's primarily weird."

The boy turned to stare at the distance once again. "Touché."

Lily grabbed a thick book from the table and started to browse it. "So what, are they tossing you with water balloons full of snot or something? They did that to..." Lily frowned. "To an old friend."

"I wish they did that." Lupin sighed, a painful expression on his face. "But instead they might be executing some sort of mind terrorism on me."

"Mind terrorism?" Lily laughed as she wrote something down. "Those buffoons? Are you kidding me?"

Lupin stared at her gravely. "No. I am deathly serious."

"How long you think this terrorism has been going on? Seven years?" Lily asked, tilting her head at him. She stared at him severely. "Does it include the brainwashing?"

Remus ignored her. "I was sitting here yesterday, and Sirius came to see me..."

He trailed off and didn't continue, so Lily had to probe. Again. "And?"

"And I told him to go prank someone," Remus finished with a sad nod.

"That's the brainwash talking right there," the girl told him. "Did he?"

"Well, no," Remus said and hid his eyes in his hands. He said with a muffled voice, "But he kind of... sort of... gave me a massage."

"A massage?" Lily repeated. She stared at Remus' distressed stance, not fully grasping what was the big deal. "What of it?"

He mumbled his retort, but since Lily's father had been a great specimen of the mumbler species, she heard Remus just fine. "I felt... funny. Unusual, to be exact."

"Unusual how? I'm not sure I understand, Remus," Lily said, even though she was certain she understood perfectly. She just needed him to say it. "Also, talk up. No one likes a mumbler."

Remus moved his face so his mouth wasn't mushed against the table anymore. "I felt tingly."

_Oh._ Lily smirked. _That's the spirit._

"And I think he noticed it too," Remus continued, somehow turning more alive. "I think, he then told Peter and James about it, for they were acting wei... uh, _more_ weird than usual today at the breakfast."

"You mean the food fight?" Lily raised a brow at him. "No, I thought that was quite normal of them. They're five years old, aren't they?" Then she turned her eyes on her parchment, continuing under her breath, "If not, someone needs to tell them that dressing oneself in beans and gravy _isn't_ exactly what women strive to look for in blokes these days."

Remus looked baffled. "A food fight? What? No..." He shook his head, They keep giggling and mumbling around me, and I don't understand anything. And Sirius... he is acting in especially peculiar way."

"Sugar, I would be more concerned if Black _stopped_ acting like a bastard."

"Don't call him a bastard. That's his mother's job," Remus muttered. "And he's a lot nicer once you get to know him."

"Likely story," Lily grinned sceptically. She wiped a wisp of hair behind her ear. "But honestly though, I wouldn't worry if I were you."

Remus seemed baffled. "Why is that?"

"They might be stupid, but they'd had to be complete idiots if they were planning on messing with _you_. You're sharper than that lot put together."

"Then what do you suggest?" Remus slowly sat up properly. Lily had already started wishing he'd stop pretending to be a table cloth. "What should I do?"

"Remus, just be yourself. Don't act any different; it would just make things worse. I'm... fairly certain that they're not messing with you."

"How do you know?"

Lily smiled widely, and tapped her nose with her index finger. "Sixth sense."

* * *

7pm

"Bored."

Sirius slumped on the common room couch on which Remus was already sitting cross-legged, spending his spare time by doing an old Daily Prophet crossword puzzle. The common room had already started to clear out, and the two boys were left almost by themselves, since Potter was at some late Quidditch practice with Peter, naturally, in tow. There was a small group of people over at the study table, but the first years didn't really bother them.

Did Remus and Sirius bother them? Even if they did, the first years' discomfort was hardly the point of this scenery.

The boys had both followed their respective orders to act naturally towards each other; and tingly feelings or not, during that day they had once again realised how much they liked spending time together.

Remus kept silent about his thoughts and doubts, because he wanted to be able to hang out with his friend. Sirius, on the other hand, kept his trap shut, because James had said something nasty about castration – and during the 17 years of his life Sirius had become rather fond of his morning boner.

So, when he moved closer to the werewolf and peered at the magazine he was holding, Remus merely smiled in a friendly manner at him.

"Oh, I know that one." Black pointed his finger at one of the moving pictures on the paper. He raised a knowing brow. "That's a cat."

Remus chuckled and wrote something down. "I'm sure that's a dragon. See? I've already written _dragon_ there."

Eyeing him seriously, Sirius asked, "Are you sure? Because I'm pretty certain that's a cat." He studied the picture, tilting his head slightly. "It sits like one, look, flailing its wings."

"There are dragons that are rather feline, Sirius; yet, I don't know any cats who fly and breathe fire."

"Cats are evil, so they might," Sirius said solemnly. His eyes had moved from the dragon-cat to Remus' more appealing face. "If they want to do something, they will. No one can make them do otherwise." He watched Remus smile faintly at the paper. "All the same, I like the way they move. It's like they're on springs. They're nice to watch."

Remus turned to look at him. "I thought you hated cats completely."

"I do, but they move nicely." Sirius shrugged. "They remind me of... pudding with short, bendy legs."

"Is that so?" Remus sniggered, and turned back to the newspaper. "What kind of pudding?"

"Any sort, really. Except banana," Sirius contemplated seriously the serious matter. Seriously. "I like pudding, and bendy legs. Bendy legs are cool."

"What do you consider as bendy?" the werewolf asked while writing.

Sirius didn't seem to need a lot of time to think. "Kind of like yours, I guess, you can put them like that," he said and pointed at Remus' legs. "I can't. My legs are too long to function that way. Look." He tried to mimick Remus' way of sitting by twisting his legs on top of each other. He failed horribly. "I can't do it."

Lupin looked at him, snorting. "You would look wonky if your legs were the same length as mine."

"I'm only an inch taller than you, so your legs aren't _that_ short. And besides, it wouldn't matter if they were." Sirius poked Remus' knee with one finger. "You don't need long legs if you have bendy ones. Bendy trumps everything."

"So I'm short and I have bendy legs." Remus nodded, agreeing. "Then do you think I move like a cat?"

Sirius grinned at that. "On Sundays you do actually! You spend the whole day sleeping and stretching in your bed. And... even though I don't like cats, you can have your bendy-legged cat-Sundays. You deserve them, Remmie. You work very hard."

"Thank you." Remus chuckled to his paper and filled yet another section of the crossword. Sirius watched him attentively, but was not staring if someone wanted to know.

"What are you writing now?"

"I wrote _dexterous_."

Sirius nodded. "Right, I... totally knew that word. Use it all the time. Yesterday, I called Pete dexterous, because he was being an imbecile."

Lupin stifled a laugh and said, "It means handy."

"Why there has to be such difficult words anyway?" Sirius asked him, ignoring the fact that he had been utterly wrong about the meaning of the word. He pressed his head against the cushion. "I bet no one except you even knows them."

"That's the point of a crossword puzzle, Sirius," Rremus told him softly. "They are brain-teasers, and full of these kinds of words. They test your vocabulary as well as your ability to connect words with each other." He smiled warmly. "I like them."

"Don't ever show them to James, because he'll go bananas. Not that he has any brains, but he lives for pompous words like that."

Lupin smiled. "I promise to keep quiet."

For a moment Sirius merely watched the boy write things on the paper, and suddenly, he said, "I'm glad you're friends with us, Remmie. You have brains for all of us." Remus glanced at him, seeming amused. That didn't halt Sirius. "You have a great brain. And you use it too."

Remus raised a brow at him. "How would you know if I use it?"

"Because you always let out that funny sound when you think."

"What sound?" Remus frowned at him, and then shook his head. "No, I don't. You're making that up."

"Am not." Sirius grinned widely. "It's as real as the potato sack under Pete's bed! There's this little humming sound... er... kind of like your brain is singing inside of your skull."

"My brain is singing?"

"It's hard to explain," Sirius said, and he tried to grin even wider. "But the sound you make is really funny. So, in a way... your brain is funny too, I guess. Yeah, I'm certain it's telling jokes inside your head, probably dirty ones, but no one can actually hear anything, hence the humming."

"This is all happening inside my head while I'm thinking?" Remus asked, bewildered. "You have seemed to have thought about this a lot."

"I have free time." Sirius smiled widely at him. "I think about lots of important stuff."

Remus chortled again, turning his eyes on the paper, and wrote something down. "And I assume it's not an option for you to do your homework every once in a while?"

"No," Sirius answered instantly. "Why bother? The professors are going to scold me anyway."

"But you're not stupid, Sirius."

"Of course I'm not," Black said. "I'm brilliant!"

"Then why do you think they would scold you?" the lycanthrope questioned. He shook his head slightly. "It cannot be for the lack of trying, because you try _a lot_, in every sense of the word."

Sirius pondered this. "I think it has something to do with my writing. You see, my brain works just fine because let's face it, I'm marvellous; but my writing hand..." He failed his right hand at Remus. "This one, it's too far from my brain. When I try to focus and write something down, my brain has already moved on to the next thing. It's very hard; I should be writing about _this_ but my brain is already thinking about _that_. So basically the only reason I'm being scolded for is the fact I'm too exceptional."

"Of course," Remus said seriously. "But, are you saying that your handwriting is so illegible that the professors can't read it?"

"Er, no, that's James. The professors just seem to think that my writing makes no sense _at all_. They say it's bad – not penmanship-wise, but in a way that all the professors now think I'm mental. Or at least that's what Minnie said... However, I understand my own writing just fine, which means the professors are just stupid."

Remus shook his head congenially. "We should do something about your writing."

"Really?" Sirius asked quietly. Now he was staring at the boy. "You could help me?"

"Well, it doesn't sound too hard." Lupin smiled at him. "Especially if your handwriting indeed hasn't regressed, like James' has. I am able to read a lot of terrible handwritings, but even I have problems reading his scribblings."

"I know!" Sirius barked. "He can barely lift a quill with those bloody hoofs of his. You should teach him a few tricks. Your handwriting is so neat."

"You think so?" Remus asked and studied his own writing. "Sometimes I think it's too curly. Look at it." He tilted his head, and shrugged slightly. "Nevertheless, I'm too lazy to change it, and it hasn't caused me any problems yet, so... I don't think I even will."

"And you shouldn't," Sirius told him, while staring intently how Remus' quill again slid on the paper as the boy wrote something. "It looks wonderful. I think it's because you have a tad smaller hands than mine, you get a better grip of the quill. I mean, just look at these fingers!" Black said and waved his long, bony fingers in front of Remus. "They're only good for lock-picking."

"Or nose-picking." Remus grinned.

"I had a pea up there! And it was only that one time!" Lupin sniggered again as Sirius pouted childishly beside him. Sirius continued, "And it's easy for you to laugh, because you probably would look cool and proper even with your finger up in your nose."

"Me? Cool?" Remus laughed now wholeheartedly. "Now you're just trying to make me laugh."

"I'm not joking," Sirius said, feigning a solemn tone. He leaned closer, inspecting Remus' nose with an invisible magnifying glass. "After the preliminary investigations I have conducted I can safely say that you have that kind of nose, Mr Lupin, which is suitable for cool and proper nose-picking. It's not an ugly long one like Potter's, or Merlin forbid like Snivellus'..."

Remus tried not to laugh as he feebly pushed Sirius away. "Yes, I have a perfectly normal nose. Thank you."

"Well... That's not completely true," Sirius told him as he leaned himself back on the couch. "For addition to your singing brain even your nose makes funny sounds."

"What noises does my nose make?" Remus asked him. "Do I snore?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, you don't snore. But you do make these sniffling sounds during nights that I just find too bloody hilarious." He sniggered a bit and then continued, "I try not to laugh, though, because Prongs goes nutter if he doesn't get his beauty sleep. Bloody ogre that guy."

"You observe me sleep?" Remus questioned flatly.

"No," Black answered earnestly. It was true, honestly. "It's your sleep-talking, it always wakes me up. You know I'm right in the next bed; the curtains are not _that_ thick. At times I think I should smack you with a pillow so you would stop whining."

"What? I am a very calm sleeper." Remus stared at him and cried, "I don't talk in my sleep!"

Sirius said, "Oh yeah you do! You talk about chocolate rather often. Not that it's anything odd in our dormitory... Pete has stated his love for potatoes quite a few times." He smiled at Remus' incredulous expression. "Your chocolate-whimpering is actually kind of refreshing, to be honest, would it happen some other time than in the middle of the night."

Remus stared at the paper in his lap as if embarrassed, but Sirius could see a slight smile dancing on his lips. The warm light from the fireplace glittered in his eyes as he turned again to Sirius. "At least _I_ don't talk about the whole of my imagined love life like James does," he said slowly and mulled something over. "Maybe we should hold an intervention for him."

"About Evans?" Sirius asked and huffed, "Not needed. Every day serves as an intervention about Evans for him. And if it doesn't work when _she_ says he's a dreadful problem with narcissistic tendencies, then I don't think we're going to make a great difference either."

"It's painful to watch him try so hard." Remus shook his head with a small smile. "And what's up with all those self-compliments?" He glanced at Sirius. "He's making himself look stupid."

Sirius nodded. "He makes us all look stupid by standing next to us."

Remus turned the smile again at the crossword puzzle. "I just think he should go easy on Lily. She's very busy and stressed even without him constantly huffing nonsense behind her back."

"It's easier said than done. You know him, he has boundary issues."

"Don't take this the wrong way," Lupin chuckled as he kept his eyes on the paper. "But you are regularly invading people's personal bubbles too."

Huffing, Sirius noted, "People should leave their bubbles under their beds once they get up in the morning. Bubbles are stupid and impractical in a place such as Hogwarts."

"I think they come in quite handy when you want to have a few minutes to yourself," Remus told the Daily Prophet with a gentle smile.

Sirius frowned, and softly jabbed Remus in his upper arm. "I don't want to be alone. I prefer hanging out with someone, like now; and before you say anything, no, it wasn't even an option for me to go outside at this weather to go watch Potter toss that ball around."

Remus beamed whilst slowly jotting something down. "Of course it wasn't."

Something tickled Sirius on the back of his head, and he asked carefully, "Did I invade your personal crossword puzzle bubble?"

"No, you didn't," Remus said. "Don't worry about it."

"Great. Because I really had no intentions of leaving you alone."

"Thank Merlin my bubble is big enough for the both of us, then."

Sirius smiled contently at the boy next to him. "You're funny."

"Thank you," Remus said while folding the newspaper in his lap. He sank further to the soft fabric of the couch, and turned his eyes on Sirius. "You know... this bubble being the size it is, I think I have caught something from you."

Sirius stared at him happily. "What? Wits? Charm perhaps?"

"Newly-found laziness." Lupin smiled at him and frowned slightly. "I don't feel like removing my bum of this couch at all."

"It's a great couch," Sirius agreed. As he watched the boy, he continued with a tentative, "Sorry for calling you weird yesterday. You're not weird."

"I am a little weird." Remus tilted his head a bit. "It's mandatory if I want to be friends with you."

* * *

EARLIER THAT DAY:

10 Things I Like about Remie.

1. _He talks when hes aslepp_

B. _makes Funny sounds when thinks about stuf_

3. _hes handwritin is pertty_

4. _His shorter than me_

5. _Hes eyes and hair and nose and smile. and pretty_

6. _Sexy_

8. _great Brain._

8. _His hands are tad smaller then mine_

9. _Moves lik a cat_

10. _funny_

_+eats lots of Chocolate, I like buing chocolate_

_remember These the next tim you see Remmie._

* * *

**A/N:** Golly, Sirius... Your penmanship might not be as bad as James', but honey... get your damn grammar straight! (As you can see, _sexy_ is the only word he can write correctly.) But it's just like he said; _he's not stupid_, his quill just can't keep up with the speed of his brain.


	5. This Is Not What Unverbalised Means

**A/N: **Right. To answer the question about how they talk while in Animagus form; the boys haven't really been in their Animagi forms in this story yet (they probably will, I don't know yet), I refer to them as their Animagus names and forms for fun. I know this might be wrong of me, but it's just something I choose to do. So if I write "The rat told a dirty joke", Peter wasn't really in his Animagus form unless it's stated separately. If they really turn to animals, I will be more specific about that. Thanks for asking though; hopefully that cleared things up. :)

And about the length of this story... There probably will be at least three more chapters. I'm really sorry these chapters are getting longer and longer.

THANK YOU all SO MUCH for your reviews and story alerts! I hope you like this chapter too. I feel like I should note that there's **alcohol** in this chapter. The language is as vulgar/stupid as it has always been... don't worry.

**Disclaimer: **I'm not lucky enough to call these boys my own...

**Beta: **...nor am I lucky enough to have a beta reader.

* * *

"There are certain things in this world that I really don't wish to see, and you drooling against Moony's chest on the common room couch is definitely one of them."

James' face was not visible for he was trying to put his shirt on, but Sirius knew very well what his face looked like when his voice sounded like _that_.

It looked like a boggart who hadn't gotten his breakfast yet. It meant that James' ultimate bitch face was present.

"I'm not going to apologise for something I wasn't able to control," he hissed back at the temporarily blinded boy. "It wasn't like I chose to slobber over him."

It was Saturday morning and they were putting... no, they were_ trying_ to put their clothes on. Remus was in the shower, and Peter was rummaging through his trunk full of junk, striving to find his pocket money for they were going to go to Hogsmeade. Potter was still struggling with the t-shirt he tried to put on, which was no news to anyone – the boy had a humongous head.

And he tried to keep his voice down. "I'm not saying that I don't like seeing the progress you have made –"

"So you're just jealous," Sirius huffed and buttoned his jeans. As he was finished with the task, he straightened the fabric on his thighs. "Should have known that this is about Evans, again."

"Leave her out of this, you twerp," Potter mumbled and finally popped his head out of the neckline. He turned his eyes on Sirius the second he was able to see something again. "She has nothing to do with this."

"Right. Exactly like she has nothing to do with your daily life otherwise either," Black giggled and moved to choose a shirt from his trunk. Peter laughed in his own trunk.

"One of these days," James dreamed. "One of these days..."

"One of these days, what?" Sirius asked amusedly while crouching in front of his folded clothes. He continued, addressing his clothes instead of James, "Evans will have something to do with you?"

James nodded gravely. "Yes."

"Is she going to kick you in the goolies?"

"Ow," Peter quipped, sniggering. "It's 1-0 for Padfoot."

"Silence, the both of you," James snarled lazily and put on a jumper. "I don't want to hear Lily's godly name used in a crass situation like this."

Sirius shook his head as he put on the shirt he had chosen. He said as nonchalantly as possible, "Merlin, you're so pathetic."

"I'm pathetic?" James all but screeched. "You're pathetic!"

With wide eyes, Black turned to him. "How so?"

"Oh, I saw the list you wrote, it was stupid," James told him, tilting his head knowingly. "If that doesn't make you pathetic, I don't know what will."

"You're stupid, you told me to write it!" Sirius cocked a brow, letting his hands drop from his shirt. "And where did you see it anyway? I put it in my trunk!"

James shrugged. "I found it in your trunk." He turned to the boy, seeming very disappointed. "But _moves like a cat_? Are you serious? Sirius, _please_ tell me you didn't say those things to him."

"I might have."

"Found them!" Peter yelled happily, shaking his money purse, but of course no one cared.

"Just remember that you are not going to blame me or my brilliant system, if you have done something that might be counted as indelible damage to your," James made a quoting hand gesture, "_relationship with Remmie_. Yeah? I told you what you needed to do, and you blew it by slobbering on him."

Sirius huffed as he jumped on his bed, now fully clothed. "Indelible... Is that one of your own words again, Prongs?" He shook his head. "Because honestly, you need to stop inventing them right now." As James said nothing to him, Sirius pursed his lips like the man he was. "And by the way, _you_ told me to act like myself, so I did."

"Had I known you're a bloody imbecile I wouldn't have said anything," James noted and sat on his own bed. He had managed to put his jumper on, and was not straightening his hair. "Did I say to go and drool over him? No, I didn't. But apparently slavering is your M.O."

"You are just jealous," Sirius muttered under his breath, and leaned his head against the headboard of the bed. He continued quietly, "It's not like he's acting the way he did yesterday morning, running away from me. We're all right. I think he fancies me."

Potter sighed. "You think McGonagall fancies you."

"She wants me with all she's got, I'm sure of it."

"I don't think she does," James noted helpfully. "If she calls you an abomination under a sleek appearance, it barely means she _wants_ you. Perhaps she wants you to vanish, but any other kind of desire I find massively improbable."

"That's your opinion," Black shrugged, and crossed his arms on his chest. "But regardless of Minnie's evident hunger for my fair flesh, I think last night went well. I told Remus almost everything I wrote down... And it's not like he hexed me or anything after he woke up. He just smiled at me, like a mate does."

"Exactly, like a _mate_. Do you like him to be merely a mate to you?"

Sirius frowned as he thought about it. "I could gladly mate _with him_, but I don't want –"

Interrupting him, James asked, "Do you like him to smile at you like a mate does?"

Peter sat on James' bed to count the money he had in his purse. "Moony sure takes his time in the bathroom. Do you guys think he's drowned?" He glanced at the bathroom door, as if worried, and then looked at the two. "Can werewolves even swim?"

Neither of them heard him.

Sirius had closed his eyes in passing and grinned smugly. "I reiterate; you're just jealous and trying to bring me down, because your godly Queen Evans can't stand your smarmy guts. Well newsflash, antler-brain, _Remus_ doesn't hate _me_. He's my friend, and like you said a couple of days ago, he'll be mine within a fortnight... Or sooner, hopefully. Not just a mate, but more."

"And you know why?" the antler-brain asked, smirking at him. "Because the system works."

"Yeah, at least it works for me." Sirius smiled. "Cheers."

"Don't start. Lily will love me one day."

"Yeah, and Pete looks great as a bird."

Peter shouted, "Oi! Those were just ugly clothes! Don't you dare to judge my womanhood because of them!"

Ignoring Peter completely, Sirius kept smiling cheerfully at James. "You know, considering how gormless the plan is, I'm doing great. I have followed the steps, in a way, as you suggested, and now I'm on the second T already. This rate I'll be snogging him on Sunday."

"Tomorrow's Sunday, so I don't think so," James said with a knowledgeable shrug.

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful," Sirius tittered.

Potter made a face. "What?"

"I mean..." Sirius corrected his words whilst he stroked his hair. "More successful with your plan than yourself."

"Who said I'm not successful?" Potter mumbled as he watched the bathroom door. "I might be."

Sirius smirked. "But you're not."

"Yeah, you're not," Peter repeated.

"Yeah... I'm not," James admitted and turned his eyes on them. He evidently contemplated the difficult situation. "Not really. Maybe I should try harder."

"Or not," Black said as he remembered what Remus had said about Lily. He waved his head about as he thought. "Maybe you should try a different kind of approach."

"What do you mean?"

Sirius suggested, "Like... leaving her alone, perhaps? That might work. She might appreciate that more than this –" He flailed his hands at James. "Stalking."

"Not negotiable."

"Okay, then try the system in reverse order," Sirius said. He moved to sit on the edge of his bed. "Leave her alone for a moment, then attack her with the full Potter power." He made a fist gesture. "No one can say no that; or they can, but in Snape's case, for example, the _no_ was like it wasn't even there. You just went for it. The no wasn't an obstacle."

"Seems pretty drastic to me," James muttered, but mulled the whole thing over nonetheless. "But maybe you're right." He nodded. "All right, I'll do that. Don't tell Moony, though, because he'll just try to find a reason for me to leave her alone for good."

"She would be pleased if that'd happen," Sirius told him. "Just try to remember that she cannot stand you in any way. That's reality, my dear fellow."

"Oh shut up."

"For you I'm more than happy to."

James huffed, "You know what? I'm very happy you have found yourself someone else to bother except me."

"When have I ever bothered you in my life?" Sirius asked, feigning bafflement.

"Have you done anything else in your life?"

With those words, Remus stepped out of the bathroom; he was almost ready, except he was still drying his hair with a towel. He glanced at his friends. "What are you lot talking about?"

James said hastily, "Uh... we were just wondering... why Pete always loses his... underwear." He frowned at himself.

"What, I have them right –" Peter peeped.

Sirius subtly kicked him in the jaw, and turned to Remus. "Yeah, that's what we were doing, Remmie. For it is ever so baffling... why the whereabouts of his pants... are continuously unknown."

"Why do you talk like a poet all of a sudden?" James snickered. Sirius didn't really know.

As usual, Lupin simply frowned at them, and walked towards his bed, muttering, "I could have sworn that you were talking about something else."

Sirius froze and stared his back. "Did you... Er, hear something?"

"You were talking about how bothersome you all are," Remus answered without turning around, and a few seconds later he stuck his head into his trunk to find a cardigan over his shirt. He kept muttering, "A great topic, if you ask me."

Finally being able to draw a breath, Sirius sighed, somewhat relieved. "Yeah. We were also discussing how Potter here is having problems with his lovely goddess."

James became very angry very quickly. He hissed at Sirius, "What did I just said? Don't tell him, you baboon!" Then he turned to Remus who looked stumped. "Nonsense, I don't have any problems. Why would I have problems? Nothing to discuss about. Nothing to see here!"

"What? Yes, you do," Black barked. "You have nothing else than problems! You are a problem yourself! Just admit it. It might do you good!"

"You know what might do _you_ good?" James hollered. "My fist!"

Remus had turned around, the cardigan in his hands, and was staring at them. "What are you two fighting for now?"

"I bet three Galleons for Black," Peter said eagerly to Remus, and started counting his money again.

"Oh yeah, and what's your pathetic little fist going to do to me?" Sirius snorted at James.

"It's going to do the whole _meet and greet_ kind of thingy with your ridiculously pointy face!"

"Oh, is that so? Bring it on, twiggy!"

Remus exhaled, quickly paced over to them, and pointed all three of them with his wand, which he had snatched from his bed. "Put a sock in it, or I will!"

The screaming boys fell silent immediately.

Lupin sighed as if to calm himself down, but didn't lower his wand. He kept his blazing eyes on them. "I just had a long, relaxing morning shower, and as it happens, it was also my intention to _stay_ relaxed. You three buffoons can pull your heads out of your arses right now, because I won't do that today." He smiled gently. "Are we clear?"

When the three utterly surprised buffoons nodded, the lycanthrope grinned uncharacteristically and turned back to the trunk. "Splendid."

James turned to Sirius and mouthed, _"What the bloody hell was that?"_

Black retorted in the same manner, _"I don't know!"_

"Did Moony just say arse?" Peter then asked. Then he looked gravely at Potter, who was just gawping at Lupin. "Are werewolves even allowed to say that word?"

Remus smiled as he buttoned up his grey cardigan. "I don't know, Peter. I haven't bothered to find out."

The three sitting ducks just ogled him. Remus finished with his buttons, and stared at them in return. "Are we going to sit here all day and wait? Who has the map?"

* * *

"_Lumos," _Remus muttered and crouched on the cold ground. A bright light appeared on the tip of his wand and he stretched his hand to illuminate the dark passageway in front of them. He squinted at it. "This tunnel is getting smaller and smaller every time."

"No, it's Pete who's getting bigger," James noted, and snapped the Marauders Map with his wand. _"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."_

Brown ink started to appear on the parchment from where the wand had been, and he opened it.

The map showed them exactly where they were – as if they didn't know already; the current route they were using was situated behind a forgotten suit of armour on the first floor near the kitchen. The corridor was always empty, except for evenings when Peter wanted to get a snack, but other than that, they never had to worry about getting caught. The route was underground as usual, and rather damp and dusty, so the grown boys had to do whatever they could not dirty their clothes. It was difficult, though; they hadn't been able to stand there straight when they were younger, much less now when they were taller, and, in Peter's case, a great deal wider.

Lupin was leading their gang forward Peter right in tow, James was in the middle, and Sirius was manning the end of the boy train.

"If I can say one thing," Sirius said to James' back as they squatted forward. "Although I'm all in for this whole mischief business, and secret passageways, and sneaking around, and mud and spiders –"

"What, where?" Potter shrieked like the man he was.

"Oh, shut up, you ninny," Sirius huffed and continued, "I'm saying that I think it's time for us to stop using this particular tunnel. Or... all tunnels altogether. And all passageways. Let's stop mischieving. Let's turn proper."

James stopped in his tracks and turned around, not proper. He breathed in Sirius' face in the blue light of his wand. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing." Sirius seemed in the light a lot more horrible than he normally was. "I just wanted you to turn around so I don't have to shout; I don't want them to hear. I need your help."

"Why didn't you just say that?" Potter groaned. As Sirius just kept staring at him, he asked, "You need help with what?"

Sirius peered over James' shoulder and then looked back at his face. "I want to take action with the fourth step."

"Tacit declaration?"

"That's it, I guess."

"_Are you two stuck down there?_" Remus' voice echoed slightly from the front. "_Keep moving!_"

Sirius whispered, "I was just wondering what he would appreciate in Hogsmeade. Is there anything there he might fancy?"

"How the bloody hell should I know, you daft?" Potter shook his head. "He's your crush. You're the one who should investigate his interests and..." He tasted the word. "Penchants."

Sirius made a face. "Penchants? You really just used that word right here without hesitation, didn't you? Merlin, have mercy..."

"What do you want me to say? He's _your_ super dull bookish nerd... fancy, not mine." But as he studied Sirius' very desperate face, he suggested, "I guess you could go nuts and buy him a book."

Remus hollered. "_We're waiting here! And we need the map!_"

"He's not dull, and he already has tons of books," Sirius sighed at James, as if the boy didn't already know the latter fact. Then he thought of something. "What does tacit declaration even mean?"

"We've been through this a thousand times, Black. It means you should be subtle; try telling him about your feelings with your eyes... or something."

"Like this?" Sirius showed him just how he would do it.

Potter shivered. "And that was absolutely horrible. Maybe you should think of something else."

"Yeah, maybe."

"_Peter is starting to eat the dirt!_"

Potter turned around and yelled, "We're coming, Moony! Hold onto your trousers!"

"Please don't," Sirius whispered.

* * *

The tunnel took them behind none other than Madame Puddifoot's Teashop. How about that.

Even though this exact Saturday was a designated day for students to visit Hogsmeade, the boys still chose to travel there underground. Why? One of them had lost their permission sheet, and the three other had no intentions of _not going_ because of that one butterfingers – the said butterfingers shall remain anonymous for no one cares who he was (Peter). However, it was rather strange that the boys weren't afraid of getting caught, knowing that the professors spent their time there as well as other students.

Maybe they liked detention.

"Messrs, your plans?" Sirius asked his friends once he had crawled from the hole. They were standing behind the tea house and tried their very hardest not to draw attention to themselves, which was rather difficult since _suspicious_ was written all over of them. Black dusted his clothes, making himself more presentable. "Well?"

"Lily," James responded, adjusting his glasses.

"Food," Peter answered and counted his money again.

"Tea," Remus replied with a content smile.

With that, Potter had already started to scan the view for a certain redheaded Head Girl, but considerately asked nevertheless, "Yours, Padfoot?"

Black scratched his chin as if he had a beard, which he of course didn't. Yet. He tilted his head a bit, pondering out loud, "I don't need Evans nor food, so I guess I tag along with Remus." His eyes had found the boy in question, and Sirius flashed a grin at him.

Remus looked queryingly at him in return. "Is Three Broomsticks all right? It's smoky, but I think I can handle it."

"Or we can always go to Puddifoot's," Sirius said to him, gesturing nonobviously at the building next to them. "It's right there next to us."

All three of them stared at Sirius with wide eyes.

He made a face, and huffed, "What now?"

"You _want_ to go to Puddifoot's?" James grinned in a way which made him look like a menacing owl. Someone might say that was his normal look. "I never would have guessed you fancy the pink décor."

"Sod off, Potter," Sirius snarled at him. "At least the place is clean."

Smiling contently at Sirius, the geek nodded. "Puddifoot does serve the best tea around here."

"Puddifoot's it is!" Sirius smirked and winked at Remus, taking a step closer to him. "That is if she'll have me."

Lupin frowned. "Why wouldn't she?"

"I kind of... sort of exploded a tea pot collection the last time I was there."

"Of course you did." Remus nodded again, and turned to Peter, who seemed to be drowning in his own thoughts. "Where are you going, Peter?"

"The nearest place that serves bacon," Peter said to him without hesitating one second. Obviously he had thought the whole thing through.

"Right," Lupin uttered and faced James. He waved his hand before the boy's face as he was trying to get his point across. Teaching Spanish to a brick wall would have been an easier task than trying to reach James Potter who was fantasising about Lily Evans – Remus had always liked solving puzzles. "Hey, try not to bother Lily as little as possible. She's trying to relax."

Potter gazed into the distance, but managed, "I never harass anyone."

Taking an even eyeful of each of his two friends, Remus went, "Be back here at 1pm? Peter?"

Peter nodded.

"James?"

Nothing.

"James?" Remus snapped his fingers before the Gogglehead's eyes. "Hello, are you in there?"

Sirius placed a very nonchalant arm over Remus' shoulders. "Yeah, he's gone."

* * *

"What do you mean _get out_?" Sirius bellowed.

Inwardly and so all by himself, Remus thought his friend looked rather silly yelling with all his might in a pink frilly place like that. He glanced around the room; he didn't mind the décor, to be honest, but in no way he _liked_ the tacky murals of the half-naked cherubs. He frowned a little, and turned his gaze away from them. After all, Remus didn't come there because he wanted a lesson of horrible interior design.

He was there only because... of the _tea_.

Not because the place was regarded as the haunt of happy couples, and Remus was there with Sirius, no no, that was silly. He wasn't there, trying to get rid of the butterflies, which had resided in his stomach ever since Sirius had suggested that they should go to Hogsmeade. Nope, definitely not because of them. Neither was he dying to spend more time alone with the hollering goon in front of him. He bit his lip as he watched Sirius. _No_. Remus was there because of the _tea_.

Yeah, reason all you can. You know exactly why you're here.

Remus inwardly shushed his brain.

"It means you leave this place before I'll hex you!" an old lady, presumably Madame Puddifoot herself, yelled behind the counter. As Sirius gawped at her, she flailed her hands towards the shelves above her. "I just renewed my tea pots!"

"I didn't come here to break stuff! I want tea!" Sirius shouted in return and lifted a bony finger to point at Remus, who stood behind him. "See? I brought a friend! Tea-drinking friend! And he's _super_ responsible!" Sirius made a beseeching face at the woman. "Please, we'll be nicely!"

The aforementioned tea-drinking super responsible friend looked over at the people inside the place; most of them were so sucked into their own soppy little conversations that they didn't notice the tall madman raging at the counter. However, those who did pay attention to what was happening, each of them gave Remus a sad smile which basically meant "_It's a wonder you're still alive, hanging out with that loony_".

Remus responded each with a nod and a reassuring smile of his own that said "_No, I'm not being held as a hostage_".

"Last time you said the same thing, laddy!" the lady reminded, placing her palms on the counter. "I'm not having any of your nonsense this time! You will apologise or you will leave!"

Sirius gaped at her. "What? That's not fair!" He flailed his hands. "It was an accident!"

Remus tried to block the gorgeous smell of the fresh herb tea out of his nose, but he knew his struggles were in vain. He tugged the hem of Sirius' jacket and muttered, "Just say you're sorry, Sirius. I _really_ want some tea."

Black turned around. "She's blackmailing me, Remmie! I won't have it!" He bored his eyes into Remus'. "Tell her that I'm not going to apologise!"

"Why not?" Remus asked quietly whilst never letting go of Sirius' shirt hem. He frowned slightly. "And I'm, er, not sure that's what she's doing." He quickly peered at the woman over Sirius' shoulder, and blinked for she looked seriously pissed off. Remus hesitated a moment and then said quietly to Sirius' face, "Just... apologise. Please."

Sirius muffled a shriek. "Great, she will poison our tea!" He placed a hand on Remus' shoulder, and started to turn him around. "I know it... Let's get out of here before she has the chance!"

"You're overreacting –"

Ushering him towards the door, Sirius muttered, "Poison, Remmie!"

Remus groaned over his shoulder, "But lemon tea with natural honey –"

"Now!"

Sirius had taken Remus' hand and was already pulling him out of the teashop.

Things weren't really going as planned, the werewolf's brain noted. But the hand... that was very warm.

Oh, shut up.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Remus." Sirius pouted sadly. "You didn't get the tea you wanted."

As Remus' initial suggestion, they were sitting in the Three Broomsticks, which wasn't that full (Zonko's were having a sale). Remus took a sip of his tea he had ordered, and grimaced faintly after swallowing. Quickly enough he tried to smile. "It's all right. This tea is... it's fine."

Sirius frowned at him. "It doesn't look that good." He held his hand over the table. "Let me taste."

After snatching Remus' cup, Black took a sip of the tea; and looked like he was about to hurl. "That's horrible! It's like greywater!"

Remus glanced at the bar, but as soon as he noticed that Rosmerta hadn't heard anything – thank Merlin – he looked back to Sirius. He tilted his head slightly. "Then what do you suggest? I don't drink coffee, I don't like pumpkin juice, and Butterbeer only seems appropriate during holidays or parties."

"All those rules, Remmie." Sirius smiled and shook his head. "When was the last time you had a honestly good time?"

"I have good time all the time."

"Yeah, no, I mean without your books and quills and parchments and mould," Sirius kindly clarified. He intently watched the boy on the other side of the table. "Like... you told that you wanted to relax today? Right?"

"Yes," Remus said tentatively.

Sirius grinned idiotically. "Okay, then let me help you relax! Yeah?"

After giving Sirius one of his deepest frowns (it was very deep), Lupin pushed the travesty of tea away, and crossed his hands on the table. He licked his lips. "Something tells me not to ask, but what do you have in mind?"

Sirius' grin widened, and he turned around, yelling to the bar, "A bottle of Firewhiskey, stat!"

When he turned back to the werewolf, he saw an expression on Remus's face that he later stated was the _most freakiest thing he had ever ever seen that day_. Remus opened his mouth and tried to say something, but failed.

This repeated itself five times.

Bowing a little, Sirius beamed at him. "Don't thank me."

With wide eyes Remus whined, "I wasn't going to! Sirius, what are you doing?" Then he lowered his voice as though he was telling a secret, "It's the middle of the day!"

"Yeah, so? We're over seventeen; we can buy Firewhiskey if we want."

"But I don't think it's wise –"

"You know what, Remus," Sirius said, interrupting the boy. He took one of Remus' slightly sweaty hands between his own. "I know it's not wise, but then again you're mates with us, which is not so wise either." He flashed a smile. "So I don't think you have any choices here. This is _also_ mandatory if you want to be friends with me."

Black winked at him again, and Remus sighed, defeated and somehow completely unable to argue.

After a moment of just staring at each other, Rosmerta interrupted them by walking up to their table. She put down one bottle of Firewhiskey and two glasses, throwing a look at Sirius. She smiled warmly. "You two keep your heads straight, all right?"

Black nodded gravely. "Of course."

She turned to Remus, who looked rather sick. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"Oh, he's a tea-drinker," Sirius helped. "He's fine."

* * *

"I am... I am not fine."

Sirius leaned against his warm, strangely drunk werewolf friend. He had a long time ago moved on the other side of the table, and was now gobbling down the last of his third glassful, indeed resting against Remus' shoulder. He turned to look at the boy. "Love, you're just fine," Sirius slurred, nodding deeply. "Just fine yes. There's nothing wrong with you, not ever, or ever – hic! – could be, you perfect... you."

"What?" Remus opened his groggy eyes. He frowned at Sirius. "You're not ma... making any sense."

Sirius blinked heavily. "Excuse me, I'm making – hic! – a perfect sense, you're just not keeping up." He gestured at the table. "Drink up."

Lupin hummed something and searched the table with his hands. "Where's my glass."

For a second Black studied quite drunkenly his friend's face (meaning he was basically just staring at him, whilst trying to fixate his eyes on him), and was very much captivated by his long lashes. Nevertheless, he pointed one lazy finger at the table and managed to sputter, "It's right there, Remus." He smiled lopsidedly. "Re...mus."

After searching it rather frantically, Remus found his glass on the table and took a swig of it. He put the empty glass back on the table, and hiccuped. "You know... I was planning to do... cor... corrections to my Runes essay today." He giggled.

Sirius mumbled, "What? Rules essay? When did – hic! – I write that?" He smacked his lips together. "Rules are stupid."

"I'm cer... certain that I won't be doing it to... today."

"Today's a funny word, Remmie," Sirius decided to tell.

"Remmie is a funny word," Remus noted. He contently looked at Sirius, who had straightened his back at some point, and was now sitting against the chair rather than against Remus. "Why do you call me Rem... Remmie?"

"You deserve a cool nickname," Sirius smiled at him. "A nickname – hic! – no one else uses except me. That means it's a cool one." He moved closer, bumping his nose into Remus'. "Does it – hic! – bother you?"

"No." Remus smiled hazily and closed his eyes. "It's great. Do you want a nic... nickname?"

Sirius leaned his head against Remus' shoulder again. He smiled asymmetrically again, and letting his lips brush the knitted fabric of Remus' cardigan, he muttered, "No. I like it when – hic! – you use my real name."

"...Yeah?"

"And you do it – hic! – all the time, too."

Lupin opened his drunken eyes and tried to concentrate them at the black tuft of hair next to him. "I like saying your name. It's a..." He swallowed with great difficulty. "It's a great name. Sirius. It rolls around my... my tongue very nicely."

"I like you Remmie," Sirius whispered, and nuzzled his face against the boy. "A lot."

"I know y... I know you do."

"It's good."

"Hmm." Remus pressed a sloppy kiss on Sirius' forehead and fell asleep.

* * *

Potter walked into the Three Broomsticks, for it was over 1pm and they were supposed to head back. At first he had went to Puddifoot's, but as she had practically thrown a pot at him over the counter, he had realised that maybe Sirius and Remus weren't there.

Once he indeed saw the insides the pub, he strutted right at the table were the two drunken dullards were slobbering over each other.

"Ugh, not this again." James shook his head and snapped his fingers at their faces. "Hey! Lovebirds, hello?"

Nothing.

"Brilliant," he mumbled, and walked back to the front door. He peered outside and hollered, "Pete! Come here!"

* * *

**A/N: **(Did anyone notice the Doctor Who line I dropped there? No? Okay!) I apologise; these are getting really long... and really hard. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID


	6. Ethereal Feelings, or Whatever

**A/N: **The longest chapter yet! Sorry I've kept you waiting, but been a bit busy. This chapter is different from the others, but hopefully as enjoyable... not as funny, though. You want something SOPPY and SUGARY? Well, here you go: with the power of Disney movies and _Doctor Who_ (season 3) here's the sixth chapter! I just hope that watching Gaston prance around Belle didn't influence my characterization of Sirius too greatly... I love me some Gaston.

Also, sorry if you don't like my interpretation of Lily, for here she is again.

This chapter has the first glimpse at Sirius' thoughts... Beware. And Remus' hangover brain is a bit all over the place. Apologies. He doesn't drink much.

THANK YOU for all the new reviews! x x

_English is not my first language_. Spelling errors are possible; if they bother you, then message me about them.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and Marauders are not mine.

**Beta: **No.

* * *

"Let us recall how this plan is _actually_ going for you." Potter smirked annoyingly while hovering over his best friend.

It was 7.30pm of that same Saturday, and Black was curled under his bed covers and was trying to get rid of the hideous hangover he had, but his bastard of a best friend was making things very hard. Peter and James had been thoughtful enough to bring the drunken morons back from Hogsmeade and to their dormitory, even though Potter had wanted to leave them in the Three Broomsticks, for he had already seen enough drooling for one lifetime. Madame Rosmerta had however insisted rather vigorously that the said morons should be taken back to the school, or she would have dumbed them both in the bin behind the pub.

Peter, on his behalf, had decided that the half empty Firewhiskey bottle should be saved from that hideous place, and had stuffed it under his robes where it was lucky enough to enjoy the company of a cherry lollipop, an half-eaten sandwich, and oddly enough, an orange.

However, the present location of the bottle remains a mystery.

Sirius turned his back to James. "Leave me alone."

"Earlier today you said that you are nothing but successful, yes?"

"Please, go away," Sirius groaned and covered his aching head with a pillow.

"No," James said flatly. "Now, remember the first step, the panegyric or whatever it was again? It meant that you were supposed to give him a speech about your good qualities, yes? And what did you do?"

Sirius muttered something James couldn't make out.

"What was that?"

A voice mumbled from under the pillow, "I told him that I'm pretty."

"Yes you did."

Sirius lifted the pillow and looked at James with his tired, bloodshot eyes. "And it's true. I am pretty."

"At the moment you are _not_. Sorry, but as your best friend it's my duty to disillusion you. But forget that for a second; the second step was to flatter him. And you...?"

"Oh, you know very well what I did, you bastard."

"You're the bastard, Sirius, not me. But... could you just remind me, please?"

Sirius grunted. "I embarrassed myself in the Great Hall."

"And then?" James smirked.

"And _then_ I barely restrained myself from molesting him while he slept on me during Potions class," Sirius mumbled, tossed the pillow away and glared at the giggling Potter in front of him. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

Nodding at him as if it was obvious, Potter grinned. "Indeed I am. Now, the third step was to tell him something unique." He waited until Sirius nodded as an agreement, and then asked, "What did you tell him?"

Sirius carefully sat up and rubbed his face. "I told him that cats are evil and that they probably breathe fire."

"Yeah, they probably do. I'm so glad you took care of that, because all Moony has been doing these days is hang around with that cluster of horny wild cats, which has been spotted around Hagrid's hut. Now he knows to stay away from them, thanks to you."

Black glowered at him, but didn't say anything. He was very busy trying to keep his head in one piece.

And because Potter was a considerate friend, he continued. "The fourth step was to make a _tacit_ declaration of your feelings, remember?"

Quite pathetically Sirius mumbled, "Can't you just leave me alone?"

"No. How did you declare your love again?"

Black sighed. "I got him drunk in the middle of the day and slobbered all over him, as you kindly like to put it."

Potter nodded gravely. "Yes, Sirius, you are doing a _grand_ job with the plan."

The boy dived under his blanket. "Sod off."

"Sleep tight, princess Aurora."

* * *

When Remus woke up, it was dark.

It was _very_ dark.

First he reckoned he had died, but then he deserted that thought very quickly after remembering that a) seventeen-year-old boys don't just die like that, b) he was in fact seventeen and not _seventy_, and c) no, it wasn't the aftermath of a full moon, either – for thinking of everlasting peace at those times was very usual for him. Remus blinked, but saw nothing. So, this was what Firewhiskey did, his slurry brain noted and made him a quick mental reminder never to drink that god-awful liquid again. Remus lifted his scrawny fingers to feel the eyes on his heavy head, for he had obviously gone blind from drinking the poison. He thought that maybe this was his punishment for getting sloshed with a Black descendant.

Why he was punished, he didn't know.

He slowly sat up, and immediately missed the cold, sticky surface of his drool-drenched pillow. His face was now burning up and sweaty, and he was still blind as a bat; therefore he could say his life was good. With shaking hands Remus held his aching, groggy head, as if it was to fall off any second – he hazily realised his head felt like a balloon full of over-boiled soup, and then sniggered carefully at the idea of what would happen if he would sneeze with that kind of a head. Remus tentatively opened his eyes again and scanned the everlasting darkness in front of him.

No, not blind.

He kept rubbing his temple with his left hand, but at the same time stretched his right one to grab the velvet curtain around his bed. Slowly, he opened it.

He groaned when the pale light from the dormitory hit his eyes. The light made him feel even more horrible. Well... at least he was alone.

Suddenly someone shouted, "Moony?"

Remus winced and grumbled, "Ah... Peter, please, shut up."

He heard a loud thumping noise as Peter trudged closer to his bed; Remus' dazed brain hammered inside his skull as the boy's steps got closer and sounded as light as those of a 500-pound butterfly's would. He shut his eyes again and tried to calm himself down. _Now_ was not the time for a werewolf fit.

"Moony?" Peter called loudly and appeared into the gap between the curtains. He was holding a potato, but Remus didn't see that. "You're alive, Moony!"

Throwing a werewolf fit started to sound very agreeable.

"I don't want to nag," Lupin moaned quietly and held his spinning head. "Because I don't do that... but please, could you stop shouting." And when Remus heard Peter react only with a munching sound, he asked without opening his eyes, "What time is it?"

The rat answered mouth full of tuber, "Nibe tirdy."

"Is my wand on the nightstand?"

Peter took a quick look, "Yeab."

"Please, give it to me." The boy grabbed the wand and handed it to Remus, who carefully opened one eye. "Where is everyone?"

Pettigrew swallowed hard before answering. "They're in the common room, it was my turn to watch you. Do you need anything else? Want a potato?" He tilted his head. "Can I go now?"

Remus squeezed his wand and let out a queasy sound. "Yes, please go. I'll manage. Thank you, Peter."

The boy finally left Remus alone and presumably ran downstairs to tell the others that werewolves are not as deadly allergic to alcohol as they had previously assumed.

Remus glanced at the bathroom door and contemplated whether or not he was sufficiently alive to stand up – the decision didn't reach his comprehension quickly enough, however, for within the very next second he could already hear an abhorrent ruckus coming from the dormitory stairs, and he knew that it was already too late for him to get up. He closed his open eye yet again, and also tried to close his ears from the loud voices coming now behind the closed door.

He failed, as usual.

_"Hands off, Potter!"_

_"Now look at what you did! He's choking on a potato!"_

Remus wished that he would have gone back to sleep, but it was too late for that now. The loonies were coming.

_"It was your fault!"_

_"I want to go in!"_

_"No! You two baboons leave him alone! I'm going! Move!"_

After thirty seconds of shouting, hollering, and a rumble that sounded suspiciously like two blockheads would have just rolled down the stairs, someone entered the room and marched, what it sounded, rather determinedly towards Remus' bed.

Still keeping his eyes closed, Remus was ready to hex everyone in proximity.

"A headache much?" Lily chuckled without even trying to lower her voice as she peered in between the open bed hangings. She grabbed Remus' wand away from him; and thanking the mighty powers of Merlin that the visitor was the sanest person he knew, Remus opened the same one eye to take a look at her, and nodded gravely.

"Please don't shout. My head might very well explode."

"That's what you get when you go out drinking with Black, sugar."

Remus moved cautiously backwards, propped himself against the pillows and made more room for Lily to sit on the bed. He finally opened both of his eyes and mumbled, "Yes, that was very bad of me."

"Well, I think you deserved a night out."

"But it wasn't a night out," Remus croaked. "It was in the middle of the day."

"Oh I know. I _saw_."

Lily stood up and walked away from Remus' bed. The boy was too hazy to think about it too much, and fortunately Lily was quick from her feet – almost as soon as she had gone Lily was sitting back on the bed, holding a random potato she had supposedly found on Peter's nightstand, and her wand. And with a quick flick of the wand she turned the potato into a glass, gave it to Remus, and muttered, "_Aguamenti_."

The glass filled up with water, and Remus drank it gratefully, for with a broken brain he hadn't even realised how dry his mouth was.

"Thank you," Lupin said and gave the empty glass back to her. "I could have done that myself too, you know. I'm crapulent, not stupid."

Lily smiled as she put the glass on the boy's bedside table. "Let me speak from experience when I say that conjuring when you have a hangover is not the smartest thing to do."

A great thing to know. "Why are you here, Lily?"

"It's either me, or those baboons harassing you when you have the hangover of the century. And I am the sanest person you know."

Now Remus smiled. "Touché."

"So, speak."

"I feel horrible," Remus said immediately and rested his head against the hard headboard. He wanted the spinning to stop so badly, but felt like he couldn't do anything that would help. "Nevertheless, I think the amount of foolishness I feel right now is much greater than any hangover could ever be."

Lily lifted her feet on the bed. She smirked. "Why feel foolish? You just had fun with your... _friend_."

"Why are you smirking? He _is_ my friend."

"Yes, well... I just thought it looked a lot like maybe you'd prefer him as... I don't know... something other than a friend."

Remus closed his eyes and lifted a shaking hand to rub his aching temple. "Have you been reading those romance novels again? I've told you – the minute they start influencing your daily life, you need to stop."

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," Lily muttered and then tilted her head. "There's no reason for you to keep this from me. I've seen how you've been acting."

"I have acted perfectly natural, thank you very much."

"Right." Evans smiled slyly, but of course the boy saw nothing. "What about those tingly feelings, Remus? Are you saying that those are gone?"

"Oh, those, well –"

Remus wanted to ask Lily if she knew why the aforementioned tingly feelings were constantly present when he was thinking about Sirius, and why was Sirius rather often sneaking into his thoughts... But he didn't say anything; he only dropped the hand from his head into his lap and stared at it intently. He didn't really want to look at Lily or those piercing emerald eyes, because he somehow feared that she might be able to read his wandering mind if he did. Not that there was anything to read, really, but... for safety's sake. Remus began to ponder if _he_ was just easy to read, like an open book. He sniggered inwardly when he realised that certain eyes had problems reading any kinds of books. Could grey eyes read him as easily as green ones?

Maybe he should look into that.

Remus stared at his lap and sputtered, "I might have... misinterpreted my sensations earlier. I was just tired. Yes... I hardly slept the previous night, and I was overthinking when he happened to... touch me."

"Overthinking my arse!" Lily stared at him. "Admit it, honey, you like him!"

"Don't shout." Remus winced and held his head again. The balloon was about to burst. He mumbled, "Of course I like him, he's my friend."

"Remus. Do me a favour, and more importantly do _yourself_ a favour," the girl suggested, "by taking that sodding head of yours out of your arse."

Lupin ogled at her. Granted, his head felt funny, but it wasn't in his... "Pardon?"

"I don't have that sort of feelings towards any of my friends," Lily explained, leaning on her hand. "Not to offend you, of course. You are lovely, but you are not for me. Our child would be a _book._"

"Apology accepted, I suppose."

"Seriously though. If you feel something different when he looks at you, or touches you –"

For an unknown reason Remus suddenly felt uneasy, and shook his head more intently than he meant, which made the headache, if possible, even worse. "I don't, no. And yes, he's a very physical person, but he doesn't touch me as much as he touches the others."

"Rubbish," Lily muttered. "He touches you all the time. The only times I've seen him touch Pettigrew is when he's kicking or punching him."

"Yes well, he kicks Peter _very_ frequently."

"And when he touches Potter, he's trying to kill him. Can't blame him though."

Lupin frowned. "So he doesn't hit me. It's not a big deal."

"Sugar, open your eyes. Does he give massages to Potter? Does he hold Pettigrew's hand in Hogsmeade?"

"You saw that?" As Lily nodded at him with a smile, Remus shrugged, trying to feign indifference. "Peter has very sweaty hands, so Sirius doesn't want to touch him. No one does."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Okay then... Has he invented cutesy nicknames for the others?"

"Why is that relevant?"

"Just answer the question, Remus."

Lupin scratched his head. Maybe he could gouge the pain away? "He very often calls James a bastard."

"That is not a nickname," Lily noted flatly. "Potter _is_ a bastard."

The boy readjusted himself against the pillows. "I don't understand what you're getting at."

She smiled irritatingly. "So he touches you a lot, yes? And not in a _I want to murder you_ kind of way. He also gives you idiotic names, congratulations for that. His nicknames for you are relevant if you think about it." She stopped and stared at him. "How do you feel when he touches you?"

"I don't know," Remus mumbled under her unwavering gaze. But he knew, oh boy did he know. He felt warmer and more relaxed whenever Sirius touched him... Although no one had ever touched him that much before. Maybe that was what he normally felt with everyone, but didn't know better since he hadn't cared enough to try it more? He had to admit that he always moved away when people tried to touch him... There were a few exceptions, of course. Perhaps he should start touching people more to find out, and preferably do it when he wasn't asleep, or in a class. Remus shivered. Just thinking about it made him feel like a pervert. Brilliant. He swallowed. "I feel normal, I suppose."

Evans sighed. Then she moved closer and placed her bony hand onto Remus' shoulder, gripping it tight.

"What are you doing?"

"Demonstrating," Lily replied simply. "See my hand?" When Remus had nodded as if it was obvious, she continued, "What do you feel right now?"

"Should I feel something? You know I have a headache. And your hand is warm."

Lily shook her head. "No, I mean, do you feel anything particular in your gut?"

"I am hungry, if that's what you mean."

"Oh dear Merlin, why are you so difficult?" Lily moaned. "Okay, let's try an another approach. Close your eyes and concentrate on the pressure my hand is creating on your shoulder."

"Mmm." Remus did as he was told, whilst furrowing his brows of course.

"Now, imagine someone with long black hair and a ridiculously girly jaw." Remus' frown deepened. He felt something... somewhere, sure, but it wasn't anything so massive that he would voice it. Then Lily whispered with a low voice in his ear, "_Remmie_..."

Within a millisecond Remus' pale face reddened, and he opened his eyes.

"See?" Lily smirked at him. "I told you."

When Remus kept staring at Lily's devilish grin, he blushed even more. He pushed the girl's hand away. "I don't know what you're trying to prove, but doing _that_ doesn't... prove anything." He blinked heavily. "I very well might have a hangover... pox, or something."

"A hangover pox? Is that a thing now?"

"It should be," Lupin muttered and feigned a cough. He was getting very warm. "Because that's what I'm feeling right now. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and hot. A fever is coming for sure. I'm sweating."

"I don't think you're able to separate your emotions from physical feelings. You're infatuated, honey, and that's why you feel hot and foolish. Love is for fools."

"What?" Remus mumbled, rubbed his neck and looked again everywhere else besides Lily. She couldn't be right, because that would just be idiotic. But _why_ did he feel so bloody hot and bothered all of a sudden? Well, he could blame the hangover for that. His brain then noted something utterly absurd which made him blush a bit more, but he decided not to make anything of it. Yeah... Obviously his brain was still broken. He wheezed, "I might feel hot, but I'm not _infatuated_, that's ridiculous. And I feel foolish because... well, I embarrassed myself today. I'm supposed to be an intellect, but... I kind of wrecked that image today. Sirius probably thinks I'm a proper idiot; everybody probably does, so yeah, brilliant, I'm perspiring because of that."

Evans sniggered. "You're afraid that Black thinks you're an idiot? That's rich."

"I'm confused, Lily."

"Yes you are," Lily said with an understanding smile. "And the mere fact that you're having a heinous hangover, but still the only thing you can seem to think of is whether or not _he_ hates you... Remus, if you don't realise your feelings yourself then I'm practically forced to pound some sense into that bonehead of yours with my very fists. And you know how good I am with them. Potter has probably told you."

Remus shuddered a bit. "Yes, he has."

"So just... give in, stop fighting it." The girl said with a wide smile, her hands flailing about her. "Let it all loose! Let love flow."

"You _have_ been reading those books again." Remus shook his head at her as he fanned his shirt. "For those are some of the cheesiest lines I've ever heard."

"Oh you know nothing about cheesy. I happen to have to deal with the King of Cheesy Lines on daily basis."

"James?" Remus asked although he already knew the answer. She nodded.

"It was very odd though, today," she then said and slumped on her stomach. "I was at the Honeydukes, and he came there... but he didn't talk to me." She pursed her lips, and wiggled them from side to side. "Obviously he followed me there, I'm not that blind, but when he came in the store he didn't even _look_ at me."

"How would you know that he didn't look at you?" Lupin asked and tried to suppress a grin. Maybe James' hard work was finally paying off. "Were you peeking?" He tilted his head a bit. "Lily, I think you were peeking."

"He always comes to say something, because he's obnoxious like that. But today he didn't. I'm telling you, there's something wrong. He's probably cooking up something nasty and just waiting for me to be wandless."

"It seems that you are greatly bothered by the fact that he didn't harass you. I thought you hated him."

Lily furrowed her brows. "I don't... Hate is such a strong word. I... _dislike_ the bloke immensely. He's annoying."

"Annoying?" Remus asked and left his shirt alone. He rested his back again against the pillows. "Is that why you always improve your posture when he walks by?"

As she mildly blushed next to him, Remus decided to drop the subject. His headache was still getting worse, and Lily's possible fit of rage would not help the cause, so he merely hummed as a continuation and closed his eyes. Again. Let it all loose... The hangover _did_ want to tell Lily everything, although Remus wasn't exactly sure what there was to tell. Without thinking about it more, with a lazy lopsided smile he then said the first thing that popped into his mind. "I saw a dream about him last night."

Lily obviously forgot her own discomfort. Her face was absolutely baffled. "About Potter?"

"No, about Sirius. He was a dog, and... I was his ball."

Her face fell. "What?"

"The weirdest thing was that I felt oddly relaxed when I woke up."

Remus recalled that morning; after waking up he had truly felt happy, which had been rather odd since usually when he woke up he was immediately stressed about something. He had taken an exceptionally long shower to think about the whole thing, but even though he hadn't come up with a reasonable explanation, he still felt unstressed. Why that was, he didn't know. He wasn't sure if the others had noticed him act differently, but he sure had felt different.

"Did he... bite you hard?"

"He just licked me," Lupin said and rubbed his eyelids. He had wanted to take advantage of the relaxed feelings and talk to Sirius about the past few days, but the trip to Hogsmeade hadn't actually gone as planned. The hangover served as a great reminder of that... Remus hadn't gotten his chance to talk to the guy properly, but he had spent some time with him. His eyes suddenly snapped open. "Oh god. I think I kissed him."

"You kissed him in the dream?"

"No, I kissed him at the Three Broomsticks."

Lily squinted as she said, "Well, I don't think he minds that too much, you know how he is... kissing every girl in the school."

She watched intently how the corners of Remus' mouth curved downwards. He felt something nasty settling in his stomach, but didn't know what it was. His grimace turned even deeper.

"Is something wrong, honey?"

Remus muttered, "No."

"Right." Evans rolled her eyes.

"Or, I don't know. I... I guess I was just thinking about Sirius. I haven't seen him do that in a while. Kissing girls, that is."

Lily only smiled.

The more he thought about it, the more Remus was sure that he hadn't seen Sirius with a girl... in two, three weeks, at least. Yes sure, it wasn't a long time for a regular bloke, but for Sirius Black it was like a decade. Remus bit his lip. "Don't you think it's a little peculiar?"

Lily sat up. "What is?"

"Sirius –"

"Oh yes, he's all kinds of peculiar."

Remus uttered, "No, I mean... Think about it. When was the last time you saw him with a girl?"

Lily tried to suppress a grin. "I don't know, Remus, couple of weeks ago maybe? Why should you care? You're only having... _a hangover pox_."

"I should investigate this," Remus said suddenly and got off the bed. He winced once he did too quick a move and his hands shot up to keep his head still. Oh yeah, the pain. He had almost forgotten about that.

"What are you investigating?"

The boy slowly headed towards the bathroom, still holding his melon. "I'm not certain yet. But I have this odd feeling."

Lily smiled when she said, "You know what, I think you should talk to him about it. And touch him while doing so... Try touch him a lot. See how he manages."

Remus looked himself in the mirror and flinched at the sight – it was a wonder Lily hadn't run away; he looked like a rotting corpse. He turned to look at the girl on the bed. "What? Yes, I should talk to him, but why touch him? That doesn't make sense."

"He's so boneheaded that maybe he understands better if you touch him a bit while talking. You know, create a physical connection, that's what he's all about, isn't he? Touch him, that's what we normal people do."

"I don't do that. It might seem bizarre if I suddenly start fondling him."

"It won't, trust me." Lily played with her hair. "And who said anything about fondling?"

"Fine." Remus ignored her last question and turned back to the mirror. "This day could not be any weirder."

* * *

"Just ease off," James said matter-of-factly.

Sirius and he were lolling in the common room couches, and even though it seemed that they were just loitering as usual, they actually were waiting for the werewolf to wake up from his alcohol-induced dormancy. Peter was in the dormitory, for it was his turn to keep an eye on the patient. Sirius had offered to be Remus' nurse the entire time, but James had thought otherwise; he had used words like _molestation_ and _imprisonment_, and Sirius had given up rather quickly.

He lifted his head from the armrest on which he was resting against. "No."

"Then you're a right twonk, for that's the next step."

"I can't do that, not now," Sirius shook his head. He crunched up his nose as if it was itchy. "It sounds so very horrible."

James snorted. "It's not half as horrible as the things you said you wanted to do to him. I've told you, I don't want to hear that stuff."

"But to avoid him like you said... after our lovely date in Hogsmeade –"

"Yeah, not a date, and especially not lovely," Potter reminded whilst taking in the whole of the common room. "You only managed to get him drunk."

"That only proves how much fun we had."

"Of course you did. You both passed out."

Black moaned pathetically as he sat up. "I don't like the idea of staying away from him. I _need_ to be around him."

"Why?"

"He gave me a kiss," Sirius said quietly. He leaned his elbows on his knees and his head on his hands. "It was on the forehead, but it was beautiful. He's beautiful, and I want more of that. James, I... ugh, I think I'm going to be ill."

"You know what?" James sneered. "He only kissed you because he was drunk. He probably thought you were a bird, with that face of yours."

"No, he didn't. He knows I'm a bloke and he kissed me."

"He probably doesn't even remember it."

Sirius ogled him feverishly. "Yes, he does. Stop saying things like that. Why are you saying things like that?"

Without a reason, James nodded, his stare unwavering. "And it probably wasn't even a proper kiss."

"Shut up. It was."

Finally turning his eyes away, Potter studied his interesting fingernails. "Are you sure he didn't just drool on you? He does that when he sleeps."

Sirius frowned, yet still nodded. "Yes. I'm almost... quite pretty sure."

"Brilliant," James said and returned to gaze his friend. "Just... do as I tell you. If you think he already likes you, you'll stop stop carrying out the plan. I know this; then, when you do and he doesn't fancy you, you'll whinge to me. Please. Do the fifth step."

"No talking to Remus." Sirius grimaced. "Sounds honestly like a curse word. For how long?"

"A day, two days, I don't know. You can do it. That's what I'm doing."

Sirius snorted. "Right. How's that going by the way?"

"Glad you asked," Potter grunted in a rather manly way. "I feel more or less depressed, apathetic, and hollow, so... I think I did fine today. Yes. Tomorrow I might feel even worse, but Pete sort of promised to keep an extra eye on me. I don't really want to know where the extra eye is located, but... Yeah, thanks for asking. I'm doing bloody great."

"Obviously. How did you manage?"

"I walked away. Hellish, yes. I know you don't want to do that, but for the sake of your own sanity... or what's left of it, do it."

Frowning deeply, Sirius mumbled, "I'll try."

Suddenly Peter ran – if one can call that _running _– towards them, and once he had stopped himself from choking on the potato in his mouth, he hollered solemnly, "He has arisen!"

Lily, who had been sitting close writing her essay, was already sprinting towards the stairs with an unreadable expression on her face, and Sirius stayed on the couch watching as the two fools followed her.

* * *

Sirius was still sitting on the couch when his two idiotic friends fell down the stairs half a minute later.

He silently thanked the prude for saving Remus from the attack of the twits, because let's face it; Wormtail was the worst kind of sight to see immediately after waking up – and since Remus had already suffered _that_, Sirius thought he shouldn't any more – and even though Potter didn't have the ugliest mug in the world, he could be pretty ruthless to people with hangovers. And that nose of his... The guy was like bloody _Pinocchio_. Sirius didn't actually know what or who that Pinocchio was, but he had heard Remus call Potter that once or twice, so it couldn't be anything but accurate. Remmie was always as accurate as Potter was horrible to wake up next to. Yeah. Sirius was now speaking from experience; well not speaking, per se, but his brain was hammering the thought against his thick skull with such a volume that the people on the side of the room might have easily heard him, maybe he should think less, now Potter would say that's impossible, stupid oaf...

He was glad the two didn't have the chance to charge into the dormitory to bother his lovely werewolf. He really didn't want Remus to have to endure seeing such awful things.

Remmie should only see pretty things, such as Sirius himself... and his own reflection in the mirror. Remus probably stared at himself in the mirror all day long, and then he would tell his friends that he didn't and that he had been in the library or doing some other mouldy book-related thing he was so fond of, but Sirius knew that no one could be that ridiculously peaceful about their looks, unless they spent every spare minute in a bathroom staring at themselves in the mirror.

Sirius knew this because he stared at himself in the mirror all the time. He couldn't help it. No, he was not vain, it was just that... mirrors were his friends. He liked to stare at his friends.

That's the reason why he wanted to stare at Remus also, because he was Sirius' friend; well okay that, and maybe for other reasons too, but Potter had said that he shouldn't even do _that_. Who was he supposed to look if not his friends? That blonker... Always telling Sirius what to do.

What was he thinking again? Oh yeah, even though Evans wasn't Sirius' favourite person in the world – and Sirius was willing to bet he wasn't hers either – he was still ready to stand the bird, even be _nice_ to her if forced, because she obviously meant a lot to Remmie, and what _he_ kept in high regard had to be brilliant. Except books, but that went without saying, nobody liked books, books smelled bad. Especially those in the library. Also... the girl couldn't be _that_ bad, right? She probably didn't smell mouldy. After all, she was Remus' friend, and Remmie smelled nice and had a brilliant taste in friends, obviously, because he was friends with Sirius.

Oh yeah, and the other guys also...

He was lying there thinking about similar kinds of super important stuff when the said other guys decided to go and get evening snacks from the kitchen.

Remus wasn't even in the common room and Sirius already had a hard time to keep from talking to him. _Ease off temporarily_... What a grade A idiot had invented those stupid rules? Oh wait, that stupid idiot. Sirius blinked. Right. Obviously Potter had only thought of himself when writing those steps and not Sirius at all. Figures. But Sirius had been smart, so far at least; and now Potter was _making_ him to follow the rules, what had he said again? That Sirius should stop playing around and do as he was told or everything would blow into his face? Yeah right, like that had ever happened.

Except that one time.

Obviously Potter hadn't a clue how hard it had been for Sirius to try to keep his hands off the werewolf before, but it was a whole new deal now after Sirius had spent some extra time with him...

Let's just say that if Sirius weren't so bloody desperate, he would have forgotten the plan altogether – however stupid, the plan was the only way to make Remus fancy him back.

He stayed there swimming in the pool of his thoughts, albeit without moving a muscle, until he heard someone call his name with a lovely twittering voice.

"Sirius?"

Black lifted his heavy head from the armrest and saw two gorgeous light brown eyes, which he felt were staring straight into his soul... or something. Sirius didn't really know if soul-staring was supposed to feel like his trousers were about to melt off, but then again no one had ever told him anything about souls before, so the feeling might have very well been accurate.

It took a while, but once he realised that it was indeed Remus standing in front of him instead of an angelic creature, and that he was staring at Sirius and waiting him to say something, Black almost choked on his tongue and turned his eyes quickly away.

Remus, of course, sat on the couch next to him. "Can we talk?"

What, why? It was always Sirius who wanted to talk, well... not _talk_ and definitely not _always_, obviously, because he had other things to do, too... better ones, yeah, but when he didn't want to stuck his tongue down to the werewolf's throat – which was not that often – he really just wanted to listen to Remus speak. He had the most amazingly smooth voice, and every time Sirius _wanted to talk_ as some might have put it, he could just say something stupid and wait the geek to retort, and whatever he would say to Sirius didn't matter as long as he said it with that voice of his that sounded like a liquid fountain made of chocolate and forbidden fruits. Not bananas, though, Sirius hated bananas. His head was spinning; now Remus wanted to talk? It meant that Sirius would have to say something back and then Remmie would say something again, and to keep that angelic voice flowing out of the guy's mouth Sirius would have to keep talking to him... and wasn't that exactly what Potter had said Sirius wasn't supposed to do.

Bugger, bloody... bludger of a man.

When Sirius said nothing and just tried to keep himself from fainting, Lupin moved closer. He breathed, "Sirius, are you all right?"

Black closed his eyes like he was in pain, and bit his lower lip. He was not going to look. Nope, definitely not, because if he looked and if he would see those gorgeous eyes again, he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut. No, no, _hell no_. So, Sirius did what he thought best; he just shook his head without even glancing at the boy, and wished the werewolf would stop saying his name.

As if wishing had ever helped him before.

Suddenly he felt Remus' hand land lightly on his shoulder. "Sirius, please talk to me."

His eyes shot open at the contact, and oh Merlin, now he was indeed staring at the werewolf who was actually _touching_ him, not the other way around, what the bloody hell was happening, Remus never touched willingly anyone. Sirius whimpered pitifully as it took all his willpower to stand up and shake his head once more. With the greatest of all efforts he tore his hungry eyes off the boy, who was still sitting on the couch, the hand which had just stroked Sirius' shoulder now in his lap, and a completely baffled expression on his ever so cute face.

And then Black heard it again.

"...Sirius?"

The bloody Potter had said that if things would get tough – and oh, this was tough all right, no doubt about it – Sirius should leave the situation. But he didn't want to go, no not really, because all he wanted to do was to stay and maybe sit back on the couch, and dive into those golden eyes, but he wasn't supposed to because the sodding plan said so, or because of some other stupid arse reason the Gogglehead had given him.

Sirius breathed with an oddly quivering voice that definitely wasn't his, "I should go."

And when he left the common room to find Pete and Potter, and to punch the latter on his ridiculous nose, Sirius muttered to himself, "This's going to be so much harder than I thought."

* * *

**A/N:** Poor Sirius...


	7. Recommended Daily Dose of Black

**A/N: **I'm sorry I keep saying sorry in these author's notes. And I am also so, _so_ sorry for the beginning. It was necessary though... I tried to keep it as clean as possible. Oh and you don't have to tell me it's cheesy, I know all right.

**Different kind of chapter.** SORRY if you don't like my Sirius, for this chapter has basically nothing else, just his thoughts. I know I could have done this on a smaller scale, but I didn't, so suck it. This is actually a lot shorter than the original one. But believe me when I say that all this nonsense is... requisite for the outcome. I think.

Thank you all again for the reviews!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own these guys, or anything that is mentioned.

**Beta: **Nope. (I probably should have one, though.)

* * *

Sirius breathed heavily as he traced a light-red scar on Remus' back with his fingers. That particular scar was the largest the boy had... and obviously the most sensitive one.

The lycanthrope was lying on his stomach, hands folded under his head, and an oddly relaxed expression on his face. A candle was levitating above them, and the warm light from its flame made Remus' skin glow almost golden in the darkness of the bed. He kept his eyes closed and smiled contently as Sirius' confident fingers danced on his back.

Black slowly lifted those fingers and stifled the lewd noise that was forming in his throat as he saw Remus' fair back arc upwards with them, like his skin was begging for more touching. He leaned instinctively closer and pressed a kiss between Remus' shoulder blades, right on where the scar began, and traced his tongue downwards on it until he met the waistband of a pair of dark brown briefs. Remus bit his lower lip, and determinedly pushed his heaving hips back to the mattress.

He whispered, "Sirius..."

Sirius almost choked at the sound of his own name falling off those pink lips. He changed their position quickly; he repositioned himself next to Remus and pulled the boy's back against his own hammering chest. His right arm stayed put under Remus' weight but the palm he moved under his arm and onto his chest, and Remus lifted his own shaky hand to entwine their fingers.

Sirius licked the salty skin on Remus' neck and made him whimper, and that little sound made Sirius' heart pound ten times faster against the boy's back, like it was even possible. Sirius feared that his heart might burst before anything happened.

He took a deep breath.

Simultaneously as his free hand slid down to caress Remus' stomach, Sirius pressed his mouth to his ear and whispered hoarsely, "I'll let you know what it means to be mine."

Remus moaned slightly because of the warm vibrancy next to his ear, and at that moment Sirius wanted nothing more than to hear that voice again. _Louder_. He would do whatever he'd have to just so he could hear that again.

Whilst his right hand tried to gently pull the boy closer by his chest, the other slid downwards, snaking its way underneath the soft fabric. Lupin gasped loudly and trembled against him as Sirius' long fingers curled firmly around him. Remus' hands flew to grasp Sirius where ever they could. "Sirius..."

"Say it again," Sirius crooned hotly in his ear, and grinned when he felt the rapid heartbeat pounding against his palm on Lupin's damp chest. He kept purring into Remus' ear while his hand inside the briefs was stroking and squeezing him teasingly slowly, making him moan pathetically.

"Sir...ius..."

"Again."

At the same time as Sirius' hand did a steady job in his pants, Remus swallowed hard and cocked his head backwards to rest on his shoulder. Sirius pressed his hot lips on the exposed throat, and as a response Remus gulped again, and pushed his hips back towards Sirius' eager but not forgotten crotch. Sirius hissed at the sensation, but smiled as Remus somehow got air in his lungs and managed to groan, "Sirius..."

"Once more."

"Sirius!"

Potter?

Sirius woke up.

* * *

Sirius couldn't decide whether or not to be happy about of the fact that he had always been able to remember his dreams.

Before he probably would have answered yes, he was happy, but now... Now he was merely overwrought.

Remus, Remus, Remmie, Remus naked Remus beautiful Remus. Is it time? Let's have him.

No. Sirius fervently shook his head. Think of something else. _Anything else_. Think about Pete's pants on Friday evening. Think about that one summer day at James', the one when you tried out their new pool, think about what happened then; just don't think about how completely befuddled and gorgeous Remus looked in your dream, no you idiot, don't you understand the word no? And while you're at it, also forget the way he only said your name and nothing else when he was...

Oh god.

Sirius could vouch that it definitely wasn't the first time when he had woken up with Remus' name on his lips.

And like every other time before, immediately after waking up he had wanted to find the guy and talk to him, quite badly in fact... Not that he was going to tell Remus about his dream this time, he wasn't sure if he'd be even able to talk to the guy, but he wanted to, still. Sirius didn't consider himself a nervous person, but now even thinking about Remus made his ticker jump like a frog on speed. He drew a deep breath. How was he going to look at Remus, let alone talk to him, when his mind was somewhat occupied... no, wrong phrasing, _totally_ _monopolised _by a bunch of flustering and arousing images of him?

Yes, Sirius was feeling rather edgy.

There was something wrong with his stomach, too, but somehow his stomach was his heart, and his heart tried to escape his ribcage... What an odd sensation that was.

Yes, he was evidently going bonkers. Even his trousers didn't feel like how they should. Why should he wear them anyway? Trousers are mandatory, James had said... stupid trousers. They didn't feel like his at all, yes perhaps they were someone else's wobbly prison trousers. Pete's maybe? And then there were his pants, and they felt bizarre too. Couldn't he just throw them away? He didn't want to wear trousers nor pants, not that day, not really. All he wanted to do was to stay in his bed without his prying friends, accompanied only by his chocolate scented dreams, and be without pants. Was that too much asked?

Why couldn't he stay in his bed? A whole lovely day without pants. A pantless day.

It was Sunday after all.

Remus could come to the dormitory, as well, and spend his day stretching on Sirius' bed like the most bone-idle cat in the whole world. That could be nice, even though Sirius didn't like cats, for maybe seeing his bare stomach might... no, shut up. Think of something else.

Potter.

Oh yeah, Potter had said, what? Two days without talking to Remus? So he wasn't even _supposed_ to talk to him. Great. How long it had already been... three weeks?

Yeah, perhaps not.

Sunday, bloody Sunday. And the blooming oaf twins walking beside him wanted to eat. Couldn't they eat without him? Sirius turned his head and saw Potter staring at him. Did they want to eat him? Pete sure looked hungry, but Potter only had his regular Sunday morning breakfast face on, so Sirius couldn't really tell. Then again all his faces looked the same, maybe his cannibalistic expression was the similar to that one. Why was he staring at Sirius? Had Potter said something? Had _he_ said something, out loud?

"Shut up," Sirius muttered.

James sniggered. "I didn't say anything."

"Good. Keep it that way."

"You're grumpier than usual. What's wrong you?" Peter asked Sirius, but didn't get an answer, for Sirius only muttered something unclear to him to make him quiet down. Pete had big mouth, and if he didn't have a potato in it, he was always blabbering about. The guy wasn't a parselmouth, he was a sodding _blabbermouth_ – the most vicious thing on Earth and much worse than any person who hissed profanities at snakes could ever be. Sirius wasn't going to tell the blabbermouth anything. Nope.

Hell no.

But the antler-brain decided to help. "Let us say that Padfoot here had a horrible nightmare last night, or at least that's what it sounded like. He's a bit tense."

Brilliant. Sirius growled, "Bottle it, will you."

"What kind of nightmare?" Peter asked. Sirius took a deep breath. Great, now the guy was interested, thank you James. "Clowns or midgets?"

Sirius turned to look at him. "What? No, just... forget it."

"Like what then? Was it one of those food-related nightmares? I'm sorry if it was, because those are horrible."

"What the hell are those?" James asked. Sirius didn't really want to know.

"You know, potatoes and muffins chasing you with forks, the usual."

Potter shook his head. "You must realise that's not healthy. Maybe you should go and see Poppy."

Peter merely nodded as Sirius rolled his eyes at them. Poppy would probably drug the bloke temporarily, but come to think of it, Sirius was kind of okay with that. She might also be glad to drug Sirius, for according to his keen observations she wasn't overly fond of him; still, that never kept him away from the hospital wing after full moon.

She kept trying, though.

"Returning to the more interesting topic," James said to Peter, and turned to look at Black. "You... I'm proud of you for last night. You walked away, exactly like I told you to." He slammed a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Good man."

Oh, not now.

"He walked away from what?" Peter asked.

Sirius did not want to discuss the subject at that moment, for obvious reasons, but he feared he had no choice. He compliantly uttered, "Well I'm not proud, I felt terrible then, and now after... whatever, I feel even worse. He looked so sad, and I _really_ didn't want to leave him there. I reckon he doesn't even want to see me anymore, which is quite understandable but it makes me feel... I'm... Nah, forget it. Your idiotic plan –"

Potter interrupted, "Woah, don't blame the plan. And you know what, that's exactly my point, you didn't _want_ to leave him there, but you did. After you walked away from him and almost tore my head off, thanks by the way, I finally realised that you truly fancy him."

Sirius stopped in his tracks. His mind was racing.

"What."

"Ooh, he's going to get it now," Peter tittered.

James paled considerably at the sight of Black's flaring nostrils. "It's not that I've been _questioning_ your feelings, per se, but let's face it, you've never had a serious relationship in your life. It wasn't that wrong of me to think such a way, right?" He pulled a face. "Right?"

"Oh snap," Peter interjected and failed to suppress a huge grin.

Sirius tried to stay calm because throwing a fit in the middle of the corridor wasn't exactly what he had planned for the day, but since the morning had already been rather unnerving for him, the task felt almost impossible. So, when he abstained himself from punching that long nose to tomorrow, and merely whispered the next sentence, he could say he felt quite successful. "You're the one to talk about serious relationships, Potter."

"The truth is ugly, my dear man."

"No, you're ugly," Sirius corrected.

"Ten points to Padfoot!"

"So, let me get this straight," Sirius breathed again. "You're saying that you didn't initially believe I sincerely like him?"

"Well, I knew you liked him, of course I did, but I thought you only wanted to get into his pants." As Potter saw how Sirius reddened, he resumed, "But you have entirely changed my view on the matter, Sirius, you have. Yes, you obviously fancy him... Nay, sorry, you _love_ him. Immensely. You're utterly hopeless for his love in return."

That was sugary, to say the least, but truthful nevertheless. Sirius mumbled, "That's enough."

"Your heart has tripled its size because of the gargantuan love you experience daily."

Sirius pleaded James, "Let me punch you."

"My money is on Black!"

"Pete, shut up!" both yelled.

Sirius glanced at James. "You know what, I don't even care what you have thought. I'm _really_ on the edge here, not because of you, but because..." Sirius trailed off. He shivered from cold and sweated at the same time; felt dazed but was utterly aware of his surroundings, wanted to run but couldn't. His legs were not legs. Were they tentacles? Spaghetti was a possibility as well. Something was building inside him, and he was starting to think he couldn't handle seeing Remmie, not when he was feeling like that. He might jump Remus immediately. No, not might. He was rather sure it was to happen. "I can't stand this. I might blow up."

"Literally or figuratively?" Potter asked.

"Whichever makes you to shut the hell up."

"It's been only one day," James noted helpfully. "No, it's been less than one day. You're overreacting."

Sirius' eye twitched. Yes, he knew that; he knew it had been only been 12 hours or so, but it didn't make his pain any less real than it was. He had wanted Remus to be his for so long, and now he was that close... Hopefully he was. Ugh. He sputtered, "I'm not overreacting, because unlike some others I don't do that. This is only a matter of what I want. You see, if I want something and someone says I can't have it, all hell's going to break loose. I'll go crazy to get what I want, because I must have it. And... to be very clear, Remus is the _it_ in this scenario."

Peter nodded. "_It_ is an euphemism for werewolf, right?"

* * *

When the three-headed Marauder finally reached the Great Hall, Sirius saw Evans sitting next to his werewolf, and clearly they were talking about something. Brilliant, he thought. Now they were in it together, hating him, right, telling stuff to each other and gossiping. Fudge, Sirius pondered manly, and bit his lip. Remus didn't gossip, though, he was perfect, but Evans... Oh yeah, that's right. Sirius was supposed to be nice to the girl. But Remus didn't know his thoughts? Right? Remmie couldn't read his mind.

Hopefully not.

When they sat at the table, the goss... _Evans_ scooted closer to her other friends, and left Remus alone with his. Thank god. Sirius was so tense already that he might have snapped like a twig, especially if there were more snarky brainboxes around him... Wait. Sirius blinked. Remus wasn't snarky, he noted his own brain. Not ever. That was probably one of the reasons Sirius liked him so much. Granted, the bloke had his occasional foul moods, but if he compared Remmie's fits to Potter's, for example... Lupin was a frigging lamb. A lamb in wolf's clothes.

Although wolves didn't wear clothes.

Not during nights they didn't... That's for sure. Sirius shuddered, oh god, the mental images were flowing back... not that they had even left him, Sirius shook his head, whatever, still not good. He bit his lower lip, and just like he had feared before, he daren't even glance at Remus, not now, not when his mind was in the gutter... with a comely naked werewolf.

_Shut up._

Yeah... He should have indeed stayed in bed.

"Hi Moony," Peter said to the boy next to him as he sat down. Within seconds he started to pile up different kinds of greasy foods on his plate.

Potter sat next to Sirius on the other side of the table, and was already stuffing bacon in his mouth.

Then there was Sirius, who feverishly stared at the table in front of him, and did not lift his gaze no matter how much he wanted to – not that he even wanted to... or had difficult time to keep his eyes off the lycanthrope if he did, in fact it actually wasn't at all that challenging, yeah, because, you know... the table was far more interesting.

"Good morning, Peter," Remus greeted warmly, but all the same frowned at his tea cup. He turned to look at the other two. "James. _Sirius_."

Okay, so maybe Sirius lied.

His eye twitched fiercely at the sound of his name – enunciated to the perfection by a sheer bliss that was a simple, yet intoxicating human voice – and his trousers started to feel oddly tight. Dear god, not_ now_. Sirius said nothing in response, and Remus turned his perplexed gaze away from him. Black swallowed, what the hell was the matter with him? He usually wasn't like this, wait... more like _never_, he was always cool and collected, but now... Yeah. There was only one possible explanation.

The overly sexy dream Remus had broken his brain. That's it.

It wasn't like the dream had been Sirius' first, er... _sensual_ one of Remus, no sir. Last night had only brought his dreams into a completely new level... to be tactful. And in spite of all he might say about the matter, Sirius also had to admit that it was the greatest, most brilliant, utterly gorgeous level, and because of it he felt royally frustrated.

The King of Frustration wished only one thing, but most ardently. He wished the dream Remus had been real.

James smiled at Remus nonchalantly, as if he hadn't noticed how much Sirius was suffering next to him. "Hi Moony, you okay? Slept well?"

"Yes, James. I slept very peacefully."

_No_, stop it. Sirius told himself to forget the dream, but his face was now turning slightly pink, and he sort of began to choke on his own saliva, great. What an exceptional sensation... He wasn't sure if the choking was accidental or desired, but he was going to go with it anyway. He tried his best not to look, but it was rather difficult since he was certain he could _feel_ Remus' intense gaze on his skin, Merlin help... those topaz eyes burned like liquid fire on his idiotic, burgundy face. He wanted to drown into them, really. Could he steal a look? No he could not, or he might explode.

In every sense of the word.

James sniggered beside him, and Sirius was conscious enough to want to smack him.

And of course Remus had to wonder his state. "Sirius, are you all right?"

Sirius kept his ravenous eyes fixated on the table. The table was... fascinating. No, in reality it wasn't, but he wouldn't look up, because of... you know, reasons. His brows were knitted together and his mouth resembled a thin line as he had smacked his lips shut, and Sirius knew he probably looked majorly pissed off. Yet, since Remus was expecting some sort of answer but Sirius was basically unable to talk, he tried to nod as a response but ended up quivering like Snape when he was facing a mandatory shower.

Remus' frown only deepened. Not good.

Potter quipped, "He's just tired, that's all."

"Yeah," Peter helped with his mouth full of food. He swallowed. "According to my understanding, he didn't sleep that well."

Sirius spared a quick glare at Peter, but as soon as he realised that Remus was staring at him because of it, he reverted to resemble a sun-dried tomato.

Lupin leaned over the table and tried to catch Sirius' eye. "Sirius, can we talk? I would really much like to talk to you."

He was not going to look. Maybe he should just run? He was better at running than not talking to Remmie. Perhaps he could even combine those two – it wasn't like Remus was going run after him, right? He probably only wanted to reprimand Sirius for something, or maybe even tell him that he didn't like him anymore. At all. Sirius' heart sank on the floor of the Great Hall, where it was to be trampled like an old, chewed piece of gum. It was his own fault, though.

He realised that Remus was still waiting, oh yeah, the guy had asked him something. What was it? Remus had said his name again with that voice, oh god that seductive voice. Sirius wanted to tell him that he _loved_ hearing Remus say his name that way, like constantly, _yes please_, but after last night... Sirius could only see Remus sprawled on his bed when he said it. Wonderful... now every time Remus said his name, Sirius felt sweaty, uneasy and extremely vulnerable, and wanted to rip off all his clothes as well as Remus'.

Not at all a difficult situation.

Focus.

He reasoned that if he didn't answer, maybe the werewolf would stop saying –

"Sirius?"

...his name.

Well, one can always hope. James glanced at his best friend, who now looked positively agitated. Sirius wasn't sure if an actual ache in the heart was even possible, but it was definitely something he was feeling at the moment. Seriously though... why had he come to the Great Hall, when he knew Remus was going to be there? Oh yeah, Sirius had wanted to talk to him.

That was going pretty smoothly.

His insides were itching. He wanted to look at the boy so badly, to stare at him and be blinded by him, to talk to him and to touch him like no tomorrow, but Potter said_ two days_. So no it was, for Merlin knew what Potter might have done if Sirius didn't obey him. Potter had also considerately noted him that Sirius had already done massive amounts of damage to everything (whatever that was) and that he should execute this step correctly to make things right. Sirius grunted. Doing this didn't feel right, though, it felt like he was doing more damage by listening the Gogglehead.

If he didn't believe he was above it, Sirius could have sworn he felt like crying. Just a little bit.

"Sirius, please, look at me."

Oh god. Now he was begging? Sirius had to get away.

Remus was already stretching his hand out to touch him when Black started up from his seat, sputtering with a rasp, "Not hungry."

After that he practically ran away from the touch as well as the breakfast of that day.

* * *

He clenched his fists, and drew a ragged breath. A possible passer-by might have said that he was trembling quite tremendously, but Sirius would correct them by saying that no, he was only feeling a tad taut, he wasn't _trembling_. Manly men don't tremble. But then he had to shove his hands to his pockets, for they actually were shivering and shaking – brilliant, Sirius thought, now he wasn't even able to lie to himself? Wait, no, he had already realised that before.

Bugger.

The sight he was very much witnessing wasn't exactly something he wanted to see, for it made his heart feel like it was about to shatter; yet he couldn't turn his eyes away nevertheless. Something was coltishly hammering behind those eyes, as if to tell him to close them for a minute, but no he couldn't, not for a second. He knew he probably looked like an utter loon.

He didn't even notice his friends arriving.

"Did you see that, Sirius?" Potter leered as he swung his arm over Sirius' shoulder. Peter was still munching something. "He tried to touch you again! The plan is going swimmingly. He'll soon be all over you."

"You think so?" Sirius stifled a cry, and pointed a shaky finger at Remus, who was standing closely with a girl on the other side of the massive foyer. Terribly close, Sirius told himself over and over again. Remus should not be standing that close to anyone... who was not Sirius, that is. Maybe Remmie was mistaken? The girl had longish black hair, so... No, that couldn't be it, Sirius was prettier; way prettier in fact, oh Merlin, what on Earth was he even thinking. Sirius smacked his dry lips, concentrate. "He doesn't seem that into me."

James peered at the situation, way too calmly, Sirius observed. "Don't I know that girl? Isn't she a year below us?"

What a stupid git. "I don't care who she is," Black puffed desperately. "I just want her away from my Remus. She's too close to my Remus. She's being indecent with _my_ _Remus_."

"Yeah, he's not yours yet. And what are you blabbering about? They're only talking."

How could a bloke be so blind and dumb? Just like Lupin had wondered a few days earlier, Sirius agreed that it was a miracle Potter was still alive. Well... that's not _exactly_ what Remus had said, but it was close enough.

"There's never _only talking_," Sirius said and stared intently at Remus and the girl. "Who talks these days? Look! They're giggling, see? Oh, no, what? Now he's touching her! He never touches anyone! Oh god, this is not happening..."

Sirius looked like he was about to cry.

James tried to calm him down. "All right, you're overreacting now. Relax. Think of something that'll calm you down. Think about puppies."

"I don't overreact!" Sirius hissed indignantly and tried to breathe, but somehow air didn't reach his lungs. They were also probably broken, thank you sexy Remus. "What's happening is that you're stupid, James, and you don't react at all! You should, though! You said the plan is working but it's ruining everything! See what's happening there? See that? I have avoided him like you said I should, I ran away from him _again_, and now he probably thinks I hate him but I really, _really_ don't, and I know he won't talk to me after this, and you know why? Because he hasn't got TIME for me anymore for he's obviously getting a GIRLFRIEND there, huh, are you happy now? Oh my god, are they hugging? They shouldn't be hugging!"

"I can almost see smoke coming out of his ears," Peter noted sluggishly.

"Yeah, no," James said tiredly. "That would require thinking, and Sirius here isn't known for that activity. Oh, see that? Now she's gone. Take it easy. Remember to breathe."

Sirius finally could inhale, okay, at least that tribulation was over. He watched as Remus stood there on the other side of the hallway, and his previous anger was quickly replaced by an odd sensation of doubt mixed with utter exhaustion. His hands started to shake again. "I know what's happening to me. I am dying."

James shook his head. "No, that's jealousy."

"That's outrageous," Black sputtered. "I am not jealous! Who's jealous? It's not me!"

He was _not_ jealous. That was an absolutely ridiculous statement. Sirius, jealous... pfft. Potter was! Sirius only wanted Remus to notice only him, and not to hug meaningless birds in the middle of the crowd... Or even look at them, if that wasn't too much asked. His blood almost started to boil again, why had Remmie been with that girl; what could have they been talking about? Planning a date maybe? Oh crap. No, absolutely not, that sounded horrible, yeah it probably wasn't true. Sirius blinked his oncoming tears away as he heard Potter laugh. Glaring at him was a good way to proceed. "What?"

"I said that you're the most jealous person I've ever met."

Black huffed. "People run away from you... maybe that has something to do with it. I'm the only person you know."

James suddenly shoved his shoulder. "Hush, he's coming."

Sirius turned quickly and already expected to see two golden eyes before him, but no, Remus was still too far away from him. The guy was keeping his head down so his beautiful eyes were invisible to Sirius, which alarmed him immensely. Was he sad, angry maybe? What had the bird said to him? No one else had the right to make Remus annoyed or angry, only Sirius. He almost considered it to be his job, in addition to the tomfoolery...

But it was odd, for even though he wanted to be there, wanted to hear what Remus had to say and maybe, just maybe, watch him steam and _sweat_ as he yelled at Sirius with those sparkling eyes blazing for whatever reason, oh god what a load of soppy rubbish... Sirius knew he couldn't. He had almost not been able to restrain himself earlier when there was a sodding table in between them, let alone now when the guy was supposedly going to stand directly in front of him, shieldless, repeating his name and staring at him and making him crave something he only knew from his dreams. Sirius shivered. "Nope, I cannot be here. He's making me crazy."

"I'm sure you mean _crazier_."

Sirius tore his eyes off of Remus. He grabbed James' shirt. "Help me."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," Sirius muttered hastily. He stared at Potter, panic in his eyes. "He's still coming this way? Is he looking?"

"Not at the moment, no."

Oh god. Those eyes... What should he do? "I should run."

"Go for it."

And that was exactly how Sirius ran away from Remus twice within 15 minutes.

* * *

Okay, so even Sirius knew this was a bit loony.

They were loitering in front of the library, which in itself was bizarre, for Sirius didn't loiter, not ever... Potter on the other hand, he never did anything else. Sirius huffed, puffed, and peered behind the door frame for certain someone. Well... maybe he had loitered once or twice before in his life, but in front of a bloody library? That was just nutty. No sane person did that.

James spoke. "You're following him now?"

Sirius turned to his left and saw Potter standing there, with his arms crossed over his chest. Did he try to look intimidating? Because yeah, he _totally_ did. Sirius sniggered slightly at the sight of the horrible scary man next to him, but retorted gravely, "No, I'm not _following_ him. I'm not a stalker."

"Yeah? Because you followed him here."

What an idiot. "I only wanted to know where he was going, and what he was doing and why."

"That's the very definition of a stalker. Surely you know that."

Sirius was staring inside the library doors again, and suddenly he flailed his arm at Potter. "Hey! He's sitting down with another bird! What on Earth is happening? He should not be there, not with that... vulture!" Sirius turned to James. "Don't just stand there, do something. Help me. My head's spinning! James, do you want me to die?"

"Oh shut up," James said as he kneeled and peered inside. "Come on, they're probably studying... exchanging tips to keep a bloody pot plant alive, or something. That's what library is for." He nodded to himself. "Trust me on this."

Sirius sighed. He felt something icy settling down in the pit of his stomach as he watched Remus smile at the girl. Potter was probably right – Remus practically lived in the library with his books. He stared at them, and suddenly something started ticking inside his head.

For once.

"No..." Sirius furrowed his brows. "Look, he doesn't have his books or his satchel _or_ his pot plant. He also needs his special quills for studying, and he hasn't got those either, therefore he's not studying. Oh god... I do know what he's doing, though; he's sitting too close to that... _that_ girl. Look. Way too close!" He blinked. "No, I don't like this, not one bit. Should I do something? James, I think I should do something. I want to intervene."

Potter stared at him from below. "I'm sorry for calling you a stalker, Sirius. You're not a stalker. You're a nut on a holy mission."

Sirius lowered his eyes on James' head that was bobbing right under him. "That's the second bird within three hours, you know. Three girls, if you count Evans. _Three_. Or who knows how many more there have been when I haven't been looking. Tens? Thousands maybe? He's preying, and soon the storage cobweb of his lust is filled with butterflies."

"First off, we don't count Lily," Potter said simply at him and then turned to stare the couple at the study table. "Secondly, I'm fairly positive he hasn't got thousands of girls in his _web of lust_. What are you even talking about?"

"So it is that I am the very imbecile, who turned Remus into a playboy."

That notion made him sad, for he didn't want to share Remus with anyone. It was that simple. Just the mere thought of Lupin being with someone else... _like that_... or any other way, was wrenching his insides. He had a tight knot in his lungs which made it hard for him to breathe. God, even the thought of someone else _looking_ at Remus with something besides curiosity towards bibliophiles in their eyes was making Sirius very uneasy. No one, Sirius clenched his shaking fists again, meaning _no one _was allowed to look at his Remus like that, eyes flooding with passion and desire and love...

Sirius cleared his throat silently, and tried to tuck away the heated images his brain was offering him. _Not now._

"That's probably not true either," James replied to his earlier statement, and for a moment Sirius was completely lost. "The imbecile part is, though."

Oh yeah. The corners of Sirius' mouth turned downwards as he mumbled, "I'm pretty sure at the end of the day he'll be the King of Playboys."

"Yeah, I don't think so."

"This is the end of me," Sirius breathed. "James, when it happens, I want to be cremated."

"You're not going to die, you dork."

Sirius turned his eyes completely to the boy who was still crouching at his feet. "You know what, keep arguing. The fact is that I was doing _sort of_ fine by myself with my own hideous tactics, but then you came along and insisted me doing something the _real_ plan demanded, and look where it got me! For all I know Remus hates me now for being a twat towards him, but it's not like I had a choice, you said it was going to work. When I woke up this morning I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't because I didn't want to spayed by you, and now I can't even be near him because of the way he... Well, it's..." He licked his lips. "Argh! I don't even know what I'm thinking! It's merely been a day, and I'm already going utterly insane! And in addition... if that's not terrible enough, I'm hanging out in front of a bloody library, at noon on Sunday... and I'm forced to watch when he's flirting with all those annoying skirts! It's not fair, James!"

"To you or the skirts?"

Sirius wanted to smack him. "To me, you bloody idiot. The skirts are frigging lucky!"

"Wear a skirt then," Potter sniggered but then got serious. "And no one is making you to creep behind him, anyway. Maybe you should just leave him alone. It'll be easier for you." He agreed with himself. "And he might appreciate it as well."

Sirius ignored him. "Just look at him. He's smiling and ruffling that gorgeous hair... He knows what it does to people." He pressed his cheek against the wood. "I want to go and... But it's really unfair that I can't..." He perked up quickly, for something happened inside the library. "Look, look! What is he doing? Is he going to kiss her? He's going to kiss her, oh no! I know it, and then he'll – oh."

"See? Nothing. You're overreacting again."

"I don't feel so good," Sirius muttered and held his stomach. "I feel angry and sick and flinchy and tired. I think I have a food poisoning."

Potter got up and dusted his clothes. "Mood swings, Sirius. You didn't eat at all."

"I feel like crap."

"Maybe you should forget about this, whatever it is you're doing, and go to sleep. Preferably through the kitchen. Snatch a few apples, so you won't famish."

Sirius kept holding his stomach with his other hand, and with the other he grabbed the door frame; this way he rested his head on the arm and was still be able to stare at Remus. "I can't sleep, not now, I need to see more."

"So you're just going to torture yourself? That's..." James mulled over the right word. "Healthy."

"I have to protect Remus from all the hyenas. If I die doing it, I shall be buried as his saving prince." He made a sick face. "I'm fine with it."

James cleaned his glasses on his sleeve and chuckled, "Oh, so this is you protecting him? You're staring at him behind a sodding door frame while moaning utter nonsense. The proper Prince Valiant you are."

"There's really nothing else I can do," Black muttered while keeping his gaze steady on the werewolf's profile. "It's not like I can move to the next step while he hates me."

"Actually, I think you are already on the next step." Potter put his huge goggles back on his nose. "You've kept away from him already to the extent that you're going insane, but still; you've abstained. Good job. Now, to the_ rapture_ part of the last step. You restrain yourself for a little bit more, and he'll come to you." James smiled sadly at Sirius' uninterested neck. "So, can you see the problem we have here?" As Sirius shook his head without sparing him a glimpse, James nodded and continued. "This stalking business is not something I would call restraining yourself. You need to stop."

Sirius tilted his head so he could quickly glance at James. "I stop and what, wait? Wait for what? Wait for him to infatuate and run to me?"

"Yes, even though we can state it right here that if that actually happens, it will serve as a fine example of a miracle."

Black turned his eyes back to the library again. "I don't want to wait. I want him now."

"Newsflash that one. But while you _are_ waiting, however, you could drag your arse to the dormitory, go to bed, wind down, and continue having those libidinous dreams you apparently saw last night, and stop this harassing nonsense before it actually kills you."

"No time for that." Sirius coughed. "I mean... I've never seen that sort of a dream in my life."

"Right, and Pete's a lady."

* * *

Sirius didn't need to go to bed to keep dreaming about Remus. He was doing a fine job at it without a bed.

After the library episode, because James had told him to stop stalking Remus, Sirius had naturally kept following him around the school; he had been rather amazed how a werewolf with a heightened sense of hearing hadn't noticed him trailing him – not that he really was even doing that, but... Whatever. A few times the geek had met up with Evans, but he didn't seem to be as interested in her as the other girls he saw.

Sirius had had an awfully hard time trying to restrain himself from bouncing on Remus behind the bushes or an armour or another person, but somehow he had succeeded. Another difficult thing had been the way the constant lecherous thoughts had been seeping from his traitorous brain to his retina, and the harder he had tried to push those images away, the harder they had always come back.

Remus against him, sweaty trembling Remus, _moaning_ Remus... gasping air, and then breathing out Sirius' name.

So by the time when the boys, all four of them in fact, were sitting at the lunch table, Remus eating his too hot a soup and letting out a sudden whimper when the liquid slightly burned his mouth, Sirius was done. He slammed his forehead on the table.

"I can't do this anymore."

James and Remus both stared at him. Peter was staring at the huge sandwich he had made himself.

"I told you to go to bed," James said from the other side of the table. "But do you ever listen to me."

"I am not sleepy."

Why had he thought that he could handle this? He had had a hard time on that morning, and this time was no different. Sirius almost hated himself. How stupid can a person be? Potter would probably only point a finger at him... Also, that same sodding oaf had been a prat enough to sit next to Pete, and since Sirius didn't want to offend Remus by not sitting at the same side of the table as him, he was _stuck_ sitting next to the same person that made his heart pound like the bloody Hogwarts Express. Because you know, he had decided earlier that he was not going to run away anymore.

Remus took a sip of his water and frowned at Sirius. "Are you all right?"

Sirius noticed how Remus had not said his name, and even though he felt kind of sad because of it, the sound of Remus' stimulating voice saying his name at that point would have been enough to make him explode in his pants. So, he was rather glad that Remus had decided to spare him from the humiliation of having to go to change his clothes after (people were presumably going to assume) coming into his trousers after tasting the greatest a bowl of fish soup _ever_.

Sirius muttered against the table, "No."

Lupin's frown deepened. "Sir–" A palm was on his mouth within a millisecond, and he mumbled the rest of the word into the cup of Sirius' hand. "...ius."

Sirius tried very hard not to think about the hot air that passed Remus' lips, those pink lips... which were resting against his moist palm. Shut up. Yeah, great thinking with this one, Sirius thought, for this was definitely not making his trousers any tighter. Nope. He coughed, and slowly removed his sweaty hand from Remus' mouth.

Remus stared at him, a baffled yet slightly amused expression on his mug. "I'm beginning to think that you don't like me talking."

Even though Potter was giving him the stink eye, Sirius answered Remus, "It's not that..."

"But you don't like to talk to me, is that it? Because I've been wanting to talk to you, but you keep running away."

"Ijustkrff..." Sirius realised he was totally at loss of words. How about that.

Remus stared at him. "What is it? Do I smell bad?"

This guy couldn't possibly be serious! Black mumbled under his breath, "Oh god no..."

"Well, whatever it was, I'm glad you're done with it. For I'd really like to talk to you."

Sirius took a quick peek at Potter who now gave him a small nod instead of the previous stink eye. Such a nice nod. He then turned to look at Remus, who was still waiting an answer, and said, "Okay."

Potter helpfully noted, "You two probably should talk somewhere more private... I mean, Pete's here, and he has big ears."

Peter, who had been completely focused on his everlasting sandwich, mumbled, "What?"

"I think we should to go to the dormitory to talk," Remus said to Sirius and rose from his seat. He watched as Sirius moved no muscle. "Are you coming?"

A now flushed Sirius tried to cover up his trouser front as he croaked, "...Almost did."

* * *

"I'm glad you're talking to me again," Lupin's voice echoed from the tiled bathroom as Sirius entered the dormitory room after him. Sirius hastily took in the whole of the room; why did it feel like he never had been there before? He had lived there seven years. "I thought I had angered you before."

What was Sirius supposed to do? Did Remus wait him to accompany him to the bathroom? No, that probably wasn't it. Only birds went to bathroom with each other.

It was probably best if he stopped thinking about girls' bathroom activities. Or maybe even stop thinking altogether – after all, James had said earlier that he considered Sirius as a non-thinking creature; maybe this was what he meant, that Sirius shouldn't even try.

Sirius blinked heavily, and decided to stand in the middle of the room like a statue.

Why was he so nervous? Nothing was going to happen. He started to jump slightly up and down, as if to get ready for a fistfight, no, Remus only wanted to talk, right. Nothing else. No snogging, no fighting and definitely not...

Stop it.

Yeah, Remus was just probably going to tell him how he had a supermodel girlfriend now, a Hufflepuff one probably... If he had gone all King Playboy behind Sirius' back and gotten himself a hot babe, then... Sirius' stomach churned, and his face twisted into a grimace. Was it okay to whack a girl? No – not that he was going to do anything like that, it was just that he was feeling sick again, and the first thing that popped into his head was to smack someone. Remmie deserved someone beautiful and civil towards other people. Sirius had hoped it would have been himself, but... that was a long shot. Crap. His bloody heart was starting to ache again.

A heart... What a foolish muscle that was. Always doing things at the wrong time.

Instinctively Sirius' eyes wondered up to his own bed, and he had to shook his head to get all the dirty pictures out of his head.

Again.

Okay, he had to think about something real nasty, for he couldn't face Remus while thinking stuff like that. Sirius stuck his tongue out from the corner of his mouth, and thought really hard.

Nasty. What could that be? His head was spinning again, nasty, nasty... Anything nasty! He frowned. Like someone naked nasty? Yeah... not helping, only thinking about Remus. Sirius grinned widely, but then he felt a slight jolt between his legs, bugger. Perhaps... Pete naked? Shudder. Gross, but helping a little, doesn't compensate the payments of a mental institution, though. What else was there? A naked Filch? Oh come on, he couldn't possibly be that messed up that he wasn't able to think of anything else except naked people? Then he thought of something. Bananas! They're hideous. Potter's foot odor. Things started flowing. Full moon, Pince, mum.

He shook his head, and realised that Remus was staring at him. Had he said something? Sirius blinked. Had _he_ said something? "Sorry?"

Remus stood in the doorway of the bathroom. He was drying his hands with a red hand towel. "What are you thinking about?"

Sirius intelligently decided on the last thing he had thought about. "Mum."

As he discarded the towel and paced towards him, Lupin frowned at him. "Are you sick?"

"What?" Sirius asked, and tried not to panic as Remus moved even closer, and pressed his hardel against his forehead. Sirius closed his eyes. "I... I'm not... sick. I'm... perfect."

"You are sweating," Remus said, moving his hand slightly, but keeping it on Sirius' face nonetheless. Sirius opened his eyes, and saw how Remus was intently staring at him. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, well, no," Black answered brainily, and regretted opening his mouth as soon as he had done it. He tried to keep it shut, oh boy did he try, but the stupid mouth wouldn't obey his feeble thoughts. "I... wasn't, earlier, not really, food poisoning probably, bacon, but now actually... er... indubitably."

"_Indubitably_?" The lycanthrope removed his hand. He flashed a smile at Sirius. "What an odd choice of words. You do know that you're talking nonsense right now?"

Sirius' eye twitched again as he watched Remus walk up to his bed. He swallowed, and took a few careful steps towards the now sitting boy. "You... wanted to talk?"

"Yes," Remus said immediately, but then again a frown appeared his face. His voice quieted a bit as he spoke. "But first I want to know, whether you were mad at me because I touched you yesterday."

Sirius almost choked on his tongue. Stupid tongue, go away. "Whatgrhfgf?"

"I don't normally touch people that much, and you probably know that." He shook his head faintly. "So, I'm sorry that I tried to touch you last night... because you... er, I'm sorry."

Wait, what? Sirius drew in breath and managed to groan, "Wait, that wasn't an accident? You _wanted_ to touch me?"

"Well, I was told that that's what normal people do," Remus told him. Suddenly he seemed to realise something. "And, it's not like I hate touching you, I've just never really –"

Breathe. Sirius was shaking but out of anger or happiness, he wasn't sure. He interrupted, "Did someone tell you to touch me?"

Lupin looked guilty. "Sirius, I really am sorry. Lily said that I should –"

"How about the girls you fondled today? Did you _want_ to touch them, too? Don't tell me you did..."

The guilty seemed to grow on the werewolf, but why? Remus licked his lips. "I was told it would make me seem more approachable, if I touched people more. I didn't want to touch _them_, not really, but..." He lifted his eyes on the standing boy. "Look, Sirius. I don't want to lie to you."

Sirius shivered because of the sound of his name, but strived to stay calm nevertheless. Now was not the time to get excited. He slowly sat next to Remus on the bed, because he really felt like fainting; the bed was a softer surface to faint on. Remus had _wanted_ to touch him. Right? That is what he had said.

Or was he just imagining things?

"Sirius, I..."

Sirius swallowed hard, and glanced at Remus, who looked positively ashamed.

Right, he remembered, this was it... Remus was going to tell him everything, his future plans concerning a hot geek girlfriend, who was probably going to hate Sirius, graduation and straight O-papers, a small wedding with a cake with banana filling, a little house on the prairie, tulips and carrots and 5 o'clock tea, and a future half-werewolf baby who will also learn to dislike the never visiting _uncle_-Sirius... Oh god, that sounded horrible. He didn't want to hear any of it, so of course he voiced his discomfort by saying, "Go on."

"You know that I'm not usually like this... nosy and intrusive regarding other people's affairs. I just had to know. I am sorry."

"Sorry about what?" Sirius' heart was pounding.

"I did a little investigation and..."

As Remus' sentence died in the middle, Sirius had to probe. "What were you investigating?"

The werewolf answered quietly, "You."

Something cold plunged into Sirius' stomach. Again.

Great.

"Me?" Sirius couldn't tear his eyes off even if he wanted to. The guy was like glue. "Did... you find out anything?"

"Yes," Remus said and turned his gaze away from him. The bony fingers on his lap seemed to interest him more than Sirius' agitated face. "Sirius, I... I know what you're doing. And somehow I don't like it at all."

Sirius had never done any research on the matter, but he was fairly sure that his heart stopped beating at that very moment.

* * *

**A/N:** "Clowns or midgets?" is a quote from Supernatural from an episode called _Mystery Spot_ (3.11), where Dean questions what kind of nightmare Sam had.

Their dreams are quite different, but then again, I don't know if Remus was telling the truth to Lily about his dream... Haha.

I said earlier that this story will be in 8 parts... Will everyone get what they want?


	8. Secrets Don't Make Friends, Reputedly

**A/N:** I said this story will be in 8 chapters... But I'm actually happy to say that it'll be a lot longer. I'm having so much fun writing this and I don't want this to feel too rushed, so... More chapters! I might be only one to be happy about this, though.

This chapter is (again) completely different from the previous one.

Thank you so much for all the story alerts and positive reviews! I hope you like this too. x x

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and the Marauders are not mine.

**Beta:** No.

* * *

"He seriously walked ran from you?" Lily gaped at Lupin while she was trying to eat her breakfast – what a difficult task since she only had one mouth. They were sitting closely together in the Gryffindor table; Remus without his friends, and Lily separate from hers. A great moment for a nice chat without any extra ears.

Remus sipped his tea, and muttered to the porcelain, nodding, "I don't understand how he is so..."

"Ridiculous?" Lily suggested. "Boneheaded?"

"Gorgeous?" someone added from a few feet away from their left, and Lily gave them a death glare.

"No... He was _repulsed_ by me," Remus quietly told her, and Lily noticed how incredibly sad he looked. The boy swallowed hard, and lifted his eyes to meet hers. "Lily, the look on his face..."

She gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure he wasn't repulsed by you."

"You didn't see him. It was like the mere sight of me freaked him out," Lupin muttered, and took another sup from his cooled drink. It had been hot just a few moments ago, but the fact that Remus kept his eyes intently on it didn't keep it warm. "I fear that I frightened him in Hogsmeade, and now he's... He's very emotionable, and maybe what I did was too much. He can't handle it, so he's avoiding me."

"That's utterly ludicrous. What comes to him and his relationships with other people, it's not usually _Black_ who's frightened when something goes sour." Remus said nothing and only stared at his tea again. Lily wanted to keep the conversation alive, so she asked, "What are you thinking of doing?"

"I want to know why he's acting this way," he said quietly as he looked up. "If he really does... hate me?" Lily frowned at him and was about to say something, but Remus hurried, "But I don't think I should do anything. I ought to just leave him alone, for he obviously wants nothing to do with me."

"No," Lily said sternly. "Talk to him."

"What if he even refuses to see me?" Remus turned his eyes away from her again. "He wouldn't even _look_ at me last night. I'm pretty sure he won't talk to me anytime soon."

Lily lowered her fork and squinted. "If that's what you really think, then drastic measures are in order, I'm afraid."

"What does that mean? Drastic measures?"

"If you cannot get answers from him, then you must ask someone else, right?"

The boy's face fell a bit. "Who do you mean? James? I can't go talking behind Sirius' back."

"I'm sure you can. You _must,_ if you want to know what he's up to."

Remus pushed away his tea cup. He shook his head. "I don't follow."

Lily sighed. "Of course you don't. Let me explain."

* * *

Lily was still explaining her grand idea to Remus, when she saw the three Marauders enter the Great Hall. Her traitorous eyes first wandered to glance at Potter, and she really hated herself because of that, but as soon as she saw how terrible Black looked beside him, her face turned into a small grin. She whispered to Remus, who was fidgeting nervously next to her, "Try to remember what I said about the touching, okay?" She glanced up to look at Sirius once more. "And Black looks fairly normal to me. You should try and talk him."

Remus took a quick glimpse at Sirius, who _seriously_ looked like he hadn't slept all night. "I think he looks ill."

"Of course he does, but it cannot be anything too grave, for he has come here, right?" Lily tried. She sighed soulfully as the boy said nothing and just sat there staring at his apparently interesting fingers. She nudged him with her finger. "Try to act casually, or they'll know you're planning on doing something."

"But I'm not up to anything," Remus said quietly, and turned his eyes on the girl. He was rather pale. "I hate doing things like this, Lily. I'm not good at lying."

"You're not lying, you're just doing some investigating," the girl muttered to him as the boys walked closer and closer. "And that's exactly what you wanted to do, right? He doesn't give you any answers himself, and face it, you're _dying_ to know why he's acting like this."

Remus was about to retort something intelligent to her, but Lily scooted away from him as the three boys sat at the table.

* * *

After Sirius had obviously run out of the Great Hall because of Remus' stupid face and his lame attempts to touch Sirius, the lycanthrope was trying to sit still in his seat, and hide his shaking hands under the table. He had to take a deep breath and count slowly to ten to hold onto his composure. He had to keep his feelings, whatever they were, _under control_.

James had merely cocked his bushy eyebrow at Sirius' bizarre behaviour, and Peter was having a greasy unadulterated love affair with his disgusting breakfast plate, and of course saw nothing.

Remus again neared Lily, and whispered sadly to her shoulder, "He hates me, Lily."

"No, he's just... Whatever." She gulped the last of her juice, and wiped her mouth on her napkin. She smiled at Remus. "You do know what you have to do now?"

"Do I really have to?" Remus mumbled. He looked utterly devastated. "I'm sure she knows nothing."

Lily pushed away her empty plate. "That you will only find out by asking. Do you see her anywhere?" Remus sighed, and craned his neck to see, but Evans beat him to it; she nodded towards a long-haired girl leaving the Gryffindor table on the other side of the Hall. "Look, there. What was her name again? Marget?"

"Margaret Briggs," Lupin reminded and turned to look at Lily. "Must I really? I don't think she even knows who I am."

"That doesn't matter. Go. And please try to remember what I told you."

"Right."

He quickly nodded at his two friends, and as soon as James' eyebrow had given him the same treatment as it had previously given to Sirius, Remus gathered his satchel and ran up to the girl, who was leaving the Great Hall with her babbling friends.

"Excuse me, Margaret Briggs?"

The girl smiled as she turned around. Her eyes sparkled. "Yes?"

Remus fingered the strap of his satchel in a very manly way. "You probably don't know who I am –"

"Lupin, right?" She leered, and gestured to him to walk with her out of the double doors. "You're a year above me."

"Yes, I am," Remus smiled at her just like Lily told him to, and was kind of relieved to notice that the girl wasn't afraid of him. Or going to eat him. Remus blinked. "Could I talk to you?"

Her nosy friends stood there waiting, but left her alone with him as she nodded at them. Then she turned to Remus. "Of course."

Thank Merlin she was more considerate than Remus had thought, for she tugged him by his arm to a more secluded spot in the hallway. She leaned herself against the wall, and tilted her head, waiting.

"Er, this might come out of nowhere," Lupin began nervously. "But –"

"You're in love with me," Margaret helped him. With a nod she continued, "It's understandable. I am very lovable." Remus was about to say something to her, but she halted him. "Don't say anything; I understand where your feelings are coming from, but I cannot correspond to them." She pressed her hand on her chest. "I am sorry. You seem like a lovely lad, and you are fun to talk to –"

"We've never talked before," Remus said flatly. "I don't love you."

"Don't push yourself," Margaret said dramatically. "It's all right now, but over time you will get over me. You just have to give yourself time."

"I'm sorry, but I really don't love you." Remus blinked at her. "I just wanted to ask you something about Sirius Black."

Margaret tossed her black hair over her shoulder and cocked an overly trimmed brow. "Oh. Whatever. Can't you ask him?"

Remus feigned a smile at her. "Not really."

"Okay then." She shrugged, lady-like, and adjusted her school bag on her shoulder. "Shoot."

"Um, when you were with him, how did he act?"

She was baffled. "What do you mean?"

Remus wasn't actually sure what he had meant. "I mean..." He bit his lip. "Was he acting suspiciously or anything?"

"You mean as a _boyfriend_? Oh, we never actually dated, per se. He just... wanted to snog every now and then." She giggled loudly at herself. "And I didn't mind. He was _that_ good."

Remus stomach flinched oddly, but he forced another smile on his face. "Is that so."

"Yeah... But there was this one funny thing he did constantly, though. He appeared to be interested in me only before he was having a test, you know like he would say 'I have a test in couple of days, let's snog', I mean... That's kind of suspicious, right? Or is that what he normally does when there's a test coming?"

"I wouldn't know," Remus said. "When we have a test coming, I always concentrate on studying to the extent I don't know what's happening around me, so... I cannot say for sure."

"We are very different, arent' we?" Margaret asked with a smile. "I'm not that into studying myself, you know, all that prepping for tests and stuff gets old very quickly; but with him it was like he never even _tried_ to study, because he was all over me once he heard he was going to have a test. I guess he didn't need to study... He always told he was very good at many things. This one time he even demonstrated a trick he said he could do with his tongue –"

Lupin fought a grimace. "Please don't tell me."

"You know, and this one time before Christmas, he said that he'd come meet my parents, but suddenly he just decided that it was more exciting to stay at school during the holidays, but I know that he couldn't have had a very good time, because he was here practically all by himself..."

Remus thought of something. "I assume this was Christmas two years ago, right? I spent my holidays in Hogwarts that year also."

"So he wasn't alone?"

The boy shrugged. "He was with me, if that counts."

"No one else?" she asked, and Remus shook his head, which made the girl frown. She stared at Remus. "Well, I don't understand why he would..." She measured him from head to toe with her eyes. "I'm sorry, but you don't seem too exciting of a person."

"You are correct," Remus said with a bored voice. "I am extremely dull."

"I don't get it, what does this have to do with you? What did you ask again?"

Remus sighed, and shifted his weight from one leg to another. "So you would say he wasn't sometimes acting like himself?"

"Oh, I guess not. There was this one time when I thought he was having someone else on the side, you know, another girlfriend, secret one, even though I wasn't really his girlfriend; but I never asked him about it, because you know... We didn't _talk_ that much, if you know what I mean." She winked at him.

Lupin asked, "Why did you think he had another girlfriend?"

"Well, at first he started to spend less and less time with me, but when I followed him around for a while I never saw anyone, which is odd since we are in the same house... The only places I didn't follow him were the boys' loo and his dormitory room, but I don't think girls are allowed to go inside either of those..."

As she was gabbing, she had at some point started to fiddle his robes, and even though Remus knew he should just let her hand stay there to seem normal, he couldn't. He discreetly took her hand, and removed it away from him. The girl noticed nothing and kept prattling. "Isn't there some sort of spell binding the doors locked so girls cannot enter those rooms? There was this one time I –"

The boy stifled a dry laugh. "I don't think that's true."

"Well, son of a bitch," Margaret muttered, and straightened her back. "He probably had a secret girlfriend right there in the dormitory. I should have known –"

"I never saw anyone," Remus told her truthfully. He rubbed his ear a bit. "And I share the room with him."

She made a face. "Maybe she flew out of the window, or something."

"I reckon I would have noticed a witch flying out of our window."

"There must have been someone! Now that I think about it, he sometimes looked way too happy once he came down from his room... And it was like his face fell when he saw me! That rat! I mean, this one time..."

Remus interrupted, "Look, Margaret, thank you for everything you –" He frowned and bit his lip again. "_Managed_ to tell me. I'm sure I can make something of it."

He smiled tiredly at her once more, and like Lily had told him to do, he slowly pulled her into a tense hug. No, Lily hadn't told him to make the hug a tense one, that was just how Remus hugged people he didn't want to hug. For instance, if he hugged Sirius, the hug immediately turned into – _no_. That wasn't something he was to think at the moment. Remus cleared his throat.

At first Margaret was seemingly baffled at why the boy was hugging her, but she eased quickly into his touch. She muttered against him, "Blimey, you're slim."

"Thank you, I guess," Remus said back, and after a few seconds pulled away from her.

Margaret tilted her head again, as if she was contemplating something serious. "So... do you think he has a girlfriend now?"

Remus readjusted his satchel and tried to look as if he had other things to do. "He doesn't talk about his relationships with me."

She lit up. "Maybe I should try him again then! I'm sure he still wants me."

"I think he's too... _busy_ for that_._" Remus frowned. Why did he feel like he wanted to run?

"Could you talk to him for me?" Margaret smiled annoyingly. "You could tell him that I'm... pining for him. Yeah. Does that sound attractive enough?"

There was this one time Remus hoped the girl would just vanish.

* * *

After the nonsensical Margaret Briggs had finally left him alone, Lupin glanced up and saw his three mates standing on the other side of the same hallway he was in currently. The sight of Sirius made his insides twist oddly; maybe he had an ulcer now, thank you Margaret. Remus' face found another frown as he quickly watched his friends. Was Sirius going to run away from him again? He didn't really want to know that, and especially didn't want to see him scamper away from him with those long legs of his, so Remus just lowered his gaze and stared at his feet instead of his friends as he walked towards them.

But he could actually _hear_ Sirius leave, and by the time he was standing before James and Peter, his eyes spotted a distant figure at the other end of the corridor, watching him, and again his stomach felt like it was trying to perform a triple somersault.

James shrugged. "Sirius is having... an allergic reaction."

Remus found himself hoping Sirius wasn't allergic to him.

* * *

A geek and a prude walked into a library. There isn't a punchline, because it wasn't even really that funny; they practically lived there.

"I knew Black has had a fling with her, but I never would have guessed she's a bookworm. Remus, this must be a joke."

Remus shook his head vigorously. "Sirius has never been too picky. He once said that everyone deserves love; it was cheesy, I admit, but I think he's right."

After a quick search, they saw a tiny, blonde girl sitting alone by a study table. As they sat a table of their own, Remus nodded towards the girl, and Lily cocked a brow at the sight. "That's her? Seems decent enough."

"She's Tracy Davis, a Ravenclaw," Lupin informed as he sat next to her. "She is in the Muggle Studies with us, don't you remember?"

Lily snorted. She started to unpack her books on the table. "I'm usually busy taking the notes, I haven't been checking out the skirts."

"Well, I think she's nice," Remus muttered as he eyed the girl. She had her hair in a loose bun in her neck, and her fingers were slightly stained with ink. Remus smiled to himself as he subtly played with his own hair. So that's one of the types Sirius likes? Or maybe he really was just omnivorous.

"Of course she's nice, she's practically you with boobs," Lily chuckled, after taking in the appearance of the Ravenclaw as well. "Oh... _now_ I know why Black had a thing with her."

Remus only frowned at her.

After a while of pondering important things and stuff, Remus left Lily to study alone, and walked up to the girl who was now stooped over a long parchment, hurriedly scribbling something on the bottom of the roll. He tried to smile widely at her back, just like Lily had told him to, and hoping he wouldn't seem like a creep, he tapped her shoulder.

The girl quickly lifted her head, pushed her huge glasses upwards on her nose, and smiled back. "Hello Remus!"

"Hi," Remus replied, slightly baffled. "You know me?"

"Of course I do!" She put down her quill and snapped her inky fingers. Her nose was just slightly scrunched up as she thought. "Muggle Studies?"

The smile on Remus' face was very earnest. "Yes. You're Tracy, right?" She nodded happily at him, and Remus gestured towards the seat next to her. "Can I sit here?"

"Sure you can." Tracy smiled and seemed very enthusiastic. "Where are your books? You always have tons."

"I do?" The boy rested his hands on the table, next to Tracy's studying equipment. His smile diminished a bit as he spoke, but a faint one remained on his lips nevertheless. "Well, I didn't come here to study today. I actually wanted to talk to you."

She perked up even more. "To me? Really?"

Remus nodded, and lifted his eyes on hers. "Yes. I might be wrong, but if I'm correct, you were close with Sirius Black some time ago?"

"Oh..." Tracy's face fell immediately. "You wanted to talk about your friend?"

"Yes," Remus admitted and smiled apologetically, although he didn't know why. Somehow he felt odd in his stomach as the girl seemed disappointed. Why did she? He smiled still. "Look, you don't have to answer, if you don't want to, but it would mean a lot to me."

Suddenly her earlier peppiness returned. "For you I'll do my best!"

"Thank you." Remus fiddled nervously with his fingers. "Er, was there anything serious between you two?" Then he simpered, "No pun intended."

Tracy chuckled lightly, and muttered, "I never thought you cared..." As Remus frowned at her, she shook her head, and continued with a louder voice. "But no, we were just friends. You know, I didn't even know he could read, until he picked up a book from my table. I know it sounds dodgy, him being all mysterious and not bookish at all, but sometimes it seemed like he _wanted_ to be here. I don't know. He was here either because of me, or the books, but oddly enough he never seemed to pay any attention to me – not that I minded that – and he never really actually lent any books from Pince. Who knows, maybe he's a cupboard geek."

Lupin almost laughed at that. "Did you say you only met him here?"

"Yeah. It was usually after Muggle Studies, you know, when I was trying to do the homework. I didn't think it was bizarre, however, for it was the simplest way for us to meet, because we are in different houses." Tracy shrugged, and nervously bit her lip a bit. "Why do you ask?"

Remus smiled, just like Lily had told him to. "I just wanted to know if he ever acted strangely at any point?"

Her eyes weirdly fixed on his face. "You... What do you mean?"

"This sounds ridiculous, but did he ever blush or giggle nonsensically?"

Tracy shook her head. "Oh, that doesn't sound like him at all."

"I know it doesn't," Remus admitted with a sorry face. "But that's how he's been acting lately, and I'm only trying to figure out a possible pattern here; maybe if he was manifesting the same kind of symptoms earlier, it would be easier for me to solve this now. He's my... friend, after all."

She watched him fidget on his seat. "Well, now that you mention it..." she began, and as she pondered, her tongue found the corner of her mouth. "Every once in a while he suddenly started to stammer, and act around me like he didn't even know who I was. I think that was kind of strange. Did you mean something like that?"

"Yes!" Remus breathed. He shook his head. "Did you ever wonder what that might have been about?"

"Sometimes I thought he had another girlfriend, because I could have sworn..." Tracy trailed off.

Hearing the word _girlfriend_ had caused Remus' stomach twist in a very peculiar manner, but he decided to ignore it. He nodded slightly to himself; it probably was just the ulcer Margaret had caused him to have. Yes. Remus realised he was staring at Tracy. "Sorry?"

She had been staring at him back, but now she just lifted her goggles again, squinting behind them. "Well, I'm not sure if this means really anything, but every now and then, he accidentally called me someone else. But I don't really mind, because..." She smiled faintly, and dropped her gaze. "Really, my heart isn't set on _him_."

Oddly enough that made Remus feel somewhat relieved. "Who did he call you?"

"Oh, I can't remember the name..." Tracy bit her lower lip. She nodded at the table. "It began with an R, definitely, but I'm sure I don't know any girl whose name begins with that." She giggled again. "Your name starts with an R, but you're not a girl. Yours is a... a great name."

Remus frowned at her. "That's odd, him acting like that."

As she realised Remus was ignoring at least a half of what she said, Tracy sighed. "I thought so too, but I never said anything to him about it. Why would I have? If he fancies the girl, and I don't fancy _him_ –" She made an informative expression to Remus, but he just stared at her. The girl sighed again. "Well. The world's a mysterious place."

"Do you remember when the..." He had to blink heavily before he was able to continue. Why? Who knows. "The _thing_ between you two ended?" Remus' hand snaked up to his hair to ruffle it slightly from the back.

The girl cocked a brow. "He didn't tell you?"

"He doesn't talk about girls with me that much." Remus leaned in and feigned telling a massive secret. "I'm not exactly a huge ladies' man."

Tracy giggled at him as Remus leaned back against his chair. Her cheeks were red as she kept smiling. She thought about it. "Let me see... I think he stopped showing up here around the time when we had to hand over the 3-foot long essay about Muggles' morning routines? Yeah. That sounds about right. Do you remember that one?"

"Oh god yes." Remus grimaced. His hand flew on his cheek. "I hated that thing from the bottom of my heart, I really did. I was _so_ stressed out. Weren't you? I did so much research for that thing, I sort of got sick of this place for a while..." He frowned at her pitying expression. "I had to stop coming. Can you imagine?"

"I felt the same, believe me or not... But I kept coming." She smiled and looked around. "I like this place... and I always hope seeing my friends here." She squinted at him. "You know, from different houses."

Remus nodded. "I did all my homework in the common room for a few months after the essay, but I returned here eventually, like you probably have noticed."

Tracy dropped her eyes. "I have, yes..."

Naturally Remus still noticed nothing. "Do you remember anything else that might have been strange with him?"

"Sometimes he just vanished."

As she did not elaborate, Remus asked, "What do you mean by that?"

"You know, from here," Tracy said, and played with the quill she had picked up from the table. "I would just read my book, or write a paper or something, and turn to look at him... and poof, he was not there." She eyed him. "But as I said, I don't mind he did."

"He does that a lot," the boy uttered. He leaned his elbow on the table, propping his face on it. "It's either that, or he just leaves with the most utterly ridiculous excuses ever."

Tracy nodded. "I know! He did that all the time, too."

"What do you think it meant?"

"Don't ask me, I have no idea."

Remus closed his eyes for a moment, smiling to himself. "I would really like to know what he's up to."

What Remus didn't see was that Tracy was again staring at him. "He's really mysterious, isn't he?"

"Well..." Remus sighed, and opened his eyes. Sirius wasn't a mystery to him, more of a unsolved puzzle; Remus had a feeling that he had all the pieces he needed, but he was just unable to put them into right order. He needed a manual on how to solve this, and a bottle of super glue. He let his arm drop from the table, and into his lap. "He just seems that way to people who don't know him."

The girl kept her eyes on Remus as he stood up. She said hastily, "I'm sorry if I wasn't any help. Ah, I could try again –"

"No, you helped me a lot," Remus told her, placing his hand on her shoulder. Her face lit up. "Actually a lot more than the other one... Never mind. Thank you, Tracy. Really, I appreciate this."

"Don't mention it." She smiled as he lifted her eyes from Remus' hand to his eyes. "Maybe we could study together later!"

Remus wondered if Tracy had ever gotten a cramp on her face because of all the smiling she did.

* * *

It was hard for Remus not to bother Sirius, because he really wanted to talk to the guy; yet he was afraid that Sirius would run away again if he tried that, and Sirius fleeing again was the last thing Remus wanted. So, before going to lunch that day, he decided that he was not going to say a word to Sirius, unless he opened his mouth first.

Thankfully Sirius did... kind of.

"I can't do this anymore," Black whined next to him, and Remus sipped some cold water to sooth his newly burnt mouth. He said nothing, only lowered the glass on the table, and stared at the boy suspiciously. Sirius sitting next to him? That had been odd after all the running.

Obviously he wasn't allergic to Remus. The werewolf felt majorly relieved because of that.

Remus glanced across the table at James, who mumbled at Sirius between his spoonfuls of soup, "I told you to go to bed, but do you ever listen to me?"

Sirius muttered something that sounded a lot like "Hi ham hot sheepy". Remus knew that Sirius was not going to talk to him while he was acting like this, and that Remus really had no other choices than to surrender to his own instincts. He took another sip from his water, and jovially asked the boy slouching next to him, "Are you all right?"

Remus noticed a slight grimace passing through Sirius' face, but he wanted to ignore it. His heart didn't, though. The boy answered, "No."

He wanted to ask whether it was his fault that Sirius was acting like this, but Sirius stopped Remus before he could even say the guy's name.

Once Black removed his sweaty hand from Remus' mouth, the werewolf feigned a small smile. He didn't want to look as hurt as he felt. "I'm beginning to think that you don't like me talking."

"It's not that."

Remus tried to stay calm, "But _you_ don't like to talk to me, is that it?" He hurriedly studied Sirius' expression but was unable to read it well. "Because I've wanted to talk to you, but you keep running away."

Sirius said something incoherent as an answer and it made Remus even more antsy. He still couldn't fathom what was wrong with Sirius, himself, and especially his stomach. "What is it? Do I smell bad?"

The boy next to him wouldn't look at him as he muttered almost inaudibly, "Oh god no."

The fact that Remus still considered himself somewhat alive even though his heart felt like it was going to stop any second, made him snap out of it. "Well, whatever it was," Remus said, trying to sound calm. "I'm glad you're done with it, for I'd _really_ like to talk to you."

His mouth felt strangely dry as he waited Sirius to answer him. If the boy was going to run away now...

"Okay."

James said something at that point, but Remus didn't hear him. He only could stare at Sirius, but why... he didn't know. All he did know was that Sirius was talking to him again, not uttering mere nonsense but actual rational words, and it made the knot in his gut loosen. Remus slowly rose from his seat, and surprised himself by saying, "I think we should to go to the dormitory to talk."

When the sitting Black looked like a statue, Remus asked him, "Are you coming?"

The boy's cheeks turned slightly pink. "Almost did."

Sirius wouldn't remove his hands in front of his trousers even though Remus asked him about it.

* * *

As Remus finished telling him what he had done that day, Sirius could only watch him fiddle the bed cover with his lovely, scrawny fingers.

The werewolf wouldn't look up from his hands. "I'm so sorry for prying, Sirius, I know it's not my place to meddle in your relationships."

That voice saying his name... Bloody hell. As if Sirius' trousers weren't already tight enough. He managed to sputter, "Don't worry about it."

"I just..." Lupin tried to find words. The hesitation danced on his face. "I had this ugly gut feeling, like you weren't telling me something. James and Peter knew however, I knew that, and... I'm not saying that you're obligated to tell me everything you do –"

"Remus, it's okay," Sirius breathed very quietly as the air in his lungs hitched there, and wouldn't budge. How could anyone look so freakishly cute while being nervous? Remus' slightly quivering voice did something funny to Sirius' heart, but he tried to turn a blind eye to it.

Sirius wasn't stupid. He knew it wouldn't work.

The geek finally looked into Sirius' eyes with his ah, so gorgeous ones. "It was bothering me _so_ much. At first I reckoned you were playing a prank on me, but then I thought otherwise –"

He again said, "Remus..."

But the bookhound wouldn't stop. "And then something hit me, and after talking to your... er, _friends,_ everything sort of made sense. All the uncharacteristic blushings and sniggerings... and I don't mean to say that you're not allowed to blush, because when you do, you look... hmm, but um," Remus lifted his legs on the bed while keeping his nervous gaze steady. "Sirius, lately you've been constantly sneaking around and stammering and touching people, touching _me, _and being either overly friendly or downright rude; not talking and not even looking, and then there have been other things too, probably, but I couldn't figure out everything, but now I know _enough_ to say that I don't like it one bit."

Sirius whispered to the beautiful prattling creature in front of him, "You're babbling nonsense."

The boy breathed, "I never do that."

"No, you don't," Sirius agreed immediately. "And that's why you're kind of scaring me right now." He frowned, as if to emphasise his words. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Keeping his eyes on him, Remus blushed a little, and Sirius had to bit his lip from letting out a ridiculously desperate whimper. Remus muttered, "I know you have a secret girlfriend."

What? Sirius blinked. "A secret girlfriend?"

"Yes," Lupin said quietly. "Obviously."

Sirius stared at him, baffled. What the hell was going on? "Obviously? What?"

"Stop repeating what I say."

"Sorry..." Sirius mumbled, and let his eyes drop on the bed. His mouth was probably hanging open as he thought that yeah, he had absolutely no idea what this conversation was about. He shook his head, as his eyes found Remus' face again. "But... a secret girlfriend? That's what you found out?"

Remus stared at his fingers again. "I talked to your... _friends_, and after they told me a few things, I've come to the conclusion that you axiomatically have a secret girlfriend that you don't like me knowing about."

"Axe-o..." Sirius was completely dumbfounded, but uttered still, "I haven't been acting like that at all."

"Yes you have."

"Remus," Black smiled lopsidedly at the adorable being. "You couldn't be more wrong. I'm not dating anyone, not at the moment."

Slightly shifting his position, Remus shook his head. "There's no other explanation; and granted, I might be wrong about a couple of things, but –"

Sirius cut in, "You do realise that you make the littlest of sense right now, right?"

The werewolf said nothing, and only lifted his eyes to look at the boy in front of him. Oh man, did he look embarrassed. Those red cheeks reminded Sirius about something he had almost forgotten.

Yeah, right. _Almost forgotten_... Like that would happen.

He shook his head. "Tell me, why would I be touching other people, touching _you_, or be blushing or stammering around _you_, if I have a secret girlfriend somewhere? And why wouldn't I tell you about her? None of it makes sense."

Remus blinked. Hastily he started, "I don't know, I have absolutely no idea what is going on inside that head of yours –"

"Yeah, you don't," Sirius said quietly.

"Then tell me." Remus moved to sit on his legs next to Sirius. "For I'd like to know why you are acting this way. We're friends, aren't we? Friends don't have to keep secrets from one another. You can tell me anything."

Black tried to keep himself calm. He did not want to be Remus' friend.

"Please?"

The guy was begging, _again_, so staying calm wasn't actually even an option according to Sirius' brain.

He stole a look, and his heart pounded like crazy at the sight of Remus at that moment. He looked both ashamed and pleading, and Sirius wanted to wrap his arms around him, smash his lips against those still pouting ones, and smother Remus with adoring kisses so he wouldn't need to explain anything. Sirius had always been better in action – but damn if Remus wanted to talk, Sirius would talk.

He inhaled and mustered up all the courage he could find in himself, which was not that much. "I, for months... Probably for years now, I've been having these..." His seemed as if he was in pain. "Er, feelings, and a couple of weeks ago I finally decided to do something about them."

"Who is she?" Remus whispered, and shoved his hands between his knees. "Sirius, do I know her?"

Sirius gulped, and refused to look at him. "You wanted to hear, so let me say this, please. I can't concentrate if you... er, just listen."

"I'm sorry."

He had to fight his every urge to keep himself from jumping on the adorable, _apologising_ werewolf. He took the deepest of breaths and said intelligently, "No... It's just, I er... I'm..." He licked his lips. "I'm sort of in a... situation."

Remus only stared at his profile, and Sirius tried not to shake, because that would be very much unlike him, and he could not be unlike him. What? His eye twitched. He wanted to make things perfectly clear with himself, so he mentally noted that he had _never_ shook because of Remus before. Never.

Nope.

Focus. He took a glimpse of Remus. "Have you ever... gotten a feeling that er, you should just say something, and things would probably be much easier afterwards, and you know that, but you just can't because you're a total ninny?"

"Could you just tell me her name?" Remus muttered.

Sirius ignored the stupid question, and fidgeted under that unbelievably golden stare. "It's kind of like... you have bought yourself a gorgeous chocolate covered... pie, and you want to eat it so badly, because it looks way too good and tasty, and everybody tells you to eat it, but when the pie is actually in front of you, and even though you just barely can control yourself from eating it, you still can't do anything about it, because you..." He took a another look of Remus' face. "You happen to _love_ it so much, and you're afraid that it would hate you for the rest of its life, if you dared to touch."

Remus thought about it for a moment, and then frowned deeply. "Why are you talking about pie?"

Oh bugger.

Sirius moved so his leg was crooked on the bed, and he was facing Remus. "I mean... You know what I mean? Sort of? Please, tell me you do."

"I do," the geek mused. "I think."

Great. Black nodded. "So, I'm in a situation like that now, presently... at the moment, with a pie. And I even though it kills me to admit it to myself, because god knows I'm scared, I know there's no other way to know than to..." He looked Remus deeply into his eyes. "Taste the pie."

Lupin watched as Sirius fidgeted again, but said nothing.

"Remus? Say something."

"Oh... I don't know what to say." He looked totally nonplussed. He brought his hand to his neck. "Eat the pie?"

Sirius watched as Remus' hand rose to ruffle his hair, and his jaw clenched because he really tried his best not to whine like a pathetic dog. Although that's exactly what he was. Why did Remus have to do that?

Concentrate.

"Okay... What if the pie is the sweetest thing you've ever known, like the kindest and the most loveable pie possible, and once you take one teeny tiny bite of it, it'll freak out and run away from you, and you'll never see it again?" Sirius felt his stomach twitch nastily; also something was gathering in his throat, ugh. How was it possible that Remus managed to do this to almost all of his vital organs? His heart, lungs. What was next, his kidneys? Sirius blinked the dying feeling away. "What if... the pie wants nothing to do with me after that? I don't want that. I couldn't handle that."

Then he noticed a small smile on Remus' lips, and his heart jolted, in a very good way. Sirius wasn't even sure anymore what this guy had done to him.

The werewolf chuckled. "I cannot believe I'm actually saying this out loud, because it sounds utterly mental, but the pie might not run away. The pie might stay, and I don't know, maybe wait you to take another bite? Sirius, I really have no idea."

Sirius' heart fluttered vigorously as he watched Remus' smile grew in size. He never wanted that smile to fade away. "You're saying that only because you're a chocoholic and you want to eat the whole pie by yourself."

Remus feigned a shock. "I am not a chocoholic!"

The boys smiled at each other, and for a moment, Sirius was in absolute heaven – but of course Remus had to cough to break that bliss of a moment, and to resume the previous topic. Not that Remus could never shatter Sirius' heaven, but this one was a nice try. Remus said, "I think the situation you're in... with the pie... I think it requires nerves and some sort of bravery, because even if you're afraid of something, you should always be able to at least try it, for maybe the result might not be as bad as you think." He sat on his arse. "Maybe the pie _wants_ to be eaten." As Black said nothing to that, Remus continued, "Believe me, the pie wants to be eaten, that's why I never leave anything on my pie plate. Pie is fantastic."

Sirius stared at Remus' lips. He started quietly, "And if you do leave something on your plate..."

Another smile. "You'll eat it. And you know why? Someone always does. If you won't eat the pie, someone else will, and you'll regret the rest of your life that you didn't even get a small piece of it." Remus seemed to be enjoying himself, talking about chocolate covered pies. Sirius tried not to smile too much at his enthusiasm. "Because let me tell you, there are some bloody fine pies in this world –"

"Remus," Sirius suddenly breathed. "_You_ are the pie."

"Pies that..." Lupin trailed off. His eyes widened, and he leaned closer. "Sorry?"

"Don't make me say it again, it sounds odd."

A terrible silence fell on them for a good ten seconds. During that epic timespan Sirius looked back on his life as the sad excuse of a man he was, and tried very hard not to cry, because Lupin looked absolutely dumbfounded next to him. He wanted the bed to eat him alive so Remus wouldn't be able to stare at him anymore with those judging golden eyes. And, if he _was_ to die because of this shameful episode that would later be known as the Pie Confession, Sirius was almost happy to recall that Potter already knew about his wish to be cremated.

Remus broke Sirius' idiotic train of thought by asking carefully, "Did... did you just say that I am the pie?"

Sirius had no other choice than to nod, for he had chewed his tongue off.

"I..." Lupin stared at him with his brows furrowed. It seemed as if he was trying to look deeper into Sirius' eyes to learn the whole story. "I don't understand."

"Yes you do," Sirius then said oddly calmly. Even though he felt a bit like dying, the new consensus of his brain cells was that he should have done this ages ago. The good die young, after all. He faintly shook his head. "You always understand everything."

His clichéd heart skipped a beat as he realised that Remus was not running away from him yet.

Score.

But the boy did not say anything either. Sirius asked, "Well?"

"I need a moment."

Sirius merely bit his lip as he nodded.

Remus fell down on the bed, and a silent minute later Sirius followed him. Laying next to him sideways, Sirius studied Remus' face as the boy obviously thought about everything possible, for he had the cutest little crease on his forehead; it was there whenever he was concentrating on something.

Happily Sirius noted that this time it was there because of him.

He saw a small smile dancing on Remus' lips, and he was almost certain he had never felt happier. Remus was concentrating, _and_ smiling? What.

"So there is no girlfriend," Lupin stated while staring at the bed ceiling.

"No."

"Only the pie?"

Black nodded his cheek mushed against the bed cover. Then he realised Remus couldn't see it. He said, "Er, yeah. You."

Remus kept very silent, but obviously he was thinking something. What it was, Sirius wanted to know.

Please.

But first he had to ask something else. "Are you mad at me?"

"Does this mean you want to lick me?"

"Lick you... What?" Something moved inside Sirius' pants. Oh god. What? He sputtered, "No... I mean, yeah, I do but... Where did you get that?"

Remus suddenly turned his head to look at him, and a stray wisp of hair fell between his eyes. Sirius tried not to whimper pathetically; if there was one thing he had always wanted to do with the boy next to him, it was to remove his hair ribbon, and let all that gorgeous hair loose. Lupin asked him, "Are you sure you haven't hit your head again?"

"Not this week I haven't."

"How long?"

Saying nothing, Sirius wished he could only ogle at Remus, but he knew he would have to say something eventually.

"Sirius?" Remus said, his voice low and oddly demanding. "I should think I deserve to know."

Black quickly rubbed his face. Confession time again! "A month, maybe..." Remus squinted at him, and Sirius huffed as he felt those topaz eyes bore into his brain. Bollocks. "Six, twelve? Three years, I don't know anymore."

"Three years?" Lupin whispered. "Are you... having a laugh?"

"Absolutely not."

The werewolf's face fell. "I didn't know."

Sirius shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm not sure I knew either. I'm sure that in the beginning it was just some sort of admiration, but over time... I don't know. Something happened, but I can't pinpoint what."

As Lupin stared at the bed ceiling again, his eyes were rather wide. "What can one say in this situation?"

"Well, to my knowledge you have a few options," Sirius said and watched the guy bit his lips. "You know what they are. If you refuse me, I'll probably be all right... over time; or not, who knows, but if you say now that you never want to see me again..." His jaw clenched. "Remus, I have no idea what'll happen to me."

Remus mimicked Sirius, and turned sideways so he was able to face the boy better. He smiled. "I'm not going to say that."

"You're not?"

"No. You know why?"

Pouting like a little boy, Sirius shook his head as a reply.

"You did the same for me, once," Remus continued quietly. His eyes gleamed with something. "You learned my biggest secret, and I feared you'd leave because of it, but you didn't. You stayed as my friend."

Sirius lowered his eyes, for the look the lycanthrope was throwing at his direction felt way too much. He muttered, "Yeah well, I don't ever leave the people who are important to me."

"And you have no idea how grateful I am for that." Remus lifted his hand to softly touch Sirius' upper arm. Black stiffened, nope, not _there_; all of his other muscles seemed to turn into stone, though. Thankfully Remus noticed nothing. "But now you need to let me be as a good friend to you, Sirius. You have to tell me what I could do."

He glimpsed at those golden eyes staring at him, and he had to fight yet another urge to ravage Remus on the spot. He shook his head. "Yeah... you see, I don't want to be friends with you – I want so much more." He pressed his eyes close. "And I could tell you ten things from the top of my head you could do right now to make me feel better, but I can't ask my _friend_ to do any of those."

Lupin swallowed. "What kind of things?"

"You know," Sirius mused, and watched the boy again. "Things what people do when they fancy each other, when they want to be together. For instance, I lo... _like_ you, and I'm surprised that I can control myself this well, because you are very –"

Sirius' hot breath stifled in his throat as Remus suddenly kissed him on the lips, fast but carefully, as if to take everything he wanted within a second while investigating how compatible they are and could be. Sirius felt like fainting for the thousandth time within that day, and oh, _oh_, how did he want to kiss back. Should he? No. He consciously battled his every muscle not to, for he didn't want to freak Remus out. That was the very last thing he wanted from this world. So, he didn't let himself do anything, but just lie there sideways as Remus kissed him, on the lips.

A real kiss.

From Remus.

Remus was kissing him. Sirius' head was spinning like windmill in the middle of a tornado.

But of course his willpower couldn't last forever, and just when he was about to reciprocate the sudden kiss, Remus pulled leisurely away and licked his lips.

Sirius croaked faintly as he managed to inhale. He started a new topic of interesting conversation by asking, "Remhfghd?"

Nice one.

The boy only watched him and shook his head, "Why didn't you..."

Finally having a proper amount of air in his lungs, Sirius panted, "I didn't what?"

"Nothing," Remus said hastily, turned his gaze away from Sirius' utterly crazy one, and sat up. Sirius kept his flabbergasted yet incredibly hungry stare on the boy's back. Remus mumbled, "Please don't stare."

Sirius propped himself on his elbows, and raised a lazy hand to feel his own mouth. "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Remus said without sparing Sirius a glance, and suddenly got up from the bed. "I should go."

"Wait, what?" Sirius almost panicked, lunging up and trying to grab the hem of Remus' slipover. "No, no, no..."

Remus stopped at the end of the bed, watched Sirius for a second of two, and was about to say something. But then he only turned to leave while murmuring, "I'm sorry."

Sirius, utterly clueless to what just happened, wasn't sure whether or not to be happy about the fact that he didn't wake up from a dream that time.

* * *

**A/N:** Sirius will be okay... Hopefully.

I'm not sure if it's obvious enough to you guys why Sirius dated those girls/acted like that around them. It's obvious to me!

(Margaret) _Maggie Briggs_ and _Tracy Davis_ are both names of some random witches from _Supernatural_. No, I'm not obsessed with Supernatural. Okay, maybe I am. A little.

Hmm. I could always leave the story like this. Y/N?


	9. You Like Me Too Much

**A/N: **Wow, I got so many death threats that I had to continue this. Actually I wasn't even that serious about ending this, I was just tired of the previous chapter when I posted it, and I kind of felt like giving up on the story altogether. But you guys are right... It deserves a proper ending. This isn't it yet, though.

This is the Potter System Revisited.

Thank you again for all the alerts and reviews. It's nice to know that this story is liked. I'm sorry that I haven't got time to answer personally to all the reviews as I previously did, but it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate each and every one of them. It's you guys that keep this story alive and going! x x

The Smiths played non-stop while I was writing this. I love them. You should too.

**Disclaimer: **I get no money from making fun of J. K. Rowling's amazing characters, and making them look and act like a million pound dorks is on me.

**Beta: **All mistakes are mine. No beta.

* * *

Peter was all about adventures. He liked to think he was the most mischievous one of the troublemaking quartet, which was the reason he was currently sitting in a fluffy armchair with his favourite childhood comic book _Martin the Mysterious Muggle,_ under a pile of chocolate frogs which were spread over the velvet upholstery. Anyone in their right mind would have stated that the frogs were much more adventurous than Peter could have ever been, though; hell, the frogs were a riot compared to him.

But Peter would never admit that.

"Martin, what are you doing, you tomnoddy?" Peter mumbled to himself, and threw another frog into the pit of his endless mouth.

All through his life Peter had been exceptionally good at eating. If one would compile a comprehensive list of all the things that had at some point passed through his lips, the finished roll of parchment would be too thick to be carried by a single owl. Four might be a sufficient amount. Also, the only thing noteworthy on that possible list would be that it wouldn't only consist of food.

Peter snickered at a comic strip in which Martin almost choked on an apple. "That's what fruits do to you, Martin. Don't eat fruits."

Similar to Martin, Peter was also fairly competent at choking on things, but he would not like to stain his reputation as the Lord of Gobbling by talking about that.

The comic, he was reading, was about adventures. So no, he was not just lounging about eating chocolate frogs, reading his stupid comic book, and getting porky, but he was _absorbing_ hints to manage the most utterly brilliant pranks and naughtiness ever possible in young wizard's life.

But as he was through thinking that the whole act of absorbing information was rather dull, and was just about the get absorbed by the hungry mouth of the burgundy armchair, Peter noticed Lupin hastening down the dormitory stairs. He looked rather weary and colourless, but according to Peter's skilful observation his look didn't differ from the one the geek was supporting at other times. Peter laughed under his chocolaty breath. At least _he_ looked good.

As Lupin rushed past the armchairs, the corpulent boy lifted his head and greeted him, only to realise the lycanthrope didn't even look back.

Peter heard the tower door close a few seconds later, and he turned back to his rundown comic book to tell Martin matter-of-factly, "Alone werewolf time."

James lifted his eyes from his magazine. "What?"

"Nothing."

* * *

A few minutes later, Black sighed dramatically – although if someone was to ask him, he would never admit doing anything _dramatically_ – as he sat on the floor in front of the aforementioned common room armchairs. Peter munched probably his thirtieth chocolate frog at that time, but the boys weren't counting for they knew it was pointless. They had once tried, but had given up around the sixtieth.

James dropped the magazine he was browsing through, and nudged the black tuft of hair in front of him with his foot. Leaning his head against the back rest of the couch, Potter asked Sirius, "Why do you look like you've eaten a stale lemon?"

Sirius rubbed his face tiredly. "That actually sounds nice at the moment you know? I should try lemons."

"Lemons are detestable," James told him. "Why would you want to eat one?"

The boy on the floor grimaced behind his hands. "I'd eat a dozen. It's not like they could make my life any worse."

"What do you mean?" James asked thoughtfully, but got no answer. Of course he didn't.

"Don't eat fruits," Peter quipped while keeping his eyes on Martin's idiotic adventures. "Of any sort. Fruits are evil; just like cats are. I wouldn't be surprised at all if one day we'll hear a story of a cat, who copulated with a banana. I'm sure they think they're meant to be."

Black dropped his hands from his face, and stared jadedly at Peter. "Then why do you carry an orange in your robes? Don't think we don't know about that."

"I could throw it at Snivellus if he steals my wand or something. It's not like I'm going to sacrifice my shoes."

"Brilliant plan, Pete," Sirius breathed morosely.

Potter smacked him with a rolled version of _Broom-o-holic_. "Hey, drama queen, I'm talking to you."

Sirius rubbed the faintly aching spot on his head. He turned to glance at his best friend. "What?"

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing."

"Oh yeah?" James snorted teasingly at him. He lifted his glasses. "I know your regular bitchy face, and that on your mug right now is not it. Something happened. Tell me or I'll smack you again. With my broom."

Sirius turned on his place, and rested his cheek against the couch. He sighed and then muttered quietly, "I told him, okay?"

As if James didn't already know, he asked, "Told who what?"

"Remus. About how I feel."

Potter stared at the head below him deadpanned, and then glimpsed at Peter who was gawking at Sirius like he'd just said he had poisoned Peter's chocolate frogs. Pettigrew swallowed, and asked sagely, "Where did he bite you?"

Daydreaming against the velvet, Sirius whispered, "He kissed me."

James didn't understand. "Why are you all sour then?"

"Are you sure he didn't just spit on you?" Peter asked him, and glanced around them that no one heard him speak. Then, he turned his eyes back on James' incredulous face and Sirius' back. "I read that... _his kind_ does that. That's how they spread their venom apparently – by spitting on people."

"Positive," Sirius mumbled, and lifted a hand to probe whether he could still feel Remus' warm, chapped lips on his. "He _really_ kissed me."

Potter stared at Sirius' slightly moving head. "So what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be up there in the dormitory snogging him to tomorrow?"

"He kind of... ran away," Sirius told him, and turned around on the floor. He slammed his head against the couch, and slid a bit on the floor, reminding his friends of a drunken flobberworm. Pouting heavily, he continued, "Didn't you see him go past you?"

"Dear Merlin..." Peter then said suddenly. He exhaled, rolling his eyes. "What the bloody hell is the matter with you two?"

As the two surprised geniuses in front of him said nothing, the rat kindly elaborated. "I don't mean you, Prongs." He turned his squinting eyes to Sirius. "I mean you, you dunce."

Sirius blinked tiredly. "What are you yammering about?"

"What? You want to know what?" Peter hissed irritatedly, and smacked his comic book shut. "I don't know, maybe I'm talking about cheese, or that you're really acting like a frigging ninny right now. You go through all this variation of bloody idiotic pointers James gave you to get Moony to like you, but when he actually tries to talk to you, and I don't know, maybe be with you for all I care, _you_ run like a sodding pansy, and then... then! When you _finally_ get your bleeding shit together after an afternoon of following the guy like a bloody lunatic, he takes off like a Nimbus 1000! After kissing you!" His voice had died ages ago, but he still kept mouthing the words, and apparently his friends understood what he said. He cleared his throat. "It's... this whole thing is getting so ridiculous. Just... forget the whole thing or be together already, you morons!"

Sirius only stared at him. James shook his head and said to Black, "The little dude's been through so much."

"Yeah, I think he finally snapped," Sirius agreed and licked his lips. "Pete, it's not that easy."

"Yes it is," Pettigrew snarled from his chair. He looked like a menacing warthog. "You either are together or not. It seems fairly simple to me."

Scratching his neck, Sirius muttered, "Everything is up to him now. I can't... force him to fancy me back. I told him how I feel, and the ball is in his hands now. And apparently... he chose to run away with it."

Peter rolled his eyes. "A ball... You're such a dog."

"Well you were talking about cheese just a minute ago, you tubby arse of a flea-ridden rat."

"I'm not tubby!" Peter yelled at him. "I'm big boned!"

James smirked, crossing his legs. "The chocolate frogs around you might disagree."

Peter tried to glare at him but failed miserably. Sirius, on his part, huffed from the floor, "And why are you angry at _me_? I haven't done anything. I've been following the plan."

"Oh really?" Peter puffed back at him. The front of the fireplace was turning into a puffing contest area. "You've been only following the plan. Right. So I guess the only thing the plan did tell you to do was to circle around him like a sodding horny elk!"

James cried, "Oi!"

"He didn't mean you, dumbo," Sirius said to Potter without even trying to look at him. Keeping his eyes fixed on Peter's face, he crossed his arms across his chest.

"This is so stupid." Pettigrew draw a breath. "You're stupid. _The_ _plan_ is stupid."

Potter's eyes widened behind his steamy goggles, and he pointed an accusing finger at Peter. "Heathen! You don't believe in the plan!"

Peter stared at him, expressionless. "Why should I? It's not working anyway. No one fancies anyone."

"Unbelievable." James sighed, and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses. "It's clear to me now, Pete, that you're the most thickheaded person I've ever known. We, Sirius and I, have accomplished plenty, you just haven't noticed anything because you're too bloody blind!" He then lowered his voice, but continued nevertheless, "Thank god he isn't in love with _you_, for it'd be nightmare for him to woo you."

"Ew," Sirius kindly commented from the floor.

As Peter rolled his beady eyes, James continued. "We're done with the plan, so stop belabouring it. Yeah? Concentrate on those frogs."

"Belaburo-what?" Sirius turned to him. He squinted. "Is that a curse word? I'm sure my mum used it against me."

Potter shook his head. "I don't think so."

Suddenly Sirius realised something. "What... no more steps? What will happen now?"

"Nothing's going happen," Peter muttered and opened his comic book. "Everything is as it was before. Moony's just more fidgety as he was earlier." He lifted his eyes to his friends. "Certainly he appreciates that."

Two grey eyes glared at him. "He's fidgety around _you_, because you always look like you're about to eat him."

"Shut up for five seconds," Potter hushed them. He took his blurry glasses off and turned his blind eyes to Sirius. "Like I said, we're done with the plan. There are no more steps, so we cannot do anything else."

Black climbed on the couch next to him. He stared at James rather seriously. "You are joking? Aren't you?"

"No?"

"This couldn't be it," Sirius whispered at him, turning his desperate-mode on. "You _promised_ he'd be mine after the plan is done. You promised. You're saying that we're done but... He's not mine. He isn't, James. What's happening?"

James smiled reassuringly. "Well... he kind of was, for a moment there. He kissed you, didn't he."

"Twice, barely," Sirius reminded hotly. "That's not all what I wanted, though, you know that. I want more, I... Stop pulling my leg. There... there must be something I could do. What... what could I do?"

Potter shook his head, and smiled annoyingly sadly at him. "No more steps, sorry. The plan was designed to work so this would be the end of it; you would have what you want. There's no point having more steps, if the prey is yours already."

"Obviously it's not," Black groaned in a hopeless manner. He flailed his hands. "It's not! What can I do?"

"Like you said yourself, the ball is in his hands. It's up to him now what happens next."

Sirius seemed rather jittery. His eyes dater from one place to another. "Could I... maybe steal the ball from him? I could do something... with the ball."

Potter shook his head. "Don't be thick."

"They'd make a brilliant couple," Peter chuckled, his mouth full of chocolate. He leaned forward so no one extra heard him. "Werewolves are stupendously thick. Have you seen one, like _ever_?" Sirius stared at him with wide eyes, and James rolled his as Pettigrew continued, "Trying to communicate with one is like talking to a brick wall. In heat they're even worse. If I were you, I wouldn't even try."

"In heat?" Sirius asked hastily, and turned back to James. "Is my Remus in wolf heat? Is that why he took the ball?"

"No," James told him sternly. He stared at them like they were total idiots, which of course they were. "Pete's just focusing a bit too much on the wolf part. Also, Moony's not a female."

"Are you sure?" Peter asked with narrowed eyes. "That might explain a lot of his actions, like kissing, running and reading books. Those are pretty feminine stuff if you ask me. I don't do none of those, and I'm the manliest of blokes."

James smiled dryly at him. "I'm fairly sure he's not a female wolf in heat."

Sirius snarled at Peter as well, "My man's not a woman. Stop saying he's a woman."

"It might be true," Peter squealed rather manly while opening another chocolate frog wrapping. "I read it on _Wizard World Weekly_. I've told you this before, but you should definitely read it sometimes. It's full of factual facts." He tossed the frog into his mouth.

Potter frowned at him. "You'd get more facts from reading an unused roll of bog paper."

"It's entertaining," Pettigrew reported with full mouth. "And it has tits."

James turned to Sirius who was still gaping at Peter in disbelief. "It doesn't have tits, don't believe him. He drools at the recipes."

Yet again Peter tried to glare at them, but both of them ignored him, and James turned his whole attention back to Sirius. "So. What do you think it means?"

Sirius finally closed his mouth. "What? Pete's drooling? I think we ought to be worried. One morning I actually slipped on his puddle."

"You sure that was drool?" Peter asked, and laughed evilly at Sirius' shivering.

"No," James said and drew Sirius back into their conversation. "I mean Moony kissing you and running away. Did he say anything about how he might feel?"

"Er, well, not exactly." Sirius left Peter's sniggering alone, and eyed a horde of girls at the study table. "But he did say he was not going to refuse me." He lifted his eyes to James. "That's something, right?"

"Absolutely." Potter nodded. He tapped his chin. "So, maybe he fancies you, but is too bloody boneheaded to actually say it out loud – which is actually more important that one might think. Saying things out loud."

Peter mumbled, "That's what I told you. They are just like that, they're thick. Every last one of them. Put them all together and you've got a huge pile of thick!"

Even the fireplace hissed at him.

"James," Sirius whined pleadingly. "I don't think I can wait any longer." He made a sad face. "Walking straight at the Whomping Willow would be far less painful experience than my current situation with Remus. My insides are in a knot; even my bones hurt now."

"Maybe you should see Poppy instead of Moony, then," the Gogglehead huffed.

Black said to himself determinedly, "I'm going to talk to him."

"I reckon you should still try to not frighten him."

"Yeah, I'll try but I probably won't be able to keep my mouth shut _or_ my hands off him. He's so pretty."

Potter looked like he was thinking something very hard, but everyone in close proximity knew it only to be an illusion, for Potter didn't think hard. He then said, "Look, I'm sure things will find their right place. Wait him to..." He squinted. "Wait him to throw the ball back at you. Don't try to steal it. He needs to give it to you."

"How do you know he will do that? He looked like he was going to hurl after kissing me."

"Don't worry about it. Just concentrate on being unhappy for a while."

Black grimaced. "You're a real bastard, you know that, Potter?"

"Yes, your mother told me that quite a few times."

* * *

When James strode into the library thirty minutes later, and actually managed to pass Madame Pince's hawk eyes without his Cloak, he sneaked up to see Lily's usual study table. Of course she was there. One might honestly think she did nothing else than sat in the very place browsing through disgustingly smelly books with a quill behind her ear, but James knew better; he was more than happy to point out that the years of trailing the girl around the school had not been waste of time, like Black had stated previously, and that he knew very well Lily had other activies besides the library.

As he tried not to wonder the shine that persisted in her red hair, he uttered soberly to her back, "Lily?"

She didn't even look up from her parchment. "What now Potter? I'm busy."

James smiled faintly at the ink stains on her fingers, but stayed decidedly calm as she turned around to look at him. He held a piece of parchment in his hand as if to show it to her – which was exactly what he was doing.

She shook her head as soon as she saw it. "Don't tell me you're here to show me those nude pictures of you again?"

"No, nothing of the sort..." James hurried, but his free hand snaked up to his pocket all the same. "But if you would like to see them, I have them –"

"NO."

Flashing an apologetic smile to het, he coughed. "Okay, sorry." He sat down next to her, and as Lily stared at him suspiciously, he sputtered, "Yeah, so I wanted to talk to you about my mates. Especially about Sirius and Remus. No one really cares about Pete."

"What about them?"

"Eh... you're relatively smart, right?"

Lily crossed her arms on her chest, and snorted very lady-like. "I hope so."

Potter nodded, and placed the crumpled parchment, he still had in his palm, on the table. She eyed it, still doubtful. James said, "Then you probably have noticed there's something going on between them."

"Of course I have," Lily uttered, sounding almost offended. "I have eyes, don't I? What about it?"

"I know it's not really my business, but I kind of need help, and you have to know everything to be able to help," James phrased and nodded as he agreed with himself. Trying to figure out a right way to tell the girl about his mates (while keeping himself from vomiting), James said, "See... Sirius is having, er, very profound, monogamous feelings towards Lupin." He squinted. "Yeah."

"Wow," she let out, and James decided to ignore the way she looked absolutely endearing when dumbfounded. "I thought he was only trying to get into Remus' pants."

"I have to admit that I thought that too at first, but I've gotten some confirmation that it's actually the real deal. He's pretty lovestruck; it's disgusting, and naturally it's all very new to him, so he asked my help to win the guy's heart." Then he hurried, "Not that I know how to woo blokes, I just... I... I'm not like that."

"You helped him to get Remus?" Lily made a face, and looked absolutely horrified. "_Oh no_." When he said nothing and only feigned to be hurt, she asked quietly, "What did you do?"

But of course James couldn't even pretend to be angry at her. He smiled and pushed the paper closer to her. "I showed him this."

"What is it?"

Now smiling even more widely because the girl seemed rather interested, James tried to explain. "It's an ingenious love plan, which I have personally invented; it comes with few easy steps, and if followed right, it helps one to be perceived in a non-platonic way. You know, to make someone fall in love with you."

Lily pursed her lips. "Let me guess, Black followed the steps to get Remus to like him?"

"Yes." James nodded happily, for she immediately understood him. Then he frowned. "But it didn't actually work as I planned... If that makes any sense."

"Oh, it does," Lily said reassuringly. She smiled at him for a moment, but then obviously thought of something. "Wait... so this plan to get someone to fall in love with you... You haven't tried it on me, have you?"

Potter shook his head way too keenly, and fixed his eyes on Pince. "Why would you think that? Of course not."

Lily said plainly, "Good, keep it that way." James kept his face still even though his heart felt like it was being strangled with a barbed wire. She continued while staring at her quill, "So what do you want me to do?"

James took a breath, and pushed his feelings aside. "I've come to the conclusion that going the plan through once isn't enough for them. You're fairly close with Remus, right? You guys talk about pot plants, and the of hardness of quills, I assume."

Leaning her back against her chair, she nodded. "We have become closer during time, yes." James took the paper from the table and began to wrap it open. She watched him do that and asked, "But he's your friend too, right? Couldn't you talk to him yourself? Why do you need me?"

"I think he already suspects me of something," Potter said and flashed her a smile. "I'm not going to go into the depths of this, but I'm certain he has suspected me of everything since I filled his pillow with dirty socks on our first year. So... it might be risky for me to talk to him about this. Also, I don't think he takes me that seriously."

She played with a strand of her curly hair and as if James had stated a fact, she mumbled, "Uh-uh."

"So, does he fancy Sirius?"

Evans looked uneasy with the question. "Look, I don't think I should tell you –"

"Please, Lily," he pleaded, and almost took her hand between his, but managed to restrain himself. "I'm doing this for them. Sirius is utterly zealous, and I'm fairly certain Lupin has some sort of feelings for him, as well, but is somehow unable to show them. They're both miserable wretches, and I happen to think they might make each other..." He made a face. "I don't know, happy?"

Lily sighed and averted her eyes from his ridiculously brown ones. "All right."

Potter smiled widely. "Thank you! So, again; do you think Remus has feelings for him?"

"Of course he does," the girl said immediately. She shook her head. "He's just... stubborn as hell. He won't let himself realise he's infatuated." She thought of something. "But it's _Black_, so... I kind of understand him if he wants to deny the whole thing."

"That's good enough for me." James said, and waved a few fingers in front of her face. "Sirius doesn't know about this, and I intend to keep it that way, so please don't tell him anything. Not that I suspect you immediately running to him, knowing how you two get along..."

"He doesn't know about what?"

"About this," he said and handed the paper to Lily. She still wouldn't touch it. "Take it. It won't bite; it's the rewritten love plan."

Lily stared at him. "Why are you giving it to me? I don't need it."

But of course she took the plan from the table, and started to read it. James explained, "You must convince Remus to follow the steps on Sirius."

"I thought you said Black was already in love with him."

"He is," Potter said quickly. "Undoubtedly."

Lily glanced at him, cocking her brows. "So what good could does this plan do now?"

James tried not to drown into those emerald eyes. He coughed. "It made Sirius mad, I mean..." He smirked. "_More mad_, following the plan, and by the end of it he was completely, _insanely_ in love with the bloke. It sort of reinforced his feelings, I guess. So, I reckon –"

"It'll do the same for Remus." Evans nodded. "Right. Then he'll be sure about his feelings enough to voice them."

Potter smiled at her bright wit. "But just don't say it's from me, because I'm pretty sure he won't do it then. Just casually introduce it as your own brainwork, or something."

"What do I say?" Lily took another glimpse at him from the paper. "My imagination isn't that great. How will I get him to –"

James cut in, "It doesn't really matter what you say, just tell him to follow the steps. He's lamb. Just, state your reasons well enough, and he'll be on it."

"Hmm, I should probably rewrite this," she said as she studied the paper. "Your handwriting is absolutely horrendous."

"I know, sorry." James pouted. He subtly stared at Lily as she read the paper through once more. A smile danced on her lips, and warmed his heart greatly.

"Also I should probably leave the step descriptions out, don't you think?" She glanced up, and saw James nodding at her. "If that's all right."

He smiled. "You can do that, if you want."

"Can I ask you just one thing, though?" Lily muttered, and as soon as James had said yes, she continued. "Why don't ask Pettigrew to help you?"

James stared at her in an unwavering manner. "I need brains to do this."

"Right, of course." She smiled apologetically. "My mistake. But um... don't tell me I have to introduce this is as a love plan? I'm sure Remus won't agree to do anything of the sort. He's... I don't even have word for him."

"No, you can do whatever you want with it. I'm sure you will think of something absolutely brilliant."

Lily placed the paper on the table. "Is there a deadline with this thing?"

"Not exactly," James replied as he stood up. He pressed his palms on the table. "Just remember that you're dealing with Sirius. He's got quite a temper, and the sooner this is done, the sooner we'll all be in peace."

"Yes, that temper of his I shouldn't forget."

As he was leaving, he said sheepishly, "Thank you, Lily, this means a lot to me."

She fiddled the plan and smiled oddly warmly at him. "You really care about their happiness, don't you?"

Potter frowned at that a little. "Of course I do. They're my best friends."

"You're a great friend yourself, James."

James merely nodded at her once more and walked out of the library, and only afterwards he realised that Lily had called him by his first name.

* * *

Another hour later, an entirely drenched Remus appeared in the very same library chair Potter had sat earlier. His cheeks and nose were slightly red, and he was sniffling, which alarmed Lily a bit.

She stared at him. "Sugar, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Remus rubbed his shivering hands together, and sniffed. "Why do you ask?"

"You look as if... you've been... doing something water related. You swim with your clothes on, now?"

The boy chuckled. "I was outside."

"Obviously, but in this weather?" Lily put down her quill. "What were you thinking?"

Remus puffed warm air into his hands to warm them up. He shook his head, grinning. "I wasn't, not really. That's the strangest thing; I just walked and suddenly I realised I was outside, and then it was raining – and I got wet, but... I didn't care." Lily rolled the parchment she had been writing, and put it on top of a pile of books after tying it down. The boy watched her gather her quills and ink bottles, and then uttered softly, "I was completely wrong about him, Lily."

"About who?"

Remus smiled to himself. He played with this dripping shirt sleeve. "You know who."

"Oh, _him_." Lily feigned a surprised tone, and nodded at him. "I told you he doesn't hate you."

Lupin was quiet for a second and then noted, "How do you know that? I didn't say anything."

The girl shrugged nonchalantly, and concealing her mistake, she said, "Lucky guess I suppose. So, what happened?"

Evans brought her schoolbag to her lap, and started to organise her things in it. Remus ruffled his damp hair. "He, er... He talked about pie."

"What about pie?"

Remus smiled stupidly while staring into the distance. "It was chocolate covered –"

"Hardly my point."

"Oh." Lupin ceased fantasising, and leaned into his chair with his whole, wet figure. After a moment of silence and just watching Lily pack her satchel, he said, "He told me that he loves pie and that I'm the pie."

Lily smiled knowingly as she stopped ramming the books into her bag. He turned to look at the boy who fidgeted in his seat. "And with that, Remus, he actually meant he loves _you, _you realise that right?"

Remus stared at her like he'd never seen her before, and frowned slightly. "I'm the pie, Lily."

"Yes you are; but why are you acting like you realised it just now?"

"No it's just... I, er..." His eye twitched, and he moved on the edge of his seat, leaning closer to the girl. "Everything was a bit hazy after he told me." He shook his head at himself. "No, scratch that, _a bit_ won't do justice. I was utterly blown away."

The girl grinned. "Then you must have... _seriously blacked_ out."

"That's not funny."

"Then why are you smiling?"

Lupin didn't know, so he muttered, "I don't know." Lily snickered at his completely baffled appearance, and finished packing her bag. She stood up, and Remus followed, mumbling, "I really thought he was just angry at me. I still don't know what about, but... He wasn't."

"Evidently," Lily said helpfully as she swung the packed bag onto her shoulder. She waved at Madame Pince, who of course saw nothing, and then turned to look at Remus who was scampering and dripping wet on the floor next to her. The boy still had a silly smile on his lips. Lily shook her head, and tried not to laugh at his dreaming face. "Are you all right?"

"I kissed him."

"Again?" Lily whispered as they walked towards the library doors. She adjusted the strap on her shoulder, and said quietly to Remus, who walked bside him. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you've got a crush on the bloke. The way you keep kissing him..." She shook her head. "It's like you have feelings for him."

Remus bit his lip as he leaned down to whisper, "He didn't kiss me back."

Evans frowned at him. "Are you sure he didn't just faint? That might explain it."

"No, he talked to me after that," Remus said and ran a hand through his wet hair. "He just didn't... I made a fool of myself."

"Don't think about it too much, sugar," Evans said as they had entered the corridor ourside the library. "Tell me, what did you do right after he... uh –" She lowered her voice. "Confessed his everlasting love for you and you kissed him?"

"I left?" Remus mumbled.

Lily stopped and stared at him up above. "Why did you do that? Are you dumb?"

"I don't know!" Remus whined pathetically. "I guess I thought... he first talked in a way that it all seemed very real, but when I... I mean he _didn't_, and I wanted to – I mean I didn't want to... but he obviously didn't either, and I should have, er, I mean..." He gritted his teeth. "_I can't think_."

"No, you can't."

Remus whimpered at her as they continued to walk, and his voice was not louder than a whisper. "Why did I kiss him, Lily? He was probably just... Oh my god."

"It's not that bad," the girl muttered back. "You're overreacting. He's your friend, it's going to be fine."

"Yeah..." Remus tried to agree, but then shook his head. "No. I think there must be something wrong with me. I always believe everything they say. Everything! I have no rubbish filter!"

Lily pursed her lips as she stopped again. It seemed from their constant stopping as though they were still in the library. Reaching her arms up and grabbing Remus by his shoulders, the girl went, "So, did I understand this correctly? He talked about kissing you, and when you did just that, he didn't reciprocate?" Lupin nodded feebly, and she continued, "Did you _want_ to kiss him?"

"I don't know!" Remus whispered, and stared at her with a pair of beseeching eyes. "I wanted to make him feel better. He told me there were different ways of cheering him up, and –"

"There were different ways and you chose to kiss him? Huh." Evans grinned and let go off him. "I don't think you wanted to kiss him _at all_."

Staying in his place as the girl walked away from him, Remus blinked at her back. He ran up to her – or took a few long strides towards her for his legs were that much longer than hers – and mumbled, "He seemed so earnest when he spoke. Then why didn't he..."

Evans shrugged, and waved happily to a painting. "Look, honey, you can never know what's going on inside that bonehead of his."

They reached the second floor stairs, and talking while walking, the boy tried his hardest not to trip on his own legs. "You reckon he might have been... exaggerating his feelings?"

Lily shrugged again. "That, or... playing a simple prank on you, just as you thought yourself earlier."

"Could he really do that?" Remus breathed, but immediately shook his head. "No... he cannot be that wicked."

"You suspected him earlier also, remember?"

"That was when I didn't know what he was... Ah, you honestly think he was just having me on?"

Lily shook her head. "Does it matter what I think?"

The second floor corridor opened in front of them. Remus frowned at the girl, who kept his eyes straight ahead of them. "No, I'm not willing to believe that he would play such a prank on me. Maybe he was just surprised... He only had just told me. He was basically expecting me to tell him to sod off."

"You want to be absolutely sure he's in love with you?"

Very smartly Remus answered, "Well, I just... I should probably; _no_, I mean err... he's very, I wish, yes."

Lily tapped his shoulder soothingly. "You truly are an intellectual, Remus. I envy you and your deathly sharp articulation."

He ignored her and said, "Should I just ask him? But honestly... I don't want to do that. I'm too embarrassed to function correctly."

"No, you're right, you shouldn't do that. He'll wreak havoc if he thinks you doubt the intensity of his feelings." Lily stopped suddenly and opened her bag. "Actually... I was going through a book about relationships in the Muggle world – please, do not ask me why – and I happened to found this. Try that."

As Remus stared at her, she handed the rewritten plan to him. The boy who took it hastily from her, and opened the parchment. "The System?" Over the paper he looked at her. "What is this? And really, _why_ did you write it down?"

"I was bored, I guess. Apparently, it's a list of pointers that will help you get what you want, once you've executed them in that exact order. I'm truly surprised that I happened to find this the very same day you have the precise problem." He smiled overly enthusiastically.

"This helps me to get what I want?" Remus sniffled as they resumed walking. "Which is?"

Lily rolled her eyes to no one. "Well in this case, you want to know whether Black truly has strong feelings for you."

"Oh, yes." Remus turned his gaze towards the paper. He blinked heavily at it. "Right. I have to get some sort of affirmation on that."

A small group of nervous first graders dissolved as soon as they saw the Head Girl approaching. Lily gave their fleeing backs a heartening smile.

Lupin muttered, "Lily, when he was talking to me, somehow I felt warmer than –"

"Remus, honey, focus," Lily interjected, and tapped his arm. "Read the paper. And don't think about anything else."

Sighing heavily, Remus proceeded on reading the scribbling on the paper, while trying to keep up with Lily's quick feet. "This seems very idiotic."

"If it makes you feel any better, according to my research it was an actual idiot, who invented the system in the first place. But it's effective nonetheless, so don't worry about it."

"What do these steps mean, exactly?" Remus sniffed, and waved the paper in front of her. "What is this? Could you explain this to me?"

"It's called The System, as you already read yourself," she said, and smiled at him. "Each of the letters make a step, as you can also see. You will do these steps on Black, in order, and you will learn the truth about..." She hesitated a second. "_His_ feelings."

Remus almost tripped because he was staring at her.

"Read the first step."

"Right," the boy mumbled, and did as he was told.

"Out loud, thank you," Lily noted.

"Oh." Remus took a deep breath. "'Speak highly of myself'." He nodded as if he understood perfectly what that meant, but in actuality he didn't. A frown appeared on his face again. "No, what does that mean?"

Lily smiled. "You should talk highly of yourself to him, obviously. That way he'll know that you have considerably high self-esteem, and you won't freak out if he doesn't actually love you as much as he said earlier. After that he knows that your spirit is not dependent of his compliments and actions."

Remus sighed, defeated. "All right, I play along. How does this help me know his feelings better?"

"Oh uh." The girl faltered with wide eyes. "It's... kind of a stepping stone."

"So it does nothing?"

"Never say nothing."

"What?" Remus cocked his brow. Lily wasn't sure. "And you said I should act like I have a high self-esteem... I should be lying?"

"Honey, you have self-esteem coming out of your arse. You should show it sometimes."

Lupin chuckled, and turned his eyes back to the paper. "The second one is 'yes to casual praise'. It probably means I have to flatter him?"

"Correct." Lily nodded.

"How does that help me? I do not understand these steps."

"Er, that way he sees that you're not a total dork." Lily smiled affectionately at him. "Not that you are one, of course. It also shows him that this whole possible dating business is not a new thing to you."

Remus stared at her. He mumbled, "So I'd be lying again? This whole thing is just lying? I can't do that."

She ignored him. "If you compliment him, he starts wondering where you have learnt all that. If his feelings are as strong as he says they are, he probably gets ragingly jealous. That tells you, he doesn't want you to have had anything with anyone else." She narrowed her eyes. "Yeah?"

"All right, but a ragingly jealous Sirius Black?" Lupin swallowed nervously. His eyes found hers quickly, and he seemed very perplexed. "I'd be mad to want that happen. I don't wish to be hurt."

"I promise I'll have Pomfrey ready."

"Thank you," Remus muttered as he read the next step from the paper. "He'll probably eat me alive."

Lily managed to suppress a smirk as she walked beside him, turning her eyes away and to something completely else, like to an interesting brick wall rather than his troubled face – for like a proper lady _and_ a concerned friend, she probably would have burst out laughing if she had even spared another glance at the boy. Lupin was _so_ lost. "Yes, he most likely will."

They reached yet another corridor in the never-ending castle.

"Does 'something new' mean I have to start a hobby? I haven't got time for that." Remus shook his head. "I mean, I have the Ancient Runes essay, and..." He stopped talking, and frowned. "Brilliant. I can't even remember my assignments – but I haven't the time."

"It doesn't mean that," Lily snickered, still looking at anything else than him. "It means you must tell him something about yourself you haven't told him before. Better start with something extremely mundane. If he's interested in _that_, then... well, you know what it means."

Remus huffed. "Finding something dull about myself to tell him... that shouldn't be too hard. He probably thinks I'm the dullest person that ever lived."

"That is probably true."

After a moment of silence during which Remus ogled at the paper and Lily at the walls, Remus said, "I hope this next step doesn't actually mean I have to turn a table around, because that wouldn't make any sense at all."

"No one is expecting you to do that. You haven't got the muscle," Lily said clinically as they started to climb the flight of stairs towards the Gryffindor tower. "'Turn the tables' means you should surprise him by telling him about your own feelings. If he is playing a mere silly prank on you, at this step he would at the latest give up. If he sees you coming at him and if he doesn't actually want you –" Lily's heart twisted at the sight of Remus' face at that moment, but she bravely continued. "He will tell you that."

"I have to tell him about my feelings?"

"That is what I just said, Remus."

"Lily..." He almost tripped again, but got a hold on the handrail. "What feelings? I don't have feelings for him."

"Don't worry about it now," Lily said knowingly. "You will have."

Remus frowned at her profile. "What does that mean?"

"Oh nothing." She shook her head, and flashed a quick smile at him. "It's a figure of speech. Try not to blunder."

"I'm trying to read this bloody thing."

Lily smirked as she hurried the stairs up. But as soon as she saw how Remus was actually struggling to stay up, she stopped moving. "You coming?"

Remus ruffled his hair again with his free hand. It was now almost dry. "'Exaggerate aloneness'?"

"You should spend some time alone after the other steps," the girl explained. "If not completely alone, then at least not with him. This makes him think he should be more open about his feelings with you or he will surely lose you. He will go berserk just to be with you. That is if his feelings are true."

"That sounds absolutely dreadful. I don't want to do that."

"You must," she said gravely while they took their final steps towards the common room door. She snapped her fingers. "Read the last step."

After a second the boy mumbled, "I don't understand this."

"Password?" the Fat Lady asked lazily but both of them decided to ignore her.

They had better things to think about.

Lily fixed her eyes on Remus' face, and smiled warmly at him. "You must _make a point_ that your feelings are not to be trifled with. He has to know that, therefore you have to tell him."

"What feelings?" Lupin asked desperately and shoved the paper back to the girl. To the painting he said, "I don't have any feelings."

The Fat Lady only nodded understandingly at him.

Evans shook her head as she watched Lupin tumble through the door after hastily mumbling the password to the waiting painting. Lily smiled to herself again, and muttered under her breath, "Oh... I wouldn't vouch that."

* * *

When Remus entered the common room with Lily, he immediately saw Sirius lounging in his usual place on the couch – of course Lily saw him as well, but it was Remus who automatically fixed his eyes on the boy; not that he would ever admit that. Lily whispered something to his ear, nudged him gently in the side, and left quickly for her dormitory, leaving Remus all alone with his thoughts. He drew a deep breath, licked his lips, and slowly walked up to Sirius, who had not seen nor heard they enter the room for he was obviously a manly nap. Remus carefully sat next to his legs on the couch, and poked him in the shoulder with his index finger. "Sirius?"

The guy immediately jerked awake, mumbling something about flying crocodiles. Remus watched him yawn. "Why are you sitting here all by yourself?"

Sirius ran a hand over his sleepy eyes. "Potter left again for some stupid last minute Quidditch practice, and Pete decided to have a bath."

"What a great decision."

Black straightened his back and sat properly on the couch. "Um, are you okay? You kind of ran from –"

"I'm fine," Remus interrupted hastily. He stared at Sirius and pondered Lily's words. "No, actually... I'm brilliant. But that's what I am... I guess."

After yawning, Sirius stared back at him, astonished. "You're brilliant?"

Remus nodded, and said quietly, "I am, aren't I?"

"You really don't sound okay," Sirius muttered carefully.

"What do you mean?" Lupin asked and scratched his neck. "I'm perfectly all right."

With furrowed his brows Sirius kept his eyes on Remus' face. He straightened his dishevelled hair. "It's just not like you to say stuff like that."

Remus tilted his head, not averting his eyes even though a slight blush crept on his cheeks. "So I should... lie about being clever?"

"You know I didn't mean that."

"But I am clever," the geek went on. He took a quick look over his shoulder and at a small group of girls at the study table. They were playing cards – but that did not interest him. He turned his eyes back on Sirius'. "It's not as if I'm saying I'm handsome or anything, because _that_ would be an outright lie."

Sirius stared at him affectionately. He murmured, "No, it wouldn't."

Remus moved his gaze to watch his lap, frowning slightly. He gulped as he felt the blush grow deeper on his cheeks. To his knees he uttered, "You shouldn't stare."

"Well, I can't help it. You're like a flypaper and I'm... I'm a hairy moth. I'm stuck; I can't even think of budging."

"You should try harder then," Remus said to him, still not looking.

"I shouldn't have to try anything _harder_," Black mumbled, trying to catch Remus' eyes in his own; he failed, though, and sighed. As Remus still wouldn't look at him, Sirius stroked his own cheek. "I'm pretty. I should get stuff more easily, without additional trying. If I can't have anything free in this world by being beautiful, what's the bloody point?"

The werewolf chuckled and finally glanced at him. "So you're saying you should have the permission to stare at me because you're beautiful?"

Sirius pondered it for a second. "Yeah. That makes total sense."

Lupin tried not to smile, but of course he failed miserably. "You being pulchritudinous has nothing to do with the fact that I still don't like to be stared at."

"Did... did you just call me a disease?" Sirius asked, with something that reminded horror on his face. "That's low."

Remus smiled warmly. "Pulchritudinous means attractive. It's one of those crossword puzzle words." When Sirius only ogled at him again, Remus mumbled, "Oh yes, I'm sorry; I forgot James forbade us to boost your ego anymore. Sorry, just forget I said anything. And..." He lightly touched Sirius' arm, whispering, "Please don't tell James. I can't handle his wrath."

"Don't worry about that," Black murmured breathlessly, and leaned forward, closer to the boy. He watched Remus draw his hand away. "So... _you_ think I'm attractive?"

"It's a popular opinion, Sirius. I'm only saying it to your face." Remus blinked, trying his best not to seem like he was nervous – he actually even wasn't, it was just a misconception, why would he be nervous around Sirius? That was _absolutely_ stupid – yet, he still played with the sofa cushion as if he was under a lot of pressure. "What would you like to hear? That you're as good-looking as Filch on Saturday morning? You are well aware that's not true."

"Yeah, you're right." Sirius bit his lip and watched the boy fidged next to him. "Why don't you like being looked at? I don't understand."

Lupin flashed a tense smile, and turned his eyes to his lap again. It was rather engaging. "When people stare at me, I get the feeling that they're trying to pry every last secret out of me, and I don't like it. If I want to tell people something, I shall... in my own time."

Black watched intimately the boy's strained face as though he was trying to learn what he had meant. He asked, "Do you get that feeling with me? When I stare at you?" Then he huffed a bit, trying to laugh at himself. "I do that a lot."

Remus looked up and studied his features. With a frown he answered, "I don't know. With you... I feel there might be also something else. Almost if..."

"What?" Sirius breathed inaudibly.

"It's silly, but it's as though... I'd like to stare back?" The Animagus' eyes widened considerably at this, and Remus had to smile at his reaction. It was a nice reaction. His smile widened a bit. "You know how you're not supposed to stare at cats, because they might attack you?"

Black had his eyes nailed on him. After all, Remus was glue. "Don't stare at cats, Remmie. Cats are evil."

"What is it with you and cats?"

"Forget the cats," Sirius hurried, and wiggled his fingers at Remus' face. "Did you say that you want to stare at me?"

"I think..." Remus started, and his voice quieted before he continued. "I get the same feeling with you as one does with cats. It's like if I stare at you for too long, you might... attack me."

Sirius concurred, "That is true."

Lupin shook his head. "So I don't stare at you, because I don't want to get mauled. No one wants that."

"Oh, you're thinking of different kind of attacking." Black nodded and inched closer. His fingers glided on the soft velvet of the sofa. He tried to engage Remus' eyes with his again, and this time he succeeded perfectly. "I'd never maul you."

"Then how would you attack me?"

Sirius shrugged nonchalantly as his stare never left Remus. "Probably... lips first."

Remus inhaled sharply. "What?"

"Because you know, I'd like to kiss you again," Sirius said quietly so no one else heard him. He moved again a bit closer to the boy.

"But you didn't kiss me," Remus muttered soundlessly, and fidgeted under Sirius' affectionate gaze. "I don't... um, _you_ didn't want to do that, right? That's what I gathered."

Sirius didn't understand at all. He had never looked more serious. "No, I'm pretty sure I did; I still do. Very badly." Remus didn't move a muscle, and just kept ogling Sirius back, and that's when something dawned on Sirius. "Oh, you thought that... What did you think?"

"Well, you didn't kiss me back, so..." Lupin averted his eyes again. He mumbled to himself, "I thought that... it was just me that wanted to –"

Sirius interjected by whispering, "Could we try it again?"

* * *

**A/N:** Remus is bad with the plan. Maybe even worse than Sirius... and that's saying a lot.


	10. Should I Wake Up Now or What

**A/N: **Yeah, right, so.

_Crimsonyaokiku_ wrote in their review that "_James and Lily need to force Remus and Sirius into a cramped broom closet and lock the door_", and that got me thinking. Unfortunately, like always, thinking got me nowhere and here's the result.

THANKS AGAIN for all the reviews, and story & author alerts. You guys are the bomb. (Not a dungbomb.) x x

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter is not mine. The Marauders are not mine. James' socks are not mine – thank God.

**Beta: **No beta, only me.

* * *

Sirius watched the boy finger the sofa cushion as a reply to his suggestion.

Suddenly Remus' eyes were fixated on him. "Look, I feel I need to tell you that it doesn't really bother me that you want to do those things... to me, with me?" He made a baffled face. "But I'm... I'm still taking in the whole fact that you're..." He lowered his voice. "That you _fancy _me. You have to admit, it's fairly new information, very _strange_ information, and because of that I don't know how to react at all."

Sirius could only stare at him. If he wouldn't have breathed, he'd been as still as a statue. Sirius the Statue, covered in owl poop. Why, you ask?

Why not?

Lupin glanced at his lap again. "I think –" He failed to continue. He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut again, shrugged and slumped against the couch. "See? I'm hopeless. I cannot even seem to comprehend what I'm trying to say, and... then I should know how to act correctly in this situation. I'm sorry."

Black inhaled as he tried to keep his hands on his own lap, and not touch the boy in front of him. "I promise not to say a word about it again, if you don't want me to. Just don't hate me."

"What are you...?" Lupin frowned, and then hurried, "No, I'm not trying to say I want you to... stop." Sirius only stared as he rubbed his face tiredly; Remus seemed to be thinking the whole thing very thoroughly, for the crease on his forehead was there again. "I should just... This is very –" Lupin dropped his hands, turned his eyes to Sirius once again, and chuckled lightly, "All right."

As usual, Sirius didn't understand. "What?"

"I said all right," Remus repeated. He smiled faintly at Sirius. "I don't mean the kissing part, but the fact that you fancy me... I guess I'm all right with that. I might as well try and get used to it, for I'm fairly certain you won't give up, but please, don't attack me."

Freshly crowned Sirius the Sweaty Statue blinked feverishly, and nodded like the serious man he was. And just like earlier, he stared at the boy in front of him, but this time he wasn't told to stop – Remus only watched him back and smiled at him instead of telling him to piss off with his ogling eyes. Black tried subtly to fan his shirt as he asked, "Does this mean... that you er... fancy me back?"

Remus smiled lopsidedly. "Let's not jump into conclusions."

Sirius hummed, "Yeah, those are... bad, right?"

"No, it depends on the conclusion," Remus told him, and for a second or two his smile was a bit wider; but when he turned his eyes to watch someone else rather than Sirius, the smile returned to the smallest one possible – yet, Sirius was easily able to distinguish even _that_ as a smile. "I've come to the conclusion myself that evidently I've hurt my head quite badly at some point, because I just cannot seem to get my thoughts together. They are all over the place, thanks to you."

The boy next to him nodded vigorously. "So... what are you going to do with them messy thoughts of yours?"

Remus rested his head on the backrest of the couch, but his gaze never left Sirius. A lazy smile stayed on his lips. "I think that after digesting everything properly, I shall know how I really feel about this. Now I'm very confused."

Sirius only fanned his shirt as retort.

"I'd like to know one thing, though," Lupin resumed silently. "_Why_ me?"

Black forgot his shirt. "What do you mean why you? Do I need a reason to lo..." He blinked. "Eh, _like_ you? Stupid question. I don't have to answer that."

Remus frowned amusedly. "I'm sorry, I was just wondering, because you could honestly have anyone you wanted. And... no one ever likes _me_."

"I don't want _anyone_, I want..." Sirius ogled at him in disbelief, and let the revealing words die on his tongue. "What are you even talking about? Everyone likes you. Have you seen that Hufflepuff?"

Shaking his head, Remus said, "_Everyone_ has forgotten to mention it then." He shrugged lightly. "However, I'm not surprised; there isn't really anything exceptionally marvellous about me. I'm boring. You realise that, right? I don't share your never-ending briskness, for example."

Sirius looked horrified. "You're just flat wrong."

Remus said nothing while he waited a proper answer.

"But you said yourself just a moment ago that you're brilliant and clever," Sirius tried, tilting his head. "Where did you leave that?"

"Oh... I forgot about _that_." With narrowed eyes Remus seemed to think about something, and it was doing very strange things to Sirius' insides – or, to what was left of them. Remus flashed a nervous smile to him. "You know, forget about that... It was foolish."

"You being clever was foolish? You've talked a lot of rubbish today."

The geek lifted his legs on the couch, and crossed his hands under them, focusin his eyes firmly on Sirius. "I really want to know. Why do you fancy me?" He laughed tensely, as if trying to make his words less serious.

Grinning widely at the adorable idiot, Sirius said, "Fishing for compliments, are we?"

"No," Lupin said, and smacked him slightly in the arm. He scrunched up his nose. "I just want to know, because you seem to be so dead set on this. You must have a reason." He furrowed his brows. "Or few."

Sirius stared at his expecting face, and didn't really need time to think. He leaned forward to whisper, "You're amazing at everything."

"Certainly that's not true. I might be good at some things, but everything –"

"Oh, it is true. And just like I told you earlier today, this all, what I'm feeling, started off as admiration for all that amazing you are. I mean... You're patient and good-natured, which –" Sirius tried not to laugh. "Which is _a lot_ when you hang around with us. "

Remus pursed his lips. "In other words I'm a dull, naive pushover?"

"Did I just say that? No, you're like a bloody saint or something. See, you are very forgiving of a person, and never really angry." Sirius shrugged. "Well, maybe you are sometimes, but I'm fine with that. I like that."

"You like me when I'm angry?" the werewolf asked, his face supporting an absolutely baffled expression. "That's not possible. I am horrible when I'm having a bad day._ I_ know that, so you must as well." He lifted his head from the couch, and leaned a bit closer to Sirius, whispering, "Once I almost wanted to hit James."

"Understandable," Sirius said back, and watched as the boy leaned back against the sofa. "Also, this one time you almost made _me_ almost pee my pants, and it wasn't that nice –" When Remus made a horrified face at him, Sirius shut his mouth. "What I mean to say is that even though you kind of scare us, sometimes, when you're angry, because you're usually always so calm and unflappable... and to be clear, you're also the only person besides Evans who can make Potter's self-esteem totter... a rhyme! A tottering Potter... Potter totters on Tuesdays."

Lupin smiled at him. "Concentrate."

"Right, sorry." Black licked his lips. He briefly closed his eyes as if to think thoroughly, but that was just an illusion. He was like James. "Eh, you being angry and... _stuff_, it makes me... kind of like you more."

"Angry and stuff?" Remus stared at him amusedly. "What does that mean?"

"Because when you're angry, you... er –"

Sirius muttered something unclear to him, and Remus had to ask despite of his sensitive hearing, "I what?"

"You... _sweat_. Slightly."

For a moment Lupin only stared at him with widened eyes, but suddenly he burst out laughing; he had to hold his stomach, and with surging giggles he was about to fall off the couch and on his back on the floor, but Sirius caught his shirt hem just in time, and pulled him right back. Remus' cheeks were flushed with colour and there were honest tears in his eyes, but somehow he managed to splutter between breaths, "Oh sweet mother..."

"Hey!" Sirius pouted as he steadied Lupin on the couch, his hands never leaving Remus' hem. "Don't laugh! I'm serious!"

Remus still kept snorting as he let go off his stomach, and ran a finger under his watering eyes. "Honestly, you've got to be kidding me –"

"Am not, though," Black said earnestly to him, and slowly eased the grip of his clothes even though he really didn't want to. Over Remus' shoulder he took a glimpse at the girls, who were staring at them from the table, surprised. He flashed a smiled at them, and they immediately turned back to their cards.

As his sniggering slowly ceased and he just rested there staring at Sirius, who looked _rather_ serious to be exact, Remus asked, "What do you suggest? That I take a shower every time I get mad at you, so you won't get any ideas?"

"What?" Sirius blinked. He was not thinking about Remus in the shower.

Remus grinned ridiculously. "Nothing. But, do I smell bad or something? I've asked you this before. Has this something to do with Padfoot?"

"Okay, forget the sweating. There's more to you than just that."

The lycanthrope laughed. "Thank you!"

Sirius was about to say something, but he closed his mouth, and after a moment he muttered, "Actually... Don't move."

He got up, ran up the stairs to their dormitory room, and after a minute he was sitting again before Lupin, now handing him a ruffled piece of torn parchment.

Remus eyed the paper suspiciously, but took it from Sirius nevertheless. "What is this?"

"Open it."

The boy opened the paper carefully and after reading the title his cheeks flushed again. Sirius' subtly gasped at the sight.

"You..." Lupin's words trailed away as he kept reading the words. A second later he glanced up, and said, "You spelled my name wrong. See, _Remie_. I think it's actually spelled with two M's."

Sirius smiled sheepishly. "I told you before, I can't write. I mean I can, but..." He squinted. "You know. Hand-brain-connection."

As Remus merely continued reading the list, he chuckled lightly under his breath. After a long moment, which was more than enough for him to read the list through – and during which Sirius almost grew a beard similar to Dumbledore's – Remus turned to look at him again. At some point Sirius had moved just a tad closer, but Remus didn't notice that. "This is absolutely horrendous."

Sirius stared at him, suddenly terrified. "What?"

"You _really_ need to work on your grammar," Remus told him, shaking his head slightly as he kept his peepers on the paper.

That had almost given Sirius a heart attack! He exhaled, his lungs trembling, and pushing himself to calm down once again, he muttered, "Well... Maybe you could tutor me like you said."

"You would like that?" Remus asked, and smiled warmly at him. "It's been a while since I've tutored anyone, but I suppose I could do that. Just you and me; it would be fun."

"Fun he says..." Sirius was completely captivated by his lips. "Yeah, that or... torture... or whatever."

"Tomorrow, right after classes then." His eyes glinting oddly, Remus again turned back to the list.

For a minute or two, there really were no other sounds except for Remus' low chuckles as he reread the list, and Sirius' evidently difficult breathing as he stared at him (in a rather subtle manner, one might add); the way how Remus' mouth occasionally curved upwards, that – _that_ made his heart pound achingly. Yet since he'd been hiding the aforementioned pounding actively for a few years already, Sirius was certain he was able to do it again.

During those few minutes, _Sirius_ heard nothing except for the rhythm of his own heart, throbbing in his eardrums.

Of course the five other Gryffindors in the common room might have disagreed on those sounds, but the two boys couldn't have cared less about their opinions at that moment.

Thankfully, the little girls left those two alone in return.

"Um, Remmie?"

Lupin didn't even glance up at him. "Yes?"

Not sure if he was gulping because he was trying to drown the sound of pounding in his ears, or because he was almost certain the beating heart was about to lunge out of his mouth, Sirius croaked, "What do you think of the list?"

"Well, I can agree with some of the things here, but..." Remus sniggered cordially. Obviously he hadn't heard anything weird. "I'm hardly sexy."

Sirius retorted under his breath, "You have no idea."

Remus stared intently at the paper. "Well, I don't understand why you would even do that."

"Do what?"

"Find _me_ sexy, Sirius. I'm not a girl." At last Lupin looked up at him, and with the paper he gestured towards his own chest. "See, no breasts."

At that Sirius huffed, offended. "Don't you think I know that you're a bloke? _I know_ that you're a bloke, Remus."

Remus turned his eyes back to the interesting paper. "I'm sorry."

Now sighing, Sirius pulled his long legs on the sofa, and managed to find a comfortable position as he leaned a bit closer to the boy. He flailed his hands as he explained, "Look, it's not like I planned this. I didn't wake up one morning a few years ago, and decide that '_blimey I should fall in love with a bloke today, preferably Remus'_, but it happened." He shook his head. "Not... in one day, but over the years, obviously, because you know, I'm not Potter..." Lupin had forgotten the list, and was now watching intently Sirius, as he continued mumbling. "I'm sorry I'm putting this kind of weight on your shoulders, as if you don't have enough burden already." He seemed to be in pain. "You know how much I hate apologising, but I really am sorry."

Remus' mouth hanged slightly open as he stared at him in a way Sirius had never seen before. He then uttered, "You don't have to apologise. You're not a burden. Of course you're not..."

Sirius presumably chewed on his tongue, so he wouldn't have the stick it into the werewolf's throat.

The lycanthrope scratched his neck. "Somehow I feel it's me, who should be apologising you, for making you feel bad for all these years. I really had no idea that you –"

"Don't," Sirius interrupted plainly. "You have never made me feel bad."

Lupin gave him a small smile before he dropped his gaze, almost if embarrassed; his eyes caught Sirius' long fingers fiddling with his trouser leg, but he said nothing. Sirius almost swooned as he realised Remus didn't slap his fingers away from him.

"This list..." Remus cleared his throat and lifted the paper from his lap to read it again. "You like me because I'm shorter than you?"

Black kept fingering the soft fabric of Remus' trousers. He seemed like he was daydreaming – and he probably was. "Your height is perfect... ideal... when I, um –" When Remus said nothing but only raised his eyes to look at him, Sirius blinked and muttered, "Kiss."

"Kiss?"

"You," Sirius sputtered quietly. "I'd like that."

Suddenly Remus stared at Sirius's fingers again. They had carefully climbed a tad higher on the cloth. "You want to kiss me?"

Black breathed immediately, "Yes please. Now? We could go to the –"

Folding the paper, Remus shook his head in an amused fashion. "No."

Sirius pouted childishly at him, and let go off his trouser. Leaning closer he mumbled quietly, "But you kissed me earlier, why you're saying no now!"

"I wanted to make you feel better." Remus shot a quick look at him.

"Oh, well then..." Sirius began, licking his lips. "I feel _very_ sad right now –"

"Sirius."

Changing the licking to huffing idiotically, Sirius shifted more comfortably on his place, and leaned his back against the sofa. "Look, I understand if you have no feelings for me –"

Lupin looked him in the eye. "I don't think I said that."

"What?"

Leaning into the sofa in a similar way as Sirius, Remus flashed a nervous smile to him. "You keep saying _what_ a lot."

Sirius whispered, "You have feelings for me?"

As Remus handed the now-folded paper back to him, their fingers touched briefly – but naturally no one was going to mention it. Sirius wanted to repeat that connection, taking it a bit further and hopefully with his tongue. Remus bit his lip nervously. "Let's talk about something else."

"_No_, let's talk about this," Sirius mumbled demandingly. "How do you feel?"

With Sirius merely wathing him, waiting an answer, Remus took a glimpse of the girls behind him; as he noticed they were deeply absorbed in their own conversation, he turned his eyes back to Sirius and said quietly, "I already told you, I'm very confused. That's what I feel. Confusion."

"Is there anything I could do to help?" Sirius tilted his head faintly. "I know we already established that I'm very bad at helping, but –"

Remus smiled at him. "You don't have to help me. I shall figure this out on my own."

"I mean, maybe if we would just –"

"We're not going to kiss, Sirius." Black pouted again at him, but Remus ignored him completely, and rested his head again against the couch. He sighed and sank into the cushion, eyeing a small group of people that emerged from the tower door. He smiled contently at no one as he muttered, "You know, I should be proofreading my Runes essay once more, but I like sitting here." He turned his eyes to Sirius, and his smile widened.

"Well, that's because I'm far more entertaining than Runes could ever be."

Slowly sniggering, Remus uttered, "Even if I wanted to go and study, I probably wouldn't be able to move my bum off this couch."

"It's a great bum."

* * *

While waiting for their Ancient Runes professor to arrive to the classroom the next morning, the prude and the geek were having a _serious_ discussion in the back of the class. The talk wasn't about the seriousness of Lily's situation with one oddly-acting James Potter – she was certain he had hit his head on a brick wall (several times) as he wasn't bothering her constantly anymore; also they weren't discussing about Peter, because... why would have they done that.

As they weren't talking about their school work either, what subject was left for them?

Lily shook her head at the boy. "But it wasn't _that_ difficult! Are you kidding me?"

Remus searched through his satchel and muttered, "He has a strange presence these days. I cannot seem to concentrate whenever he's around." He placed his Ancient Runes textbook on the table in front of them, and he fixed his eyes on the gaping girl next to him. "And as you know, my concentration skills are usually immaculate."

"They aren't if you failed with the first step." Lily pursed her lips. "They're rotten."

"Not so much as failed as I discarded the first step altogether." Remus smiled to her, seeming a bit anxious. He took a glimpse of the people around them, hoping no one heard him speak. "In retrospect, it wasn't even necessary for me to tell him about my good qualities, for he seemed to know them already." A slight blush inhabited his neck. "I think he's –"

Evans closed her eyes as she interjected, "Please tell me you didn't tell him about the system."

"No," Remus muttered. Shaking his head he resumed digging his bag. "No, we just talked about... things. And with all we conversed about, I am fairly certain now that he's not joking around."

The girl tried not to grin. As someone might suspect, she did a brilliant job at it. "Is that so?"

"I never would have thought he truly..." Remus trailed off before he could finish his sentence. He turned his oddly hopeful eyes on her. "I don't think I need to do the other steps." He lowered his voice. "I know he fancies me; I'm sure of it now."

"How?" Lily asked bluntly. "_How_ do you know that?"

"He says a lot of things about kissing me." Remus tried not to smile himself as he rubbed his neck again. He quietly continued, "Other things, as well. He... he constantly touches me, or at least he tries to, and –" Suddenly his eyes widened. "And he has made a list of me. Yes, I'm sure I can get it from him, if you –"

The girl shook her head. "All of that is pure rubbish. For all we know he might have done all that when he was trying to score some time ago." She squinted. "You do not remember how he was just a few months ago snogging a bird in your dormitory, and in _your_ bed, above all? Don't tell me you've forgotten about that."

Remus shook his head. "I remember that, but maybe he was just –"

"No, don't think about it now." Lily lifted a convincing hand to touch his fidgeting shoulder. "Just follow the system, Remus. It makes all your doubts go away."

"Maybe I could just go to him, and –"

"Focus." Lily snapped her fingers in front of his face; he startled at the gesture, and instantly quieted down. "Don't daydream, it never works." Once Remus had quickly nodded at her, for _obviously_ she was right, she continued. "The second step. Now; are you going to do it today?"

"I don't want to," Remus said feebly with a desperate frown. He turned completely sideways on his seat, facing the girl better. "When I was with him yesterday, I could have _sworn_ that he was –"

Lily would have none of that. "Shut up. Just –"

"Follow the plan?" The boy sighed and gave in. He turned to his desk again, and leaned his face against the textbook he had on it. With his cheek squished against the hard book, he muttered, "Well, I guess you know these things better than I do. I really have no experience of..." His eye twitched a bit as he stopped talking, and the he nodded. Or at least he tried to nod. "Yes, I'm tutoring him tonight, so I could carry out the second step then, I suppose."

"Tutoring?" Lily asked, expressionless. "Sirius Black?"

"Yes," Remus said, and smiled to himself as he played with his fingers on the table. His middle and index ones were briskly marching towards the edge of the table. "I'm kind of looking forward to it."

Lily noticed their professor walk in the class, and she muttered, "Right. But just remember; the step is _only_ to flatter him. Nothing else. Keep that in mind."

The boy muttered something to the book.

"Try to keep your head together, sweetie," Lily reminded him, and slapped his neck so he would sit up. "I know it must be hard, for he's so..." She grimaced as Remus was again watching her face. "Dreamy."

He tilted his head as he watched Lily feign a disgusted shiver. "You know, you and James would get along just fine. You are very similar."

"Yes," Lily whispered and opened her book. "With the exception that _one_ of us has brains."

* * *

At the same time as Lily and Remus were having their dose of Ancient Runes, the three other Marauders were causing a severe headache to their Divination professor. Of course they were – studying quietly wasn't even an option for them.

Not when Divination was in question.

Sirius puffed angrily as he feverishly ogled inside of his tea cup. "I can't grasp this bloody thing at all." He shoved the cup to James, who was sitting in the armchair next to him. "Is that mush supposed to mean something? Like what? Some sort of black ooze is hitting me in the head today?"

"It's not that hard to understand, dummy." Potter snorted. He turned Sirius' cup around a few times in his hands while staring inside of it, and then he proceeded browsing through a thick text book on the table in front of them. "Uh..."

"This promises me sweets! All right!"

The professor grumbled lazily from the other side of the classroom, "Please keep your predictions to yourself, Mr Pettigrew. If someone wants to hear them, they shall ask you."

"Sorry, professor!"

Sirius sneered at Peter and leaned back in his fluffy armchair. "They're only sweets, Pete, not love – don't get those mixed up again."

Still staring at his cup, Peter frowned. "I've never heard the words '_only_' and '_sweets_' in the same sentence before."

"I figured it out," James suddenly muttered and showed the cup to Sirius. Once Sirius had moved closer to the edge of his chair, and was able to see the cup James was showing him, Potter said, "See, those are pants."

"Pants?"

"Or..." James leaned into the table to browse the book again. "The symbol of impending trip to the hospital wing." Making a face, he glanced at Sirius. "I suppose you can choose whichever sounds more appealing to you."

"Pants are nice," Peter noted, his voice muffled a little, since he was trying to lick the tea leaves from the bottom of his cup.

Nodding at James and then grimacing at Peter, Sirius said, "Or, maybe I'll strangle you two with my pants, and you end up in the hospital wing."

James shook his head, and lowered the cup on the table. He sat properly in his chair, and sank in it without even really trying. "Ending up in there this early on Monday morning does not sound even remotely plausible."

Sirius stared at him. "I promise to make sure of it, so '_plausible' _is not the right word for this occasion."

"Well, I like to use my extensive vocabulary as much as possible, and you should appreciate that," James told him, crossing his legs and his arms. "Just like you do with Moony. He uses the exact same words as I do, but you're not constantly whinging to him."

"Yeah, because he doesn't do it the same toplofty, peacocky manner that you do."

The second Sirius had uttered that, James' eyes grew in size behind his glasses. He breathed, "You did not just call me a peacock, you bastard."

"Oh, I think I did," Sirius said with a sneer, and then hissed, "And stop calling me a bastard. It's not my name."

Shaking his head again, James huffed back, "Well, your crazy arse mother might think otherwise. Should we ask her?" He made his hands the foot of a box, and put his face between them, mimicking a fireplace. "Hello, it's James Potter here! Isn't your son a bastard of the worst kind?"

"You want to see an arse, Potter?" Sirius got up, taking a hold of his trouser buttons. He started undoing them. "If you do, I'll give you one! In your face! I'll grind it there!"

"Keep your trousers on, you twat!" James yelled, breaking his imaginary fireplace, and smacked Sirius in the face with a pink pillow he found from the floor. "I've seen your arse too many times already! I don't care for it!"

"Mr Potter, cease shrieking!" Their professor hollered in a way women usually do – the raspiness of her voice contrasted beautifully against the pastel pillows of the classroom. She stepped closer to them, a blood-chilling glare on her face. "Mr Black, this is not the time to be stripping! As Mr Potter suggested, keep your trousers on!"

"Sorry professor!" the boys hollered back at her in unison but they kept their glowering eyes on each other. As Black sat down he was almost breathing fire.

Peter daydreamed next to them. "I wonder if I'll buy the sweets for tomorrow's Quidditch game."

Sirius the Puffing Dragon forgot that he was at war. He turned his eyes, which had stopped blazing, to Peter. "The game's tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Potter said from the edge of his own armchair, and took his own tea cup from the table. He stuck his long nose into it. "What do you think the late hour practices have been about? I told you last night."

"Eh..." Sirius scratched his head and slumped further into his chair. "You did? Guess I wasn't paying attention then."

"Obviously you weren't." James squinted at his annoyingly smirking tea leaves. He put the cup on the table, and took the book on his lap. "Now, if I'm reading those leaves right –"

Black nodded in an all-knowing manner. "Which you of course aren't..."

"If I'm reading these right," Potter repeated, already annoyed again, and after checking the textbook twice, his face fell. "Crap."

"What is it?" Sirius perked up and took James' hand, holding it and the cup in front of him, trying to peer inside of it. Naturally he didn't understand a thing about the mushed up leaves."Who's going to die?"

James said miserably, "My love life."

Black snorted and stuck his nose into the cup. "You're love life's going to die? That sounds very interesting."

"No, the prediction is about my love life."

Tilting his head, Sirius put the cup on the table, and smiled at James' pouting face. "So another impending trip to the hospital wing, then? Maybe you should put on a helmet before you go talking to Evans." James said nothing to him, and only nudged the open text book closer to him, grunting barbarically at it. The boy snatched the book and puffed, "What am I looking?"

"That symbol right there."

Black furrowed his brows, and read the text under the squiggly picture James had pointed at. "'True love comes not the way _You_ expect it to.'" He moved his eyes to James. "Meaning?"

"That was the meaning."

"Oh I'm sorry, I don't understand the utterly idiotic language of this pretentious rubbish," Sirius pattered sluggishly, and tossed the heavy book on the floor, in a mountain of pillows. He flailed his hands, huffing, "This whole bloody class, what a load of horse –"

"Maybe you would like to learn the language more explicitly in the detention tonight, Mr Black."

The boys turned around and saw their bizarre scarf-covered teacher scowling down at them.

Sirius frowned at her in return, and immediately pointed an accusing finger at James. "Well, Potter here called my mother an arse! Punish him! Preferably with a cactus!"

James snickered. "Your mother _is_ an arse."

Sirius threw him an irritated look. "Don't you think I know that!"

The professor sighed tiredly above them, rubbing her temples. "Perhaps Mr Potter would like to join you in your detention."

"I would not," Potter commented jovially.

"Arse, bloody _arse_ I say!" Peter hollered suddenly next to them. Sirius, James, and the teacher turned their respective disbelieving faces at him.

The rat stared at them in the eye, and yelled with all his might, "ARSE I TELL YOU!"

Now the whole class was staring at them, as usual – if someone was to ask any of them, they would say that this was a weekly entertaiment of theirs during the Divination class. Once the professor even had to cancel the double class because of the three of them, but when asked, no one would voice _why_.

"What are you, dense?" Sirius threw a pillow at Peter's red face whilst the professor just kept groaning desperately behind them and massaged the bridge of her nose.

She muttered, "Merlin, grant me power to deal with this..."

"I don't like to be alone with Moony," Peter whined at his friends once he had passed the dusty pillow on the floor. He rubbed his nose. "He's boring as hell... And who knows what _they_ do when they get bored. I don't want to die."

"Oh, shut up, Pete," Sirius grunted. "He's not boring, you're just bloody stupid."

James took off his glasses and shook his head. "That's an insult to stupid people."

Peter concurred, "Yeah! Wait... what?"

The almost forgotten professor stated then bluntly, "I want to see all three of you in detention tonight; and no complaining, or I will double the punishment. I'm getting tired of you three hooligans squabbling all the time during my classes."

"Honeslty, Madame, tea leaves? At least there's _some_ action in the classroom when –" Sirius began, but Potter silenced him with a frilled mauve pillow.

* * *

After the invigorating class of Ancient Runes, Remus and Lily were ready to leave the stuffy classroom, but their professor called out, "Mr Lupin, may I have a word with you?"

Remus frowned worriedly at his friend as professor Babbling gestured towards him. Lily gave him thumbs up, and left him to his doom.

He drew a deep breath, readjusted the satchel on his shoulder, and walked up to her. The youngish woman (on Hogwarts scale, that is) was standing in front of her desk, leaning on it, and holding Remus' essay roll in her hand.

Naturally Lupin saw the essay, but looked into her eyes. "Yes, professor?"

She smiled gently at him. "Mr Lupin, your essay was the very first I started reading just now, and I must say I was fairly surprised... That is why I called you up here. This has never happened with you before, Mr Lupin, so I wanted to ask you if you are all right."

Remus blinked, and strived to keep his eyes on her. "Is there something wrong?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you. There was one thing on your paper that immediately caught my attention." She nodded at the roll in her hands. "How long did you write your essay?"

"A few days," Lupin answered truthfully, and swept his slightly sweaty hands to his robes. "And then I proofread it a couple of times, professor."

She nodded. "All right. Have you been under a lot of pressure lately, Mr Lupin?"

Remus licked his lips as he thought about it. "I don't think so?"

The teacher kept smiling at him like his grandma had smiled at her late cystitis-stricken cat, and it made Remus far more nervous than if the teacher would have been shouting and spitting in his face. She nodded. "Are you sure?"

Despite being oddly fidgety, he spoke with an unwavering voice. "Yes, professor."

She opened his essay roll and studied it. "I don't think I should tell you this, but when I was younger I did this same thing as well, when I was nervous. Somehow soothing words always made me relaxed, and afterwards I was able to put my 120% to my essay, making it the best there was."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand," Remus said quietly, but when professor Babbling handed the essay to him, he blushed instantly after seeing it. "I, er... I'm so sorry for this, professor, I must have –"

"Don't worry about it," she chuckled. "It's quite usual to see these kind of therapeutic words on essays these days; were they just nonsense, or your friend's name – after all, the standards have become greater, thus making the students more stressed, which in turn makes them more prone to..." She pointed a finger at the roll Remus had in his hands.

Lupin only nodded hastily as he rolled the essay close.

"I only wanted to ask you about this, so don't worry about your grade. Also, if there is any other essays in the making, you should probably double-check them." The professor smiled at him, and took the essay gently from him. "I don't know what professor Sinistra would say about this sort of thing, for example. By hippogriff's feathers, I don't even wish to think about that."

Remus smiled at her faintly. "Thank you, professor."

She nodded, and walked behind her desk, making it possible for Remus to leave.

As he walked out of the classroom, he snorted at the nearest painting, "It's not like I'm going to get an O in Astronomy anyway."

* * *

"You _all_ got detention?" Remus asked his friends exhaustedly, turning his eyes finally to Sirius. His frown deepened for some reason. "Even you?"

They were standing in front of the Charms classroom, waiting for the lesson to start. Professor Flitwick was late as usual – not that any of them really minded; Sirius, for example, could have invented a lot more stimulating activies than turning objects into furniture. Then again who knew, maybe one day they needed that sort of skill.

As Remus was staring at them sadly, the three boys, for their part, stared at their respective sneakers. Sirius mutteredt to his knees, "Yeah."

Waving at some younger passers-by, Lily snorted behind Remus, "Newsflash that one."

"No one asked you anything, Evans," Sirius snarled at her, and earned a quite painful smack on the back of the head from James.

Naturally Potter failed to notice the small thankful smile Lily gave him.

"We must postpone the tutoring to tomorrow then." Remus shrugged at Black, who was staring at him like a freshly kicked puppy. Remus was gazing back at him very pathetically, his brows knitted tightly together, and his chin all wizened – but still it wasn't anywhere near the look Sirius had on his mug. Now that was absolutely heartbreaking.

Behind them Lily had nailed her eyes on James, and was making meaningful faces to him, but of course the boy didn't understand anything. First, she made sure that Sirius was still ravishing Remus with his eyes (like he was going to stop any time soon) and mouthed to James, "_The plan!_"

James suddenly cleared his throat, and nonobviously bumped into Sirius, his elbow first and digging between Sirius' shoulder blades. "Oh yeah! No, you should still do the tutoring thingy today, after detention! No matter how late it gets, tutoring's more important than sleeping. Obviously. No doubt about it."

"Yes," Lily piped helpfully in behind Remus. She moved next to him, snaking her arm into the loop of the one he had on his hip. Remus frowned at her, but she didn't falter more than she had planned. "Because you know... for, that is, tomorrow it's –"

"Tomorrow's the Quidditch game!" James suddenly yelped, making a series of majestic hand movements. Remus and Sirius stared at them both suspiciously.

"What does that have anything to do with –" Lupin tried, but Lily interrupted him.

"You know how great our house team is, don't you, sweetie?" Lily said to him. She flashed another exaggerative smile, but naturally that only made the boys more dubious. "I'm certain that James and..." Her eyes widened as she tried to remember what she was going to say. "And... his team will win tomorrow!"

"That's right, we're absolutely brilliant," James nodded, crossing his arms on his chest. "The Ravenclaws got no chance. And you both know how our house likes to party when we win... Yeah? We will win tomorrow, won't we, Padfoot?"

Black leaned closer to poke his friend on the cheek. Squinting, he muttered, "You're not usually this optimistic. You know your team is rubbish."

Lily ignored Sirius, and agreed with James. "So you see, you two cannot possibly study tomorrow, not when the common room is full of... of –"

"Drunken morons," Peter helped from the shadows, in which he had obviously been left to rotten. Lily pointed a finger at him.

"Yes! Drunken morons," she repeated, and turned back to Remus, who was just staring at her. "I'm talking about abysmally... ghastly, drunken morons. You know the type, they're everywhere these days. You cannot go buy shoes without them trailing you."

"You can't escape them." James shook his head sadly. He turned his eyes to Sirius. "There is no other way than to join them, peacefully."

Remus frowned as he tried to piece the whole thing together. "So we must study today, because tomorrow we are forced to be inebriated even though we might not want that?" As James and Lily shook their heads to him, he then muttered to the latter, "I don't think I can handle that again."

She only winked at him, nodding reassuringly.

"We're going to be in...vertebrates? Why?" Sirius asked, but no one explained.

James kept nodding too. "Yes, very much so. Absolutely dazed and confused... because of spirits, and most likely without our spines."

Sirius grumbled to Remus, "What the bloody hell is happening?" He turned to James and Lily. "Why are you two co-operating?"

They didn't answer him.

Lupin opened his mouth as if to say something to the annoyingly nodding duo, but changed his mind. He turned to Sirius with his already beseeching eyes. "I suppose we can still study tonight? It will probably be late, but if you want to..."

Sirius immediately forgot his bafflement and smiled at him contently, "I'm fine with late if you are."

As soon as the blind lovebirds resumed their subtle staring contest, Lily sighed relieved. She smiled at James once more, and said inaudibly, "_Good job_."

* * *

Remus had been waiting Sirius to return from his detention in the library, but he had estimated the timing wrong and had fallen asleep. His head was resting on top a thick book called _Potions for Hairy Problems_ of which he had only gotten to the second chapter ("How to Brew Your Own Liquid Beard") before dozing off. Lily had scampered off to Merlin-knows-where, and oddly enough, even Madame Pince hadn't woken him up.

Perhaps he already had a VIP pass to the place.

When Sirius then poked him in the shoulder some time later, the werewolf opened his groggy eyes and directed them slowly at the standing boy. He observed Sirius; the bloke was absolutely drenched, and his hair was uncharacteristically messed up – the detention had obviously been a tough one. Remus lifted his head and smiled tiredly at the boy. "You got away from her."

"Yeah, what a murderer that one," Sirius muttered and sat next to him. "I'm soaked to the bloody bone."

Lupin focused his eyes on him, and stared at him assertively. "I can see that."

"Are you all right? Why are you staring?"

The lycanthrope suddenly thought it to be a great idea to rise from his chair, and with a slight creak of wood against the stone floor he did just that; he took a sad half a step, and he was standing directly in front of Sirius. The boy frowned at him from below, but otherwise didn't move much. Water dripped from his lashes as he blinked, "Remus, what are you doing?"

Lupin lowered himself on Sirius' lap, straddling him, and was pleasantly surprised when the slightly gasping boy didn't push him away. He easily forced Sirius to sit in the broad library chair, running a pale hand across his cold cheekbone. He nailed his topaz eyes on Sirius' slightly open lips, and muttered, "I'm not sure."

"You're..." Sirius began, but his sentence was cut off by a hasty mouth. A scrawny hand snaked up to his neck as if to steady him so he'd be easier to kiss.

But of course to Remus' annoyance Sirius pulled away from the contact, and after getting his eyes fixed on Remus' face, he frowned at him. He took a breath and then murmured with slightly lower voice, "I thought you didn't want me to kiss you."

Lupin traced his inky thumb against Sirius' lower lip. He smirked faintly, leaning towards the boy and whispering, "That was then."

Sirius' hungry hands attacked him, grasping him wherever he could, tugging his warm, dry clothes and pulling him closer against his own wet body. Eventually it didn't take him that much effort to lift Remus off his lap, and to place him down onto the overladen study table like a tablecloth. That was the first time Remus didn't mind his books fell on the floor.

"Remus..."

The werewolf grinned under him, and pulled Sirius' tie to get him even closer. Against his lips Remus murmured, "Sirius... take off those wet clothes. Please."

Sirius watched him with dark eyes. "Remus?"

After pressing another quick kiss on his lips, Remus smiled warmly at him. "Please."

"Remus, wake up!"

Lupin opened his eyes swiftly, and immediately saw Lily smirking down at him. He swept a drip of saliva from the corner of his mouth with his sleeve. "Sorry, did you say something?"

"Did you know that you talk in your sleep?"

The boy closed his eyes again, and groaned against the common room study table, "Oh god."

* * *

"I never would've thought I was going to say this out loud during my life, but bloody hell studying sounds nice," Sirius mumbled cheek against the oak surface of the very same table Remus had drooled on previously.

Remus knew a lot of things.

He had memorised Libatius Borage's book _Advanced Potion-Making_ from cover to cover, and if wanted he could brew a perfect dose of _Felix Felicis_ to last for a single lifetime. He could read three different languages addition to English, including Latin. He knew how much Sirius loved Muggle rock music and how much his mother had hated it when he had lived home. He was aware that before discovering his fear of heights, Peter had wanted to become a Beater in the Quidditch house team, and that Lily hated snakes and James barbers. He knew all the lyrics to his favourite Beatles songs.

And despite all that he had never been a bragger. If someone asked him a question, he would answer it the best way he knew how, but he never flaunted his erudition or know-how.

That been said, Remus also knew that he had almost (almost!) seen an unacceptably lewd dream about his friend, and that he was definitely not ready to brag about that to anyone. Lily knew about it, but only what she had heard.

The aforementioned friend – Sirius, not Lily – was now sprawled on the common room table in front him, and in his guts Remus felt the whole tutoring thing was going to be the very end of him. It was already 10.30pm, but Remus had promised to wait for him.

As he tried _not_ to ogle at Sirius with his sleepy eyes, Remus rearranged the six rolls of parchment and different kinds of quills on the table for the fifth time within five minutes.

Sirius glanced at him suspiciously.

Even though he was ready to fall on the floor and sleep there, Remus was certain he should say a word or two to seem normal. Should he? He blinked as his tired brain made life-changing decisions.

"It probably wasn't that bad," he then mumbled and took a red quill in his hands. Sirius raised his head, and kept his glimmering grey eyes steady on the slightly tense werewolf.

"170 pillows," he whined. He blew a strand of hair from his exhausted face. _"_That's 169 pillows too much for one person."

Lupin yawned, and tried to keep his eyes on the overly interesting quills. Quills, no – pillows, pillows. "I have three pillows."

"Well yeah," Sirius began, staring at him. "There's a huge difference. You deserve the extra ones."

"Thank you," Remus said, and closed his eyes for a moment. After the said moment, he opened them again – naturally, he couldn't have kept them closed or he might have started snoring – and continued, "But I'm sure they're not just for her."

The werewolf missed the frown on Sirius' face. He heard how the boy slammed his forehead back against the table. "I don't care who they belong to. She shouldn't have forced me to dust all of them. I'm nearly dead."

Remus ogled at the intriguing equipment on the table.

He had now arranged the quills six times, in six different ways, and he knew he should stop, or otherwise he might look like he had an OCD. Thankfully there weren't that many people in the common room to witness his obvious mental breakdown, only Sirius. Remus smiled to himself; somehow Sirius had the presence of twenty people, he made the room feel full even though it wasn't. Remus left the quills alone, intertwined his fingers so they wouldn't fiddle with anything, and took a quick glimpse at Sirius. "From what I gathered... it seems you had it rather easy."

"Well... serves Pete right for being such a thickhead."

It was strange; Sirius was constantly staring at him, but now when his eyes weren't visible to Remus, he wanted to grab the boy's absurdly handsome face and make it so he had no other choice than to continue staring at Remus.

Remus licked his lips. Why did the fact that Sirius wasn't watching at him distract him more than the actual staring?

He was at total loss of how to act, or what to think. His eyes felt droopy, but he ignored it. "Did he really have to alphabetise all her books?"

Sirius turned his head so he was able to see the werewolf, and Remus' breath almost (almost!) hitched in his lungs – even though he knew those eyes were icy grey, the way they seemed cold, yet oddly warm at that moment was overwhelming to him. To make things perfectly clear, Remus wasn't obsessed at all; he could have just spent hours comparing that particular shade of grey to any other in existance, only finding it to be too singular for anything to match.

Under his gaze Black grunted, "Yeah, and he wasn't even allowed to ask any help from us. Talk about a chore. But like I said, serves him right."

"I'm amazed how..." Remus started, and almost too late realised that what he was actually going to say had nothing to do with the subject of the conversation. He quickly corrected his unfolding thoughts. "Ah, how he managed to sort them before tomorrow."

Sirius stretched his long arms on the table, laid his head on them, and yawned. He kept his eyes on the staring werewolf. "James should have done that, he thinks he's so amazing with letters."

Remus knew exactly what hanging out with Lily and her romance novels had done to him when he was actually wondering the contrast between Sirius' black hair and his strangely fair but not pale complexion. When had he become this soft? Nonsense; his head full was full of it. Remus shook his head slightly, as if it as going to help him organise his thoughts. He tried to count to ten again, but it was fairly difficult with a sleepy brain. _One, two, Sirius, no, four... No, three, Sirius... Five? Black. Fine, ten._

"Are you all right?"

"Tired," Lupin mumbled instantly, and then barely snapped out of his daydream. "I... I was just thinking that it was probably for the best she didn't let Peter near the tapestries."

Sirius said nothing, only rested his head on his arms and stared at Remus. The werewolf tried to keep his head together despite the nagging fact that his mind was constantly reminding him of the dream Sirius, dripping wet and on the table, _on him_.

Try to focus, Lupin.

Stupid drowsy brain, what are you thinking? Strange thoughts, that's what. Stop thinking. Remus bit his tongue.

"Have I told you I fancy you?"

Again Lupin shook his head tiredly. "You haven't today."

Sirius' cheek was pressed firmly on his robes as he murmured, "Well, you know I do."

"Yes." Lupin yawned again, and finally untangled his sweaty hands, pressing them on his mouth. He realised he had moved to the edge of his seat at some point, and had to shift his position so he wouldn't soon hang on the table as Sirius did. How stupid he would look. Sirius was elegant, he really was, even when he was bushed and slouching on a table. That notion made Remus smile. "You do, don't you."

"Do you fancy me yet?"

What could he answer? That yes, of course he _liked_ Sirius, in a friendly way... but also in a more unfamiliar way, which had started to surface every time Remus was alone with him. Could he say that he liked Sirius in a way that he wanted to have those special grey eyes on him all day long, every day? That he wanted to inhale that almost non-existent scent, which reminded him of cornflowers, resin and the sea, fill his lungs with it and breathe it out when –

Oh shut up, you idiot.

Waiting Remus' answer, Black yawned and moved slightly in his place, still keeping his eyes on him.

As he stared at Sirius almost if dazed – in all honesty, that's exactly what he was – Remus realised that his brain had fallen asleep. No thinking; no strange, confusing thoughts, or distracting mental images. Rather enjoyable actually, the silence of the thinking tool. Just say what comes to your mind.

So naturally Remus mumbled jadedly, "You smell."

"I do?" Sirius asked, and sniffed his robes. He coughed. "Oh, that's just dust. I'm covered in it. Sorry."

Lupin lifted his right hand on the table and leaned into it. "No, you smell nice."

"Wel,l I smell like the library now, and you love the place, so..." Sirius sat up slowly, and dusted his robes carefully. "It's kind of understandable, you know?"

His cheek mushed and eyes fixated on Sirius, Remus muttered, "Your hair..."

"What of it?" The boy cocked a curious brow, and exhaustedly ran a hand through his hair. He grimaced slightly. "Oh."

"It's very... black. And shiny."

Sirius shook his head. "And dusty. I should probably take a shower before going to bed."

Remus' eyes drooped. He tried to blink to keep them open, but of course he only managed to make them water. "Yes, perhaps you should, showering is pleasant. I could use a shower."

"Are you sure you're all right?" Black asked, sat back down, and scooted closer to Remus with his chair. He leaned in, pressing his palms on Remus' legs, and studied the boy's face. His right thumb was drawing circles on Remus' thigh. "You're babbling again."

Lupin opened his eyes, and as he saw the grey irises right in front of him, he smiled wearily at them. "Babbling is my professor. I don't babble." He swallowed hard. "Your eyes are black."

"My eyes are grey," Sirius told him, and laughed a bit. "You know that, right? Are you really this sleepy? Should I get you to bed?"

The smiled waved a bit in front of Sirius as Remus shook his head. "Smouldering eyes they are... I like your nose."

Sirius' hands left the boy's legs and grabbed his shoulders. "Okay, you're falling now."

"I'm very warm."

"Yes you are," Sirius breathed as he tried to keep Remus from falling onto the floor. Remus' head rested against his shoulder, and Sirius wrapped his arms around him. "But seriously, don't sleep here. Open your eyes. You have to go to bed, or you'll have a sore neck."

Remus muttered, "You... my god, I am sleepy."

"I'm your god? Thank you," Sirius chuckled. "I'm very flattered."

_Flattered_... Something ticked inside Remus' head, but then he forgot it.

Well, it probably wasn't that important.

He blinked couple of times, and realised that Sirius was only inches away from him, steading him now on the chair again so he wouldn't fall into his lap. Remus frowned, "Why you are flattered?"

"Well, usually for lots of reasons, but at the moment, evidently my eyes are smouldering." Sirius laughed tiredly. "See? These two peepers. Are you sure you don't want to go to bed?"

Somewhere deep in his brain Remus wanted to say something very intelligent, so of course his mouth let out, "No, I'm... ugh."

"Well then, don't worry, _Ugh_, I'll let go of you." Sirius placed the half asleep boy against the table and let go off his shoulders. "Don't want to make you nervous. That's... the last thing I want to do."

"I'm not nervous," Lupin muttered against the table. "I'm tired. I'm never nervous, well... I am sometimes, but certainly not now." He yawned. "Not with you."

"That's good." Sirius nodded and moved his chair closer so their knees touched. He pressed his head next to Remus' on the table, and as he did so, his nose was now only inches away from Lupin's. "But even if you were, nervous I mean, it wouldn't matter. I think you're kind of cute when you're nervous."

Remus kept his eyes closed as he murmured, "Did I say your eyes are _smouldering_?"

"Yeah."

The lycanthrope barely managed to stifle a yawn. "That's like a line from some god-awful romance novel."

Sirius smiled at him. "Wasn't that bad. I've heard worse."

"I have no idea what's happening to me."

Watching the hardly conscious boy in front of him, Sirius breathed, "There are two possible explanations. One, your amazingly brilliant brain is shrivelling, and by the end of tomorrow it'll be only a ghost of the mouldy raisin that currently resides inside Pete's humongous melon."

"I hope it's not that one," Remus said tiredly, and moved his face closer to the exuding warmth of Sirius. He could have slept right there; Sirius' utterly relaxing presence would have made that very easy. "I like my brain."

"Well, to be honest, I hope it's the other one, too, because our mischief-making business can't afford losing your wits."

Remus murmured with his eyes half-closed, "The second one?"

Black glanced around the common room, and after noticing they were alone, he said, "It's better."

He then slowly rose from his chair and softly yanked Remus up from his, probably spraining his every muscle while doing so for Remus was _that_ limp, and the geek was too sleepy and too baffled to resist when Sirius pulled him into a tight embrace. Remus immediately relaxed against him as the familiar radiating warmth emitted from the boy and kept him still. Almost asleep but still able to stand, he grabbed Sirius' shirt front, and pressed his nose into the shirt.

"You see... the second possible explanation is," Black whispered and shivered when Remus moved and pressed his half asleep, blushing face against his throat. "Is... that you really fancy me back."

Remus knew a lot of things.

At that moment he knew it was partially Sirius' fault that his brain was malfunctioning; he knew – no, he was certain that Sirius _loved_ him even if Lily had said otherwise, and that if he would have kissed the Animagus right at that moment, he would have kissed him back.

Remus knew that what he felt for Sirius was more than just _something_.

* * *

**A/N:** MUSHY? Aye.

Remus saw a dream about himself sleeping? [Insert a dry Inception joke here.] So... a broom closet sounds nice right about now, yes? Opinions and suggestions are welcome. IMA BE WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO BE, oh wait... no...

If you're wondering why Remus sucks so much with the plan – he basically forgets it completely when he's with Sirius. Had Lily and James only known this... Well, who would have thought Remus could have hard time concentrating on anything? The guy reads a frigging dictionary before he gets to sleep. He has a bad case of Black-ADD.

And in case you're wondering, Sirius and James love each other very much, even though they fight constantly and call each other those beautiful 'pet names'. They're like brothers, they would die for each other. I have three brothers, so yes; I know what I'm talking about.

(BTW, has anyone noticed how I'm naming my chapters? It's fairly visible in the drop menu on top of the page. Tip; check out the first letters of each chapter.)


	11. To Feel Cosy Surrounded by Shelves

**A/N: **I have no idea what I was doing with the Quidditch bit. Forgive me. I don't like sports... but I love writing James. And Rowling herself has stated that James was actually a Chaser, not a Seeker, so if anyone's wondering...

It's the first semester of their seventh year in Hogwarts (that would make it autumn 1977). I don't think I've ever mentioned that... And according to my sources, Sirius' 18th birthday is in autumn 1977 – Remus turns 18 on March 10th the following year? Correct me if I'm wrong. I wanted to clear that up since I've been kind of ambiguous about their ages... and uh, basically the whole time of year. Derp.

**THANK YOU** for your reviews and alerts. You're awesome. xx

**Disclaimer: **The Marauders are not mine. Neither is any other four-membered group mentioned below, or any affiliations to one.

**Beta: **No beta.

* * *

In retrospect James said the game was a total disaster.

The well-known Quidditch expert Kennilworthy Whisp might have disagreed by saying that to be qualified as_ disastrous,_ a Quidditch game had to be consisted of at least one attempted decapitation by a sword, but of course Potter didn't give a rat's arse about some dead author's opinions.

The arse not given wasn't Peter's.

Remus' knowledge of the game was rather limited, to be honest, and in fact he didn't care to know it any better than he already did. His opinion about the particular game had been somewhat similar to James', however, when he had seen the aforementioned Gryffindor house team captain lunging right towards the stand in which Sirius and he were sitting. It was not his life that had flashed before Remus' eyes, but James.

Had James lost the last of his marbles or was he just joyriding, Remus didn't know.

Sirius hadn't seen the flying idiot coming at their general direction until the bloke crashed into the stand and caused a loud ruckus by doing so; Black had been too busy drooling at the yapping, bored-to-death geek next to him, and had cordially opted not to pay any attention on his surroundings. Lupin had talked, like _a lot_, and none of it had been about Quidditch.

Pettigrew, who had sat with the werewolf and the crazy person slobbering their seats, actually knew a thing or two about Quidditch, but at that very moment he only had been trying to concentrate keeping his pants dry. Happy to remark later, he had been greatly successful.

During the game Lily was nowhere to be seen, and later James reasoned she had probably been sitting with Snape and had been invisible because of Snivellus' enormous nose.

But Evans or no Evans, Potter had tried to concentrate on the Quaffle.

Being the team captain, he had felt almost obligated to show everyone how incredibly talented he was on a broom.

He had just been about to make a snazzy Reverse Pass, when the Gryffindor Seeker had plunged towards the flickering 150 points right in front of him. Thanks to his quick reflexes, however, James had skilfully swerved the focused Seeker, but at that same second a well-aimed Bludger had flown right at him, smashing his broom and sending him into an acute downward spiral; the Quaffle still in his hands James had been able to balance the damned broom enough to collide into one of the Ravenclaw's idiotic Chasers as a revenge, for they had been swarming around him like a horde of hungry Cockatrices. Naturally, his sport goggles had shattered. Then, he had thrown the Quaffle haphazardly to his fellow team member, and before having even noticed what the hell was going on, he had crashed straight into the Gryffindor stand – this had resulted in a broken leg and a minor brain injury (Potter), and minimal casualties (none).

Oh, and the Gryffindor Seeker caught the Snitch.

Gryffindor won with 290 points, and James won a special date with Madame Pomfrey.

* * *

James was lying on a hospital bed with his back propped against a few pillows, and his left leg hoisted up on a strange, wonky support device, when his three friends came to visit him right after the interesting game (the Snitch had been caught within minutes from James' little mishap). The teachers had been able to revive all the fainted first years on the field, therefore Potter was the only patient in the hospital wing at that moment. Madame Pomfrey had been rather pleased about this, for mending James Potter alone was something that took enough of her limited energy.

As his friends neared the bed, Potter leered and pointed a finger at Remus and Sirius. He was still in his Quidditch attire, but without any glasses. He was holding a damp towel on his head when he giggled, "Oh look, it's Tweedledee and Tweedledumb!" His smirk died as he noticed Peter behind them. "And Pete."

"See, you were absolutely right earlier, James; I am in the hospital wing!" Sirius grinned at him, and sat on the bed. "And it's not dumb, it's _dum_. Even I know that."

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked as he studied James' humongous head covered in bandages. He gave the boy his normal glasses and moved to stand next to Sirius, keeping his eyes on James.

Potter smiled hazily at them as he put his goggles on. "_I'm_ brilliant." As he was done with the glasses, he finally was able to fix his eyes on his friends... to some extent. "But you two... I feel like I can finally say it out loud. The blow cleared my mind, thank you Bludger, as I can now see how you two are as duuuumb as two blockheads can be!"

"How so?" Black muttered and crossed his arms. "What are you talking about."

Potter shook his head carefully. "What, he asks..." He flailed his hands towards the two boys. "That thing, it's right _there_! That, I mean, it's that; please, do something about it, or it's not going to be there. Because if you let that vanish, you're just a pair of brainless, blind puppies." He stared at them, and then spluttered, "No, you're worse than that, you're a pair of... pind bluppies." He found his own joke hilarious, and started snickering. "Haha!"

Remus bit his lip and glanced carefully at Sirius' hair. "James, are you sure you're all right?"

In front of him, Sirius was intently ogling at James. He asked flatly, "Did he call us puppies?"

"Yes, very much so, Mister Moony... Moon," James answered Remus, ignoring Sirius completely. He smirked annoyingly at the werewolf, who seemed very terrified. "I am very happy. I saw flowers just now, they were very pretty. And you are too! Happy, I mean," he corrected quickly, but then thought about something. "But I guess you're pretty as well. Or... that's what I've heard, at least, many times. Happiness, now that I can see!" He pointed a finger at Remus. "It's floating about you like a cloud."

"You're blabbering." Lupin frowned at him, and glanced around the room as if to locate the matron. "That's usually not a good sign." His eyes found James' dazed face again. "Did Madame Pomfrey give you medication for your head?"

"Apparently yes," James started very maturely, nodding in a careful manner. "I hit my head, that very same head you mentioned Moony, pretty badly indeed, so she gave me... I don't know, everything?" His serious face turned into a happy grin, and he gestured towards his splint. "She medicated me properly. See, all my three legs. My three... sealegs! Hah!"

Remus took another glimpse at Sirius, who was just gawking at his best friend. Black muttered, "He's high?"

"I sincerely hope so," Remus breathed back.

Potter stopped laughing and with a newly-found seriousness he inquired, "Where's Lily, Moony?" But then he snickered at himself again, sweeping a finger under his eye as if he was crying. He was a total mess. "Lilymoony – a flower that blossoms only during full moon. A hairy flower." He turned to Peter. "I bet you'd love it."

Shaking his head, Remus told him, "I don't know where she is."

"Fetch her," James ordered solemnly and waved his hand at him. "Go on, don't just stand there! Her hair is like _liquid_ lava, and I need to tell her that. It's dangerous to have lava in one's head. She has to stay alive so I can marry her. I must save her from Snivellus' nose."

Sirius hid in his hands. "Granted it's quite hideous, but what would Snivellus' nose do to her, exactly?"

"You're so stupid." James smiled affectionately at him, patting the bed next to Sirius' knees. "But it's okay. I still love you... And I'm not the only one."

Black missed the meaningful look Remus gave Potter, and uttered, "And _you're_ babbling nonsense in the infirmary, so there. I win."

"You might have won the infirmary this time, but I'm here because I flew splend...iblibly." He leaned into Peter again, whispering, "I might get a golden cup, with my brilliant name on it. Tell them I said so."

Not quite understanding, Peter asked him, "Tell who?"

James tapped his nose with a finger.

The werewolf shifted a bit closer to Sirius, and while not even looking at James (for he was suddenly extremely busy staring at something else), he asked, "Don't you mean _splendidly_?"

As he lowered the towel from his forehead to his lap, Potter nodded at him. "That's what I said, splendidebdibly."

Sirius rubbed his face tiredly and looked up at Lupin, who was already watching him back. No – not watching. Staring. Sirius didn't understand that, however, and just lowered his voice, asking, "Can I maybe smack this out of him?"

"You could try." Remus smiled warmly at him, gently nudging his shoulder. "But that might not do much good."

"I would feel better," Sirius told him.

Suddenly Pettigrew laughed at something on the other side of the bed – might have been James picking his nose – and tried not to choke on his mouthful of sweets. He didn't, however, and it was already the second time during that day he succeeded on something.

Sirius stopped staring at Lupin, and turned back to James who was grinning at Peter. He patted the boy's right leg. "Okay, so how soon can Poppy fix you? We want throw a party. You know, like you foresaw yesterday after Divination."

"A party? For me? Can we have dapple lumplings?" Potter giggled and carefully shook his head. "I mean, lumple dapplings?"

Almost as if Remus was unaware of his surroundings – and he most likely was, but if someone would ask him about it, he would pretend not to even know what they were talking about – he was now gazing at Sirius' exposed neck when he suggested, "Apple dumplings?"

Again, Black looked up at him, and flashed a wide smile.

"Yes! Crapple dumpkins! And stop philandering in front of me," Potter said to them, and suddenly turned his head Peter. Regardless of the fact that he was suffering from a concussion, the said head seemed to function perfectly painlessly. "What's you got there, Pete?"

"There's no philandering," Lupin remarked sluggishly, but no one took him seriously.

Peter mumbled with his mouth full, "Sheets."

"Any lava-flavoured?"

As Peter had shrugged at him, and handed the bag to the patient, James rummaged through the contents. He did that for a while, the three others just staring at him (including Remus, honestly) in case he was slowly recuperating; and with James' "What kind of that is what you're eating now?" which was addressed to Peter, all three of them sighed, relieved.

"Blue," Pettigrew mumbled once he had managed to empty his mouth.

The boy lying in the bed grinned lazily, and said, "That's nice, I'm going to have one of those. Blue's my favourite flavour."

At once Remus let go off Sirius' robes, and turned around. "Madame Pomfrey!"

* * *

A few hours later, Lily determinedly marched up to James, who was sitting on a common room window sill. Stopping straight in front of him, and turning 180 degrees on her heels, she slumped down next to him, puffing. Not dramatic at all.

"I can't believe this," she muttered and brought her arms to her chest, crossing them in a heated manner, evidently expecting James to ask her what the hell was wrong.

So James did. "Who?"

She turned her blazing eyes to him and pursed her lips. "Are you still high or just incredibly stupid?"

"I assure you, I am not high." Potter tilted his head a bit, thumbing lazy circles on his temple. "Anymore; and if I _was_ high, that was not something I chose to be. It was thrusted upon me, just as my brilliancy was." But as Lily said nothing, he glanced at her. "How did you know about that anyway?"

"Remus told me," Lily said instantly, staring at someone else. Anyone else but James.

"Of course he did," James groaned beside her, and left his temple alone. He proceeded on cleaning his goggles on his shirt hem. "Because you girlfriends tell each other everything, right?"

Evans ignored him – this made James feel as though everything was back to normal; she hadn't noticed him earlier, either – and just kept ogling at Sirius and Remus, with a pout on her face. The boys were sitting rather closely on a sofa on the other side of the room, and it appeared that they didn't notice anyone else; not even though the common room was filled with loud, celebrating Gryffindors, and everyone who was old enough to be drinking, was probably drunk, making them even louder. Lily grumped, "Look at them. They're just sitting there."

The boy peered at the same direction. "Who?"

She smacked him lightly in the shoulder and gestured towards the two boys. "Idiot, you know who. See?" Her hand was doing an amazing series of very animated moves in front of them. "Absolutely _nothing_ is happening between them. Nothing! Infuriating!"

"Not true," Potter simply said, and put his glasses on. "The nothing part, I mean. To my knowledge, they've talked like that the entire day. They've been getting kind of touchy-feely, too, which is awfully distracting." He made a face at her once she was watching. And then he added, as if it was the most important part, "And they _giggle_."

Lily frowned. "Are you certain?"

"Yeah." James turned his eyes on the boys. "They've spent practically every waking second together, since they woke up in the same bed this morning. If I didn't know better, I'd say they're conjoined." He squinted a bit. "I'm actually starting to see a resemblance between them. Remus is starting to look like a girl."

Mulling the news over, Lily stared at him. "The same bed?"

His eyes found hers. "Apparently, Sirius had carried him to the dormitory, and had fallen asleep on top of him. I don't know how that was possible, and I'm sure I don't want to know."

Evans turned her eyes back to look at the boys. She brought her hand over her mouth, tapping her lower lip with a finger. "I wonder why he didn't tell me that."

"I wouldn't have known it either, except that I happened to witness the whole drool-drenched waking up episode. Anyone in their right mind would've been mad at Lupin, waking up in his drool. But not Sirius. He was... thrilled, which is very disturbing," James mumbled as he fiddled with his tie. He glanced at Lily again. "You know, not Pete-disturbing, but unsettling enough."

They watched as the boys laughed at Peter who was doing an impersonation of a chicken on fire in front of them.

"Huh. Maybe they should continue _that_ instead of sitting on that couch," the girl pondered. She poked James with a finger. "They should be doing something else."

Potter grimaced. "Please don't torture me in this fashion, Lily." He grabbed his head and feigned a moan. "I'm still very, very frail."

"No, you're not," Lily noted plainly and crossed her legs. She threw her hair over her shoulder and eyed James. "I mean, it's like they're not even trying to move forward. It shouldn't be that hard – Black being how he is – but they're like two ninnies in love. I thought because of the system they'd be ravishing each other already, but no. Nothing's happening. Remus is too thick."

James' eye twitched because of the way Lily kept talking about his two best friends. He coughed. "So... what? You want to lock them in a loo?"

"We should definitely do something about this."

"Like what?" Potter asked her, gesturing between them. "We are _already_ doing something."

"Yes, but it's not going as planned, is it?" she asked, staring at him. "He's in this, he... he's ready for this, but he's not doing anything. He was supposed to tell Black something new about himself during the Quidditch match today, as I told him to, but he didn't. He said to me afterwards that he wasn't ever aware that Gryffindor was leading until we won, because he had something else on his mind. That means he's smitten, doesn't it? It mean's he's –"

"No," James interrupted indignantly. "That means they didn't even pay attention when _I almost died. _That's what it means." He scowled at his mates. "Bastards."

"You barely hit your head, Potter," Lily remarked and briefly touched his hand. "Focus. As I talked to him about this, Remus also said to me that he doesn't have to tell Black anything, because the bloke already seems to know everything about him."

"So Sirius is a stalker. I reckon that's not news to anyone. What's the problem?"

Evans snorted. "Are you blind?"

"No, short-sighted."

Ignoring his comment, she pushed on, moving to the edge of the sill and closer to James. "The plan's not really taking effect. They're stuck."

"I give you that." James nodded, agreeing. "Been mates with them seven years now, so I know where you're coming from." As the girl only watched him, he cleared his throat, and continued. "So what do you have in mind?"

Now she smiled. "I say, we press Remus towards the next step. Force him to do something about this matter, like put them in a situation where he hasn't an escape route from his feelings."

"You mean like threaten him with a wand and say, 'Confess, you horndog, or I'll turn you into a toad'?" James flashed her a wide grin, but Lily merely stared at him. James saw her jaw clench slightly, so he resumed with, "Yeah, no... the toad threat doesn't really work on him. I tried that once; he wasn't fond of it, I assume, for he said that if I open my mouth again, there'll be nothing but slugs coming out."

"Figures."

"Okay, so what then?"

The girl smirked as she glanced at the boys once again. "I think I have a plan."

* * *

Returning from James' ear (a very red ear, one might add), Lily got up from the windowsill, took a few steps forward, and cleared her throat cordially at the people in the common room. As she thought they heard her, she started, "Gryffindors, if you would please turn your ears to me."

Naturally no one heard her. She looked questioningly at James, who only shrugged at her.

She tried again. "Lions, would you please listen to me?"

Nothing.

Wanting to be the knight in shining armour, James stood up, pointed his wand at his throat and muttered, "_Sonorus_." A second later his magnified voice roared, "THE HEAD CASE WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING."

Immediately everyone fell quiet and turned their curious heads to them.

Lily stared at Potter, too, but infuriated again. That much was expected.

The boy continued with his extremely loud voice, "SORRY, MEANT TO SAY THE HEAD GIRL! YEAH, I'M THE HEAD CASE, OBVIOUSLY, NOT HER, SHE'S THE HEAD GIRL, A BRILLIANT ONE AT THAT –"

"Potter, shut up," Lily pleaded with her eyes closed, and her hands gripping his shirt front. "Don't say anything."

"IT'S MY HEAD, LILY, IS STILL A BIT GROGGY, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I ALMOST DIED TODAY, PLEASE DON'T HIT ME –"

Evans had enough, for evidently he just couldn't keep his mouth shut; so she flicked her wand at his throat. "_Quietus_!"

The boy's voice ceased, but he never stopped blabbering above her. "And the last thing I really saw, when I came down, was this enormous conk, and –"

"Shut up, James." Lily gritted her teeth at him. Once Potter quieted completely in front of her, she glared at his face, bobbing above her. "A head case?"

James sat down by the table behind him, and grinned sheepishly. "I only wanted to help."

"Well, thank you." Lily gave him a final scowl, and then turned again towards the other Gryffindors, who were still staring at them. She exhaled determinedly. "Right. As the _Head Girl_ I must insist everyone over sixteen to give up their wands."

The older crowd grumbled in objection. One seventh grader slurred drunkenly, "Wh...y?"

"Indeed I apologise for this, but there will be no drunken conjuring tonight," Evans said strictly, and gestured towards one boy. "As you can see, Stevenson here is _still_ suffering from the side effects of the last time that happened. I'm sure no one wants anything like that happening again anytime soon."

Everyone turned to look at the said Stevenson, who scratched his green Goblin-like ears, which even Madame Pomfrey hadn't been able to fix for him, and agreed with her. Lily snapped her fingers at James, and as the boy started to gather the wands into a bag he had just made himself (from what? Don't ask), she continued, "You shall have your wands back tomorrow morning, obviously, but I have to ask you to try to minimise the amount of conjuring you'll do if you have a hangover."

Some of the people in the common room hesitated at first, when James walked up to them to collect their wands, but after he kindly persuaded them with a prospective _Petrificus Totalus_, they were more than happy to comply. He did not forget to give each and every one of them a crooked, hearty smile in exchange.

Peter's wand was more than easy to snatch from his back pocket, for the boy was already carrying out his very own Body-Binding spell, head deeply buried under an armchair, and his limbs sprawled on the floor.

Almost finished with his round, Potter stopped in front of a the sofa closest to the fireplace.

"Dream on, antler-brain," Sirius snorted as James opened the bag for him. He tucked his wand safe inside his breast pocket. "You really think I'd give up my baby to you? The things you might do with it..."

"Classy," James remarked dryly, and turned to Remus with the bag. "Moony?"

Remus placed his hand over his robe pocket and smiled warmly at him, "You are not going to have my wand either, James. I need it."

Shifting his weight on his legs as if it would make him look more pathetic and thus convincing them, Potter sighed tiredly. "But Lily _just_ said –"

"Well, she _knows_ I'm not going to conjure while intoxicated or crapulent," Lupin said matter-of-factly, and then tilted his head at Sirius. "I'm not certain of him, though."

"Hey, it was only that one time!" Sirius yelped at him, leaning closer.

Remus smirked widely, nodding. "Yes, and the time before that."

With a pout, Sirius tried, "Yeah, but I wasn't –"

"And the time _after_ that," Lupin reminded him, tilting his head slightly, but keeping his eyes steady on Sirius. "Remember that one? You ended up losing all your clothes. It was dreadful."

Sirius flailed his hands and pointed a finger at himself, "A victim of circumstances, Remmie! And besides, you were there; you know what happened! You saw everything!"

"Yes, _everything_," Lupin mumbled slyly, and turned back to James. "We have drank, I admit that – but we've only had a few celebratory Butterbeers, so I promise we won't do anything –" He paused and glanced at Sirius. "_Majorly_ stupid."

Black stared at him with his mouth hanging open, but jolted as he remembered Potter's existence. He eyed his standing friend, crossed his arms and huffed, "Yeah! So forget it."

Evidently giving up, James closed the bag. "Fine, just don't let anyone else see you with those. They'll riot if they know you have... I don't know, _privileges_, or something. And you know how Gryffindors are when they riot." He emphasised his words with wide eyes and puckered lips, and then glanced at Remus. "Keep an eye on him, will you?"

"That already was my plan for the evening." Remus smiled innocently at him, but soon enough turned his eyes to the boy next to him, who was grinning extremely lewdly beside him. Remus asked him, "Wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I'm still here," Potter mumbled whilst turning slightly green. Not saying anything more, he hastily scurried away from the lovesick baboons.

Lily was waiting for him at the study table at which James had previously sat. Once there, Potter placed the bag full of wands on the table, on which Lily was sitting, and his eyes on the girl, he shivered a bit. Under his breath he grumbled, "What a couple of lovesick baboons."

"Take it easy," the girl tittered, and reached to pat James on the shoulder while watching him gag slightly. "You'll get used to it. You have to."

James leaned his hands on the table and closed his eyes in a way it seemed he had seen the worst sight of his life, after which he'd run at least a few hundred miles. "You know," he began, gulping heavily. "There are certain things in this world that I don't really wish to see, and my best mate doing his porn face directly at my other best mate is definitely one of them."

Lily merely chuckled at his malaise. "Right. So I assume you didn't get them." As he managed to shake his head, she asked, "Where is it, then?"

"Uh, left pocket," the boy mumbled and opened his eyes. He lifted his eyes on her. "Hopefully pranking will get my thoughts away from –"

"You do realise that you're not really going to prank anyone?" Lily asked him, pursing her lips. "As the Head Girl I possibly couldn't allow that. And you know why _you_ cannot do that, Head Boy."

Potter stared at her. "Yeah, of course... I knew that."

Lily shook her head, _almost_ if amused, and glanced around the common room. "An hour should be sufficient, don't you think?"

"When Sirius's there, five minutes is enough. Lupin makes him _that_ horny."

"This is not really about Black, James," Lily noted and got down from the table. She patted her skirt and shrugged. "Well, it sort of is, but... It doesn't matter. I'll go, and make some preparations, you stay here and keep an eye on them." She patted his back, and turned to leave.

Potter pouted at that, and once she left his side, he hollered after her, "Yeah, brilliant, because I can't wait to do that!"

* * *

When Evans returned to the Gryffindor tower a good fifteen minutes later, nothing had changed. James was still at the table – now sitting on it, though – with a childish pout on his face, the two boys on the couch were still only fascinated by each other, and someone was still trying to perform a _Tarantallegra_ without a wand. Not walking over to him, Lily gave a small yet informative nod to James, who immediately hopped down from the table, strode over to Peter's comatose corpus, and kicked him in the shin. "Pete? Wake up!"

"Mmhughsl," Peter's head intelligently retorted from under the armchair. Potter huffed at his answer.

"I need your help, mate, get up!"

Remus' voice commented leisurely from the couch, "I don't think he's conscious enough to do that, James."

"Adgysflks," Pettigrew gurgled, sounding rather offended by Remus' remark.

"What do you need him for, anyway?" Sirius asked as Potter started to haul Peter up. He sniggered at the lump, but didn't even moved a muscle to help his best friend. "He's completely screwed."

James groaned like a goat while lifting Peter from under his arms. He propped Peter's lower back on his knee, trying to get a better hold of him. "Well, I'm, er... doing a prank, oh sweet Merlin he's heavy... and I need some help."

"A prank?" Remus muttered suspiciously and tilted his head forward from the backrest. "Oh, now his trousers are falling. A prank to whom?"

As Potter used all of his muscle to hoist the chubby, half naked Animagus in upright position, an empty bottle fell from Peter's pocket on the floor. It rolled in the middle of them, staring at them in the eye.

The three boys stared at it back. Remus made a disgusted face. "Firewhiskey?"

"Feyahfishk!" Peter perked up momentarily, turning around in James' arms, and ending up slobbering happily against his chest. James wanted to cry.

Sirius grinned at the bottle and nudged Remus' shoulder, taking a long glimpse of his face. "Good times, huh?"

"Hardly," Remus told him, watching his grin widen. "I wanted to die."

James continued growling in a rather beastly fashion as he moved closer to a fourth grader sitting in a close armchair, reading his book – why at a time like that? Maybe he was an idiot – and taking a good look at the boy's face, James snapped, "Go!"

The tiny boy, who had not exploded from fright (thank heavens), ran away screaming his mummy.

With yet another grunt, James managed to slam the drooling Pettigrew in the now-empty chair, and once this task was finished, he turned his sweating eyes to face his more sober friends. He panted. "I'm executing a revenge prank on the Ravenclaws."

At once Sirius stopped staring at Lupin. "What? Really? Sounds cool!"

Remus frowned and crossed his arms in a disapproving fashion. "A revenge prank? What are you going to revenge, exactly? _Gryffindor_ won the game, James. You belong to the Gryffindor house. Haven't you figured it out yet? Are you still messed up?"

"I'm fine!" James retorted, flailing his hands about. "And I don't know, I'm revenging my broken broom, or something. Do not overthink this, Moony! A prank is a prank!"

"Remus, let's have some fun!" Black tittered at the werewolf, and then gave his best friend an enthusiastic yet beseeching smile. He almost trembled in his seat. "Prongs, can I come? Please let me come. It's been ages."

"Not a good idea," Remus the Killjoy pointed out beside him. "Although, bringing Peter is not that good of an idea either, for he is very much unconscious, and I think..." He frowned and craned his neck to see behind James. "Oh, is he choking on something?"

"Plerghhghg," Pettigrew replied, telling him he was all right.

James turned to poke him in the cheek with a finger. "Of course you're coming, Sirius," he muttered whilst studying Peter's drool covered face. He sat on the armrest of the chair. "However, I need Pete also. It's a three-man job, and I knew Moony was going to object."

"Naturally." Remus smiled softly at him. "But I reckoned you would have already learnt from past experiences, how pranking the Ravenclaws usually go for you. They are smart enough to know it was you. They always know it was you."

Suddenly, Sirius took a tight grab of Remus' robe front. "Please? Pete's pissed, he can't go! Come on! Please, please, please, Remus please, please! Please!"

Trying very hard to unlock the fingers, Remus wasn't successful. He mumbled, "I should know better than to –"

Potter swept his sweaty face with his sleeve, and stated gravely, "Moony, if you help us now, we're never going to ask you to help us ever again." He stared at the werewolf even more gravely. "_Ever_."

"You know that's not true," Lupin said to him, and averted his gaze from the ridiculous puppy eyes inches from him. He was quiet for a moment, for he pondered the thing in its whole ridiculousness, and then sighed, shaking his head. "Fine."

"Yes!" Sirius grinned, let finally go off Remus' clothes, and patted him on the cheek. "Pranking time! It's been honestly so long!"

Lupin furrowed his brows again. "But before we continue this ludicrous escapade, may I ask _why_ are you pranking the Ravenclaws on a Tuesday evening at 9pm?"

Almost falling off the armchair, James gulped. His hand flew to ruffle his hair, and his eyes searched something in the room. "Well, er... because the prank comes true later tonight?" Brilliant! He turned his eyes on Remus again. "Yeah, Ravenclaws have an Astronomy class tonight and everything must be ready by then, so... we're doing it now."

"Astronomy?" Sirius repeated, his grin fallen on the floor. He stood quickly up, seeming horrified, and moved hastily to whisper to James, "But Sinistra... she's a total crackpot. She hates pranks. She hates _us_. So..." he made a scared face. "Think about what'll happen when she finds out it was us, pranking... Astronomy..." His words fell on the floor next to his grin.

"This is horrible," Remus mumbled from the sofa. He rubbed his face. "Not a good idea at all..."

James huffed and gestured towards the common room door. "It's not for _her_, you baboons, it's for Ravenclaws. Come on. Don't hesitate on me now, gentlemen. I'll explain the prank on the way."

Not needing too much convincing, Sirius shrugged and tugged the halting lycanthrope off the couch. As he saw Remus' bitch face, he said soothingly, "It's not going to take that long."

"I hope you're right."

* * *

The boys were almost at the common room door (it took them a while to get there, actually, for Sirius wasn't exactly staring at his feet, hence making their progress slower), when Lily hurried to halt them.

She practically jumped in front of them, taking a motherly stance with her hands on her hips. "Where do you lot think you are going?"

"Oh god," Sirius snarled at her. He tried to go past her. "Leave us alone, Evans."

Lily shot a glare at him, making him freeze where he was (James hurried to him and pulled him away from her), whilst Remus tried to calm her down, "We're just going out for a walk."

The girl squinted at him. "You three never do that. And also, you're not supposed to leave the common room at this hour. You know that."

Obviously thinking this was the perfect time to act, Potter sputtered behind Sirius, "We're going to do a prank!"

"Bloody idiot," Black grunted and tried to smack him in the face, failing. James let go off him, though. "Don't tell her!"

Having ducked, James stood up again, and rolled his eyes behind his glasses. He feigned with an apologetic face, "I can't lie to her, man."

"At least try, you oaf!" Sirius hissed at his face, and turned to the girl. Rather quickly his index finger was pointed at her. "And _you_, try to stop us and –"

But Lily ignored him completely and tugged Remus away from them.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Sirius hollered as Lily pulled Remus to the side. "Evans! Don't you dare steal him from me..." He took a glance around them. "_U__s_! From us. Could you bring him back?"

"I don't care about them, but you?" Lily said severely to Lupin without trying to lower her voice. Remus took a glimpse of Sirius and James over her shoulder, and then turned his eyes back on the girl, who was gripping his forearm. She continued, "I thought you were above this pranking nonsense."

"It's not a big deal." The boy smiled at her in a heartfelt manner. "I think. We'll be back in a moment. You won't even notice us gone."

"These things always escalate, Remus." She stared at him intently, her fingers fondling his bony arm. "You know that. You'll get detention."

Sirius evidently seethed as he groused from the background, "Hands off, Evans! Fondle yourself if you must!"

Despite the evident jealousy exuding behind her, Lily tugged Remus closer to her from his robes – as if he wasn't already close enough – and pulled him into a pleading hug. Standing on her toes so she could hug him without problems, she muttered against his shoulder, "Be reasonable, Remus."

"Are you seeing this?" Sirius grunted enviously at James, who seemed oddly calm, watching the situation. "She's _touching_ him! Why is she touching him? James, tell her to stop. Now, if you could."

"Shut up."

In a rather awkward manner, Remus patted Lily in the back, and then withdrew from the hug. "Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?" The girl was still hanging onto his robes when Remus started to walk away from her. He flashed her a smile. "Don't worry."

As Sirius made a victorious face and a couple of censored hand gestures at Lily, and climbed out of the common room door with Lupin in tow, the girl's eyes met with James'. She nodded briefly at him.

James smirked back.

Once the boys were out of the door, Evans returned to the study table by the windows, Remus' stolen wand safe in her own pocket.

* * *

"I cannot emphasise how very bad of an idea I think this is."

The three goons were rummaging through a broom closet in the Astronomy tower corridor – or well, two of the goons were rummaging through the said closet, while the third one muttered constant complaints behind them.

"Moony, we _know_ this's a bad idea," Potter said as he found a perfect bucket and bustled out of the closet. He huffed at Remus' expression. "You keep reminding us about your opinion continuously. Watch the map."

Remus sighed dolefully as he turned his eyes from James to the Marauders Map in his hands. "I can't believe you took me here to stare at this."

"Like I said," Potter mumbled as he filled the bucket with water. "It's a three-man job. I didn't specify what the third man was going to do."

Lupin stopped whinging and kept his narrowed eyes on the map.

Fortunately for Lily's new scheme, Sirius had kept sure the geek hadn't needed his own wand to light his intriguing map reading experience, for ever since they had begun their trip to the Astronomy tower, Sirius had been hovering around the boy like some idiotic love-struck teenager... Which he was, of course. And before he had dived into the broom closet to find whatever James had wanted him to find, Black had handed his wand to Lupin just as James had kindly suggested he should do.

Remus hadn't even remember the existence of his own wand, and during this overly cloying interaction, James had been very surprised to notice he had managed to keep his food inside him. He certainly deserved a medal.

"Padfoot," James said from the corridor. He spoke over his shoulder. "Pass me another bucket."

Sirius' voice grumbled inside the closet, "I don't think there is another!"

"Moony, show him light."

Lupin moved closer to the open door and lifted his hand which was holding Sirius' wand so the boy had more light inside the closet. He peered inside it. "To think Hogwarts would have the room to make more spacious closets. This one is exceptionally small."

"There's no more buckets here, Prongs," Sirius muttered, as he sit on his legs like the big boy he was.

James spared a quick glimpse at them from the half-filled bucket in front of him. His wand was gushing water to it. "Maybe... I don't know. Check the shelves, will you."

"Don't you think I haven't..." Black started, but glanced up. His face fell. "Oh."

Remus frowned as he did the same. One lonely bucket sat on the top shelf. "Filch put it up there? Why?"

After shoving his wand into his pocket, James carried the now-filled bucket closer to the closet door. "Use the ladder, Sirius."

"_Accio_ is faster," Sirius said to him, and was already stretching his hand to Remus, to take the wand.

Potter used his serious voice when he repeated, "_Use the ladder_."

Getting up, Black growled, "Fine!"

As he started to climb the small ladder to fetch the wooden bucket from the shelf, James knew that was his only chance; he hastily snatched Sirius' wand from Lupin's hand, and before the skinny werewolf could mutter 'chocolate covered full moon', he was pushed onto the floor of the closet. Potter grinned annoyingly at his extremely baffled expression, and splashed the bucketful of water on him, after which he slammed the door shut.

Trying to rub his sore behind, Remus blinked in the darkness. "What? James!"

"Hey, what's happening?" Sirius groaned from the top ladder. "Can't see!"

Before he could even began to think what indeed had happened, Lupin heard an utter from the other side of the door. "_Colloportus_."

And seeing absolutely nothing he tried his best not to gnarl – because, you know... Remus didn't gnarl. "Why did you lock the door? And why am I wet?"

"Wha– you're wet?" Sirius' voice whined from above. He sounded as though he was having problems staying still. "Uh... I mean, Potter, open the door!"

Remus growled very politely as he got up, "James, what on Earth are you doing?" He tried to wipe his clothes, realising even without light that he was completely drenched.

"_I'm locking you in the closet, you dummies_."

"PRONGS!"

"Why?" Remus asked, striving to see something. Naturally he saw nothing. "And _why_ did you water me? I don't think it was necessary..." As Sirius grumbled obscenities above him, the werewolf didn't catch what Potter replied behind the door. He cordially shushed Sirius, and said towards the door, "James, could you repeat that?"

"_I said you need alone time!_"

"Prongs, don't do this! It's bloody dark in here! And..." He paused. "You took my bloody wand!"

Lupin turned his head towards Sirius' voice. "He took your wand, but he poured a bucketful of water on me!" He then turned back to the door, taking a step closer to it, as if it was going to soften James up. "This is childish! Open the door, please."

"_Talk to the hand._"

"We cannot see your hand for the locked door is blocking our view," Remus kindly noted as he searched his pockets in the dark.

"_Okay, I'll put my hand against the door_."

The werewolf took a deep breath as he felt his pockets were empty, then counted to ten, and said slowly to the door, "James... did you take my wand, as well?"

James' voice sounded as though he was grinning. "_Maybe._"

"Potter, I swear to god!" Black climbed the ladder down and as his feet were safely on the ground, he blindly fumbled next to Remus and after finding it, he banged the door with his fists. "You can't do this! Open! The! Door! This is not funny!"

"_You might not want to make such a ruckus, because Mrs Norris might hear you. You know how sharp her hearing is._"

Sirius snarled against the wood, "Not as sharp as Padfoot's teeth on your arse are going to be, Potter! Let us out!"

"James, could you please open the door?" Remus asked and rested his forehead against the door. He yanked his clothes a bit from his chest. "I'd like to have my wand so I can dry myself off. I'm going to catch a cold this way."

"Great! Prongs, you've done it now! Remus's going to die!" Sirius bellowed in a very friendly manner, and as he threw his hands in the air, he accidentally slapped the werewolf in the face. Lupin hissed at him because of this, naturally not wanting to be smacked, and the boy winced in panic, "Oh Merlin, Remmie, I'm sorry!" He tried to grab Remus' face, but couldn't find it in the dark. Of course he only managed to poke Remus in the eye with his spindly fingers.

"Ack!" Remus rubbed his eye, naturally not wanting to be blinded, and muttered, "Sirius... Don't... Don't worry about it."

Black defeatedly dropped his hands, and turned back to the door, shouting, "You sodding git, James, open this bloody door, and look what you made me do! It's so dark that I almost blinded him!"

"_It's not his fault, Sirius, don't take it out on him. By the way, there's a matchbox and a small candle on the bottom shelf, as you probably saw earlier. Enjoy yourselves!_"

"Potter, don't you dare leave us here!"

"Yelling at the door won't help," Remus said as he took a step back, turned around, kneeling on the slightly wet floor, and started to search the shelves for the aforementioned candle. Did he just hope it would really be there.

Sirius muttered to the darkness, "I can bloody hell try." Soon he was facing the wood again. "Unlock the door, you arse-buffoon! Don't do this!"

"_Oh, and don't burn the map, it'll help you know if someone's coming._"

"A lot of good that'll do, you bastard, we can't escape this sodding closet! How will we explain this to Filch? Open up!"

"_Say you were sleepwalking together or something. I don't care!_"

Sirius shouted, "Potter!"

"_I'm leaving now!_"

"Bastard!"

Remus lit the candle he had found with his steady hands – hurray for tactile sense – and a pathetic light filled the small chamber. He squinted his slightly sore eye at the light. "Sirius, please don't holler," he said, after glancing at the boy. "He's right, Mrs Norris will hear you."

With a huff Black turned around and of course seemed annoyed. His eyes were wide of rage. "But he can't do this!"

Lupin raised a brow at him as they heard James quip happily behind the door, "_Bye!_"

"Bloody bastard!" Sirius gaped at the door and ponting a finger to the door, he ogled at Remus. "Can you believe the guy?"

Remus placed the candle in the middle of the floor, and left the open map on the floor next to it. In the scanty, yellow light the closet seemed even smaller than it had seemed before. He stood up and muttered, "Most of the time, no, I can't. Thank you for asking, though."

"This is..." Black whined pathetically as he slid on the floor his back against the door. Happy to remark, his bum didn't get wet. "Unbelievable. Why would he do this? I can't believe –"

"I'm sure he'll come back soon enough to let us out," Remus interjected as he carefully started to remove his wet robe. "I just hope it won't take that long, for I really don't wish to be sick."

Sirius swallowed and tried not to stare at the undressing werewolf. He didn't succeed that well. "Yeah... but... I can't handle this right now." He averted his eyes and turned them to the shelves. There were an interesting spider there, hopefully. "He knows I can't be here."

"This is just a broom closet." Remus hanged his wet robe on a nail on the side of the ladder. He took an eyeful of his slipover and trousers, noting that only the latter were somewhat wet. "We're fine here."

Black watched as Remus ruffled his damp hair, and sputtered, "No, I have to get out."

Remus glanced at him. "We have the map. We know if someone's coming. No need to be nervous."

"Yeah, no..." Sirius detected a drip of water on Lupin's cheek. He blinked. "I should really get out of here. I can't... be here." He took the ends of his hair, and tugged them slightly. "He's doing this on purpose."

The werewolf loosened his tie, pulling it off and shoving it in his pocket as he sat down back against a shelf, facing Sirius. "I never knew you were afraid of closed spaces."

"I'm not... I just..." Black rubbed his face as if to calm himself down. "Can't be here now. The sodding bastard knows that... I can't be here when the door's locked, and when there's no one on the other side of it... and no exit." He seemed very agitated. "I can't – not now, not... not with _you_, and definitely not when you're drenched like that."

Quickly enough, Remus' eyes were on him. "Why can't you be here with me?"

Sirius stared at him over the candle, deadpanned. "You are _very_ dumb for a smart guy, did you know that?"

The lycanthrope only blinked at him.

Black grinned nervously. "It's just that, if we don't get out of here... within reasonable time, I might do... something." He grimaced a bit to the candle. "But no biggie."

The candle grimaced him back.

"Do what?" Lupin raised another curious brow. He took a quick glimpse around them, eyeing the random objects on the shelves. "There's not that much you could do without your wand in a broom closet."

Sighing, Sirius said, "To you, Remus."

"Oh." The boy swallowed. Feigning absolute indifference, he softly rubbed his neck. "What... would you want to do to me?" Suddenly Sirius stared at him – well, it wasn't at all that _sudden_ when he was doing that constantly, but still – and Remus saw his jawline clench, so he had lowered his eyes. "So, when James said that we needed alone time, he meant –" He looked up. "It has something to do with you... wanting to kiss me?"

Black nodded slowly and licked his lips. "Yeah, something like that. So, I think you should want to get out, as soon as possible."

"But we spent the whole day together, and you didn't do anything... lascivious."

"Well," Sirius started, and laughed a bit. "I've been able to keep cool, since there have always been someone else around." He gestured around them. "This is sort of... the first time I've been with you alone... in a small space, since my dr..." He stopped in mid-word. "_Never mind_."

Staring at him, Remus faintly bit his lip. He tilted his head. "Is there anything I could do to help you feel more relaxed?"

Sirius started to crawl closer. "Well..." He grinned as he kept his eyes on the boy. "This is again one of those things _a friend_ couldn't possible make any better. But... if you truly wanted to, you could let me jump you."

"Er, that doesn't sound very comfortable," the bookhound muttered as he watched Sirius move closer to him. "We have... so little space here."

"That's the only objection?"

Lupin gulped and kept his eyes on Black, who was already very close to him. Suddenly Remus flashed him a smile. "Maybe I could try to distract you somehow?"

"You know, you already do that all the time," Sirius said quietly as he slumped his arse on the floor next the wet werewolf. He wiped his hands together. "Like during the Quidditch game today. So... no need for that. Doesn't really _help_."

"Yes, but _from_ me," Remus specified, leaning forward and trying to catch Sirius' eyes in his own. "Maybe there's something we could discuss about? I don't know, perhaps we could continue our earlier conversation."

"In a broom closet?" Sirius grinned at him. "That's new."

Lupin frowned, letting his eyes wander on Sirius' lips. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Probably yes," the Animagus admitted. He brought his knees up, resting his stretched arms on them. "Birds, right?" He glanced at the boy next to him. "Well, a lot of them."

Remus let out an uncharacteristic huff as a slight blush crept on his face. He turned his eyes away from Sirius' face, mumbling, "Really?"

Sirius' grin grew in a tantalising fashion. "Because sometimes... things just got too difficult for me to..." As he stared at Remus' red cheeks, he began again. "Um, at times I was almost unable to keep my shit together, to put it bluntly. You know what that means, don't you?" Remus shook his head at the question, but still refused to look at him. "It means I had an awful _hard_ time to keep my paws off you."

The werewolf said nothing, but now only stared at him with widened eyes.

Gazing back at him, Sirius continued. "And every time, when I almost slipped and blindly just attacked you – you should thank me I didn't, by the way – I went for a stroll around the school, and grabbed the first available and willing skirt, snogged her and..." He shrugged. "Maybe even shagged her, until she was bruised, and... sometimes it happened in broom closet, like this one. So our conversation in here would be my very first." He leaned closer to Remus' red face, whispering, "Congratulations for being my first."

"Bruised?" was the only thing Remus was able to say to him.

Leaning back at the shelf, Black battled a lewd smirk. "Yeah well, somehow they never seemed to mind me being a tad rough."

Remus tried not to shake. He breathed, "Is that so?"

"Or to question _why_ I was that way."

Sirius stared at the squirming boy as he said nothing.

"Remus?"

There was no other visible reaction telling Sirius the werewolf was still breathing beside the obvious blush on his cheeks.

"Are you alive?" Lupin puffed at him in reply, and Sirius had to smirk amusedly, "Or are you... jealous?"

Immediately Remus turned his eyes on the floor. "No!" He shook his head so feverishly Sirius was afraid it would fall off. "That's ridiculous. I'm not _jealous_. Why would I be, that's..."

With that, he didn't fight at all when Black carefully lifted his chin, so their eyes would meet again. He brushed a thumb on Remus' jaw. "But you're blushing."

Struggling against Sirius' soft grip – so really, not struggling at all – Remus turned his eyes away. "It's hot in here."

"It's really not. You're drenched."

Lupin let out a sigh when Sirius' moved his hand away. He kept his eyes on the floor. "Well, maybe it's... fever? I think... Perhaps I'm sick already. We have to get out."

Sirius smiled at him and rested his head against the shelf. "Yeah, that's exactly what I said from the beginning."

At that moment, he was practically glued to Remus' side. The lycanthrope stared at their thighs being pressed tightly together, and he muttered, pointing a finger at the door. "You could... sit over there."

"No I couldn't," Black bantered in return. "It's cramped over there. This is far better."

"You'll catch my... fever, I'm sure."

Black pressed his warm hand on Remus' wet thigh. "Nah, my immune system's pretty awesome." As Remus' blush just deepened, Sirius nodded. "Feel how warm I am? I can easily resist your illness."

"Are you good at resisting other things as well?" Remus asked as he gazed at Sirius' fingers. Black intently watched him lick his lips.

"No... I'm awful at that."

"Ah," the werewolf smiled nervously to himself, and watched as his fingers slowly moved to touch Sirius' hand – however, before he could say anything else to the boy, he perked up and mumbled quietly, "Someone's coming."

Sirius turned his eyes to the map, and saw Mrs Norris' paw prints moving along the corridor to their way. He said under his breath, "Oh, bloody hell, I hate cats."

He then moved forwards from his position and on his knees, and was just about to blow the candle when Remus tugged his robes, whispering, "Don't, she will smell the smoke."

"Right," Black muttered and leaned his back against the shelf.

For a moment they kept incredibly silent, and kept their eyes on the enchanted map without moving a single muscle, shoulder to shoulder, soaked trouser thigh pressed against a dry one.

And as the paw prints stopped behind the door for a second or two or ten, and they waited a loud meow to echo behind the thick wood, Remus leaned unconsciously against Sirius, tugging slightly his robes and closing his eyes against his shoulder. Black took a deep breath whilst keeping his sharp eyes steady on the parchment and his thoughts on something else than Remus' shivering body.

For another moment they just sat there, close to each other, silently taking in each other's scents.

On the other side of the door Mrs Norris tried to sniff their scents, as well, but fortunately for them she failed and left the alone.

When Sirius was sure the cat had left the corridor, he kindly let Remus lean on him for a minute longer, and then broke the silence by whispering, "Are you cold? You're shuddering."

Remus snapped his eyes open and saw a hand on top of his. He slowly let go off Sirius' robes, sitting up, and mumbled, "It is a bit chilly."

"You want my robe?" Sirius asked, but didn't wait for an answer and was already taking it off. He didn't have his slipover on, as usual, but that didn't matter. "I'm warm enough to cope without it."

"No, I don't need it, I'm already cold, so..."

Sirius swung his robe across Remus' shaking shoulders, and once the boy was under it, he wrapped his arms around Remus, pulling him closer. "For once in your life, let me help you."

Not struggling, Remus muttered nevertheless, "You don't have to do this. I'm fine."

"Stop whining," Sirius said, holding him tighter.

"I feel like you're treating me like a girl," the werewolf said, a bit muffled as his mouth was hidden in the fabric of Sirius' shirt. Sirius chuckled at that, and Remus to ask, "What?"

Still sniggering Sirius told him, "Nothing, it's just that you're actually the very first bird I've held like this. It seems that you're my first in lots of things."

Lupin muttered against him, "Idiot."

"But if you want, I could warm you up in a different way."

"How?" Remus asked skeptically.

"Like this!" Sirius let go off him, not letting him fall, and moved so his back was suddenly against the stony floor, and with a great difficulty he hoisted his long legs against the shelves on the other wall. His head he rested on Remus' lap, smiling widely at his baffled face.

"What are you doing?" Lupin frowned amusedly at him. "I don't understand how this will warm me up." But as Black only grinned at him in a way that made Remus blink nervously, he cleared his throat. "However, I still feel girlish, your head in my lap."

"You're not really girly, Remmie," Sirius said and smiled adoringly at him from below. He slithered his back of the head against Remus' thighs. "Even though I did carry you to bed last night."

Lupin rolled his eyes at that, and moved the robe so some of it covered Sirius' chest. He patted the fabric, and the chest lightly. "You're never going to let that go, are you? I told you already, I was sleepy."

"Thank Merlin you're so lightweight." Sirius snickered, wiggling his feet above him. His position seemed all but comfortable. "It was like I was carrying a sackful of feathers!"

"You didn't _really_ carry me. You merely helped me up the stairs," Remus reminded kindly. "And then you fell asleep in my bed, on top of me."

Sirius pursed his lips, and nuzzled his head again on the lap. "Admit it, you liked it."

"When I woke up, I couldn't feel my legs."

"Well, sorry!" Sirius pouted at him. "My bed was just so far away."

The werewolf sniggered amiably at the expression, making his legs and Sirius wobble. "It's right next to mine! What a horribly long way to walk."

"Yes, exactly." The boy nodded solemnly. His fingers played with the fabric of his own robe, as he kept mumbling childishly, "And besides, my bed's full of crumbs. I don't want to sleep there."

Lupin slightly shifted his legs under Sirius' weight. "That's your own fault, not mine. You ought not to eat in your bed."

"It's my hobby, don't judge me." Sirius glanced at his face, first seeming serious, but then curving the corners of his mouth upwards. "You have weird hobbies too, you know."

"Hobbies or habits?" Remus asked him, tilting his head a bit on the left.

"Hobbies," Sirius repeated and wiggled his fingers at him. "Like playing the piano! It seems so hard, hobbies shouldn't be hard. Hobbies should be fun."

"Such as eating in your bed?" As Sirius nodded at him, Remus smiled endearingly back. "Well, I like playing the piano. Playing classical music relaxes me, to some extent. I haven't played in a while, though. I should start again."

The Animagus suddenly rumbled up from his awkward position. He then sat on his legsnext to Remus, staring at him with widened eyes and asking if terrified, "_Classical_?"

Watching him back, Lupin frowned. "Yes? What's the matter?"

Sirius grabbed him gently by his shoulders. "Oh, Remus, that's terrible! No!"

Remus sniggered at his horrified face. "You're acting as though you heard I've caught a deadly disease."

"Classical music _is_ a deadly disease," Black informed gravely. He looked as if he wasn't going to avert his eyes for a while. They were nailed on Remus'. "You should definitely play something else. Try Muggle rock music, some of those bands are brilliant! You could try playing _Your Song_, for instance."

"That is more of your area than mine." Remus shook his head at him. "I don't know anything about that."

Still ogling at him feverishly – as though he had stopped at some point – and still held his shoulders. "What about the Beatles? Remus, I know you love them!"

Lupin smiled faintly. "Now how would you know that?"

Suddenly, Sirius seemed kind of embarrassed. "Because you... you hum _Here Comes the Sun_ all the time."

Slowly, reluctantly even, Black let go of his shoulders, and the werewolf wrapped the robe more firmly around them. "I didn't know that," he said, keeping his eyes fixed on Sirius' face. "But that's my favourite one from them, so I guess it makes sense."

"I know!" Sirius smiled wholly, making his face to light up. "It's a brilliant song! I can play it with a guitar."

Remus stopped fingering the robe. "You can play the guitar?"

"Well, sort of." Sirius moved closer to him again, and whispered, "It's kind of the only song I can play." Then he nodded to himself. "But it's really difficult, so!"

Smiling to him, Remus joined the nodding. "You should practise more song, then. You could be a great guitarist, you have such long fingers."

"Oh you mean these?" Sirius wiggled his fingers at the geek.

The boy watched them, and then Sirius, shifting his position a bit. Trying not to smile, he said, "Yes. That could be one of the other activities you could do with them, besides the lock-picking."

Black kept wiggling his fingers at him, but now there was almost an evil smirk on his face. His eyes were nailed on Remus.

"What are you..." Remus' eyes widened as the boy moved ominously closer. "Don't you dare. You know..." He gulped. "You know I don't like that."

Without a fair warning, Sirius' fingers attacked the werewolf's sides under the robe, and Remus fell on his back – and of course the tickler went down with him; and writhing under him, Remus giggled and snorted uncontrollably as Sirius kept fiddling his ribs, moving slowly on top of the boy's legs. At some point Black skilfully dodged an accidental kick that was aimed towards his groin.

"N-no! Do-don't! Ah! Sirius – I can't b-breathe!"

"Keep quiet," Sirius sniggered, but never stopped tickling the boy, who was utterly flushed again and gasped for air because of the way the fingers were touching him. Sirius grinned at his red face. "I'm only trying to warm you up."

"Ple-please, st...op! Ngh, Sirius! Don't –"

Remus kept feebly trying to push him away, but Sirius wouldn't budge; however, as soon as the tickling had started, Sirius suddenly stopped and took a steady grip of Remus' sides – he waited until Lupin stopped squirming under him and got some air into his lungs, and then leaned closer, speaking quietly to his face, "You _really_ should keep quiet, or someone will hear us."

Lupin tried not to panic as he glanced down and saw Sirius' fingers creeping upwards on his sides again. He squeaked, "Sirius, please don't, I'm –"

But the fingers never tickled him again. One hand steadied Sirius over the werewolf whilst the other snaked up to hold Remus' surprised face in its place as Sirius kissed his lips.

Naturally, Remus completely forgot that he was coming down with a supposed fever.

If he took into account that he was cold and wet, the broom closet was utterly cramped, the floor on which they were imitating a teenage boy sandwich was undoubtedly stony, and the only source of light was a pathetically flickering candle next (and dangerously close) to them, Remus' current state of mind could have been much worse indeed.

Black's brain agreed that yes, he liked this broom closet way more than the others.

At first, he had moved to kiss Remus slowly, almost carefully even, as if he was waiting Remus to use the eased moment to finally push him off, but as the werewolf didn't do anything of the sort, eventually Sirius himself had to stop by lifting his lips away – not that he wanted, but he thought it was better for Remus' back, for as already mentioned, the floor was very rocky. He tilted his head backwards, muttering, "Ah, I'm –"

"A bit more," Remus hummed, and pulled him back. Like it was the most natural thing for him to do, he lifted his hands from Sirius' shirt (where he had at some point ceased them) to his neck, tugging him closer by his collar, his tie, his hair, whichever – and deepened the hesitant kiss like a professional kisser would do.

Not that he knew what they were like.

But whatever he did, Black complied merrily. While his left hand was keeping him from falling on Remus, the right one travelled to hold the boy's hot neck, pulling him vehemently away from the cold floor and towards his own lips.

Yet, when it dawned on him _the second time_ within thirty seconds that Remus was indeed still under him, stone floor boring into his backbone, and that he was hanging from Sirius' neck uncomfortably like his life was depending on it, Sirius again had to stop. Even though his entire body was trying to work against him, he pulled away from the warm, nibbling mouth, and inhaled deeply while focusing his eyes on the flushed geek beneath him. But as soon as he saw the absolutely perplexed expression on Lupin's red face, he hurried to ask, "Uncomfortable?"

"No." The lycanthrope smiled and tried to catch his breath. "It's fine."

He was still holding onto Sirius' neck and his lips were already itching to continue the tryst, but from the corner of his eye he saw something that caused a nasty, twirling ice block plunge into the pit of his empty stomach.

Lupin yanked the boy closer from his tie, and mumbled breathlessly against his lips, "The map."

Somehow managing, Black took a quick glance at the parchment on the floor, and saw those infernal paw prints coming back towards the closet door. He turned back to gaze at the boy lying under him, blinked, and cursed quietly into Lupin's mouth, "Are you frigging kidding me?"

Their lips brushing, Remus muttered back at him, "Don't move. I hear she's coming closer."

To put things lightly, it was rather frustrating of a situation. They were finally alone, _together_, literally on top of each other – and a scabby cat was interrupting them. If their thoughts wouldn't have been slightly preoccupied at that moment, they both probably would have been imagining different kinds of ways to avenge the unholy interruption to the pestering animal.

The Animagus tried his very best to keep still. As if in pain, he closed his eyes and whispered, "I'm going to murder that cat until it's completely dead_._"

Under him, Remus suppressed a chuckle as he kept staring at the parchment, with his head turned on his left.

And just as Sirius opened his eyes to take another glimpse at the same direction, the flame of the candle decided to make things a tiny bit more difficult, and died down.

The boy on top almost yelped in surprise as the closet darkened again, but thankfully Remus' werewolf-reflexes – whatever they were – had been trained to work exceptionally fast in dark broom closets, and he pulled Sirius closer by his tie he was still grasping, and kissed him silent.

Sirius had _never_ been that happy to be quiet before.

When he was only starting to reciprocate, the geek stopped, and pulled Sirius even closer to mutter in his ear, "Still there."

In the absolute darkness the boy did not see, but was able to _smell_ Remus' exposed throat in front of him, and of course he had no other choice than to press his lips on it. Remus inhaled sharply because of the touch, but managed to keep his mouth otherwise shut and his ears on the perverted eavesdropper cat behind the door.

Lupin had to face the facts – even though he tried to convince himself that he was known for his outstanding concentration skills, the lips, teeth and the occasional tongue sliding against his neck were making things rather hazy. He was almost unable to focus enough to whisper into Sirius' ear, "Do you hear her?"

The boy mumbled against his throat between his amorous activities, "You're the one with the super-hearing."

Remus shifted, pulled his neck away from the Animagus' mouth and chuckled silently at his face. "We should have brought Peter here, regardless of him being unconscious."

Sirius swallowed with a great difficulty and breathed in the darkness, "What?"

"Mrs Norris could have played with him."

"Remus," the boy on top uttered and slid his hand under Remus' back. "Could you maybe... stop talking about Pete for a second."

"Sorry."

As the hand accidentally tickled Remus' sensitive back, Lupin cocked his knee upwards, and this time it indeed met with Sirius' groin. Both of them gasped, almost in unison – Black because of the sudden but definitely pleasurable touch, Remus because of the bulge in Sirius' pants, which was now pressing firmly against his leg, had totally surprised him.

To his own astonishment, he didn't move a muscle to lower his knee.

Sirius stifled the lewdest of moans and buried his face again into Remus' neck. The geek murmured to his ear, "Are you all right?"

"Nghh," he grunted in reply against the sweating neck. "I'm..."

Remus slowly lifted Sirius' hot face to the level of his own, but he had no chance to say what he was saying or do whatever he was about to do, for someone opened the door.

* * *

**A/N:** what

The map didn't get wet because when they made it, it was protected with a spell. Or at least in my headcanon it was.


	12. Enamoured Idiots Are Easy to Frustrate

**A/N:** Oh yeah, in my headcanon Mrs Norris is like super old, scabby cat. Even though the original fandom states that Filch got her around the 90s to me Filch just isn't the same guy without her. So... the cat's present in this story, making her max. 20 years old when Harry was at school. Perfectly plausible, right?

THANK YOU for your reviews and alerts. x x

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is not mine.

**Beta:** No beta, only me. English is not my first language.

* * *

"Aha! Caught in the act! I knew there was something fishy going on!"

Black let out a horrified groan and stumbled hastily off Remus. Also Lupin sat up quickly form the floor; he snatched the Marauders Map near the candle, and tucked it safe in Sirius' robe pocket.

Argus Filch eyed them suspiciously from the door, his rusty lantern lifted high to light the small closet. The vexatious cat was circling his legs, and occasionally she shot them with an accusing look. She looked very much like her master. "Just what are you two dogs doing here?"

"Well, we, er," Sirius began smartly and tried subtly to cover the frisky front of his trousers. He closed his eyes and mumbled experimentally, "Sleepwalking?"

Filch squinted at him. "In here? I don't believe you."

"No," Sirius admitted, and glanced at Remus, who was sitting very still beside him, and who had his eyes nailed on the man at the door. "Actually we were playing... hide and seek. Yeah."

"Which one of you's seeking?"

Black sighed, and made a face. "Okay, so... basically I lied just now, again." He glanced around them, as if looking for a reason to be there. "We were looking for a bucket, because, er – well, there was this small... accident in the Gryffindor house. Yeah, one of the team members... exploded."

"Gryffindors stealing, eh?" Filch grinned and the boys had to shiver a bit because of the awful sight. "I'm sure professor McGonagall would like to hear that."

Suddenly Remus moved; he straightened his dishevelled hair first – priorities – and _then_ said, "Sir, we were only going to... to borrow the bucket. And that's when the... er –" He glanced at Sirius.

"The door slammed shut and," Black continued wacthing him back, and turned his eyes back on the caretaker. "And then I tripped on my friend."

Filch lifted the lantern even higher, as if it would have helped him to see them better. He stared at Sirius with his crooked eyes, which suddenly widened. "You're _Black_."

Sirius gulped. "What? No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are!" Filch growled whilst trembling evidently. The shaking lantern made the closet look like a disco. "I know that devilish smirk!"

"I'm not even smirking!"

Very slowly, and very quietly, Remus moved closer to Sirius and as they both stared at Filch's awfully reddening face, he whispered from the corner of his mouth, "What did you do to him?"

Sirius looked strangely frightened as he kept eyeing the older man. "How should I remember such a thing!"

"You..." The lantern shook even more in the caretaker's hand. Filch's Adam's apple rocked up and down. "You stole my personal book!"

"What is he talking about?" Remus asked while grabbing a hold on Sirius' upper arm. The way he constantly moved closer was as though he was trying to go hiding under the boy's skin. "Don't tell me you stole his..." He turned his eyes on Sirius. "_Diary_."

Black replied nothing, only stared at the seething man in front of them. He slowly started to rise from his place and whilst doing so, he tugged Lupin skilfully up with him.

Filch's beady eyes were steady on them as he moved slowly closer to them, while growling angrily. He undoubtedly resembled a mangy bloodhound.

"Remus," Sirius murmured to the geek. "I think we should duck now."

"You... I'll murder you dead!" Filch plunged towards them, and as the boys swerved, he crashed into the shelf behind them.

But like that stopped him.

He turned swiftly around and spat indignantly, "Come back!"

The boys were already in the corridor, scampering away from him, and out of reach.

"Sirius," Remus panted as he tried to keep up with the running boy in front of him. "My... robe!"

The boy glanced at him over his shoulder and only yanked him to go faster by his hand. "Nah, we can get it later!"

* * *

Heavily panting after the running, the boys reached the Gryffindor tower door. Sure, they had been able to outrun Filch, which really hadn't took that much effort, but it didn't mean they were out of trouble.

Once they had bustled the stairs up to the Fat Lady, Sirius finally let go off Remus' hand, and Lupin used it as a chance to readjust the robe on his shoulders. "I'm telling you, he's going to tell Professor McGonagall," he muttered as they stopped in front of the painting. "And I'd like to have my robe back."

The Fat Lady squinted at them. "It's a bit late for running around, don't you think?"

Sirius grinned smarmily at her. "Not really your business, ma'am! Now, shouldn't you ask me a question of some sort?"

The painting sighed. "Very well. Name?"

"Oh, you know my name," Sirius told her, moving closer to her. "Try another."

As the woman was fluttering her lashes at him, she managed a quick, "Password?"

"Yeah, that," Black hurried and clapped his hands at her. "Now, open up, _glumbumble _or something."

As the painting sighed forlornly but swung open nevertheless, Black turned to Remus who was staring down to the corridor. He touched Remus' upper arm. "Look, we're fine. Minnie's asleep, and she's like a hurricane when she's woken up from her slumber, so I don't think Filch is going to disturb her. He has to have some sort of instinct of self preservation."

Shaking his head, Lupin pushed him in the common room.

But once they were there, they stopped in their tracks.

The whole room was a mess, to say the least; there were clothes and empty bottles everywhere, Remus thought he even saw a lonely shoe in the fireplace. Someone had thought it to be a brilliant idea to gather every single piece of Quidditch attire on top of an unconscious Peter, who was still lying on the floor, thank you very much. Potter was nowhere to be seen, as was Lily. A couple of second years, who still hadn't gotten into bed, were playing hopscotch on the rug – wait, was that a house-elf?

Remus glanced at Sirius behind him, but the boy was gone.

Glancing around the room, he suddenly saw Lily in the other side of it, and quickly strolled to her. The girl started flicking her wand at random things around the room, mumbling spells such as _Reparo_ and _Evanesco_ under her breath. Lupin tapped her shoulder.

After turning around and not pointing the wand at him anymore. "Hi!" Lily smiled at him, but frowned quickly. "Why are you so flushed?"

"We were..." Remus combed his hair with his fingers. "Er, I was running. Lily, what is going on?"

Lily flicked her wand at Peter. "_Rennervate_. I'm cleaning, can't you see? And you're not wearing your own robe."

With narrowed eyes, Lupin stared at her. "Could you maybe return my wand now, please?"

"What are you talking about? _Accio _pineapple."

"You're scheming with James, aren't you?" Remus crossed his arms. He glanced at the room, which started to look like it was meant to. He dodged the flying pineapple, which Lily then placed on the table next to a pile of other odd stuff. "You stole my wand, and he took Sirius', so we wouldn't get out of the closet, right?"

Evans tittered, "I really don't know what you mean."

"Why were we locked in a broom closet, really?"

The girl shoved her wand into her pocket. She poked Remus gently in the chest while smiling, "Don't tell me you didn't like it."

Remus gestured towards his clothes. "I'm not a big fan of getting soaked. I get ill easily."

"I'm not talking about the getting wet-part. I'm talking about something else." She was measuring him with her eyes. Oddly enough Lupin lost his ability to talk at that very moment, but Lily knew what he was thinking when she saw him stole a quick look of Sirius, who was talking with James by the dormitory stairs. She brushed some dust of his shoulder. "So, honey, did you like it?"

Honey turned back to her and asked, "Could you please elaborate?"

"You're not a simpleton, Remus," Evans groaned in a womanly fashion. "You know what I'm talking about." As a response, Lupin only tugged Sirius' robe closer to his chest. The girl nodded at that. "So you _did_ like it, being there with him. Should have known."

"Well..."

"How did he seem?" Lily tried to keep a straight face. "Was he... fidgety? Did he try to get away like he didn't want to be there with you? If he did, that's the prank talking."

Remus took another glimpse at Sirius, and then said simply, "It's not a prank."

"I'll ask the same thing I've asked many times before," Lily began, sweeping a strand of hair behind her ear. "How can you be sure? Did you tell him about _your_ feelings? Did he panic after you kissed him?"

His eyes were soon on her again. "How do you even know we –"

"Oh for Merlin's sake," Lily groaned. "You're clutching on that robe like your life depends on it. You are completely smitten by him. Of course you two kissed."

Remus kept rather quiet, and seemed to be looking anything but her.

"See?" She grinned again. "You're not even _trying_ to deny anything, as you did a few days ago."

"Well, that's because..." Remus' eyes wandered back to Sirius again. "I..."

"You what? Speak up. Can't hear you."

Lupin shook his head and turned back to her. "Nothing. It's absurd, it's... too sudden, it's too strange. Never mind. I cannot, I must be –"

Stretching her hand up, Lily took a grip at his chin. "Stop mumbling, Remus, and tell me what do you want."

"Sirius," the boy uttered without delay. He surprised himself more than he surprised Lily.

The girl smiled widely as she let go off him. "That wasn't so hard, now was it? Sit down, you look like you're about to faint."

Remus slumped in an empty seat next to him, bringing his elbows on the table. Soon enough he was resting his head on his hands, muttering something under his breath. Lily was almost certain he had said something about tyrotoxism.

After taking another look around the relatively clean room, as if to verify once more that the place didn't look like an animal house anymore, Lily sat down next to the boy, smiling and patting his shoulder soothingly. "Look, sweetie, you probably have had feelings for him for a long time now. So it's not sudden." As Lupin said nothing, she continued, "Only when he told you about the feelings he... er, _supposedly_ has for you, yours started to surface."

"He's not pretending, Lily."

Over Remus, Evans glanced at the boys dormitory stairs. "The only way to really know if he means business, is to tell him about your feelings."

"You don't make any sense," Remus breathed into his hands as he was rubbing his face. "How will it help if I –"

Lily interrupted him while keeping her eyes, oddly enough, on James. "I make the perfect sense, you're just too slow."

"I don't know what to tell him. Or how."

"Use your mouth."

The boy sat up properly and unconsciously licked his lips. Lily smacked him in the shoulder. "Oh god, not like that, you doofus! I meant _talking_."

"I..." Remus nodded meekly. "I knew that."

She poked his shoulder with a finger. "Just get it out of your system, and... study his reaction, or something. If possible, do it in a place where he won't get distracted by other people. And if he is fooling around, then uh... well, let's worry about that later, okay?"

Lupin bit his glistening lower lip and nodded again.

* * *

Sirius strode on the other side of the common room, where he had suddenly spotted Potter. He walked past all kinds of weird stuff, like something he thought was a naked house-elf (it wasn't though, it was a block of cheese shaped of a leg of a morse), but he couldn't concentrate on those. He had to find James, so he could kill him.

And he did.

To clarify, he found James, but spared his life for the time being.

Tugging the boy from his tie towards the dormitory stairs, Black growled, "Can I talk to you, NOW."

"I fear I haven't any options," Potter said, feigning a shiver. Once Sirius let go off him, he straightened his clothes and askew glasses. "Oh, you sound royally pissed off. What happened?"

"I'd like to ask you the same sodding question, you ape-tit," Sirius muttered angrily at him once they were alone in the stairs. He craned his neck a bit to take a quick glimpse of Remus, who was standing at the study table with Evans, and turned back to his friend. Lowering his voice so none except James heard him, he hissed, "Is your head still broken? Why did you lock me up in a blooming broom closet with him? You know how hard it is for me to keep my hands off him."

"So you didn't like it then?"

"You idiot, of course I liked it," Sirius puffed and crossed his arms. He changed the weight on his legs, muttering, "But that's not the point."

James glanced down. "Er, what's that?" He addressed Sirius' tent.

Whilst making a painful face, Black shifted his legs awkwardly again. "What do you think? A banana?"

"No, you hate bananas," Potter said knowingly. "I know what that is, but I hope I wouldn't have seen it."

"Oh shut up," Sirius muttered and pushed him down, making him sit on the stairs. "You've got one all the time around Evans, it's disturbing."

"No," James noted. He took a quick look behind him to make sure no one was there. As no one was – hurray – he continued, "I've never had one in public, and to my knowledge, you haven't either."

"Had stiffy around Evans?" The dog grimaced and sat down as well. He didn't cross his legs, for obvious reasons, but tried to cover up his eagerness all the same. To be honest, he wasn't at all successful. "The horror. If something happens in my pants when she's around, that would be Little Sirius _withering away_."

Potter carefully pulled Sirius' wand from his pocket. "You're such a wanker..."

"Maybe I should go and talk to her _now_, might get rid of this problem of mine." Sirius smirked evilly and held out his hand. "Gimme."

"If you won't shut your mouth then I'm going to keep this."

"All right," Sirius grumbled and snatched his wand from Potter's greedy hands. Rolling it in his own, he eyed it manically. "Baby, what did he do to you?"

"It's fine," James told him, while subtly staring at Evans on the other side of the room. "And you shouldn't call it that, by the way. No one does that. It's bloody creepy."

Black muttered, "You're creepy."

"No, I'm not," James said quietly, finally taking his eyes off the girl. They found Sirius, who was still ogling at his wand. "You know, you should go to Moony, or somewhere. I don't care. Just leave me alone, okay."

"Are you an idiot? I can't go to him, not with _this_," Sirius groaned with a gesture towards his groin. "I mean I'd like to, of course, and I basically just was with him, obviously, but abuse's not really my thing, and with my current situation, I might attack him... Again. With this." He shook his head. "Nope."

"No one's telling you to abuse him, you dork."

Black kept shaking his head. "And you really don't have any idea what I'm going through here, do you."

"No," Potter said cordially. He flashed his mate a smile. "But it's obviously painful because you keep whining. Go, and... I don't know, perform a flute solo."

Sirius leaned his head against the wall, and muttered, "No... Can't concentrate on that." He side-glanced at James. "Besides, why do you care about my boner suddenly?"

James grimaced. "I really don't. I'm just surprised to see you've got one _now_."

"You put me in a broom closet with Remus after tossing a bucketful of water on him?" He turned his unbelieving eyes on the guy. "_Of course_ I'm growing wood. Are you thick?"

"So what happened?"

Black tried to sound nonchalant. "We snogged."

"Snogged?" James repeated as if he hadn't heard him correctly. He smiled. "Good for you."

"Cheers."

"And your _current situation_ is because of... kissing?" Potter asked, and furrowed his brows. "Really? Kis... _You_?"

"Once again, it's Remus," Sirius tried to articulate very clearly to the blockhead next of him without raising his voice. "_Re-mus_. How hard it is for you to understand that I lose every bit of my self-control when I'm with him? It's like giving an endless sack of tubers to Pete."

"I understand perfectly." James nodded. "By the way, congratulations for hyphenating his name correctly just now."

Black made a face at him in a way, which reminded James exactly why the guy's Animagus form was a big, idiotic slobbery dog.

James took a glimpse at the stairs behind him, and slowly he stood up whilst patting Sirius' shoulder. "So... I take it from the snogging that he finally told you how he fancies you back, yeah?"

The guy stared up at him, flabbergasted. "What?"

Potter looked horrified. "Er, no!" He started to look for a place to hide. "Oh, I mean... did you guys... have fun?" He gave Sirius a thumb up.

At the speed of light, Black turned around to seek Remus with his eyes, but before he could nail them on the lycanthrope, he saw professor McGonagall standing at the common room door, Filch hiding behind her looming stature.

"Bugger."

* * *

The very next day was a rather hard one for both of them. Remus had tried to find an ideal moment to tell his feelings to Black, as Lily kindly had instructed him ("Do it, or I will!) but hadn't been able to. When he had the courage to say something, there had always been a roadblock of some sort, like a plateful of bacon, or Peter; but when he was alone with Sirius, he found his voice to be lost. What was that all about, Remus had no idea.

Also he had somehow managed to get his robe back from Filch, who had insisted on keeping it as an evidence of a serious crime.

From the minute Sirius woke up that morning, he was dead certain that Remus regretted everything that happened the day before. The entire day he had battled over whether or not to talk to the boy about what they did, but every time he had come to a conclusion of some sort, he had backed down. (Later on he deduced that his brain had rotten inside of his melon.) Also, he didn't really want to pressure Remus into anything, no matter what Potter had mumbled at him... obviously with Evans in his mind.

And so by the time they were in McGonagall's detention in the Transfiguration classroom, they were both ready to speak their minds.

More or less.

Sirius gawked at his professor. "No way!"

Professor McGonagall stood in front of her desk, and seemed quite fed up at the boy already. She spoke gravely, "Yes, a 1000-word essay considering your own relationship with the school property – yes Mr Black, the broom closet is a school property – and no wands."

"Are you serious?" Sirius stared at her, seriously. "Serious-serious? It's 6pm! I'll still be here next week!"

"Please," Remus mumbled at him from the next desk. Trying not to stare at the teacher nor Sirius, he pleaded, "Try not to make things worse."

"They couldn't be any worse," the boy grumbled at him while glaring at her teacher. Suddenly he was glaring at Remus. "You said that it's better for us to suffer the punishment ourselves than to reduce points from our house – you said that, and I didn't agree!" As Remus merely sighed at his desk, Sirius turned to the professor again. He whined, "Seriously?"

"That is not the correct way to address your teacher, Mr Black."

"Right, sorry," Sirius muttered and tried again. "_Professor_, seriously?"

"You have two hours," the serious professor said.

She flicked her wand at het desk, and two rolls of parchment flew towards the boys' tables. Remus immediately opened his, dipped his already ready quill in the ink bottle and wrote his name on the top corner of his roll.

"This is just great," Sirius snarled at his idiotic parchment and grabbed a quill from the table. "Writing is so bloody fun."

Remus glanced at him as he scribbled something down on the paper. "You can do it, just concentrate."

"I have problems concentrating," Black said to him, without even trying to lower his voice.

"Seems that way," Remus replied quietly, while his quill moved constantly on the paper. He had already written at least five lines. "You haven't even written your name yet."

With that, Sirius wrote something on the top corner of the parchment, and happily stared at his accomplishment. Suddenly he realised that he hadn't even written his own name.

"Bugger," he muttered and smudged the text. Obviously he had been thinking of someone else rather than himself.

Naturally.

Lupin smiled at the paper, and his eyes never leaving it, he whispered, "What is it now?"

"Nothing, I was just..." Black put down his quill and turned his eyes to the werewolf beside him. "Look, James said something yesterday. Er, I mean, you never said if I..." He glanced at the professor by her desk, and saw her being occupied with her own writing. "Did I bother you in the broom closet?"

There was still a small smile on Remus' lips as he turned his face to Sirius, who tried his hardest not to stare, of course failing badly. Lupin whispered, "You didn't bother me."

The Animagus wanted ask the boy whether he could elaborate _a bit_, but he was abruptly interrupted by a loud knock that came from the classroom door. Moaning, he hit his head on the table as soon as he saw who was at the door.

"Ah, excuse me, professor?"

McGonagall answered behind her desk, "Yes, Ms Evans?"

The girl stepped inside the classroom. Her eyes were fixed on the teacher, as if she didn't want the boys to see their green glint. "Professor, I am sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't find any other teacher. I saw two seventh years causing a terrible hassle in the corridor next to Charms class," she said while shaking her head. "I tried to calm them down, but as usual they didn't listen to me."

"It's perfectly all right, Ms Evans," McGonagall said as she removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. "Were they Gryffindors?"

"Potter and Pettigrew, professor."

Remus glanced at Sirius who had lifted his head from the table, and was now staring at Lily with his mouth open. Trying not to seem like a total loony, Remus willfully had to tear his eyes off Sirius. Biting his tongue he returned to his paper.

The professor put her glasses back on from the table, sat up and straightened her robes. She wasn't that tall of a woman, but the entire room seemed to shrink immensely once she was standing up. Before moving a single muscle more, her eyes were on the boys, glowering. "Your detention will continue normally even if I'm not present. With anyone else I could use the expression 'I can trust you two for you are already in the seventh year', but with you two..." She shook her head and the neat bun of hair danced with it. "I certainly cannot say that. Do not leave this classroom."

While Sirius and Remus were nodding at her like the two well-behaving boys they were, Lily hurried, "Professor, Potter and Pettigrew were already wearing armours. Potter was even trying to persuade first years to join his medieval tournament by saying he's the heir of the King."

With that, McGonagall was moving briskly towards the door, muttering under her breath, "These four boys will surely be the death of me."

And the door was slammed shut.

Sirius, for his part, slammed his forehead again on the table. He groaned, "I've always wanted to be a knight! Ah... what a waste. Being here sucks."

For a second or ten Remus just licked his lips as he stared at Black's randomly exposed neck. He was gathering some courage, if someone was to ask, and finally whispered, "Sirius."

"Uh-uh."

"I need to tell you something, and..." Lupin lowered his gaze as soon as Sirius returned it. "I hope you'll stay calm."

Black had his full attention on the boy now. He intently watched Remus ogle at the paper in front of him, and already dreading the answer he asked, "What is it?"

Lupin closed his eyes as if he was scared to speak. Actually, he kind of was. He muttered, "I find myself being... stupidly enough, infatuated. I think."

"With whom?"

Remus wanted to swallow his tongue, but he answered nevertheless, his voice being not louder than a whisper, "...You?"

He opened his eyes and turned them to search some sort of answer from Sirius' face, but as his expression only reflected an utter surprise, Remus feared that Lily had been right all along – Sirius had only been playing a prank on him and was not _actually_ in love with him. That in mind; even though the girl had been rather persistent on the matter and had tried to prepare Remus for this exact moment, the same little ball in his gut that had been identified a few days before as 'something more' rather than just simple '_something'_ – it wanted the girl to be totally wrong.

He _wanted_ Sirius to love him. How stupid was that.

As Remus watched him breathe heavily, Sirius managed to ask, "What? You like me? Like,_ like-like_?"

Lupin nodded.

Sirius glanced around the classroom. He whispered, "Is this a dream? Am I dreaming? _Am I_ _dead_?"

"Not yet," Remus said quietly. "And I am serious." As Black only stared at him with wide eyes in response, he sighed. He had to know. "What do you think?"

Black had his eyes fixed on his lips now. "Yeah... Can't do that now, sorry."

Remus blinked and turned quickly back to his paper while mumbling something like, "Stupid."

"What, no!" Black yelped and within nanoseconds he was on the floor, crouching next to Remus' chair, pressing his forehead on the boy's thigh, and trying to wrap his arms around him. "You idiot, no no _no, _don't you dare."

Not being entirely able to comprehend what was going on, Remus felt one of Sirius' hands sliding up and down on his shin, while the other was resting against his back. Rather unconsciously his own fingers made their way towards Sirius' neck, but not like that bothered anyone, really. A hot breath against his leg muttered, "Oh my god, are you kidding me..."

Some sort of weight lifting from his heart, Lupin chuckled. "I'm not."

Sirius smiled blissfully at him, tilting his head to see better. "You're absolutely certain?"

And as Lupin only feebly smiled back him, Sirius of course had no other choice than to plunge upwards and kiss him.

Sure, he had told Potter the day before that he wasn't going to abuse Remus, but his tongue apparently had a mind of its own. His hands travelling everywhere around the boy, and his mouth glued on his face, Sirius slowly stood up and somehow managed to climb on Remus' desk, arse-first. Lupin probably would have asked him what the hell he was doing, but he his mouth was rather full at that moment.

Remus' scrawny fingers were entangled with the longish, black hair in a way that if Sirius would have suddenly backed away from him, the guy would have likely ended up being bald. Neither of them knew this, however, because they were not going to try, and pauses for breathing were highly overrated. Let's face it, they had absolutely no intentions of stopping what they were doing.

His arse finally resting on the desk, and his legs on Remus' chair so the boy was between them, Sirius gave a final lick to Remus' lower lip and pulled away. "Ack!"

"Oh, sorry," the werewolf muttered and untangled his fingers from the boy's hair, lowering them to gently grope Sirius' knees.

Black still had his hands on the geek, but since he hadn't the slightest of ideas where to put them now that he was finally granted the permission to touch freely, he fiddled different nooks of Lupin one right after the other. Fingers danced in Remus' neck and throat, slowly heading towards his chin to lift his face up. Sirius smiled, lips almost touching Remus'.

Remus' right hand flew to touch the Animagus' cheek as he craned his neck to kiss him, but strangely enough, Black didn't let him. "How much, Remus?"

"I'm not sure yet..."

Without a warning Black gave him a sloppy smooch, but before Remus had the time to kiss him back (it should be noted that he really wanted to), he pulled away. "Now?"

Remus gave him an oddlu care-free, lopsided smile. His hands were both again on Black's legs, gripping them tightly. "A bit more?"

Sirius growled as his hands cupped the boy's face as if he was about to kiss him, but he only murmured, "I'm going to do this as long as it takes to get you to fancy me as much as I fancy you."

"But you told me you _love_ me," Lupin mumbled as Sirius kissed his forehead.

"Exactly, so start loving."

There was something inside Remus that couldn't let him feel anything but absolutely delighted, being there with Sirius. Was it his heart or what, he wasn't sure.

The pancreas he did not suspect.

Remus had figured rather young that he wouldn't really have to say anything to express his feelings. His family had learnt to recognise the characteristics of his facial expressions, so when he came to Hogwarts and had real friends for the first time, friends to whom he had to express his feelings for, he was kind of lost. Naturally, the said friends also learnt (over time) that even though he sometimes just wanted to keep his mouth shut, it did not mean that he hadn't any opinions or feelings.

Sirius, however, had stayed thick. "So?"

Remus sighed as he removed Sirius' hands from his face. He briefly glanced at the classroom door, but quickly his eyes were wandering back to Sirius' face. "Did you know that actions speak more than words?"

The boy on the desk straightened his back, and it was a miracle he didn't fall off. He stared at Remus. "Come again?"

"Don't you think if I wasn't sure about this, I would have punched you or at least pushed you away?"

"But you never punch anyone."

Remus leaned into his chair with serious face. "I've punched loads of people."

"Yeah?" Sirius pressed his hands against the table behind him, and cocked a brow. "Like who?"

"Last May, I punched a boy."

"Oh, you mean that second year?" Black sniggered affectionately and watched as Remus unconsciously played with his trouser hem. "Yeah, no, that wasn't punching, love. You just moved him aside from the doorway."

Stroking Sirius' leg, Remus said, "Had I been suffering from a bad day, I would have definitely punched him."

Sirius smiled. He couldn't help but stare at the absolutely adorable way Remus' mouth was curving upwards. He nudged the werewolf with his shoe. "I don't think so, you don't have the muscle. I'm sure people have told you this."

"The point is," the werewolf muttered ignoring his remark and trying to stay calm under his admiring gaze. "That a boy does not let another boy kiss him, unless the said first boy responds to the second boy's emotions on some level."

"I..." Black began as he leaned forward, but then he shook his head. "I think you lost me just now. Too many boys."

"I thought so," Lupin plainly said and yanked Sirius' tie in a way that if his feet hadn't been safely anchored against the chair, he definitely would have fallen on the floor. As soon as his face had lowered enough to be exactly where Remus wanted it, the lycanthrope planted a light peck on his jaw.

Black had never looked more surprised in his life. Once he let go off the tie, Remus whispered, "Clear enough?"

Again, Sirius was moving forward to kiss the guy, but a voice behind him made him think of something else.

"Mr Black, what are you doing on Mr Lupin's desk?"

Being _somewhat_ surprised by his professor's severe voice, Sirius jolted backwards, stumbled awkwardly off the desk (almost kicking Remus in the face) and naturally by doing so he caused Remus' ink to splash all over the boy's parchment.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted, standing up and trying to save his parchment. "What are you doing!"

Lying on the floor in front of the teacher, Black peered up at her and grinned innocently, nodding at her. "Professor."

"Go back to your seat," McGonagall ordered tiredly and flicked her wand at Remus' paper. "_Tergeo_."

"Yeah, sure thing." Sirius scrambled up and watched as the spilled ink disappeared from Remus' parchment. He let out a relieved sigh.

So did Lupin.

"I have to ask you to resume with your essay, Mr Black," the teacher urged and turned around to walk back to her desk. Over her shoulder she said, "And I must ask you two to continue these lovelorn activities, which obviously caused you to get this detention in the first place, outside school hours."

Displaying the absolute opposites of their personalities, Remus quieted immediately with slightly red cheeks, but Black grinned at the teacher's back as he sat back on his chair. He grinned, "We will do exactly that, professor!"

The geek turned to him and stared at him with his mouth open.

Sirius wiggled his brows at him.

* * *

To Sirius' utter dismay, they didn't.

Lily had snatched Remus away from him the very second they came back from the detention, calling Sirius a flagrant horndog and saying something about Remus needing an intelligent company from that moment on. With an overly idiotic expression on his face, Lupin had told the girl almost everything that had taken place in the detention (she pried it out, to be clear) telling her that a) Black was not playing a prank on him, _period_, and b) Remus should stop with the plan for it had already offered him the answer to his initial question. The point c) had been about Sirius' lips, but everything Lupin had uttered had basically been the most unpublishable material Lily had ever heard in her life and thus the point c had been deleted from existance. Evans had merely stared at him without even blinking her eyes, after which she had inquired if Black had kissed his brain cells away, to which Remus had only replied with another smile.

The conversation had taken about 30 minutes after which Remus, instead of smiling, had looked like he was about to bawl his eyes out – the girl had made him promise to keep following the plan, meaning he should stay away from Black the very next day and hang around with other people if anyway possible ("The Hufflepuff girl you talked to earlier is a perfect choice," she had said, not caring if it made Remus' obvious discomfort greaten). Remus had called that an unnecessary move, but somehow Evans had been able to change his mind – it's not necessary to know how, but it included words like 'snool' and 'troglodyte'. It was obvious she used the beautiful act of threatening as well as James did (if not even better).

The boy, to be clear, did _not_ like the idea of not talking to Sirius.

Black didn't like that either.

"Oh come on, what is this?" he snarled when James stole his seat next to Remus in History of Magic. He slammed his fist on the table and glared at his best friend, dangerously close to his face. "You already took my place in Transfiguration, you bastard! Move your arse!"

James shrugged and stared some distant spot in front of him. "I just thought I'd study with Moony today. Sit back there."

Beside him, Remus sighed and glanced quickly at Sirius, who defeatedly slumped in the chair behind James, banging his forehead on the table. The geek turned his eyes back to James and whispered, "Is he all right?"

"Yes," Potter said plainly as he doodled on the pages of his already opened textbook. Some random L. E.'s appeared on the paper while he muttered, "This er... seat-envy is nothing new. Don't worry about it."

Black moaned his mouth against the wood, "Don't talk about me." He then lifted his head a bit and locked eyes with Remus', for the guy was staring at him. Again. "Talk _to me_."

The werewolf wanted to, he really did, but Lily had said that if he messed this up and talked to Sirius even once during that day, he would have to spend another two days without the guy. And without tea – she didn't want to know which one convinced him more. Remus, knowing how obstinate the girl was when it came to such things, truly had no other choices except to bit his lip and avert his eyes from Sirius'.

Sirius siged again and slammed his head back against the table. "I'm going to die."

"No, you're not," James said to his doodles. "Quit whinging."

Remus tried to concentrate on professor Binns' monotonic babble as it started, but something made it rather difficult.

That something was Sirius' pathetic voice muttering continuously behind them, "Remus... Remmie, why aren't you talking to me? I'm going to faint." Lupin closed his eyes and counted to ten, trying to steady his idiotic heartbeat as the boy behind him spoke so quietly that no one else didn't even hear him. "Look, I'm sorry if I did something to anger you. I don't know what it was, but I didn't mean it. I'm stupid and I do things, and I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. Please, Remus..."

Unable to take it anymore, Remus glimpsed at Lily, who sat in the desk next to James' and his. The girl was listening to the lecture.

He then turned around to look at the boy, who had his face mushed against the table, but his eyes were steady on the werewolf. Without a second thought, Remus swiftly stretched his arm to touch Sirius' cheek.

Naturally James grabbed his hand before he got the chance. Shaking his head, James said, "_Nope_."

"But I –"

Potter let go off his hand and tried to direct his attention to the lecture. "Moony, quickly, grab your quill. Binns is yammering about something that matters!"

Professor Binns was not.

As Remus sighed and sat properly in his seat, he heard Sirius mutter feebly against the table, "Potter, I'm so going to bite your arse off."

"Leave my golden arse out of this, please," James sang, and leaned his chair backwards until it was rocking on two legs. He craned his neck so he could see his friend's face better. "Look, Padfoot. Why don't we go and prank the Slytherins, huh? After this class?" He raised his brows as Sirius took a look at him. "Wouldn't that cheer you up a bit?"

A mumble replied, "Don't want to."

James the Patient grinned at him. "I mean a real honest bees-in-the-pants prank, what do you say?" As the dog said nothing, James poked his head with a finger. "Well, how about we take Pete and turn him into a pot roast, or something? That'd be a laugh, right?"

"I have other things to do," Sirius told him whilst keeping his eyes stedily on Remus' neck.

"That is not the answer I want to hear, my good sir."

Sirius moved his eyes on James' exceptionally long nose. "That's the only answer you're going to get, egghead."

"For the love of all that is good in this world, stop acting like a pansy," James said to him and made an idiotic hand gesture. "Black, act like a man!"

"No, I'm not a man anymore, and I'm changing my name also," Sirius announced, and leaned his head on his hands. "I'm Blue for now on. Sirius Blue."

"Oh for Merlin's sake, this is ridiculous," Potter groaned and left Sirius Blue alone.

"This is what happens when Remmie publicly hates me. I just don't understand it," Blue mumbled against his hands, againt watching Remus' back. "Tell me what I did so I can make everything better. Although... I'm not very good at that, so I might end up making everything worse. Maybe I should just go to sleep."

"That is a brilliant idea," Potter cheered at him over his shoulder. "Best you've had today! Do that! After that we could find out just how many Hufflepuffs it takes to make one big huffing pile of puffs. Right?"

"I don't care about Hufflepuffs. I care about something else." His voice lowered. "Someone else..."

Lupin inhaled sharply, for of course he had heard that, then turned around in his seat and was about to say something to Sirius, something that would have brought him out from this ridiculousness, but his eyes caught a glimpse of Lily, who was mouthing, "_No_."

So what did Remus do? He spun another 180 degrees in his seat, closed his enormous history book, and gathered all his things in his lap. Of course Sirius frowned at this.

"Where are you going?"

But Lupin didn't even glance at him, because if he had done that he would have said something to him and wasn't that just what Lily didn't want him to do; and then he was already hurrying towards the door whilst trying to keep his stuff from falling on the floor. He spluttered, "Professor Binns, ah, I have to go to... libr... loo... no, infirmary, yes! The thing in my foot is er, my... shoe. I mean... hurts, so. Have to go."

As the door of the classroom slammed shut behind the blabbering geek, James slammed his own book shut and muttered to no one, "Ah, I hope this won't take whole week."

Sirius, for his part, slammed his face again against the table. His forehead was becoming rather sore. "I want to punch someone in the throat."

The always so helpful antler-brain was already leaning towards Peter, who sat in the desk on his other side. "Hey, Pete, are you busy?"

* * *

"Why would he do _that_ if he didn't hate me, James?"

True to his curious yet undoubtedly jealous nature, Sirius Blue was loitering again in front of the library doors and was trying to get a proper view of _his werewolf_ and the disturbingly pretty Hufflepuff nerd who had, without a question, kidnapped the aforementioned lycanthrope in hopes of bathing in his pheromones and becoming even more geeky and gorgeous. That bastard!

Sirius Blue didn't exaggerate the situation _at all_.

"Study without you?" Potter sniggered as he once again crouched close to Sirius' legs and peered inside the room. Later he would state that they actually had other things to do besides hanging in front of the library, but no one would believe him. "Yeah, why on Earth would he do that. Sirius Blue, are you mad?"

Sirius frowned at him. "What? I can study just fine." He almost smacked James' big-arse head, but then thought otherwise (no, actually he remembered how James' right hook felt against his jaw). "And stop calling me that already, it's not my name."

"It was two hours ago," James noted him from below. "Actually, if you truly wish to change your name, Shirley would suit you perfectly."

Black shook his head. "Yeah, I'm not going to change my name to Shirley."

"And no, you cannot even study to save your life," James noted and peered up at him. "When was the last time you opened a book?"

"James, I don't like the look on that bird," Sirius huffed and gripped the door frame. If it had feelings, it would have screamed in pain for the boy was gripping it with white knuckles. "She looks hyena-ish."

After taking in the sight of what was happening inside the library, James said, "That basically means Moony's a carcass that gives off a horrible smell similar to Pete's slimy socks. Hyenae find his pong attractive."

"Your socks smell worse actually than Pete's," Sirius kindly told him. "And besides, Remmie smells like chocolate and ink. So shut up."

Trying his best not to bang his head on the floor to forget everything, Potter moaned, "Oh my god, Shirley, are you growing ovaries already?"

"I said shut up," Shirley snarled.

The sight they were _forced_ to watch, yeah right, wasn't actually even that bad; Remus was merely sitting at the same table with the Hufflepuff girl, but naturally Sirius' brain made everything much worse.

"So what, do you think he'll talk to you once he realises you're stalking him?" James asked with a smirk. "You do that a lot, you know that right? It's not very healthy."

"You're not very healthy," Sirius said and watched as Potter rumbled to stand up. "And I'm just making sure no highbrow bird touches my man."

Potter dusted his robes and remarked, "He's not your man."

"Practically he is," Black mumbled at him while keeping his eyes on the werewolf. "We're dating."

James stared at his back, deadpanned. "You're dating."

"Yes."

"Does he know this?" Potter inquired. He leaned closer to take a better look of the moron's face. "You have to remember that you must be clear about your intentions, otherwise it'll be a felony."

Taking a moment to think the perfect retort, Sirius hummed, "You're a felony."

"That doesn't make any sense," Potter noted and readjusted his goggles. He turned around and gestured towards the corridor. "Can we go now, please?"

Sirius waved his hand. "You can go, I'm going to stay. I'll attack if she tries anything. If Remus's going to get some action it'll be with _me_, not with some stupid self-conceited bimbo."

"Yeah, because what would _that_ be like?" James sniggered at the stupid, self-conceited bimbo next to him. However, as the bloke said nothing to him, he ran a restless hand through his hair. "Look, I really think you should come with me. It's not good for your mental health to be hanging out in front of a library, huffing out jealous fumes all the time because of some bloke."

"Some bloke?" Black hissed at him once turned around. Resembling a hungry dragon, he asked again, with a tad more volume. "SOME BLOKE?"

Potter raised his hands and took a step back. He had always known that Sirius was a biter. "Sorry, Shirley. My bad, I meant your slobber-partner."

Sirius raised his fist as a cue to James to either correct his words or keep his mouth shut, and oddly enough it worked, for Potter grimaced, "I meant _the love of your life, _obviously_. _Ugh. I don't understand why I keep getting it wrong."

"Arse-wipe," Black muttered and turned again to watch Remus, but his stalker-eyes were quick to notice something was terribly wrong. "What? She's touching him! By Evans' knickers, touching my man! Why didn't you say anything, you dunce!"

"Well, I didn't see anything, because your fat head was on the way," James explained while trying to keep his nerves intact. Then he blinked. "Wait... what? Evans' knickers?"

"Blind friends, what good are they?" Black asked the door frame. It didn't respond, so Sirius continued, "Right, I'm going in."

Potter immediately grabbed his robe. "The hell you aren't. _Calm down_."

After turning swiftly around again, Black glared at the fingers holding his sleeve. "Your long nose is going to get married with your mouldy ear, if you don't let go off me."

Of course the mouldy-eared Potter did let go, for he was rather fond of his nose being where it had been from the beginning. Sirius yanked his arm away from James and with his ridiculously long legs he strolled towards the table. James had his wand raised in no time, but Lily stepped to stop him. Where she had come from... who cares. She was there.

Saving the friendship. She hissed, "What are you going to do, Body-Bind him?"

"That, or turn him into a slug," Potter mumbled as he watched Lily keep her calming hand on his. Her persistent expression made him falter. "He already has the personality of one, so I thought..."

"You should let him go," the girl said and smiled a bit as Potter finally lowered the wand. She glanced at Sirius. "I know it's barely been a day, but I talked to Remus and he's going insane. Undoubtedly Black's too."

James nodded towards the study table. "Oh, so that's Remus going insane? He's sitting in a bloody library. Doesn't that mean he's been insane for a good seven years?"

Lily stared at them. "No, I'm certain his insanity began once he started hanging out with you lot."

They watched from the doors as Sirius stopped at the table and loomed behind the oblivious girl who was, er accidentally, touching Remus' hand.

Sirius growled at the perky Hufflepuff, "Don't suppose you'd like to stop touching him so intimately?"

Hearing his voice, Remus turned to look at him. Rage and obvious jealousy was visible on Black's face, but the werewolf knew he wasn't supposed to say anything to make the guy feel better, even though he really wanted to – also he thought that making Sirius calm down would be best for the library. However, as Remus kept his mouth shut, Sirius slumped in the chair next to him and glowered at the girl without blinking an eye until she realised that yes, it definitely was time to leave.

Which was within a second. Sirius looked that mental.

The girl's face supported an odd mixture of blush and paleness when she peeped, "Uh, Remus, I think I have something else to do..."

"Tracy –" Lupin tried weakly, watching her with apologetic eyes.

"No, don't worry about it." She visibly trembled as she gathered all her things into her lap whilst trying not to even glimpse at Black, for she was afraid that the look might be enough to melt her on the spot – and not in a good way. "I promised to... someone to... do something, somewhere."

"I'm sorry," Remus muttered feebly when she finally turned to leave. Turning his eyes back to the table, he then noticed her reading glasses on it. "Tracy, your glasses?"

Somewhere behind the bookshelves they heard a loud squeak, "Keep them!"

Once alone, Lupin fixed his eyes on the boy next to him, and tried to glare at him.

"I thought we had clarified this already, you can't glare," Sirius told him. "You know that."

To that the werewolf said nothing, and only grabbed his quill from the table, and began to write something on his parchment. Sirius inched his chair closer. It was a miracle how the face, which had just a few seconds ago looked so bilious and envious, was also able to be filled with remorse and affection.

And although Black looked like he was regretting being so childish, he surely didn't sound like that.

"Remus. I had to do that, she was too..." His jaw clenched. "Happy."

Lupin kept writing his parchment, but didn't even look up.

Quickly glancing around them, Sirius touched his hand. "_Please_ talk to me." The werewolf took a peek at him but didn't say anything, and only resumed with his writing. Soon enough, however, he had to stop scribbling for Black squeezed his hand on the one Remus was trying to write with. "This has been a shitty day, and that's saying a lot since you know how much shit I've been through." Sirius stared at the bloke next to him, and Remus watched him back. "I have no idea what I did wrong, but you can't expect me to make it better unless you tell me what it was. I'm rotten at Divination."

Lupin glimpsed at the other study table at which Lily had been a minutes earlier, but when he didn't see her, he turned back to Sirius. A deep frown on his face, he only stared at the grey eyes.

"Right," Sirius said. "Well, you're asking for it now. I have no other choices than to kiss you right here in the middle of the library, if you don't talk to me."

And with that the boy was already leaning closer, but Remus stopped him by whispering, "You can't do that in here."

"I don't care," Sirius whispered. "I just want you to talk to me. See, I've been successful."

Lupin turned his eyes away from him, and after searching through the library with hsi eyes while moving as little muscle as physically possible, he breathed to Sirius' face, "Can you see Lily?"

Sirius huffed as he kept touching Lupin's hand. He was still rather close to the boy. "Yeah, she's at the door with Potter. What about her?"

"Oh," Remus muttered. In turn, his thumb brushed over Sirius' fingers. "Do you... Do you think she saw me talking to you?"

"What does it matter?"

The lycanthrope lowered his head and spoke carefully to their hands. "You should go. I'm not supposed to be with you today, or even talk to you."

"Why?" Black asked angrily as though being irate would make Remus tell him faster. His left hand was resting on his thigh, and was now tightly grasping the clothing under it. The other one was clasping Remus' fingers. "And I'm not leaving until you explain."

As Lupin only mumbled hesitantly something Sirius couldn't by any means comprehend, he siked, and took the inky hand from the table to between his own in his lap. With the movement, Remus almost fell on his nose in the lap, but managed to stay sitting in his chair, staring at Sirius. "I swear to god, Remus, I'll snog you senseless right this second if you don't tell me exactly what's going on."

Remus again glanced around them as if waiting someone to attack them behind the bookshelf, then swallowed and spoke quietly. "I shouldn't tell, but..." His eyes were glued on Sirius'. "I'm so tired of it."

"Tired of what?" Sirius asked softly, soothing the boy's hand in his own.

"It's stupid," Lupin said. For a moment he just watched their intertwined hands. "I'm supposed to follow this system of some kind. I don't know what it is, but... It's idiotic, and I'm not going to anymore."

Sirius stared at him. His eye was twitching a bit. "Follow a system? What sort of... system?"

"It's this strange six-step-system to get what I want. "

Black furrowed his brows and squeezed Remus' hand. "An idiotic six-step-system to get what you want? That sounds awfully familiar..."

"It does? I'd never heard of it before until Lily told me about it."

"Evans..." Sirius grumbled and tried to keep calm. He flashed a quick smile, but somehow didn't seem overly happy. "Okay, I've got only one more question, after which I'll leave you alone to study."

"But you said you're not going to leave me –"

Sirius ignored him. He shook Remus' hand in his lap. "What was the thing you wanted that made you follow the system?"

Watching him in the eye, Lupin smiled nervously. "First you have to promise me you won't break anything."

"Fine," Black huffed and pressed their hands on his heart, pulling Remus a tad closer. "See, cross my heart, won't break anything, yada yada. Please, tell me."

"Or you won't hit me."

Sirius stared at him, expressionless. "You think I would hit you."

The werewolf mumbled something and yanked his hands away from the boy. He ran them over his face. "All right. How should I say this..." He grimaced slightly as tough he was in agony. "I was informed that your feelings... probably weren't as intense as you expressed them to be." Even though Sirius' face fell even more, Remus pressed on. "So, I started to follow the system, even though I didn't really want to, so I would be certain you weren't... having me on."

Somehow Black's expression turned so blank, he resembled a white pillowcase. His feelings were rolling on the floor. "What?"

"But Sirius, _I_ didn't really doubt you." Remus' eyes glinted with heavy-heartedness. "I was certain of them, I was, after we talked that you –"

Seemingly not being affected of the look on Remus' face, Black studied his eyes to learn. "Who doubted me?"

Remus said nothing, only averted his eyes from him. He eyed the paper on the table and muttered, "You don't want to know."

"Brilliant," Black said suddenly, stood quickly up and ran a lone finger on the boy's cheek. "Sorry, Remmie. I have to go."

Lupin tried to grab his robes, but his fingers touched air. "Sirius, don't –"

But the guy was already rushing out of the library doors while shouting, "Evans!"

Remus watched him go until he didn't see him anymore, and then pressed his cheek against the table. "Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?"

* * *

**A/N:** Two chapters to go.


	13. Medium-sized Portion of Explanations

**A/N: **I'll just leave this here, yeah?

"_Hell hath no fury like a werewolf scorned."_

Thank you for the reviews, favourites and the obvious persistence during my ridiculous absence. I love you.

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter & the Marauders are not mine. I wish they'd be, seriously, I do. But they're not. Obviously. _Siriusly_.

**Beta:** No.

* * *

He was still whining pathetically against his opened textbook when he heard Snape's snarling voice sing behind him.

"Wake up, Lupin."

The Slytherin poke him in the shoulder with his wand to wake him up from his evident slumber. Remus turned his eyes on him, but didn't bother to lift his head when he muttered, "I'm not sleeping. I'm just thinking very hard."

"Really, you are?" Severus smirked annoyingly. His fingers played with the end of his wand. "Huh. To be honest, and I really don't care any of this, but you look like you don't think that much these days... Or sleep. Those black rims under your eyes remind me of something out of an incantation book."

Remus now slowly lifted his head and asked him, "What do you want, Severus?"

"Excellent question! I want many things," Snape retorted while staring at him intently. He shoved his wand into his robe pocket and sat himself down on the chair next to Remus. Lupin eyed him carefully as he continued. "I'd like to taste Portuguese wine, for instance, or have a crispy toast at least once at breakfast – they're always soggy – or, I don't know, maybe even herd sheep... but we can't all get what we want, now can we?"

"Er," Remus mumbled intelligently as he stared at the Slytherin. "Do you want me to... get you sheep? I don't know any, but –"

"Just listen up, Lupin. I'm here, because those moronic _Neanderthal_ friends of yours kidnapped _her_," Snape snapped as he tried to keep his bag on his lap. His long, black bangs covered most of his face, but Remus could see his obtrusive eyes all the same. "And I want you to do something about that."

Remus smiled sheepishly at him. "I wouldn't call them _Neanderthals_," he pointed out. "They're actually more like _Australopiths_. Smaller brains, you know."

"I think it's easier for us to just call them cavemen," Snape retorted lazily. "For that they are. Don't you think?"

"Call them whatever you want, Severus, but don't expect me to do the same."

Snape then cocked his head. "You know, I've always considered you somewhat smart, Lupin."

Remus smiled at him dryly. He started to pack his satchel. "How kind of you."

"That being said, there's clearly something wrong with you, since you're friends with _them_," the Slytherin went on, and measure Remus with his eyes. "I mean... other problems besides the _furry_ one."

"Hardly the word I'd use myself," Lupin said wearily and shoved another book in his bag. "_Straggly_ comes to mind more often." Remus turned his eyes on the boy, who was only staring at him, and continued. "But even though this is quite the fascinating subject, I'd rather if you didn't talk about this in public. People don't usually appreciate this sort of... secrets."

Snape grinned, and the creepy sight reminded Remus of his grandmother's dead cat, which had supported a smirk similar to the one in front of him at that very moment. But, since Remus was a self-proclaimed master of respectable poker faces, he didn't even flinch when the horror spoke. "I know they don't. I mean... _I don't_."

Remus nodded slowly and rose from his chair. He took a small pile of books from the table and asked, "Was this all?"

"No," Snape said and followed Lupin when he walked up to Madame Pince's counter to return the books. While Snape merely stood beside him, making even Pince furrow her brows as if to ask '_Why on Earth are you two hanging out_', Remus sighed and asked him, "So... what did you want me to do again?"

Snape waited silently until Pince had left with the books.

"I don't care for her, but I want you to get your ape friends off Lily's back. The gruesome fact is that you are the only..." Again, Snape studied him from head to toe. "_Person_, who has even the slightest amount of authority against them. I don't know why, and I wish not to, but you ought to do something."

After a second of trying to figure a way out of this, Remus blinked. "They don't listen to me that much."

Snape grimaced, which was of course even worse than his grin, and pulled the wand from his pocket. "If you don't do something, I'll have to."

Lupin shook his head. "You're not going to hex them, Severus."

"You don't think I'm capable of doing that?"

Remus glanced around him and flashed a tired smile at the Slytherin's general direction. If Snape saw it, he showed very little emotion in exchange of it. "I know you are," Remus said truthfully. "But I sincerely hope you're not that foolish. For if _you_ are stupid enough to do that, then there's no hope for the rest of humanity."

Snape's eye twitched warningly. "Then I'd suggest you'd stop standing here on your tail and do something about this matter. There's no time to be wasted."

Lupin walked towards the library doors and ran a hand through his hair. "Fine. Where are they?"

"They interrupted me in the second floor girls' bathroom," Snape muttered as he followed Remus. "I'm guessing they're still there, holding Lily hostage."

Remus took a quick glimpse of the boy and battled a smirk. "Were you brewing your moonshine again there, Severus?"

Snape snarled, "If one of us has anything do to with _moonshine_, it is you, Lupin, not me."

"Still going on with the jokes, I see," Remus said tiredly, making a face. They had reached the library doors and he was ready to leave the conversation. "Is it really that bad? Did she yell help? Maybe she wants to be there."

"Trust me, she doesn't," Snape growled and scared a small first year Ravenclaw away from the doors by doing so. "Black carried her there while Potter was hollering obscenities at her. As I said, I don't care for her but I know Lily, and she hates Potter almost as much as I do. There is no way she would willingly spend any time with him."

Remus smiled. "Right." Snape huffed at him as a conclusion of their conversation, and turned to leave, but Remus continued to speak even though he really just wanted to be alone. "Severus, I know you probably don't appreciate me saying this, but –"

Turning around, Snape stared at him. "Then don't say it."

"But –" Lupin frowned whils pursing his lips. "You should try to socialise more. I see it, you're interesting, to say the least; and I know people would love to get to know you better."

Snape lifted his chin. "I don't like people."

"Now, that's not fair," Remus almost chuckled at him. "Have you met all of them?"

"I've met enough of them," Snape noted and twirled to leave. While walking away from him, Remus heard him mumble under his breath, "People... what a bunch of bastards!"

* * *

Getting to the aforementioned bathroom didn't take him long, even though Remus wasn't exactly athletic. Also if he took into account that he'd rather do anything else than go there, he reached his destination rather quickly (Severus' slight panicking had piqued his interest a bit, and he had wanted to see with his own eyes what the fuss was about). Remus was almost certain that the idiots were probably just waiting him to pop in the bathroom and haul himself in the middle of the sodding mess of their stupid lives.

So, as he was reaching his destination, Remus prepared himself to be emotionally and physically convulsed – but before he even reached the washroom, he frowned, as usual, at the mere sight at the door. Walking still closer, he muttered lowly, "Peter, what are you doing?"

Pettigrew shushed him, waving his hand at Remus. "Shh, be quiet, I'm listening."

"Yes, I can see that," Remus said to him. He shook his head a bit. "But why?"

Peter took a glance at him over his shoulder. He seemed rather determined. "Because I want to hear, duh."

Tilting his head a bit, Remus stayed in his place. His hand moved to rub his neck as he mumbled, "Eavesdropping is rude."

"Am not eavesdropping."

Lupin quieted, and immediately he recognised two voices.

"_Are you happy?"_

"_No. I'm this close to smacking you right across your stupid face."_

"_Oi! Leave my face alone."_

Remus eyed Peter's back, and whispered, "What are they talking about?"

"I'm not sure, I just got here," Peter said to him quietly. He squinted his eyes as if it would have made him to hear better. Elementary knowledge according to him. "But as I've been here, they've talked a lot about _feelings_. Ugh."

"Feelings? That's new," Remus muttered back whilst biting his lips. He took a step towards Peter. "Is Lily there?"

Peter's cheek was mushed against the door, and it was a miracle if his ear was not filled with splinters. He nodded hastily. "Yeah, Padfoot carried her inside, don't ask me why, but I'd like to know, so shut up."

With wide eyes Lupin shut his mouth again.

"_As you make your bed, so you must lie in it, Shirley!"_

Taking another step closer, Remus frowned (that's how he did things, frowning). He shook his head, but he had to ask, "Who's Shirley?"

Peter shrugged. "I'm not sure, but my guess is that Snape held her there hostage, and even though _he_ left the premises, she was too afraid to leave, for some reason." He was quiet for a moment during which Remus just stared at him, baffled. "Or I don't know, maybe she passed out of the sight of Prongs. Wouldn't have been the first time that happened."

"Why is everyone talking about hostages today?" Remus sighed, and stepped closer to the door, meaning to open it. "No one is taking hostages, Peter."

Lupin was just about to pull the door open, when Peter grabbed him by his arm. "What are you doing?" he muttered. "We can't go in there."

"Why not?"

Pettigrew gestured as if it should have been crystal clear. "Don't you want to know what they've been talking about? I do."

Flashing the guy a dry smile, Remus pulled his arm away from the door. "We could always go in and ask them?" Pettigrew only shook his head at him, and Lupin sighed. "All right, we won't go in. But it also means you'll stop eavesdropping."

"Like I said, am not eavesdropping," Peter kindly repeated and pressed his ear again against the door. "I'm just lounging here, and I happen to overhear the conversation."

Lupin rubbed his tired face. He mumbled to himself, "If anything, this day has served as an affirmation that I should make more friends. Nicer ones." He ruffled his hair furiously. "But I don't know anyone. I mean, I know their faces, but not their names, and... what if something happens to someone someday? I can't really describe any of them to help. Saying 'the girl with a nose' isn't going to help anyone, now is it?"

Pettigrew stared at him. "I have no idea what you're on about."

"Well, I don't know who Shirley is."

"Me neither," Peter mumbled, squinting. "Maybe she's a Hufflepuff."

"Yes, maybe." Remus sighed and lifted his bag from the floor where he had disregarded it at some point. "I promise you, Peter, the first thing tomorrow morning I'm going to do, is to make new friends. Maybe I'll join a club of some kind."

"I thought you were making new friends last week," Peter said, and eyed him while keeping his ear against the door. "You know, the birds."

Lupin frowned at him. "What birds?"

"The ones over which Padfoot was ragingly jealous after he saw a dream which had nothing to do with food?"

Taking in the information, Remus opened his mouth to say something, but as he realised he didn't know what to say, he closed it. After waiting a few minutes, he sputtered, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not sure," Peter muttered, and he looked as though he was agreeing with himself over something. "People don't tell me anything."

Remus closed his eyes as he nodded. "Of course they don't." He flashed a sad smile at Peter and finally lifted the strap of his bag back on his shoulder, turning to leave.

Pettigrew perked up. "Where do you think you're going?"

The geek turned back to Peter, who kept staring at him. Lupin lifted his hand to rub his neck again. "To the dormitory? Obviously Lily's not in great danger, so... I'm not just going to stand here, listening to other people's conversations. I have things I should be doing."

Shaking his head, Peter pursed his lips. "Could you be more boring?"

"I'm sorry?"

Peter straightened up and walked up to him. He took Remus by his upper arms. "When's the last time you had an adventure, Moony?"

Lupin raised his brows at the question. "An adventure?"

"Yeah, a real honest, pants-ripping adventure. And I don't mean those from your ancient books. Those are dangerous."

"They're books, Peter," Remus explained. "The stories are hardly dangerous."

"Merpeople are dangerous," Pettigrew said as he clicked his two humongous front teeth with his forefinger. "Sharp teeth are dangerous, Moony. You should know this. You have sharp teeth once a month!" As Remus merely shook his head in disbelief, Peter continued. "Do you think merpeople and werewolves are related? Do you have gills? Show me."

"You know I don't have gills," Lupin said solemnly, pushing Peter away. He rubbed his face. "And neither do merpeople, Peter. Get to the point."

Peter now flailed his hands. "What I'm saying is that you don't have any adventures, like ever."

"You already said that."

The rat pondered this, stroking his chin. "Yeah well, it's true. All you do all day long every day is sit at some table. Tables are boring."

"I don't think –" Remus began, but Peter cut him off.

"You sit at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, yeah?"

"Yes, that is what one's supposed to do," Remus told him, scratching his ear. "What do you do, then? Lie beneath it?"

Pettigrew ignored him. "Then there are those desks in classes, and the common room study table and the tables in the bloody library, and –"

"All right," Remus interjected snappily. He closed his eyes for a moment, but soon enough returned to gaze the boy. "So... you're saying that I should not spend every second of my time studying and maybe even get a hobby besides books? I know that. You lot keep saying this to me over and over. I'm not deaf."

With wide eyes Pettigrew stared at him. "No, I mean that you shouldn't spend so much time with tables. People talk!"

"About tables? What do people talk about tables, Peter?"

"Heinous things," Peter muttered gravely. He took a step closer to Remus, whispering, "And what's sad is that tables don't gossip back. They can't. Because..."

Lupin nodded jadedly. "They're tables?"

"Exactly!"

"I think some of those potatoes you've been eating were probably stale." Remus ogled at him. "Or poisonous."

Peter ignored him. "If you're calling yourself a Marauder, then you should have adventures like I do! I'm a Marauder and I go adventuring constantly."

Remus bit his lip to make himself not laugh. "Really? What sort of adventures do you have?"

"Like last night!" Peter recalled and pointed a finger at the direction of the kitchen. "I was playing food poker with the house elves, and I won! Talk about having an adventure."

Lupin gaped at him. "Pardon?"

"They're odd, really." Peter smiled bemusedly, and crossed his arms. "Sometimes they think we're playing strip poker."

"You're scaring me," Remus said, and then whispered, "and I'm a werewolf."

Suddenly Peter was smiling widely at him. He lifted his tubby hand to pat Lupin's shoulder as he said, "I know you are. It's nice to hear you finally accept yourself."

Lupin hid his face in his hands. "Dear Merlin, I _really_ need new friends."

"Why would you? You have me, one of the most adventurous ones!"

"It is an adventure enough for me when I try to stay alive with you lot."

All of a sudden Lily's voice yelled behind the door, _"Shut up, James! You can't lie anymore! Remus needs to know!"_

Sirius' voice followed it, _"I know that!"_

Staring at the door, Remus frowned once more. Someone might think his name should be Frown instead of Remus. Frown Lupin. He said, "They're talking about me?" He took a step past Peter and closer to the door. "Why?"

Peter shrugged nonchalantly as he returned to the door as well. "I guess they're going on about that whole idiotic love plan thingy."

"The love plan?"

"Yeah." The boy eyed him while he yet again pressed an ear against the thick door. He whispered, but loud enough for Remus to hear, "You know, Prongs' stupid plan for Padfoot to get you to like him? Sirius told you about that, right, now that you guys are... together?" Peter shivered a bit.

Lupin lowered his gaze. He had moved next to Peter. "Yes... he did tell me about that, of course he did." He shook his head frantically, not at all grimacing. No. "I'm not hearing this first time, now, that'd be... peculiar."

"Yeah, what if you had heard about this from someone else, like Evans?" Peter snorted. "Just think about it! Horrible."

"Yes, because," Remus continued quietly as he shoved his shaking hands into his pockets. "Lily also knows about... the plan James gave Sirius. Right."

Peter frowned at him. "_Right_. Why are you telling me? I already know." A very pale Remus only stared at the door. Seeing his visage, Pettigrew left the said door alone. "Moony? Are you okay?"

Lupin nodded way too hastily. "Of course I am."

"Is this a full moon thing?" Peter asked with wide eyes. "Is it coming?" He rapidly took the boy by his shoulders, and shook him. "Are you turning?" Then he let go off Remus again, taking a step back. "Don't eat me!"

"The full moon is next week," Remus told him quietly, and then exhaled, not shaking at all.

Being so focused on staying on his feet, Remus could not realise in time that certain someone inside the bathroom was yelling '_I'm serious, and don't call me Shirley!_' and barging through the suddenly opened door.

Of course Sirius knocked Remus down with his body, and his fingers grabbing the front of Black's robes Remus fell on Peter, pulling Sirius down with him.

No, Peter's tailbone was not fractured during the incidence.

And yes, Remus did hit his head on the stone floor.

* * *

Four boys emerged into the hospital wing; first of them was holding his very own arse, while two of them were carrying the fourth one who had hit his head.

Figures.

"Poppy!" Black cried as he and James hauled the wobbly legged geek towards the matron. "Help!"

"It's Madame Pomfrey to you, Mr Black," the matron said dryly to the shrieking boy. She walked briskly towards them. "We've been through this a thousand times. It's not Poppy."

"Oh but Poppy, you know I can't help it," Sirius whispered as they tried to still the geek in front of the nurse. "You know what older women do to me!"

"What do they do?" Potter asked while trying to stay serious. "Change your diapers?"

"Silence!" Black hollered and stared at the matron with fiery eyes. "Why are you just standing there? Help! _Au secours_! He's weak! Poppy! _Aide mon copain_!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Pomfrey asked as she felt Lupin's forehead with her hand.

Sirius wasn't entirely sure.

"Whatever you're trying to say," Remus gurgled between Sirius and James. "Don't say it. You're pronouncing everything wrong."

The nurse gestured towards the nearest empty bed. "What happened to him? And speak English, please."

"Nothing. I'm fine," Remus muttered at her but kept his eyes closed. He was propped between James and Sirius, who were both hanging onto his robes like he would die if they let go. Potter's hands were both visible, but somehow one of Sirius' sneaky palms had wandered under Remus' robes and were soothingly stroking his back. No one was quite sure if the half-conscious geek was bothered by the gesture or if he was merely suffering from the obvious side-effects of a concussion.

"He hit his head," Potter gladly helped as they hoisted the boy on the bed. As soon as Lupin was free of extra hands fondling him, his own hands flew to rub his temples.

"Of course he did," Pomfrey sighed jadedly. She walked to one of her cabinets to find something, probably remedies. She muttered, "I shall definitely inquire the headmaster if it's possible to buy a safety helmet for the each of you."

"Not necessary," James and Sirius muttered simultaneously. They didn't need helmets.

"I think it's a great idea," Peter quipped behind them. "Yellow suits me."

"Of course it does," Sirius snorted at him over his shoulder. "Cheese is yellow."

Pomfrey walked up to another cabinet, for she hadn't obviously found what she'd been looking for. Briefly eyeing the four boys she uttered, "I think it's an excellent idea also. You boys bang your heads against hard surfaces quite frequently. You're killing brain cells although you really don't have any to waste."

"Oh come on, no one cares about brain cells!" Sirius mourned beside the bed. "Don't go all Biblical on us now, Poppy!"

Potter turned his head to him. "What?"

"What?" Pomfrey's voice echoed inside a cabinet.

"I don't think he knows what that means," Peter said to James behind them, still holding his ever so sore bum. Yes, he had functioned as Remus' cushion, but the job was so poorly done that the geek had obviously still hit his head. No one had told Peter the Pillow in advance where to position himself in the case of the accidentally falling werewolf nerd. This, of course, let Peter thinking he was not the one to blame.

For once.

"Yes, he is sounding more ridiculous than usual," James concurred the statement. "Which is saying a lot. I bet he's just saying that to feel less useless."

Sirius huffed. "You're useless! Poppy, please! He's my boyf–"

He wasn't able to finish his word, let alone his sentence; James decided to show him how effective his patented elbow nudge was again when he placed it straight between Sirius' ribs. Even an idiot would have been able to translate the movement as something like '_You have two options, pansy, either keep it French or stuff it'_.

Black quieted, as expected. Pettigrew, on the other hand, had no idea what the nudge was about.

As expected.

Lupin, for his own sake, was fortunate enough to be unable to work out what the hell was going on. Later he would state that he was rather occupied keeping his food in.

Naturally Sirius had to continue once Potter had stopped bruising him. "Er, I mean, oh _boy_, does he look like he's ill, and every single inch of his body needs to be taken care of by –"

Remus interjected by mumbling, "Sirius, shut up, or I'll vomit on you."

The dog obeyed.

Pomfrey had came back from the cabinet and was standing next to the bed, studying the sickly boy's face. She smiled soothingly. "This is an easy case to solve, boys."

"Well, what is it?" James asked. "Anything contagious? Should I take a step back? I don't take illnesses well."

"You are an illness," Sirius noted helpfully.

"The room is spinning," Remus announced then, keeping his eyes closed and clicking his tongue. "If this is what dying feels like..."

"Is he going to die?" Peter carefully inquired the matron. He made a face. "I don't like explosions that much. Once, we saw a Muggle film –"

"You arse, Pete! He's not going to explode!" Sirius shrieked, but soon enough ogled at Pomfrey also. His furore had quickly turned into desperation. "Is he? Tell me he isn't! Because if you say that he is then Merlin help us –"

Pomfrey stared at them with wider than her normal eyes, but ignoring them and shaking her head, she turned to Remus. "There is no need for fear of imminent death, Mr Lupin. That is not going to happen any time soon." She then eyed the three standing boys. "_Probably_."

She placed the moist towel she'd been holding onto Remus' forehead. "Hold this in place."

Remus did as he was told. Watching that, Potter muttered dubiously, "This seems oddly familiar."

"That is because you have had this exact same treatment before, Mr Potter."

Sirius nodded next to James and slammed an arm on his shoulder. "She obviously means the time you were a kid and your parents noticed your head was getting bigger and bigger. I'm sad to say that they clearly didn't know that towels don't cure enormous heads."

"No, I mean –" Pomfrey started.

But Peter cut her off, "Or the time your head got stuck in a bucket. Do you remember that, James? It was so funny."

Potter glared at him, and shoved Sirius' arm away from him. "That has nothing to do with this whatsoever. It was a mere case of miscalculation."

Breathing heavily, Remus carefully turned his head to Madame Pomfrey, who was still standing next to his bed. He whispered, "Do you have a potion that makes people shut up?"

She merely smiled at him, after which she turned to his friends. "Mr Potter," the matron addressed him. "Do you not recall what happened during the latest Quidditch match? It was only a few days ago."

James thought about it with a serious face. "Yeah... I couldn't see her, because Snape has a humongous nose." He shook his head. "What of it?"

"Not Lily," Remus groaned from the bed while he hid his eyes behind the towel. However, his voice continued, "You hit your head, James. Don't you remember?"

"The blow must have been fairly bad," Peter uttered, crossing his arms on his chest.

"You know it was," Sirius said to him. He lifted a hand to cover his mouth, but didn't bother to lower his voice. "He hasn't even been obsessing about the Lava Head that much since then. To be honest, that aspect of the whole thing is actually worrying me the most."

Peter nodded at him.

The matron sighed as she turned to move towards a cabinets, which were situated close to her work desk. "You had a concussion, Mr Potter, and that's what has happened to your friend also. It's nothing serious."

"Nothing serious?" Sirius' eyes widened, and he took a few steps after her. "Poppy, are _you_ serious? Potter broke, he was a babbling mess! He couldn't talk, let alone get his pants on!" Suddenly something dawned on him, for he turned 180 degrees on his heels, his eyes even wider (if possible). He still spoke to Pomfrey. "Are... are you saying that Remus' brain is broken too? That I'll have to..." He licked his lips. "I need help him with his clothes? Because I can do that. In a... very friendly way, yeah. Definitely. No doubt about it."

Remus muttered, "I don't need help with my pants."

"Mr Lupin just needs to rest, that's all."

Potter tapped Sirius on the shoulder and gestured towards the geek. "See, he isn't broken. All's fine."

"But you were broken!" Sirius snapped at him, flailing his hands at the bed. "He might be too! Merlin help us! What are we going to do?"

James rolled his eyes. "I was fine. He's fine. We're all fine."

Lupin mumbled from the bed, "Sirius doesn't seem fine."

"Really, James?" Sirius ignored the werewolf and went on, "You were _fine_?" He spoke loudly and slowly, as though he was trying to get his point across. "You called the Fat Lady _Dumbledore_ and she ran off screaming something about inconsiderate yobos. Me and Pete had to do all kinds of unpleasant stuff to get her back, since you were too messed up to apologise."

"It's _Peter and I_, Sirius," Remus corrected, but no one heard him.

Peter nodded severely beside Black and continued addressing James. "And once we managed to get back in the tower, which took us quite some time thanks to you, you decided it was a swell time to wear your pants as a Quidditch helmet." He raised his brows. "Remember that?"

Sirius shuddered. "I've never felt so dirty before."

"Yeah?" Pettigrew asked him. "Even when the Fat Lady asked you to –"

"Shut it," Sirius hissed, trying his best not to smack Peter, since the matron might have not appreciated it.

No one cared about Peter's opinion.

"You're making this up," James mumbled, lifting his glasses from the middle. "And you know I don't wear a helmet while playing Quidditch, Pete."

"Maybe you should," Remus said as he turned the towel other way around, placing the cooler side on his forehead. He fixed his eyes on Sirius. "Where was I when all this happened?"

"Talking to Lily," all three of his friends answered at the same time. Remus turned to stare at his hands.

Sirius rubbed his nose. "But that's not important. The point of this story is that Potter was _not fine_."

"Can I just say that when you decide to start wearing a helmet, Prongs, remember to wear a proper one," Peter clarified. "Pants are not a hat."

"I was fine _afterwards_," James tried feebly. "All right?"

Madame Pomfrey had walked back from her desk, holding a cup of water and a small red bottle in her hands. She unscrewed the bottle, and poured a few drops of the liquid in the water, after which she dangled the cup in front of Remus. "I'll just have Mr Lupin here over the night."

"What?" Sirius barked at her. "Why?"

"What is this? _I_ didn't have to stay over the night," James whined in a manly way. "Is this discrimination? I had a broken leg, for Pete's sake!"

Peter frowned. "Mine?"

"Your leg was fixed within hours, Mr Potter," Madame Pomfrey cleared helpfully. "You know that. Mr Lupin requires..." She thought of a best word. "Extra attention."

Sirius muttered beside her, "But it's not right to keep Remmie here alone!" He pointed a finger at the matron. "It's absurd, I tell you! He needs me!"

"Is this because he's a _we_–" Peter started, but when someone gave him a questioning stink eye, he finished, "a _weary_ bibliophile?"

Pomfrey squinted at that. "Yes, I'm keeping him in because of his... condition." She turned her eyes on Remus, who was ogling at Peter. "Is this okay with you, Mr Lupin?"

"Yes," Remus croaked dryly. "Please. I don't want to go to the dormitory."

"You wanted to go there earlier, Moony," Peter noted. "You said yourself."

"That was then."

Changing weight on his legs, Sirius moaned, "I still don't get this, Poppy." He pointed the same finger Pomfrey had seen earlier at James. "Antler-brain here had the condition of pants-hat, why didn't you keep him in? It was criminal to let him out of the hospital wing."

Potter smacked his hand away. "Well, it was far less serious than the deathly disease of arse-hattery from which you've obviously been suffering for a good seventeen years."

Sirius made a very informative face in his direction.

Madame Pomfrey gave the cup to Remus. "Your concussion, Mr Lupin, is not that severe that you ought to stay here in the hospital wing, but what I gather from this sad excuse of a conversation, I think it's best for you to stay away from these three until your head is better."

The three-headed Marauder shouted, "Oi!"

Remus nodded carefully at her and drank the liquid without even questioning what it was.

"Then there's the fact that next Wednesday is the fu–" She turned her eyes to the standing boys who all squinted at her. "..._fumigation _of the library, and you need to feel better prior to that. You need your strength. So, boys, I think you should leave Mr Lupin alone to recover."

"I'm going to stay," Sirius said determinedly. "I'm not leaving. Poppy, you can't make me."

Pomfrey started, "Mr Black, –"

"Madame Pomfrey," Remus said quietly without even looking at her. His eyes were on someone else. "I would like to talk to him."

The matron sighed. "All right, just stay away from my medicine cabinet, Mr Black. I've got my good eye on you."

Once she turned around to leave, Sirius sneered at her, Potter showed her a lovely hand gesture, and Peter had returned to hold his behind. Peter was already trudging towards the double doors, but James snaked an arm behind Sirius and pulled him closer. He whispered, "I'm not totally sure you should do it here."

Sirius frowned. "Why not?"

"First of, you can't know what's going to happen," James told him with a subtle gesture towards the bed. "Like she said, the full moon is next week, and he might get fretful because of..." He eyed Sirius. "Well, because of you. You know he gets easily irritated when the change is near."

"He's not going to eat me."

Remus muttered from the bed, "I could, you know."

James went on, "Well, Poppy's here, and I don't think she'd be fond of the idea of you guys being too noisy; for if he starts killing you, let's face it, you'll be noisy. Also, there's that," James said and pointed an occupied bed opposite to Remus'. "Whatever that is."

"That's a... er, a drunken bumblebee?" Sirius squinted at the sight. "Or a Hufflepuff."

"I think his name is Dennis," Remus said jadedly. Then he tilted his head, as though trying if he could do that yet. "I'm not completely certain, though."

Ignoring him, Potter continued talking to Sirius. "Whatever it is, I think it'll detest the idea also."

The Hufflepuff groaned in pain.

"How dare you, you lump!" Sirius spat towards the bed from which the sound had come from. He turned back to James. "What of him?"

Seriously shaking his head, James said with a severe tone, "You know you should never have a serious conversation with a Hufflepuff in the same room. Hogwarts 101, Padfoot. You know this."

"Right."

James slammed a soothing hand on his back. "_Right_. Okay, just... Don't cock up." He grinned widely the second Sirius looked at him. "For that's what you usually do, isn't it?"

What James probably didn't expect at all was that Sirius actually smiled at him. "I never do that."

Then Potter whispered, "And like I said previously, he's probably going to hate your guts."

"I still don't believe that." Sirius shook his head. "He hates confrontation."

"You _should_ believe me," James continued while looking rather serious. "Hell hath no fury like a werewolf scorned."

"Oh shut up," Sirius grunted and pushed him towards the infirmary door.

"He's going to despise your sodding arse liquid."

Sirius frowned. "What?"

James patted his back, saying, "Just take it like a man." And then he was gone.

* * *

Sirius was sweating.

He really was.

There was a time and a place for a man to be sweating, and sitting in front of the bloke you were supposed to be in love with, was not exactly the right time... or space.

The dream, which had visualised one of his continuous fantasies of the werewolf, and which was deeply scarred into his brain, thank you very much, happened mere five days prior, and Sirius was more than happy to note everyone, who might have doubted him that his mind was not in the gutter anymore.

The gutter was seriously free.

It was, honestly.

No naughty thoughts about a naked, moaning Remus. Nope.

_None_.

All right, a confession time: When there were teachers or friends around him, Sirius was able to keep his nerves intact, but... when they were alone, Remus and him, like in a dark broom closet or in a detention, Sirius had noticed that his brain started to remind him about the dream by shutting off otherwise in an unexpected fashion.

And then, if Remus started to strip his intentionally watered clothes in candlelight, bloody hell damn you buggerhead Potter, or when he happened to stare at Sirius deeply into his eyes whilst muttering something about fancying him back, _then_ Sirius would have problems what came to the involuntary action of perspiration.

For perspiration was his only real problem. Nothing suspicious besides that. The blood stayed upstairs.

None of it wandered slyly towards his... _toes_.

No.

What was he even thinking about?

So yeah, he had to admit that daily showers... the amount of those had quadrupled.

Sirius didn't actually mind the frequent showers, no, but it was amongst the simplest of facts that he would have enjoyed them massively more if a certain werewolf would have been there to enjoy them with him. Standing close to Sirius, possibly even scrubbing him... with soap and his hands, ah, scratching him, while water was running down on Remus' fair, naked skin as he was without his clothes... obviously, you know, because no one took showers with their clothes on.

Except Sirius that one morning. He had only noticed he had his pyjama bottoms on when he'd stepped out of the shower.

That time... it had been entirely Remus' fault. Sirius didn't even try to deny that.

Now, not only was he sweating because the boy was staring at him with those sinful golden eyes, and Sirius was almost alone with him, for Poppy was more than five feet away, Merlin bless her darling soul, and the Hufflepuff was, well – a Hufflepuff; Sirius was sweating, because he was ready to tell Remus everything, and by everything he meant _everything_, and if he did that, like James had remarked, Remus was probably going to tear Sirius' throat open with his teeth.

At that very moment, being all sweaty and nervous, his only wish was that if Remus was actually going to do that, you know, _kill him_, he'd take his time. He could start slowly by sliding his tongue against the bare throat whilst his teeth would be just waiting for the right moment to strike, Sirius' veins pulsating under the pressure of his mouth, rapidly waiting for...

_Oh bugger_.

Sirius' eye twitched as he lifted his face to discover that Remus was still watching him.

He inhaled strongly and moved slightly closer to the boy. He felt like the ground was trying to pull him down from the bed, so he had to grasp the duvet to keep himself from falling. He kept his eyes on the werewolf as he carefully started, "Look, Remus, I'm sorry I left you in the library –"

A hand, which was not trying to steady him on the bed, travelled to touch the lycanthrope – sodding hands, they always did whatever they wanted, never asking Sirius for a permission... Always sweating or trembling, not that he would ever admit that. The hands, they were frequently trying to touch Remus... now _that_ he could admit. It wasn't like he didn't want to touch the boy. He did.

Somewhat.

"Don't," Remus mumbled and drew his hand away before Sirius could even graze his skin.

Okay, maybe Sirius wanted to touch him, like, _grievously_, and definitely not frequently.

Oh hell, he really did. All the time, actually... Sirius blinked for he realised something. Had Remus said something?

"What?" Sirius asked, overly dazed and nearly dripping drool, but he didn't really care if he looked like he was the one having a brain injury. "What did you say?"

Remus lowered his eyes. "I said don't."

Oh boy, Remus did look like he was about to puke any minute, but he still looked rather sexy with that amount of messy hair. Not rather... _vastly_. Sirius' eyes widened. Look at that, Potter might have been quite proud of him if he knew Sirius was using words (although inwardly) he had perhaps heard once or thrice in his life before. Don't you dare to think about Potter now, what are you doing, you idiot? Sirius bit his lip.

He had to get this out of his chest, or his chest might very well explode.

"Look, you probably hate me," he started carefully. "And I get it, if you do, but I was hoping we'd still get everything out on the table... which is not really a table, is doesn't exist, don't worry about the table." He frowned at himself.

The lycanthrope merely stared at him in a way that made Sirius rather uneasy. He said quietly, "That is not necessary, Sirius, I know enough."

He had said Sirius' name. Bloody hell, wasn't the bloke aware what _that_ did to him? That was very cruel of Remus, very cruel indeed.

Sirius tried to concentrate. "Indeed... What?" He faintly shook his head. "You heard everything? So you were eavesdropping?"

"No," Remus answered and looked slightly offended. Sirius wanted to hug him because of... something. "I... I heard my name, and after I asked, Peter filled me in."

Bloody blabbermouth! Sirius huffed, "Pete? That plonker."

"At least he was honest with me, in a way," Remus said quietly and lowered the towel from his forehead. The skin there remained glistening moist because of the cloth, or maybe because Remus might have been as nervous as Sirius was, you know _sweating_, but whichever it was, it made funny things to Sirius' stomach.

Moron, could you please just focus.

"I've been honest, from the beginning!" Sirius whined while trying to keep his eyes on Remus' and not on anything else. Definitely not on his forehead. "I haven't lied to you, not once! Remember, when I told you –"

Lupin interjected, "What's the deal with the plan?"

Sirius' heart gave its final notice even though this very subject had been his initial plan for this discussion five minutes ago. He croaked, "What?"

And please, for the love of all that is good in this sodding world, _do not beg_. Remus, don't.

But of course Remus didn't listen to him. "Sirius, please tell me."

And there it was. The guy was pushing all his buttons at the same time; he was begging, for Merlin's sake, and saying his name, his stupid forehead was shimmering in the sad excuse of lighting of the room, like this was a scene from some soppy teenage romance novel, glimmering in daylight... Ugh, blimey. He looked hurt, so Sirius wanted to do anything to make him feel something else, maybe kiss him, but... he wasn't sure if Remus wanted that anymore, so in a way it made him sad also. Did Remus look sad? He did, oh fudge.

In a rather clichéd fashion this all made Sirius' breath hitch in his lungs. Why, of course.

He muttered while trying to concentrate, "I will, and... you know, I was going to earlier, also, when I was in the bathroom, but then the bump sort of happened, and... you were on the floor, unconscious –"

Sirius tried to stay still as Remus wouldn't stop staring at him. The geek only said dryly, "I know, I was there."

"You knew you were unconscious?" Black asked. His mind was racing, which was rather remarkable in itself. "How's that possible?"

"I didn't know _that_," Remus clarified sluggishly. He lifted his hand to rub his neck. "But did I hear my name, and you said something about telling me... something. I don't know."

Sirius stared at the way how the boy kept massaging his neck. He swallowed. "I did? Oh, I did. Didn't I?"

"You were yelling at Lily."

"She deserved it," Sirius muttered instantly. She had, honestly, but... she had also had a fair point, which quite was odd. Sirius cocked his head. "I think the bird's out of her mind. Not as much as James, though, but... still, a gratuitous amount."

Remus craned his neck, but kept his eyes steady on Sirius. "So?"

Black watched him in return, no, he was ogling at him. Why was he doing that thing with his neck? Was he so rancorous that he had decided to revenge everything to Sirius this way, which was nothing but horrible, vicious... no, _extremely alluring_? This stimulating geek was going to be his end. Sirius had no idea what was going on anymore, so he merely kept staring at the guy.

Lupin sighed. "The plan, Sirius?"

Sirius coughed. Nothing to lose, right? He whispered, "Well, since you hate me already –"

And with that he hoped Remus would have said, _'Oh no baby, I don't hate you, I want you so much...' _but Lupin only tilted his head and waited him to explain.

Yeah, well, saying things like _baby_ wasn't exactly Remus' style after all.

Sirius assumed.

"You remember the day we spoke about pie, yeah?"

One of the guy's brows jumped. "I was the pie."

Could a moving brow be counted as a reassuring movement? Maybe Sirius should still stay in his place and not try to tackle the guy. Yeah, Remus probably wouldn't want that. So, that in mind, Sirius continued, "Yes, er, you still are. And from that conversation you remember how I said I've sort of been battling for this for years now?"

"Vaguely."

Sirius blinked. Honestly now, did he just say, "Vaguely?"

"I hit my head just now. You cannot expect me to remember everything."

Black squinted at him. Right... that made sense. Maybe. "Oh, right."

Lupin unfolded the towel, turned it over and folded it again. Was it just Sirius, or did he seem... distracted?

So, it was time to fire the big guns to get his attention.

"So," Black smartly began. "I just kind of hit a brick wall with everything a few weeks ago. I have no idea where it came from, but I started kind of losing it. Well, you know, more than usual... I couldn't sleep, pranking felt all empty. Hating my brother, nope, felt like nothing. Everything was kind of, like... _mush_."

Remus glanced at him and nodded. He pressed the now newly folded towel on his forehead.

The Animagus exhaled. "Yeah so, being fed up and ready to do something about it, I asked James' help, because hello best friend, and..." Sirius licked his lips. "He laughed at me."

He remembered from a few days prior, how he wanted to be the only reason for Remus to ever get angry, but at that moment on the bed, when the werewolf stared at him with tired eyes and a deadpan expression on his face, Sirius didn't _really_ want to be the one to make him annoyed.

Who would want that? That expression could kill people.

"He laughed?" the werewolf asked quietly. He looked very exhausted. "Because you told him you fancied _me_?"

You idiot, Sirius, fix it.

"No!" Black hurried, trying his hardest not to jump forward and kiss the boy. "He was okay with that, because I figured he realised it was really not his business." He pulled a face. "Of course his opinion matters, but... in the end, the person I... fancy is my business. Not his or anyone else's. And not, Merlin help, my sodding family's."

Yeah, a good one.

Remus lowered the towel into his lap and slowly moved to thumb his right temple. He muttered, "You criticise Lily all the time. James likes her."

Bugger. Sirius stared at him in a rather serious fashion, and then decided to go for a pout. "I know what you mean, but that's not the point of this story, Remus."

Lupin only furrowed his brows as a mark for Sirius to continue. But because Sirius didn't, he had to say, "Do go on."

"Oh, uh, Potter laughed because I kind of demonstrated how I'd tell you."

"Which was?"

Which was to hold Remus and never let him go, to tell him... everything. If Sirius wouldn't have been this nervous, he would've sniggered at himself. What are you, a hippie? Sirius chuckled tensely under the geek's gaze. "But you know... he was right, it was rather stupid. Just to come out with it like that, and –"

As the Animagus paused for a moment, Remus said, "Tell me."

_How did he know that?_ Black ruffled his hair. "Yes, exactly! I was just going to _tell_ you I loved you, but he wouldn't have it. He said that it was a wrong approach."

Lupin still just stared at him, poker-faced. "You were about to tell me, and James laughed at you because of that?"

What could he say? The truth? Sirius puckered his lips as he thought. Someone smart might have remarked that honesty was a worthy quality in people. He nodded slowly, "Yes."

"And this is when he presented the plan to you? The system?"

Sirius bit his tongue. Somehow he had an ominous feeling that this was not going to end well. But then again, anything that he had ever done had not ended well. "...Yeah."

Remus then smiled at him, but the smile didn't exactly warm Sirius' heart. The stupid muscle throbbed in his chest rather vigorously when Remus asked, "Which was not stupid at all, yes? Not as stupid as telling me directly, is that correct?"

Oh fudge.

With a smile, Sirius tried, "He gave a brilliant sales pitch?"

"Sirius."

He flailed his hands, but was careful enough not to hit the patient this time. Even though the only he reached to hit was Remus' legs, but still. "I was desperate, okay?" He smirked. "And by the way, love, you used the same plan yourself. On me." He gestured at himself. "On my arse."

Great going, moron. Make everything worse by being a blockhead like your best friend. Sirius did his hardest not to turn his eyes away from Remus, who, against all the laws of nature, was smiling at him.

"I did not know what it was," Lupin noted, and placed the towel from his lap on the nightstand. "And I never really wanted to execute it, so you cannot blame me. You cannot hold that against me."

Again, Black pursed his lips. He knew there had been a brilliant reason for him to fall for this guy. He was smart. Yeah, not smart, like _SMART_.

Remus crossed his fingers on his lap and locked his eyes again with Sirius. "Can I may ask one more thing?"

Exhaling heavily, Sirius nodded. Things could not get any worse anyway. But still, no no no, don't ask. Everything will crumble – naturally after the nod, Sirius said, "Shoot."

Lupin spoke as quietly as he had spoken before; it was like he had lost his voice in the collision. "Did it ever occur to you that making me fall for you with some plan would not be the real thing?"

Oh no. What? Sirius felt the sweating start again. Oh bloody hell, not now. "Sorry?"

"Sirius, you basically tried to manipulate me to love you. That's not real love, you know that, right?"

Black nodded carefully and looked like he was about to cry, but really? He had an explanation!

"Yeah, see, I _tried_, that's the thing," he explained smartly, and moved an inch towards the boy. Hoping that Lupin would not push him away, he continued, "I was rubbish with the plan, Remus. That's why Prongs gave it to Evans to give you."

"You failed," Remus repeated, and oh man, did those golden eyes had Sirius in his place. Not that he wanted to leave anyway.

Well, he could move a wee bit closer. Focus. Sirius shrugged, "Is that unusual?"

Remus stared at his fingers, and said nothing.

Seeing this as his mark to continue, Sirius tilted his head lower to fish Lupin's eyes. "See, he promised you'd fancy me once the plan was through, but all I got in the end of it was a shy kiss and a runaway crush. Not that I'm complaining, but not exactly what I wanted."

Lupin was about to say something, but didn't. He only gazed at Sirius.

"That's when you got it, right?" the Animagus asked carefully. "After my... confession? From Lily?"

"Yes."

Again Sirius moved only a tad closer, even though he really wished otherwise. He wanted to jump on Remus. Somewhere in the distant background he could hear Dennis moan and groan, but like a gentleman he decided to not pay any attention to it. Smiling, he studied Lupin's face and said, "But it wasn't about making me love you, no, that had already happened." He frowned a bit. "Do you know what it was about? Do you know what you were doing?"

Remus carefully shook his head. "I don't know anymore, I've been lied to so much. I wish not to know."

Engaging the boy's eyes in his own, Sirius asked, "You don't want to know? Why?" Had Remus hit his head that bad? Did he need medication, where was Poppy?

"What does it matter?" Remus then sighed and turned his glistening eyes away. "It's done, and I already..." Sirius watched him swallow hard. Oh bugger, this was it. This was the end of it all – well... At least he had the steaming memories of the broom closet. His stomach churned. Yeah, it was not going to be easy to be rejected. At least now he knew how everyone else had felt. He looked down as Remus said, "You do realise how much I hate myself for not being able to hate you for this?"

What.

Sirius inhaled. "You're not mad?"

"I am, undeniably," Lupin muttered and rubbed his face. "Come to think of it, I'm as mad as a Murtlap on dry land; but not mad in the sense of being angry at you, no. I'm mad the other way, as though I should be sent to St. Mungo's to get my head checked for idiocy."

There was that slight crease on Remus' forehead again, that same sodding crease that had made Sirius bonkers many times before. Why was it there? Then again, if it happened to be somewhere else, Sirius would have to spend at least 18 hours a day trying to get rid of Lupin's clothing to see it.

If something like that would happen someday, he'd be a happy man.

Remus was staring at him. Did he say that out loud?

"Oh, St. Mungo's doesn't take head cases," Sirius said matter-of-factly. Phew, good save. "I once tried committing my mum, but they didn't take her."

He saw a brief smile on Lupin's face. "I'm sure that probably had something to do with her lovely personality."

Oh how did Sirius love this guy. His fingers danced carefully on the bed when he asked, "So, you don't hate me then?"

The werewolf exhaled tiredly. "Well, I suppose I do a little, but not enough."

"...Isn't that a good thing?"

No, wait. Don't answer that. Please don't answer that! No!

Remus smiled lopsidedly. "Did you know I got a D from that Herbology study because of you? I forgot to water the pot plant."

Oh, no one cares about pot plants, Sirius thought. Oh, what? He frowned. "Why is it my fault?"

"The pathetic twig had turned into a slightly dead twig," the werewolf continued without answering the question. Sirius saw his small smile. "I didn't get a T because the pot was intact." He nodded slightly, still being careful for his head. "I'll have to write a remedial essay about the importance of water, apparently."

Sirius carefully moved his fingertips to caress Lupin's thigh, and to his absolute surprise the boy didn't wince at the gesture.

Remus stared at Sirius' hand. "If I think about it, it'd be better for us both, if I'd hate you more. Anger and resentment have a cleansing effect." His fingers moved closer to Sirius'. "Or at least that's what I've read."

Now that sounds made up. "They do?" Sirius asked, licking his lips. "I wonder why Snivellus looks so dirty, then."

He watched Lupin close his eyes in passing as he sat better on the bed, adjusting his position on the pillows. "The only thing I honestly hate about you right now is your immense stupidity."

Sirius sighed dramatically. Everything was going so well. "I'm not _that_ stupid."

"You went to _James_ for dating advice," Remus huffed, shaking his head. "What is the matter with you?"

"He's my best friend!"

"He might be." Remus smiled again as he spoke. "But you cannot deny him being an ogre when it comes to relationships. Have you not witnessed the whole Lily ordeal during these past seven years?"

Ordeal was exactly the right word to describe Evans. Sirius chuckled. James Potter and the Ordeal of Evans. That'd make a brilliant book.

As Remus was only staring at him again, he muttered, "Well who else was there? I don't talk to strangers about my problems. And Pete? _Hell no_. He's a blabbermouth."

"You could have always talked to me."

Black poked him in the thigh. What a nice thigh it was. "That kind of would have defeated the purpose, don't you think?"

"Honestly, think about it," Lupin said quietly. "What's the worst thing that could have happened if you would have just told me?"

Huh.

Sirius then counted with his fingers. "Humiliation, embarrassment... fire, explosions, collisions... tears, nudity, and death."

Remus smiled. "Sounds dreadful."

Almost all of them actually happened... Oh, but now? It felt great. Sirius said, "I know."

"The reality isn't that much better," Remus then noted, slightly tilting his head towards Sirius. "I don't know about you, but I haven't slept well in two weeks. We almost got banned from Madame Puddifoot's, it's a miracle we didn't get banned from the Three Broomsticks. I got interviewed by my Runes professor about my essay, because I had written your name all over it; you got detention, Filch almost ate us, then _we both_ got detention, I got a proposal to go on a date, a concussion, a D from Herbology, and during this all James almost died and Peter almost choked fifteen times."

"Almost fifteen times." Sirius suddenly realised something. "Waht? You got asked out on a date?"

Now that was something he didn't want to hear. Definitely not. Lupin stared at him. "That's what you took from that?" He blinked. "Yes... Tracy asked me out."

Sirius' eyes widened in rage. "The perky bumblebee? What a vulture! Is it still wrong to hit a girl?"

"She's actually quite nice," Lupin stated. "Rather quiet of a person. I like that."

Something inside Black's veins seethed. If someone would have been there to call it jealousy, Sirius would have indeed smacked. In the face... with a chair. "When did she ask you out?"

Watching him intently, Remus smiled. "An hour ago, I think, right before you barged in the library to make a scene."

Sirius huffed and scooted closer. "I didn't make a scene." Then, without waiting Remus to say something to that, he began questioning, "What did you say? Remus, what? Tell me. What?"

"Do you really want to know?"

_No, _not really. "Yes."

The lycanthrope glanced at Madame Pomfrey, who was strolling on the other side of the room. His eyes found Sirius quickly as he said, "I told her that I was sorry, but I'm already dating someone."

Sirius stared at him, without moving a muscle, eyes wide. What had he said? Who was Remus dating, was it...

Lupin smiled warily. "Is that all right?"

"What?" the Animagus breathed. "You mean... _me_?"

Frowning slightly, Remus stared at him. "Are you stupid? Who else?"

Sirius felt like fainting, but he managed to stay on the bed. Oh joy! He had never been happier. Of course he voiced his feelings, "Sure, sure."

"_Sure_? You're not saying anything else?"

What? When? Sirius was staring at the guy, and was having a rather hard time... well, doing basically anything. He tried to swallow and laugh at the same time, and he ended up sounding like he was dying. Which he probably was. Dying, slowly... inside out. His eye twitched. "I've been playing with this thought in my head quite a lot, I have free time, but now that you say it out loud, it's... a tad difficult to process."

"Well," Lupin muttered while rubbing his eyes. "Whenever you're ready, I could really use a hug. I think I deserve one after all this."

Sirius snapped out of it (what it was, who knew), rather quickly actually. He glanced around the hospital wing, and once noticing no one was around except Dennis the Bumblebee, he turned back to the werewolf and moved closer.

"Careful now, or I still might vomit on you."

Black was almost about to straddle to boy on the bed, but then he realised it'd look rather dodgy, if someone would suddenly burst in, so he just scooted next to Remus and wrapped his hands around him. Having Sirius' arms indeed around him, Remus pressed his face against the boy's neck, while tugging his robe closer, and breathing in the scent from it. Sirius, in his part, muttered to Remus' neck, "You know I don't like apologising –"

Lupin mumbled into the fabric, "It's quite all right."

"I mean, if I could amend this –"

"Sirius, it's fine."

Just apologise already. Sirius stroked Lupin's back. "It's not, though. You got a D –"

Remus buried his face into Sirius' shoulder, and muttered, "You idiot."

Suddenly Sirius got the greatest of idea, ever. And to be perfectly clear, he had brilliant ideas all the time. He pressed a light kiss on Remus' shoulder, and then said, "You should retaliate."

Lupin pulled away from the hug. He fixed his eyes on Sirius'. "Me? Why me?"

Sirius sniggered. "Do you really want _me _to pick a fight with _her_? Are you ready for that?"

He watched as the geek shook his head and said, "Why should anyone fight? It's not necessary."

"I know, you hate confrontation."

Remus shook his head. "No, I hate fighting."

"Love, those are the same thing." Sirius smiled knowingly at Remus and touched his hand, which had dropped from Sirius' clothes to between them. Oh, what a warm hand it was. "It'll be easy. You should just let the goody-two-shoes taste her own medicine. Intervene in her love life."

"She hasn't one, I'm sure."

"Well, she should have," Black said sternly, shaking Remus' hand in his. "It might make her more tolerable."

"Lily's perfectly fine," Remus tried feebly, making Sirius only smirk wider.

This should be fun. Sirius leaned closer, pressing one finger on the boy's nose. "You know, Remus, the day she's fine in my smouldering eyes, I shall buy me a flying motorbike."

* * *

**A/N: **Before anyone sends me hatemail because of this, _I adore Snape and Hufflepuffs_. My Marauders aren't so keen on them, though.

I wrote this sodding chapter four times. Four different plot lines, four different endings, but it was obviously this one I chose. Duh. I'm not sure if the other ones were better or not, but at this point I don't really care. I like this one myself. I hope you did, too.

This took me so long, I know, but I haven't gotten the time to write as much I would have liked. I have tons of reasons why I haven't written this, but I assume you folk don't give a rat's arse (read: Peter's) about those, so... yeah. I know I could have slammed the HIATUS sign on this, but if I had, then I never would have finished this (for me the HIATUS sign is the end, honestly). The harsh fact of knowing this was an on-going story without a hiatus sign constantly gnawed on my brain. I couldn't forget this thing for a minute.

So yeah, if any of you wished me suffering because I wasn't updating this on time, believe me... I DID.

In this chapter there are a few edited quotes from different kinds of television series and films, British and American, and if you could spot them, you're an ace. Yes, _you_ are.

One chapter to go; and let me promise that it'll not take as long to update as this did. Probably...

Want to know what happened in the bathroom? Y/N? It's up to you whether or not I shall put it up in the next, LAST CHAPTER (sounds sad).


	14. The End, But Not Theirs

**A/N:** Is it okay to be kind of sad that this is over? No? All right-y then! /sadness off

This is 2000 words shorter (and probably a lot more boring) than the original one. And this is still a long one! Phew.

"_Lemme tell you something about Sirius Black; He's got a screw loose, but don't hold that against him_" – The Remus Lupins, Have You Seen This Wizard? (Spells from a Broken Wand, 2006)

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter & the Marauders are not mine.

**Beta: **lowi (THANK YOU SO MUCH HON, I will love you forever!)

* * *

"I don't even understand why you're cross!"

Sirius stayed rather quiet while he was strutting briskly along the corridor that led away from the library in which they had been a few minutes ago, and merely tightened his grip around the mumbling Evans. With one hand, he held her waist steady on his shoulder, and tried to keep her legs from kicking him with the other – for that was exactly what she was trying to do. It's no use thinking how on Earth he'd managed to hoist her up there in the first place, for she was already there and not moving. Her head was popping behind Sirius, and her behind lolled next to his head; oddly enough, he had no difficulties keeping his eyes on the road, so to speak.

Being as toned and overall nice as it seemed, Evans' arse did not interest him.

And yes, Sirius wasn't exactly an athlete, but not being able to hoist a scrawny _female_ geek on his shoulder would've only meant he'd be no worthy of calling himself Remus' boyfriend, and that was just not acceptable.

Not that he'd ever even thought of carrying Lupin around.

The girl wheezed dolefully as her gut pressed against Black's bony shoulder. She kept trying to wiggle herself out of the profane position, but since the capacity of her muscles was even more piteous than Sirius', she ultimately had to give up. Smacking Black's back, she mumbled to Sirius, "Let me go, you batty creature!"

But as Sirius showed no visible reaction, she turned to James, who was idly sauntering behind the two-headed Gryffindor. Lily moaned, "James, he's barmy! _Lunatic_!"

Potter said nothing as if he was trying to express his wish to stay out of the conversation at hand – not his usually tactic, per se, but Sirius had given him the Black family Stink Eye and James knew this was not the time to try and persuade the guy to do any way otherwise. James had done that once before in 1975 and he'd spent the following week speaking Spanish, backwards. So clearly, he had weighed his options this time, and as the situation told everyone interested, at the time Sirius had abducted Evans, James had merely followed them, eating an apple.

He was still at it.

Opting to say something, he finally aided Lily with all his might. "I know."

"I'm perfectly sane," Sirius alleged convivially – considering the situation that is – and tried to ignore her hitting his back, but it naturally only resulted him to be barely able not to smack her arse in return. He questioned, "Do you even know where the word lunatic comes from?"

"Of course you might think I care, but I don't," Evans wailed. She noticed how Potter was absolutely engaged with the apple and knew he was a lost cause. She lifted her head just so she could talk to Sirius better. "Let's talk like normal human beings, all right? I'm sure we could try that. I mean I could..."

"No," Black retorted simply and adjusted her better on his shoulder. "You'll just run away."

Lily rubbed her face until it was almost as red as her hair. "This can't be happening. People don't do this! We'll miss class. And _I can't even run_."

"Free period, Lily," James smiled at her between his appley bites. He tried his best to seem apologetic, but naturally failed. "Even you."

Evans pouted at him.

Sirius stopped, eyed the corridors from the intersection they were in and then continued walking towards one that curved to the left. He cleared his throat in a gentleman-like manner, and continued with the girl. "The word lunatic supposedly comes from _lunaticus,_ which is Latin..." He suddenly halted again; this time he grinned lewdly at a painting of a busty woman on the wall. "Hey."

"Concentrate," Potter mumbled with a full mouth. Evans only shook her head in a rather deep disbelief that could only have meant she was trying to tell herself that she wasn't indeed sucked into the idiocy of these two morons.

There was a little voice inside her head that was telling her exactly the opposite.

Figures.

"Er, yeah. My Remus taught me that," Black muttered to Lily's arse while tearing his eyes off the promiscuous painting. He tried to keep the girl from falling off him as he resumed entering the corridor – he wrapped his arms more securely around her waist and legs whilst going, "In a nutshell it means that certain people are believed to go crazy over full moon. They're moonstruck, in a way. _Lunatic_. Do you know anyone who's like that, Evans?"

"Padfoot," James warned with a low tone. Instead of Lily's baffled face, he was staring at the black tuft of hair that kept swaying behind hers. Potter mumbled, "Keep your mouth shut, okay?"

"I'm not a total idiot, _Prongs_," Sirius said to him and shook Lily a bit on his shoulder. The girl moaned as her stomach was aching against Black's bones. "Hey, I'm waiting!" Sirius sang. "Don't believe you've ever seen me during full moon. Have you?"

The girl grimaced a bit. No, not a bit – she pulled a face until she looked amazingly like Snape when he was greatly delighted, which on Lily's face looked like she had eaten Potter's sock and washed it down with a nice gulp of flaming Firewhiskey. She muttered, "No, but it doesn't mean you're not bonkers. You're special in a way you require a helmet."

"I'm special too, you know," said James immediately to the girl while he tossed the core of the eaten apple into a bottomless bin they passed in the corridor. Once his fingers were free yet again, he wiped them into his robes while staring at her. "I'm exceptionally special!"

"I bet you are," Evans sighed into her hands. "Does that explain why you took my wand? Or why you're letting him do this?"

Potter again smiled apologetically and scratched his ear. Shrugging at her, he said, "I've known him since we were little kids, and... it's just easier to comply to his, er..."

"Idiocy?" Lily helpfully assisted, her hair bouncing around her face as Sirius kept strutting forwards. "Senselessness? Nonsensicality?" As Potter only kept smiling at her, she turned to Black. "Sirius, please, just let me go, and we'll talk like civilised people –"

"No, I really want to howl at you," Black said while adjusting her better on his shoulder, "I think, and the bathroom's the safest choice for that." He suspiciously eyed the corridor behind them. "Don't really want to attract any unwanted attention from Filch. He's, uh... pipped at me for some reason."

Without even noticing her they walked past professor Sinistra, who was admiring the lovely walls of the very same corridor. Of course none of them said anything to her while passing, because you know, _she was Sinistra_.

Not even Lily.

"Copulating chizpurfles!" the professor exclaimed, once the boys marched past her without acknowledging her. "Mister Black! Mister Potter! Where are your manners?"

"In the dormitory," Sirius twittered at her over Lily who just hung there on him. He smiled at the professor. "Sorry!"

The teacher was staring at them, her wrinkly hands placed to rest on her hips. She most likely tried to sound reprimanding as she spoke, but that was what her voice always sounded to James and Sirius so they couldn't have been exactly certain. Her voice echoed off lazily in the corridor walls. "Also frolicking in the hallway is strictly forbidden!"

"Yeah, Madame, we know!" Potter lackadaisically yelled back at her. "But we're not licking anyone this time! Also the last time was cleanly an accident! Slughorn knows that!"

Of course they tried to get away from the Astronomy professor as soon as possible; and as they were far away enough of the teacher, Sirius muttered under his breath, "Sinistra... What a nutter."

"Says the yob who's bothering the Head Girl," Lily whispered in a rather peeved fashion.

Patting her shin, Sirius whinnied at her. "Yeah, well, if it makes you feel any better, the Head Boy's behind us, so."

Evans sighed, "You think I don't know he's the Head Boy? I pay attention to people, not like you two pillocks."

Potter sulked. He looked like that one particular owl in the Owlery of Hogwarts who got his tail feathers plugged out every Thursday. "Do you? You never call me the Head Boy. No one ever does... except my mum. Sirius here calls me a bastard all the time – I should almost ask Dumbledore if they hand badges for that."

"Why should I, James?" Lily snorted as if the boy was asking the most obvious question possible. "The one time I called you the Head Boy, you accused me of calling you a _fathead_."

"He does have a colossal melon there," Sirius muffled to no one. The walls might have heard him, but they said nothing in return. "His mum's pretty sweet about it, though. She's nice and apparently also a super human, if she in fact managed to squeeze Potter out of her."

James the Fathead watched as Lily yet again tried to wiggle out of Sirius' hold – failing at it of course. He cocked his head at her trying.

"I'm sorry you have to undergo this. He's a born ruffian. I'm a gentleman."

Barking like a hound dog, Black giggled, "You keep telling her that, Prongs. I say this, Evans, you haven't seen him right after shower! Unsightly."

Lily was about to say something, but her legs thumped against a door. Sirius skilfully opened it, and before the girl could kvetch once again about it, Black placed her on the tile floor. She flattened down her skirt, and swept her hair from her face. "Thank you!"

"Phew, you are heavy!" Sirius puffed. "Should've just levitated you here."

"What's that pong?" Potter sniffed as he walked in the bathroom after them. The dimly lit room echoed his voice, and oddly enough they didn't saw Moaning Myrtle anywhere – usually she greeted people with a wail that made a grown man cry.

That grown man had been Filch on several occasions.

After a quick fag or two the students customarily left the washroom alone for the ghost had always been rather annoying. No people in their right mind could stand her.

"Lily?"

Only just then they noticed Snape hovering over a small cauldron in front of the toilet stalls. His school bag was next to him on the floor, and his robes licked the tiles beneath him as he sat on them.

"Severus!" Lily squealed at the Slytherin who had already scampered on his feet. The girl took a hasty glimpse of her fellow Gryffindors while asking Severus, "What are you doing here? In a girls' restroom?"

The two boys were already looming behind her – one tried to look intimidating in the eyes of the Slytherin, the other merely sane. It should be noted that they were not successful.

Also they looked like they were trying to figure out from the surroundings whether Snape had eaten Moaning Myrtle or flushed her down the toilet.

Sirius sneered, "Piss off, Snivellus. No one wants you here."

"I'm busy," Snape snapped but seemed to gather his things all the same. Then he muttered under his breath to his cauldron, "But I wouldn't expect _you_ to know what that means."

Crossing his arms, Sirius grinned at him as he watched Snape move towards the bathroom door. "Aww, are you a tad annoyed because your date dashed off?"

Severus glared at him from under his black bangs. Someone might have noticed his long fingers grazing the tip of his wand, but of course neither James nor Sirius saw that.

Lily cordially decided to stay quiet.

"Just go, Snape," Potter said to him, trying to stay as composed as possible. He readied himself to jump on Sirius if the guy showed any signs of attacking the Slytherin. "Please. Like now, if in any way possible."

Being overly helpful, Sirius shooed him also. "Yeah, run along with your mucus, you fiendish thingy! Go take a shower, it'd please us greatly."

"Nice one," Potter muttered.

"Pardon?" Snape asked fiercely as he carefully tried to walk past them. He had his bag in his arms, but the cauldron he had left where it was.

Naturally.

Lily kept her eyes off her former friend, and acted rather interested what came to wall tiles. Those were nice. "You should go, Severus, until this gets out of hand."

"It won't," Potter quietly assured her.

As Snape finally trudged past Sirius, Black only quirked a brow at him but evidently it was enough. The Slytherin looked like he was about to explode as he screamed, "Don't touch me, you manky animal!"

Closing his eyes as though not seeing the horror of a human would make it go away, Sirius lifted his hand in the air and yelled, "Calm down, crazy person!"

"Yeah," Potter addressed lazily the Slytherin. Grandly gesturing towards the ceiling he went, "Try to find your inner peace, or whatever helps you to simmer down the... er, whirlwind in the dungeons of your infinitesimal soul."

Sirius and Lily stared disbelievingly at James who only shrugged in return.

It was probably best for all of them that Snape decided to leave the room without picking an additional quarrel. Once in the corridor, tough, he muffled, "The only thing that is going to bring me inner peace is an ape-seeking missile."

"Oi! What was that?" Black howled after him from the door, but got no reaction from him besides a loud huff. "Hey, I'm talking to you! Snivellus! What a sodding..."

Lily muttered while walking towards a bench against a wall near the stalls, "Well, that was a bit rude."

"Yes, well, we've come to the conclusion over the years that Snape simply abominates all animals," James said back to her as he watched her wipe the bench clean and sit on it. He itched his neck. "Especially primates. He keeps saying that a lot around us."

The girl crossed her legs and once again straightened up her skirt. She smiled at James. "Even though I hardly befriend him anymore, I also have to admit that there was a time I thought you two were... a pair of uncontrollable, belligerent baboons."

As he returned from the door and walked to sit on the floor near Evans, Sirius muttered, "I can't help it if I like bacon. I mean... who can? Bacon's brilliant."

Lily eyed him, confused. "What? No, sweetie, eating bacon doesn't make you a baboon."

"Am not your sweetie either, _sweetie_."

"Yeah, that's just wrong," James noted to the girl. He just stood there, in the middle of the bathroom, arms crossed on his chest. "And by the way, Lily, clearly you've never taken a good look at Pete. He's exclusively made of bacon, and he's the most baboon a lad can get without growing extra hair on his arse."

"He doesn't need to, though." Sirius nodded from the floor. He had stretched his legs and was leaning on his arms. "It's rather shaggy to begin with. I've had nightmares." He shivered a bit. "Oh god... could we maybe talk about something else than Pete's arse hair?"

"Yes, who we should be talking about is Remus," Lily said, and quickly added, "Not his arse hair, however."

Sirius' eyes widened and he susurrated while pointing to the both of them, "Oh, yeah! Remus!"

"Oh no," James groaned in Lily's direction. "Lily, why did you have to remind him? He was about to forget the whole thing!"

"No, he wasn't." Lily shook her head.

"Yeah, I was," Sirius granted as he stood up again. "He rarely leaves my mind but now it just sort of happened. Don't know why, though. But, anyway –"

"Too many stimuli," Potter then noted. He eyed the girl. "It's a dog thing. They cannot concentrate."

Lily frowned. "But he's not a dog."

"Focus!" Black groaned as he dusted his robes, mainly his arse. When he was finished, he glowered at them. "I have three questions for the two of you." He pointed a condemning finger at both of them. "What, why and which of you."

"The plan," James said hastily and was ready to take a step back in case Sirius seemed to be about to plunge forwards. Yes, that was his usual look, but like stated before, James had known him for years and he knew when something was boiling beneath the surface.

Or so he told himself.

Lily continued from the bench, "Because he's so pertinacious!"

Then they pointed at each other, and naturally Sirius eyeballed them both. "So you two actually work together."

"Yeah," Potter said simply and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Apparently."

Now Sirius crossed his arms in return. He smirked, "How's that then?"

"Annoying at times," Lily confessed, and side-glanced at James. "But getting better."

Sirius pursed his lips and started to pace in front of them. "Do I understand this correctly?" he asked extremely quietly, but his voice echoed from the walls and they had no problems hearing what he said. "He's been _Pottering_ me? Why?"

Potter nodded. "Reverse-Pottering, actually, but not the same kind we talked about earlier."

"Then what? Tell me."

So they did. One might think that to get Sirius Black to understand something of this calibre would have been exceptionally hard, but he was not _stupid_, for Merlin's sake.

"I'm not stupid," he growled at some point, "stop dumbing it down!"

"Sorry," Lily said, and continued. Whilst she was explaining the whole thing, James nodded continuously next to her and occasionally even decided to help by saying, 'My plan, Padfoot,' or, 'Brilliant, that's what it is'. While this was going down, slowly the colour of Sirius' face changed from crimson red to grey and finally to the shade of grimly white he supported once he slumped on the floor his back against the wall next to Lily's bench.

Sirius asked, "He tried to make himself understand he's fallen for me?" He watched them nod. "And he doesn't know that?" Now they shook their heads. "Has he succeeded? Does he... I mean –"

Interrupting, James smiled at him and uttered, "Indubitably."

As he let this information just sink in, Sirius stayed quiet. Lily stood up, walked up to him and crouched in front of him. "Sirius, you ought to be happy we did this. Because of this he's now all over you."

"Is he?" Black asked her and glanced around the bathroom. All he saw was tiles and dirt. "I don't see him here."

"What an idiot," Potter muttered to no one.

Sirius scratched his head, ignoring his friend, and looked at Lily. "So, he still has one step to go? The... er, reptile one?"

Groaning exasperatedly, Potter corrected from above, "_Rapture_. How could a reptile be a step?"

"I don't know." Black shrugged and leaned his head on the wall. "You invented the whole thing. There might be reptiles there."

Potter only grunted like a horsy elk in response. Lily sat on the floor and muttered, "Well, to my knowledge he was so frustrated that I don't think he'd be able to go through with it."

"He's never frustrated," Sirius whispered.

"We can safely assume he's always frustrated with us," Potter said while he slid next to Sirius. He slammed his hand on Black's thigh and smirked. "But he fancies you even if you are a pain in the arse, which should make you more cheerful than this. Are you happy?"

"No, I'm this close to smacking you right across your stupid face."

"Oi, leave my face alone."

Lily watched them bicker but said nothing. Once they were finished – for a second that is – she asked quietly, "What are you going to do?"

"If you ask me," Potter muttered before Sirius had even the chance to open his mouth, "I'd say that if you tell him, this whole thing, he'll abhor you for this. Forever – until you turn into a raisin because of all his hatred and loathing."

Lily frowned at him. "No one asked you, James."

Sirius tugged his hair and muttered, "I cannot handle it if he hates my guts."

"As you make your bed, so you must lie in it, Shirley," Potter sang ingeniously and made the whole room echo.

Sirius then glared at him. "_You_ gave me the bloody mattress, Prongs, and it was a shoddy one. So not entirely my fault, yeah?"

"Tell him the whole thing," Lily said quietly. "I know him, and he's going to forgive you sooner or later. He's not going to hate you."

"Did you guys hear what I said just a second ago?" Potter bumbled. "He's going to despise you with everything he's got. I know that's not much, but he's one of the most determined people I've ever known. He's a wolf in sheep's clothes – he seems innocent and sweet, but my god he's vicious when he chooses to be."

Ignoring Potter completely, Sirius asked Lily, "What if he... doesn't really even fancy me? What if he's blinded by the plan, or something?"

Lily blinked and addressed James who had stopped waffling on. "This is the Sirius who's slept with the entire Hogwarts? Is he kidding?"

"That's him all right." Potter smiled at her. "The victims of his ensnaring siren song don't really know how much of a ninny he actually is."

"I'm not a ninny, you're a ninny," Black muttered to Potter with a ninnyish pout.

James scoffed. "Says the least self-confident bloke in this room today, and _Snape _was here having a picnic date with Myrtle."

Sirius only eyed his toes. They were interesting.

"He's not blinded by the plan, sweetie," Lily then said to Sirius. She tossed her hair over her shoulder. "He doesn't even like it."

"Who does?"

"Oi!" Potter grunted again and was about to smack him but he saw Lily's disapproving expression. Lowering his hand he muttered, "Stop dissing the plan already."

"And don't call me sweetie," Sirius said to the girl. He was quiet for a second or two, and then said, "I'd just like to know why you two meddled in our business in the first place. Granted, I wasn't probably going to get him to fancy me without your help, but still."

"You were miserable," Potter immediately noted from his left. "And as your best mate I figured it's sort of my job to try and make you something that at least resembles happy."

"You both," Lily added co-operatively. "And this might sound corny as hell, but even though you both are kind of self-centred and blind, you don't deserve to be unhappy."

"So that's it?" Sirius asked them while playing with the hem of his shirt. "You wanted us to be happy? Because right now, even though I know he... I'm very _not happy_." Lily and James nodded simultaneously at him, and he inhaled. "Okay, cheers I guess. I think I should tell him this, even though he might end up hating me, and I might end up hating this situation even more. And... end up hating you two."

"No," said Potter immediately while shaking his head. "Don't tell him."

Evans eyed him over Sirius with disbelieving eyes. "Why not? James, are you an idiot?"

"Because," Potter smirked knowingly. "Lupin will eat him? He might _actually_ eat Sirius. Like I just said a second ago, it's my job to keep my best mate happy and getting bitten in the arse is something I don't consider as such." He ogled the two of them. "I don't think you two are listening to me."

"He's a lamb," Lily said to James. "He's cool as a cucumber."

"He's a cucumber-lamb," Sirius assured himself and staggered up from the floor. "And I'll be okay with the biting as long as it happens between the sheets."

Potter shivered as he started to get up as well. "Didn't need to hear that."

Sirius helped his mate up and dusted his robes. He nodded to them both while saying, "Right, well. I assume you two find your way out of this bathroom. Hopefully... I'll be going."

"No, you won't," Potter muttered and stepped in front of him. He seemed rather grave. Like a tombstone. "I won't bury you."

Black snorted. "I'm not going to die, you twit, but if I will, there are people who will take care of that whole burying business, so you don't have to."

Potter didn't falter. "You will die, and I'm the one who has to write the sodding eulogy to the funeral of your _head_! Because there won't be anything else left of you when he's done! Are you happy now?"

"Shut up, James!" Lily quieted Potter and eyed Sirius seriously while getting up. "You can't lie anymore! Remus needs to know!"

"I know that!" Sirius bellowed at her. He flailed his hands above his head. "I just said so! Are you deaf?" He pointed a thumb at Potter. "Or are you listening to him? Don't listen to him!"

As James was concentrating to huff like a constipated dragon once again, Sirius swiftly moved past him. Yet, with his quick reflexes, Potter grabbed his upper arm. "This is the mother of bad ideas, Sirius."

"No, you are, Prongs," Sirius corrected while removing James' fingers off his clothing. "And it's usually _you_ who comes up with the ideas, and as you're well aware, they always suck."

"This here..." Potter gestured grandly towards him. "What you're about to do, this display of utter idiocy, it's all _your_ brainwork, and it's going wreck you. He's going to wreck you, Padfoot. To death."

Lily stared at them. "What is with those nicknames? They're rather inaccurate. I don't see any hoofs or paws, do you?"

Sirius eyed her for a bit and then licked his lips while turning back to Potter. "What a majestic timing you chose to be overly dramatic. I know he will be mad, but... like she said, I can't lie anymore – even though I haven't actually lied at all, but... Whatever, I just bloody can't."

"Try," Potter mumbled while rubbing his face. "Please try! Lying has never been an issue before now! Have you gone soft?"

"No," Black uttered. "But what's it to you if he hates me? Like it annoys you to see me suffer, we both know that you love it."

James gazed at him with an unreadable expression on his face. "I just... He'll hate me too, and..." He quickly glanced at Lily. "I can't really have any more people disliking me."

"No one hates you, arse-hat. You're the sodding Golden Boy of the Gryffindor house."

"I am?" James' discomfort suddenly turned into a smile. He glanced around the room. "The Golden Boy... Yeah, I like that."

While James was basking in his own, newly-found glory, Lily mouthed to Sirius with a few hand gestures, "_Like his head isn't already big enough_."

Black strutted towards the door while smiling sadly at Evans. He shook his head. He said, "It can't get any bigger. It's like a watermelon."

A half a second later Potter bellowed, "Bloody hell, Shirley, you can't be serious!", and yelling back at him, "I'm serious, and don't call me Shirley!" Sirius opened the bathroom door.

Soon enough he realised he was lying on top of unconscious Lupin.

How about that.

* * *

On early Friday morning before classes, Sirius strolled down the dormitory stairs to notice Lily sitting with her friends at the study table by the windows. Scratching his head, he inhaled deeply and walked towards the girls.

"Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid. ...Is that Black?"

Sirius nodded at them cordially and addressed Lily, who was slightly frowning at him. "Could I talk to you?"

One of her friends stood up right after that and stepped in front of her. "She doesn't want to talk to you, dumbarse. Run along, and take that gorgeous rear end of yours with you!"

"Actually, I wouldn't mind that at all," Evans said to Sirius, and after standing up from her chair she mumbled, "Let's go to my dormitory, it's empty."

Once Lily walked past him towards the girls' dormitory stairs, Sirius grinned directly at the previous girl. "I like your arse too, Melissa. It's nice and round, like a bun. I like buns."

"Say that to my face!"

Taking steps backwards to leave with Evans, Sirius asked the girl, rather baffled, "How many faces do you have?"

However, he didn't stay there for the answer, for he was already strolling towards the stairs. He had walked those stairs a few times, but never after Lily... Merlin help. Taking two steps at a time, he was almost at the seventh year girls' door when someone dashed out of the sixth year girls' room and tightly grabbed his arm.

A girl pressed herself against Sirius and peeped, "You came to see me? At last!"

Black frowned and tried to wiggle out of her grasp. "Uh... I don't think I did."

The girl swept her black hair from her face and smiled annoyingly at him. "So you're not busy after all? I'm glad you came into your senses. I tried to get a hold of you after the game, but you vanished from the party after I had the chance to talk to you. I've been waiting."

"I have no idea what you're talking about..."

Margaret pulled away from him. Sirius took a deep breath as the girl went, "Your friend talked about me? The, er... tedious-looking one? Lupin? I have to thank him."

Black licked his lips as he tried to keep the girl away from him by holding her on the shoulders. "Remus? Er, yeah... I don't know. Look, I don't even know who you are, so if I could just go –"

"Of course you know who I am! You can't just snog random people without knowing who they are," Maggie tittered and touched his chest. She smiled sadly at him. "You know that right?"

"Yeah, you're absolutely right, I can't," Sirius said after a few seconds of quick thinking. Again he moved her fondling fingers away from him. "But, would it make you feel any better, if I told you that it's the only way for me to feel loved in this world of monstrosities? You know, I'm descending from my pedestal to get some sort of action with people that are not quite as pult... pulchritu...dinous and stimulating as I'd like them to be." Sirius squinted. "Does that make any sense to you?"

The girl was quiet for a moment. "Yes, it does!" she suddenly mused and caressed his chest. "You think I'm stimulating."

"Oh god, I thought I was an idiot," Sirius muttered. "Look, I don't want to be with you; I've never wanted and never will, because... I'm a free spirit. Also, I don't really know who you are, which should be a clue enough for you to leave me alone. I'm sorry if you had bruises, but you can send the medical bill, if there is one, to my mum. She could use a little teasing."

Maggie cocked her head. "Darling, you've hit your head?"

"I probably have to do that if you won't stop talking."

"_Sirius? Come on!_" Lily's voice echoed from her dormitory. Black turned his head towards the voice and pulled away from the girl.

"I need to go and get me some... loving," he tittered and scampered away. "Evans's waiting!"

Watching Sirius to climb the stairs, the girl bellowed after him. "EVANS? But she's so dreary!"

"That's what they say," Sirius yelled back at her.

Seconds later knocked on the seventh year girls' door and popped his head from the doorway as soon as he could hear Lily's voice grant him the access. Sirius asked, "Why are we here?"

Evans was sitting on her bed. She shrugged. "You want to talk with my friends around us?"

Vigorously shaking his head, Black stepped into the room and, after taking in the room, he strolled towards the girl. He mulled over some words, and then sputtered, "Look, I don't know if I should apologise for something, but I'm rubbish at that –"

"You don't have to," Lily hurried. She shook her head a bit. "I've thought about this myself a lot, and even though it turned out to be a good thing eventually, it was kind of wrong of me to meddle... like you sort of said yourself. It wasn't my business at all and... I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me, too," Black mumbled and as Lily patted the bed, he sat on it. Drumming with fingers on his legs, he quietly added, "I sort of see your point, but... I don't really understand how this is a great thing."

"What do you mean?"

Sirius eye twitched faintly as he turned to her. "Remus doesn't talk to me. You didn't know that?"

Lily's eyes widened. She asked gently, "What?"

"Yeah, no, it's... It sucks," Sirius smiled bitterly. He stared at the carpet. "I've tried, but he hasn't said a word to me after the bathroom thingy. It's been... What, a week now? Yeah, without a doubt the worst week of my life."

The girl looked shocked. "I don't know what to say. He took it that hard?"

"Think about it, though," the boy muttered. "It was kind of a sucky thing to do. He has trust issues already, and what happened..."

Suddenly Lily got up. "But he's talked to me! Why is he angry with you and not _me_? I was horrible to him!"

"I..." Sirius mumbled as he ran a couple of fingers under his eyes. "I guess I had the most to offer, or... I don't even know. It's a bit hard to figure out his reasons to why he's not talking to me while he doesn't talk to me."

The girl stared at him. "I've seen you two in classes, and he doesn't seem that angry. You've talked."

"He's civil, all right," Black said forlornly. "And he talks to me, but... doesn't _really talk_, especially if he doesn't have to. Remus is..." Sirius again ran a hand across his face. "He's so cold, Lily. He doesn't even say my name anymore, which is kind of a bummer after all this..."

The girl looked like she was about to barf. "So does he talk to you, er, when you're studying?"

Sirius shrugged. "It depends on what you consider as studying. Yesterday, after Charms I asked him if we had Potions or Transfigurations next, and he called me a twat and he hit me with a book."

"Oh my," Evans muttered as she lazily paced in front of him. Her fingers found the base of her hair as though they were trying to find something to grab onto. "I never thought it would end like this... Sirius, I honestly had no idea, I'm so sorry."

Black nodded faintly.

"Can I do anything?" Lily whispered, stepped closer and crouched in front of him, taking Sirius' hands into hers. "Please, tell me. I have to do something."

"Maybe you should just concentrate on your own life for a change," Sirius said quietly as he watched their hands. He met her eyes. "And I don't mean just school, I mean... You're hilarious, at times – and so full of potential."

Lily frowned. "Potential for what?"

Sirius smiled weakly. "Just, make yourself happy before you try to make others. That's what I'm trying to say."

"I am happy," Evans said quietly and removed her hands from his. Sirius smiled sadly at her.

"Are you? You don't look happy."

"How would you know how I look when unhappy?"

"It's the same look that greets me every day in the mirror," Sirius said while not leaving her eyes. "And... I sneer to people who try to help me, because I can't aim all my energy to the one person I'd really want to."

Again, the girl frowned. "What are you trying to...?"

"I'm probably saying nothing," Black interjected while shrugging. He stood up from the bed. "As you know I always talk rubbish."

Standing hastily up, she was about to say something to him, but Sirius was already gone.

* * *

The dormitory room of the seventh year Gryffindor boys was pitch-black like always at night. Sitting on the edge of his own bed, Sirius rubbed his tired eyes, and then brought a ribbon to tie his hair into a loose bun in his neck. Without seeing anything, he grabbed his wand from the nightstand, got up, and carefully padded towards the bed right next to his.

Carefully he opened the thick velvet curtains of Lupin's four-poster, and breathed to the mumbling being, "Remus?"

When he heard nothing intelligible from the bed – only mumbling sounds – Sirius softly said "_Lumos_", and as his wand lightened up the bed with a glowing, pale blue light, he naturally saw the werewolf better. He stooped over him and whispered, "Remmie?"

Lupin merely turned in his place, but didn't seem to wake up. The Chocolate King had just conquered the whole of Great Britain, however. Faintly smiling, Sirius crouched next to his bed and asked again, with a bit more volume, "Remus?"

This time the geek slowly opened his eyes. "What?" He lifted his head from the pillow and squinted at the light. "Who?"

Sirius moved the light away from his eyes, and craned his neck to see Lupin better. "It's me."

"Sirius?" Remus mumbled while licking his dry lips. He tried to take in his surroundings. "What time is it?"

Black shrugged to no one for Lupin couldn't see him. "3am I guess."

"What?" The werewolf slumped back on his pillow. "Please go back to bed."

Smiling at Remus' drowsy state, Sirius whispered, "I tried to sleep but... I couldn't."

"Yes, I can see that," Lupin mumbled and brought a hand to rub his eyes. "Do you need something?"

"Are you asleep?"

Lupin now stared at him with disbelief. "Wha... No, I'm awake... I think. Although this might be a nightmare also, I'm not completely sure..."

"Oh, maybe you should get back to it then; you looked so calm before..."

With a hoarse, but undeniably louder voice Remus asked, "Sirius, what do you want?"

Black shrugged nonchalantly. "I was just wondering if I could –"

"_Get in_."

Beaming again, Sirius mumbled "_Nox"_ while scampering off the floor, and he climbed over Remus to his left side. He snuggled close to him, his chest against the lycanthrope's back, arm snaking under him – the usual. Once Sirius pressed his jaw on his shoulder, Lupin mumbled groggily into his pillow, "What are you doing?"

"Snuggling."

"...Why? Just go back to sleep."

Sirius' jaw moved against Lupin's shoulder as he spoke. "I thought I heard you whimper, so this way I'm keeping you calm."

Even though he tried to sound severe, there was a smile on Remus' lips. He murmured, "I am calm, and I definitely wasn't whimpering."

"No, see, you think so because you can't really hear yourself while sleeping," Black said matter-of-factly as he strained to nuzzle closer. "I'm right in the next bed and _you whine_."

Lupin pressed his back against Sirius' chest, and with his cheek in his pillow he softly said, "No, I don't."

"I beg to differ," Sirius sniggered against Remus' skin while his hand was caressing the geek's stomach. "I've heard you moan on several occasions. It's rather distracting, really –"

Remus' fingers brushed the Sirius' hand, and he hummed, "Please... Just sleep, okay?"

"Why?" Sirius then asked. "Don't you like this? Don't you like me?"

"Oh Merlin, you're still so insecure."

"Am not insecure. You're insecure."

Lupin turned around in his arms. He pressed his forehead against Sirius', and practically muttered into his mouth, "Yes, I do like you. I adore you every day more and more, even though I still keep wondering why... but please..." He was unable to stifle a yawn and had to pause. "Could we just sleep for five minutes?"

"Five minutes?"

Remus nodded and closed his eyes. "Five minutes."

It ended up being five hours, but Sirius didn't mind.

* * *

The next morning Remus quietly padded towards the dormitory room bathroom, and as he saw the boy leaning against the white sink, he smiled to himself in the doorway. "James?"

"Oh, hi Moony," James mumbled as he spat the foam out of his mouth. He carefully eyed the werewolf. "You need to use the bathroom?"

"No, not really."

"All right." Potter said, but tilted his head as Remus moved nowhere. "So, you're just going to stand there and watch me to brush my teeth?"

"Yes." Remus smiled.

After gurgling his mouth, James smirked nastily, turning to the mirror. He leaned his hands on the other sides of the sink and stared at his own reflection. "Why don't you go and stare at Sirius. You're pretty good at that."

Lupin ignored him, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe. With a gentle smile, he asked, "Have you talked to Lily?"

Inspecting his face in the looking glass, James mumbled, "No."

Remus frowned. "Why not?"

"Why would I?" James muttered as he eyed Lupin through the window. He sounded oddly tired. "She never talked to me apart from the plan and now that it's done... I don't know. Even though we've started to get along, I've finally figured I should leave her alone."

"That's not you," Remus uttered and stepped closer to him, leaving the doorframe alone. He watched as James opened the faucet, stooped down over the sink, and removed his glasses to rinse his face. "You don't leave Lily Evans alone, James. You keep harassing her until she seethes and hits you with the nearest object. Remember the shoe?"

"I don't anymore," Potter mumbled through the water.

"You don't remember the shoe?"

Potter groaned as he closed the faucet. Without seeing anything, he said, "How could I forget the shoe? I mean I don't harass her anymore."

"What are you saying?" Lupin puckered his brow again. "You do still fancy her, don't you?"

Potter turned swiftly towards him. "You're not an idiot, okay, like the rest of my friends. Of course I do, but... what does it matter if she keeps turning me down? A bloke can't wait forever. I've tried 7 years, and... she's still not coming around."

"You shouldn't just give up," Remus said to him, smiling blissfully. "I know one bloke who didn't, and even though he went through the most foolish, ridiculous things ever to be imagined, he finally got what he wanted, and... every time I see him, he's seems very happy."

James practically gagged. "Oh my god, tell me you're not talking about Sirius. Please."

"I was talking about Peter," Remus tittered. "He finally managed to steal another sack of potatoes from the kitchen."

"He already ate the first one?"

Remus faintly shook his head. "It wasn't the first one, but yes, the _previous_ one is empty."

"Three weeks?" James asked with widened eyes. "Honestly? Who eats a full sack of frigging potatoes in three weeks?"

Peter's voice bellowed from the dormitory, "_I do, thanks!_"

Shaking his head, Potter flailed his hands. "Whatever. I just... I have to forget her, Moony."

Suddenly Sirius popped in the doorframe, and as soon as Lupin turned to him, Black gave him a small wink. Remus smiled back.

James mumbled something inaudible at the mirror, but it probably was aimed at Sirius. Black grinned, and spoke to Remus, "Is he going to spend the entire day here in the bathroom?"

Before Lupin even opened his mouth, Potter hurried as he eyed his best friend from the mirror, "I might just need to after the things I saw this morning."

"We're adorable," Sirius noted flatly as his fingers tried to fondle Lupin's backside.

However, Remus stepped away from his touch and closer to the sink, against which Potter was still leaning. The geek asked, "What if you asked her once more?"

"What?"

"Lily. Ask her out," the werewolf elaborated as if it wasn't already clear enough. "Maybe she'll say yes this time."

Potter shook his head and opened the faucet again. "She won't."

"Don't give up now, James."

"Yeah," Sirius echoed. "Makes you very ugly."

"Bastard," James muttered to Sirius while he watered his hands. Soon enough, tongue between his lips, he tried to flatten his hair. "I've already given up, Moony. That's my new name. I've-Given-Up Potter." He glanced at them. "Has a nice ring to it, yeah?"

"No, not really, no," Black disagreed while grinning annoyingly. Potter shot him a look.

"Well, it's far better than Shirley."

Sirius grumbled, "You know very well my name is not Shirley, you tosser."

Between them Remus still tried, "James, please ask her out."

Again, Potter just shook his head.

Grinning at no one particular, Sirius said, "You know, I happen to be acquainted with one bloke who didn't give up. And after a few mishaps –"

"I've heard this once already, _Shirley_," Potter interjected as he finished trying to smooth out his hair. "I don't care about potatoes."

Black frowned. "I'm not a potato."

Remus turned to smile at Sirius who kept making a face at James. However, as soon as Sirius noticed Lupin eyeing him, his eyes gladly fixated on the geek. They changed a few rather impressive expressions, telling each other something James could not possibly comprehend.

What those facial expressions were about, who knew. It was a miracle if _they_ knew.

Of course Potter found this rather suspicious. He blinked at them. "What are you two doing?"

Sirius' hand travelled to his hair innocently as his eyes left Remus alone. "You know... winking, flirting... Stuff like that."

"Please leave me out of this," Potter groaned, and dashed past them. He slogged to his trunk, and of course Black strutted behind him, Lupin in immediate tow. Remus' hand sneaked to rub his neck, and naturally Sirius' eyes caught this.

"Is it hurting again?"

"It's all right, thank you." Remus smiled at him once more. "Post-moon tension, I suppose."

Black grinned lewdly. "I'll take care of that later, then."

"_Please don't_, we have ears," Potter whined into his trunk. After a few minutes of rummaging through Quidditch magazines, lonesome socks and ridiculous magical objects, he found a shirt. He stood up, showing it to Remus. "Okay, Moony; why should I ask her out, anyway? I know she'll say no again, because that's what she always does." As Lupin nodded approvingly at the shirt, Potter dove into it, mumbling, "I'd be just digging myself a deeper grave and I really don't feel like doing that. The Plan is out of the question now when she's familiar with it."

"You could make her very happy," Remus said, but James only shook his head while buttoning his shirt.

"No, I couldn't. She loathes me, even though I have no idea why."

Lupin smiled. "Tell her the truth. It might do you good. She might like it."

"To tell her the truth?" James asked his tongue between his lips. "She knows I'm brilliant and funny, but she keeps ignoring the facts."

Sirius tried not to snigger. Remus poked him in the ribs and turned back to James, saying, "No, tell her you really like her."

"Why on bloody Earth would I do that?" Potter looked like he was about to explode. "Rule number one: You _never_ tell a girl that you like her, it makes you look like an idiot."

"Eh." Sirius grinned. "So does your plan." He kindly pointed at himself. "Exhibit A."

Remus swiftly crossed his arms, and his pose made him look exactly like a disapproving mother. "James, this extremely frustrating attitude you have these days is killing our buzz. We," he continued while pointing at himself and Sirius, "are in a rather febrile state and we need peace and quiet to... concentrate. So, you need to stop whinging and do something about this."

Sirius and Potter both stared at him with gaping mouths. James asked, "Did you just say buzz?"

"We need to concentrate?" Sirius asked, licking his lips.

After Remus only gave him a rather informative glance, Sirius turned swiftly to James. "Yeah, okay, this is what we'll do. If you won't ask the bird out, _today_, I'm going to shag this bloke," he gestured towards Remus, "so frigging hard that you, James, won't sleep for three years."

Potter now goggled at Sirius with wide eyes, and it should be mentioned that so did Remus. James looked like he was about to faint from fright, Remus as if he was about to wolf Sirius alive. (A rather accurate statement.)

Peter had long ago fainted on the floor, but they didn't even see him.

Black asked, "All right?"

With wide eyes, Potter nodded quickly. "Okay."

* * *

He clicked his dry tongue free from his palate, and distantly felt his forehead pressing against something warm.

Frowning slightly, Remus opened his eyes. All he saw was a nipple.

"Morning," the nipple said to him.

"Hey," Remus mumbled groggily back and felt how Sirius' hand moved behind his back to pull him upwards and even closer, although that was actually not even possible. He knew that if he had been any closer to Sirius, they would've been grown together. Remus wouldn't have minded that, though. He asked, "Did you sleep?"

"Oh yes," Sirius smiled happily and held him close. "I slept soundly. It was warm and cosy right here."

"It was?" Lupin chuckled slightly. "I thought it to be a bit too... Er –"

"Hmm?" Black purred and kissed the werewolf's forehead. "Distracting? Sexy?"

"Sweaty," Lupin mumbled. "Sweltering even."

"Oh, I show you sweaty."

Remus tried not to squirm as Sirius gently let go off his sides and went lower and lower, while bussing him constantly. As the guy reached his slightly protruding clavicle, he started to unbutton Remus' pyjama top.

"What are you doing?" Remus whispered as Sirius' hands brushed his stomach. The Animagus left a wet trail of kisses on his ribcage, then lifted his head and grinned at Remus.

"Kissing you?"

"You could kiss my lips." Lupin sucked in air. "They're up here."

"I wanted to try something else for a change." Sirius smiled and kissed him below his belly button. His fingers were already playing with the waistband of Lupin's pyjama bottoms. "So I'm going down to meet your friend."

"Sirius... no," Lupin muttered feebly. "It's... It's 8am."

"Oh, I know. I'll have to be quick, and you'll have to be very, very quiet."

Remus had to bit his lips not to whimper because Sirius' hot breath over the fabric of his clothing was doing something magical to him.

Why, of course it was. They were in Hogwarts, after all.

However, just as Sirius licked his way under the waistband, they heard a voice. _"Sirius?"_

Black's eyes were on Remus's face a nanosecond later, but otherwise he did not falter. As he saw Remus shake his head to him, Sirius merely smirked mischievously.

James continued behind the curtains, _"Padfoot, you're awake?"_

Naturally Sirius couldn't answer – his mouth was rather busy soundlessly giggling against Lupin's clothing covered crotch. Also he wasn't exactly in his own bed.

"_He's not here. Where the bloody hell is he?_ _Pete, has Sirius gone to breakfast?"_

Remus tried not to moan when the boy's tongue moved against him like a snake on hot sand – sliding slowly, and every now and then hopping in the air.

Potter had to ask, "_Moony, are _you_ awake?_"

In a rather sophisticated fashion Remus answered, "Ngh."

_"Oh, sorry. I just thought I heard Sirius talk in his sleep again. He hasn't bothered you by any chance?"_

As Remus yanked his hair a bit, Sirius reluctantly left his crotch alone and moved to kiss the werewolf's stomach instead. Lupin pressed his hands to cover his eyes as he quietly as possible grunted, "No... Hng, he hasn't."

_"Are you all right?" _James' voice came closer.

Remus quickly backed on the bed and tried to sit up, but Sirius was practically lying on top of him, so it was a tad difficult for him. Flushing, Remus strained to push him away, but naturally failed. Sirius moved on him until their faces met, and as Remus spoke, he was breathing against Black's lips. "Just uh... waking up. Let me... be alone, okay?"

_"Sure, whatever."_

Black pecked the werewolf and said, "You're not alone."

"_Sirius?_"

"Bollocks."

"_Where are you?_"

Sirius snorted while considerately munching on Remus' neck. "Under the sodding sink, you idiot."

Potter rather indiscreetly decided to open the curtains, but as he witnessed Sirius' whereabouts – on the werewolf, his mouth on... everything – and saw how red Lupin was, he pulled the curtains close again while grunting, "_Oh, how I hate you."_

"I love you, too," Sirius grinned at Remus while speaking to the curtains.

_"Why didn't you say not to disturb? You mother–"_

"You're always disturbing," Sirius barked. Lupin was now merely covering his face from embarrassment. "It's in your nature, James."

"_No, it's not_," James groaned. "_I was... trying to find you, because I had a dream about a prank_."

"That's nice." Sirius smiled and kissed Remus. "We'll be out in a minute; we just need to finish this."

They heard James leave to the bathroom, muttering oh-gods under his breath. Lupin bit his lip while staring at Sirius, who clearly had no intensions of getting off him.

Remus breathed, "We need to... get ready for school –"

Leaning closer, Sirius grinned in his usual way. He pressed a light kiss on the corner of Remus' mouth, and cooed, "Not yet."

Oddly enough, the werewolf forgot what he was thinking few seconds earlier; his hands were already behind Sirius' head, pulling him closer and guiding him as if Sirius didn't know where to go, or what to do.

Yeah, right.

As he was kissing Remus, Sirius' fingers wandered on his ribs, tickling him and making him quiver and shake like Peter before Professor McGonagall, and even though Sirius knew Lupin had difficulties not to giggle when he was tickled, Sirius made bloody sure no voices escaped the werewolf's mouth.

Sirius swallowed them all.

His right hand was travelling fatefully towards Remus' crotch in atween them to rekindle the spark of the incipient friendship towards which he had blown hot air previously that morning.

Lupin was whimpering and whining, but no one heard a sound from him for a certain someone guaranteed that his voice died under theirs.

"_Moony_?" Peter's voice quipped rather close behind Lupin's curtains.

It didn't take even a second from Sirius the Two-Handed to depart from the kiss and to look like he was seriously contemplating whether to keep groping the geek or to strangle Peter.

To everyone's good fortune, he did neither. Lupin slowly licked his puffy lips as he felt Sirius remove the hand from his groin. He mumbled hoarsely to the curtain, "Yes?"

Sirius rolled off the werewolf and grumbled into a pillow, "Remmie, why do our friends hate us?"

"_Prongs told me to ask you_," Peter's voice said and, of course, he opened the curtains. "Is today the day when – Are you all right?"

Trying to smoothen out his hair, Remus smiled tensely. Only then he realised his shirt was open, and quickly he tried to cover himself. "Yes."

"You're more red than usual," Pettigrew noted helpfully. "Does this have something to do with the fact that you're a –"

Rapidly Sirius got up. "We know he's a werewolf, Pete! How thick are you?"

Remus was rubbing his face as if it was going to make him less flushed, when Peter shrugged. "It depends on how you look at me. No, I meant that Moony being red probably has something to do with the fact that he's the most womanly of us."

Now Remus stared at him. "I'm what?"

"Can I use _Tentaclifors _on him?" Black beseeched the werewolf. "Please."

"Not yet," Lupin answered without leaving Peter's eyes. He hauled himself up to sit properly on the bed. "I'm womanly? Who thinks I'm womanly, Peter?"

The boy rubbed his nose. "You remember the day when Padfoot told you?"

"Told me what?" Remus asked and turned to Sirius. "What is he talking about?"

Sirius had slumped back on the pillow. "The pie."

Characteristically, Lupin frowned. "How does that have anything to do with me supposedly being –"

"A pie?" Peter interjected. "No, I mean when he told you about his, eh – his romantic feelings. Ugh."

"One more _ugh_ and I will turn you into an armchair," Black warned Pettigrew while pointing a long finger at him. "And then I will sit on you, all day long, every day, until you have an arse print on your face."

Remus quieted Sirius with a simple wave of hand. "Peter, please carry on."

"Yeah, er." Peter turned his wide eyes from Sirius' seething face to Lupin's calmer one. "That day we established that –"

"You established," Sirius corrected, but no one heard him. "There's a difference."

Still looking at Remus, Peter continued, "That since you do all kinds of rather feminine stuff, we came to the conclusion that you must be a bird."

Black buried his head under the pillow and groaned from there, "_You_ came to that conclusion, Pete."

Concernedly eyeing Peter, Remus noted, "I'm not a woman, Peter. You know that."

"Are you sure?" Pettigrew questioned him while crossing his arms. "Because I read this article –"

Emerging once again from under the pillow, Sirius began to lunge towards Pettigrew, but somehow Remus managed to halt him. So, lying on Lupin's lap, Sirius smirked to Peter. "He is a man, all right; I've made sure of it."

"Sirius –"

Black still grinned. "You know how I know that, Pete? Because I have checked his –"

"Lalalala!" a horrified Peter yelled while taking a step back. He pulled the curtains shut, and by the sound of it, he was running away from the four-poster. "_Ajksfjfy_!"

"What was that?" Remus hollered after the running rat. "Peter, didn't you want to ask me something?"

Naturally he got no answer.

They heard James chortle in the bathroom, and Sirius turned to look at the werewolf. "Bloody Potter..."

"It's understandable," Remus said to him, flashing an affectionate smile. "He's absolutely miserable."

"Yeah, that's exactly why we have to sneak around," Sirius complained whilst nuzzling Lupin's lap. "Even though I wish to do otherwise. He's harrying us on purpose. I don't like it."

Playing with Sirius' hair Remus suddenly said, "You should talk to Lily."

Sirius stared at him. "Come again?"

"I'll talk to James, make him ask her out again, and... when he does, you've already talked to her. Deal?"

"You thick or something?" Black groaned as he tumbled off Remus. He sat on his legs and stared at the lycanthrope. "Me talking to Lily? You _want_ me dead?"

"You're basically a conman," Remus uttered, still smiling amiably at him. "Figure something out. Make her feel bad for all this and practically push her to the point she'll say yes to James. I don't care."

"There was a point when I wanted to push her down the stairs."

"What?"

"Nothing," Sirius hurried and moved to lean against the headboard of the bed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but she's not stupid, you know."

Remus cocked his head. "You wanted to retaliate. Consider this as it."

* * *

"Hey, Lily?"

Like the whole day of that day, it was still Friday as James walked over to Lily after the theory class of Potions that morning. She was loitering – no, Lily Evans didn't loiter; she was taking in the surroundings by the Charms classroom with a few of her friends.

While he had been walking towards the girl, James had been hoping two simple things: one, that Lily would not kick him in the goolies or hex him that day. Two, that Lily would not hex his goolies that day.

He was still wishing these as she turned around. She smiled at him. "Hi."

James peered over her shoulder at her friends. They looked at him, rather chilled. "Er, can I talk to you a bit?"

"Of course."

One of her friends shrieked, "What is it, an arsehole day?"

Lily turned to her friends and smiled apologetically. "I'll be back before Professor Flitwick comes."

When her friends stayed there gawping after them as they walked to a more secluded place, James easily heard one of them say, "Didn't she say she hated that bloke?"

Immediately Lily smiled at James who was frowning and keeping his eyes on the floor. "Hate is such a strong word..."

The hallway in which they stopped was not far from the Charms classroom, but it was secluded enough for James to ask his question in peace. In addition, since there was no one around, if Lily would attack him with something besides her lips, he'd have to yell with all his might to get help.

He was ready for that.

Potter briefly licked his lips and said, "Okay, I know you don't like chitter-chatter, so I'll go straight into business."

"All right." Evans nodded.

"_All right_." James inhaled and tried to blurt all out at once, "Would you go out with me tomorrow?"

Lily blinked. "What? Tomorrow?"

"Yes."

Her hand found her neck. She strained not to stare at his brown eyes, but found it also rather difficult to leave them alone. Lily whispered, "Tomorrow's Saturday, James."

James ogled at her back. "...I know. Moony has a calendar."

Lily bit her lip and attempted to smile at the same time. "Saturday is our day off."

"So is Sunday," Potter breathed as if he was telling her a secret. "We have two days off... Yay?"

"Are you sure you want to spend your free time with me?"

James changed his weight from one leg to the other and shoved his hands into his pockets. "What do you mean?"

The girl shrugged. A wisp of hair fell on her face, and she had to sweep it behind her ear. "Don't you want to study for... NEWTs, or something? Free time is a great time for studying."

Shaking his head, James said gravely, "There's no such thing as a great time for studying. Besides, the tests are not that important."

"I'd say they're rather important. For your future, James?"

Without hesitating he said, "So is our date."

Lily stared at him. She tried to say something, but wasn't able to. James only kept his eyes on her during the long seconds she was mulling over her words. "Why... Why would you even want to go out with someone who you consider to be a total killjoy?"

"You know as well as I do that's a shoddy argument," James huffed. "Sirius is in love with his grinch, remember? Why can I be with mine?"

"But they're not..."

James frowned. "They're not what?"

The girl mimicked a fish on dry land in front of him. Evans blinked. "Nothing. I thought... I'm sorry, what was the question?"

He placed his hands carefully on each of Lily's shoulder. James sighed, and asked, "Would you go out with me tomorrow?"

"Yes."

Hanging his head, Potter shoved his hands back into his pockets and grunted while taking a step back. "You know, I was kind of expecting that, even though I had a vibe that today you might say yes –"

"James, I said yes."

Potter stared at her again. "You what?"

She exhaled and crossed her arms on her chest. "I said yes."

"You're not pranking me, are you?"

"Not really my area of expertise." Lily smiled at him. "I'm better at Potions."

James fought a huge smile. Lily drew the same wisp of hair from her face behind her ear. She tilted her head. "You can cheer if you want."

Potter grinned now. "What? I'm not going to cheer. I mean – I'll probably do that later. So... er, it was nice talking to you, Ms Evans. Er, see you... tomorrow then, yeah? At 1pm, perhaps?"

"James," Lily said softly while staring at him fidget on his place. "You do realise that it's noon and we will see each other later today? Most likely at Charms which starts right about now?"

Potter pointed out, "Or – I might wake up soon, so..."

James grinned once more and turned away from the girl who was just shaking her head.

* * *

Sirius was sitting behind Remus, his legs on each side of the werewolf, and his fingers dancing on his back. It didn't probably matter what day was it or how late, the point is that they were alone in the dormitory; drapes drawn tightly shut as they sat on Remus' bed and a _Muffliato_ spell hanging around them, making sure nothing they let out left the four-poster.

Sirius' fingers carefully lingered above Lupin's right arm, close enough to feel the warmth but not touching. He breathed, "I've dreamt about this, you know."

"You have?" Remus asked while his hand gently stroked Sirius' leg.

"Many times." Sirius grinned at his neck. "Some of the dreams were more vivid than the others, but they were there nevertheless. Making me... feel things. You've never seen a dream about me?"

"I have," Remus admitted. "But not in this very context. I think."

For a moment they just were quiet, Sirius' fingers now lightly grazing Lupin's scars – actually touching them. Every time they changed their place, though, Remus gasped.

"This here," Sirius murmured and ran his forefinger along the rosy, thick mark between the werewolf's shoulder blades, making Remus inhale abruptly. "Do you feel this?"

Remus tried not to move. He whispered, "Of course I do."

"Does it feel the same as this?" Black then asked and touched another scar, one on the boy's shoulder. Remus frowned.

"No."

"So it's different from the others?"

"Probably." Lupin nodded and lowered his head, while Sirius kept softly touching his back. "For it's the first one I got."

"Really?" Sirius marvelled and stared at the mark. "How come it's this visible then?"

Whilst taking Sirius' other hand between his, Remus chuckled. "Maybe because it's the first one I got?"

Again the fingers slid on the scar. "Oh."

"I hate it," the werewolf continued as he glanced at Sirius over his shoulder. "This might sound stupid, but it gets quite sensitive before full moon, and it just keeps reminding me about myself. Not that I'd even be able to forget, but it's rather unnerving nevertheless."

"Maybe we could," Black breathed and scooted a bit closer, pressing his jaw on Remus' shoulder – like it was becoming a habit of his – and snaking both of his arms around his waist. "Associate it with something else?"

Now sniggering, Remus told him, "It has had a rather strong connection with the full moon the past 12 years, Sirius, you cannot change it."

Sirius smirked and pressed a kiss on his neck. "Oh yeah? Watch me."

* * *

In the Charms class, James almost tumbled as he sat down next to Sirius to tell him the good news. Granted, Black had previously sat with Remus, but since neither of them had been able to concentrate, Lupin had begged the professor to give them both new partners.

Remus had chosen Peter, even though there had been a few Hufflepuffs who would have loved to have him as a partner. It was another of those Hogwarts mysteries why they had lowered their hands before Lupin could have even seen them.

Oh, and Sirius was stuck with James.

Why did Professor Flitwick think this was a good idea, you ask? Not even Dumbledore could be able to answer that question.

Potter said nothing, only stared at his best friend with wide eyes. Fingering his wand, Sirius shook his head. "What?"

"Pinch me."

"Have you eaten cabbages again?" Sirius asked while eyeing Lupin across the classroom. "What do you think of that Hufflepuff bird? She keeps ogling at my Remmie even though he's not interested in her."

"I don't care," James mumbled. "Hit me."

"I don't want to hit you," Sirius then barked. He lowered his wand on the table and glanced quickly at their professor who was hopping on a stand in front of the classroom. "I mean... I do, but not now."

"Then pinch me, please," Potter pleaded. "Sirius – OOUAA!" He shrieked in such a volume the walls of the classroom shook. Flitwick had fallen from his podium. While everyone was staring at them, James groaned to Sirius, "Utter bastard! What are you, crazy?"

Everyone, meaning the whole classroom except Lupin who was trying to hide under his textbook so no one would make any connections between him and the two loonies, was staring at them.

"You didn't specify the place." Sirius smirked as he watched James rub his long nose. He glared around the classroom. "What?"

No one was interested anymore. Professor Flitwick had climbed back to his stand, and was now doing something that looked alarmingly similar to inhale-exhale-exercises.

Black eyed his friend. "What's the matter with you anyway?"

"Sirius," James muttered with low voice as he muttered the three magical words, "_she said yes_."

"She said yes?"

Potter nodded gravely. "Yes."

Patting his shoulder, Sirius nodded. "Good for you."

This made James' nostrils flare like never before, which was quite an achievement. "_Good for you_?" he lowly growled. "Seven years, and _good for you_?"

Sirius stared at Remus, who was staring at the professor. As Lupin lifted his wand, Sirius did the same – because let's face it, it was easier for him to keep his eyes on the werewolf than on the professor. "Yeah, that was basically what you told me when I told you about Remmie." He glanced at James. "Three years and _Seriously, Moony_?"

James took his wand from his pocket. "Well, at least I am going to marry my geek."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, whatever."

"No, I'm dead serious –"

Turning to James, Sirius quickly said, "Can I just interrupt you here?"

"Sure."

Black nodded and turned back to staring at the geek. "Cheers."

"Pleasure," James mumbled and lifted his wand to imitate whatever Sirius was doing. "But when I will, marry her that is, you shall be eating those words as my best man."

Sirius frowned. "What words?"

"I don't know, but my point is that you'd better start getting along with her. You're going to make a toast in our wedding, and it's not going to be about hating her. If it is, I'm going to drown you in the cake."

"You're seriously going to take me as your best man?"

"Of course," James muttered. "No matter how much of a bastard you are, you still hold a special place in my heart."

"Sometimes I wish my mother had said that." Sirius smiled to himself as he lowered his wand on the table. "But I am the best, aren't I? The most brilliant bloke in the whole world."

"I'm brilliant, too," Potter said quietly, and puffed out his chest. "I got her all by myself. Without any plans!"

"You just keep thinking that." Black smirked and swung his arm around his best friend. "What matters now is that we did it. We did what no one has ever managed to do before – we tamed the untameable. We're kings, my precious brother."

Potter pondered this. "Yeah... we did. We are rather dazzling!"

"Mr Black, Mr Potter," Professor Flitwick's voice squealed from somewhere. "This is not the time to practise dancing, we are hoping to turn this half-eaten potato into a –"

From their different tables, Lily and Remus both watched as James and Sirius giggled idiotically with each other.

Both of them were probably thinking the same thing.

_Why._

* * *

**A/N:** This is complete now. I hope everyone had fun at least once whilst reading this. Leave a comment if you have the time, and I shall love you forever.

Thanks. xoxo

PS. A bonus chapter is a possibility. Y/N?


	15. BONUS: This Stupid Little Cloud Nine

**A/N:** This is the real end. Thank you all for your reviews, your likes and alerts. I cannot thank you enough. This story is written for you.

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K. I don't own anything else that is mentioned.

**Beta:** lowi (thank you honey, I will name my first-born after you)

"_Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."_ – child, age 4

* * *

He had dropped his huge bag on the porch, pressed the doorbell, and his intestines in his throat had listened to the soft ringing fill the ordinary-looking house in front of him. After the door had flung open, he had seen a small woman smile warmly at him, and a second later he had felt her arms around his torso, for that was only were they had been able to reach. He was that frigging tall.

As she had towed him and his luggage in – quite forcefully for such a tiny person – he had reassured her by answering her questions that yes, he had been eating properly despite of his absurdly lanky state, _don't worry, Mrs Lupin_. Smiling, he had also told her how the Potters sent their best regards, and that no, he hadn't really seen his parents in a very long time, but he actually didn't care, because, in kind words, they were a bunch of flaming arseholes. When she had just beamed at him instead of saying he should not be so foulmouthed and just see his horrible mother – immediately, in fact, she might be worried sick – Sirius had wanted to hug her again.

Yet he hadn't; he had just told her he was very, _very_ sorry he hadn't visited in ages.

Mrs Lupin had only smiled at him in the same fashion her son always did, with just about noticeable wrinkles around her happy eyes and her lips curving upwards just a bit, and Sirius had known exactly where Remus had inherited his usual way of looking at Sirius. The bone-chilling stare (not glare, though) however – that couldn't possibly be inherited from this oddly happy woman.

"Ma'am, is Remus all right?" Sirius had asked as they had got inside the house, for the boy was nowhere to be seen. Dropping his bag on the floor and only hoping he hadn't seemed too worried or anything, _he was just a friend here_, he had quickly added, "It's just that... he knew I was coming today."

"Yes, he's –" the woman had begun as she had been about to take Sirius' heavy bag from the floor, but he had snatched it himself. Once more, she had turned her joyful face at him. "Thank you, darling. I checked in on him just a moment ago, and he is sleeping."

Sirius had frowned. "It's 3pm."

"Yes," his mother had said to him again, and a slight expression of worry had coated her smile. "He's been wrapped up in his school books around the clock the past two weeks, and he's been sleeping a lot after... well. Gotten used to our hollers, he has, and we've promised not to disturb him in his chamber. I've hardly seen him during daylight as he scampers around the house like a scared chicken. I keep checking in on him just to be sure he's alive." The concerned look yielded a bit, and she seemed hopeful again. "Maybe you could try to get some gusto in him? The poor boy needs a proper meal."

After nodding briefly as a thank you and a _I'll try_, Sirius had kissed her cheek and started to climb the stairs.

* * *

Even though Remus was the one of heaviest sleepers he knew, Sirius still knocked the door rather carefully as if he was afraid that the Hungry, Hungry Werewolf was to eat him alive. Swallowing heavily, Sirius whispered through the door, "Remus? Can I come in?"

However, as he got no response whatsoever, he quietly opened the door and peered in. "Remmie?"

The room was dark except for a small streak of light that was casting on the floor between the hastily drawn curtains. Sirius easily recognised Remus' sleeping back on the bed, underneath the window – come on, Remus sleeping? A sight he was able to identify with his eyes closed, if possible – and he saw that the boy displayed no signs of waking up.

Starting to think he should have hollered instead, Sirius stepped into the dark chamber.

After quietly letting his bag fall on the floor near the door, Sirius tiptoed soundlessly towards the bed, and still trying not to make a sound that would startle the other boy, he bent over the nightstand, clicked the switch of Remus' Muggle lamp on, and turned his eyes back to the bed.

A pair of glistening golden eyes greeted him, staring at him in return rather lazily, although attentively.

Sirius snorted quietly. "Who the bloody hell are you? Get bent, will you."

He tried to swat the dark brown cat away from skulking against Remus' back, but the animal managed to swerve his hand – of course it smacked Sirius right back as revenge, hissing at him and plunging its nails deep into his flesh as Sirius tried to move away from it as quickly as possible.

He failed horribly, and got four stingy holes on the back of his hand as a memento.

Naturally.

He shoved a fist in his mouth to quiet himself down, and took a half a step back, still steadily keeping his eyes on the animal.

The cat moved closer to the nook of Remus' crooked legs and nestled there, purring and glowering at Sirius, who bared his teeth at it like a proper dog. As the animal just watched him in a rather palled fashion, Sirius rubbed the wrist of the stinging hand, and growled lowly at it, "What, you think you're better than me? I'm going to grind my dog teeth up in your arse, you demonic hairball."

In a rather gratified fashion, the feline blinked at him, as a private demonstration on how to be overly self-satisfied with one's calculated actions.

Sirius muttered something under his breath while taking a dauntless step towards the bed.

Of course he only managed to make the animal hiss again.

"Quit hissing at me, you bastard arse," Black shushed the cat and headed for it with his hands extended forwards, ready to grab it by the neck and toss it straight to Scotland.

The cat had other plans, though.

What Sirius oddly enough didn't see coming, was that when he stepped closer until his knees touched the wooden edge of the bed and leaned over to the cat to snatch it, the animal plunged upwards with its nails drawn-out, _again_, yet this time leaving a red and undeniably burning mark on Sirius' right cheek.

Black, in contrast, wanted to leave a permanent mark on the cat.

"Come here!" he rumbled quietly, and attacked the already snarling and kicking hairball, finally being a man enough to actually touch it; he held it forcefully in place by its forelegs, trying his very hardest to keep it away from his own face and from all of the sleeping Remus.

However – and not surprisingly at all– by keeping his eyes on the animal and trying to dodge its flying spit, Sirius tumbled on his own legs, tripped over on the carpet, and took the screaming cat and the almost full, nearby bin with him when he fell.

As it freed itself from his grasp, the cat slapped Sirius' face once more, and he couldn't do anything but lie there on the floor in the middle of the trashed papers, _catsmacked_, and succumb to his horrid destiny.

His eyes followed the cat sideways from the floor as it made its way to the bed again, and soon enough they saw Remus, who had propped himself up on his elbows and was watching Sirius.

"Hello."

"Good day," Black grumbled in response from the floor, cheek scratching the rug, but made no effort even to sit up on his arse. He rubbed his nose, and mumbled to the carpet something Remus couldn't make out. In the midst of his words were, "I fell."

Remus breathed, "I'm sorry."

"The rug's nice, though."

"You met the cat?"

"Yeah. And believe it or not, demon spawn still makes me jumpy."

"Of course it does," Remus said quietly with a trace of a smile on his lips. He sounded as if a desert inhabited his throat. "But please, don't kill it?"

"It tried to kill me," Sirius whined pathetically, finally sitting up. He huffed desperately as Remus said nothing comforting to him, and picked up the fallen bin, starting to toss the rumbled papers back in it. "Since when have you had a cat anyway?"

"Since my grandmother couldn't keep it," Remus croaked, and slumped back on the bed. He brought a hand on his forehead. "She took another, this one, when Cystitis died, but... she found it to be too much for her."

"It's too much for _me_ and I've only been here like three minutes. I totally get your grandma."

Remus said nothing and only lied on the bed. The purring cat imitated him, all the while gently groping his thigh, dangerously close to his groin.

The most ridiculous expression Sirius was able to pull at that moment was plastered on his face. "Obviously you two are having a moment there. Should I leave? I suppose I can watch photos of your early years with your mum, until I can come back."

The boy on the bed sighed movingly. "Ophelia's been here about two months, but only when I came home from school she showed up from her hiding place," Remus muttered. "She just prefers my company. No need to be jealous."

"I am not jealous," Sirius said heatedly back. "She's jealous of me!" To stress his words he tossed a paper in the bin in a very manly way. "And what a rotting name is Ophelia anyway? Sounds like one of my cousins. And they are..." He thought for a moment. "Rotten."

Letting out a small chuckle, Remus uttered, "My grandmother adored Shakespeare."

"Who?" Sirius stood up and moved the now-refilled bin next to the table. He dusted his trousers whilst keeping his eyes intently on Remus. "Good job, Beershaker. And what – wait. Did you... it's a girl cat?"

Remus turned to his side on the bed, facing Sirius. Again he smiled weakly. "Yes."

"Ooh, what an embarrassment. I got beaten up by a girl cat."

"I'd be ashamed of getting beaten by a cat altogether."

Suspiciously eyeing the cat, Sirius walked to the bed. Remus moved swiftly so he was able to clap his hands at the animal, and an half a second after he had done just that, it hopped off, giving Sirius the Stink Eye of the Millennium. Sirius first stared at the cat, and then gave Remus a doubtful glance because of it.

"See?" Remus smiled at him. "There's no need to be hostile."

Sirius pouted childishly as he sat on the bed next to Remus' legs. "The _cat_ is hostile. I merely strained to survive." He puckered his brows a little and let his fingers pirouette on the duvet covering the werewolf. "How did you do that anyway?"

"Do what?" Remus asked, puzzled, and watching the slight frown form on Sirius' forehead.

"That clap-thing with the cat," Sirius told him, again meeting his eyes. "I mean... Dogs I understand, and me... But cats? No one can make them do anything. Cats are hairy jerks. How did you do that?"

Shaking his head, Remus said truthfully, "I don't know."

"Tosh," Sirius replied, throwing him an amused look. "You don't do anything without knowing what you're doing."

Remus bit his lip a bit, and said slowly, "I do you."

After the sentence had sunk in, Sirius huffed at him as if that told Remus something more than that he had cat-hair in his lungs. However, as Remus just kept smiling at him idiotically, Sirius leaned closer, showing his stingy cheek to him. "Fix me then, love. I'm all gammy."

Sluggishly tumbling up and sitting on his legs in front of Sirius, Remus took his face between his hands and examined it meticulously. His finger traced gently the line of the scratch. "We need to clean this up, or it might get infected."

Sirius showed Remus his horribly wounded hand, as well, and Remus said nothing as he took it in his. He just looked at him in the eye.

"I might need stitches, Remmie."

Softly Remus smiled at him, and brushed his thumb on Sirius' jaw, but quickly enough he moved away from the boy and leaned backwards to his night table. He opened the top drawer, and after rearranging things in it a bit, he pulled out a few cotton balls and a small, white plastic bottle. He placed them on the table, and after opening the bottle he took one cotton ball and wetted it in the liquid.

"What's that?" Sirius asked, keeping oddly still.

"Disinfectant," Remus said to the cotton ball. He gave Sirius a reassuring glance. "It cleans the cut."

"Figured as much." Sirius watched him handle the equipment with a professional touch. "Are those your –?"

"Yes," Remus said without hesitating while he turned to Sirius again. Sitting again on his legs, Remus pressed the moist cotton ball carefully on Sirius' cheek. "I use these all the time."

Black winced because of the cold and slightly pinching touch.

"Be a man now."

"I am a man," Sirius stated gravely as Remus carefully ran the ball on his cheek, after which he took it away, turned it around and pressed it on Sirius' hand. "I am a war hero. I deserve a manly... medal or something."

Again, Remus scanned the scratches. "Of course you do."

Whilst Lupin was leaning towards his night table again, Sirius saw a glimpse of his lower back, covered in thick bandages under his t-shirt. He swallowed and lowered his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Remus pulled out a small blue jar from the drawer, and placed it on the table next to the other implements. He screwed the lid open, left it on the table, and turned around with the opened jar and a cotton swab in his hands. "This salve speeds up the healing process on regular cuts, such as yours. Mine it makes more tolerable."

"Remus?" Sirius asked while softly touching the werewolf's upper arm. "The full moon was two days ago. Are you all right?"

Remus told the salve, "Yes."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I should have been, here, because leaving you alone at –"

Lupin shook his head faintly as he lifted his gaze to meet Sirius' eyes. "Don't apologise. You don't have to rearrange your life because of me. I need to learn to be on my own during full moon anyway, so –"

"No, you don't," Sirius said sharply, scooting closer. "No. This time, I was just..."

"You were in Egypt." Remus smiled. "You hardly could've done anything from there. Don't worry about it. I'm all right."

Sirius frowned, fingering Remus' knee. "Really? Please don't lie to me."

"I'm just bruised, and they are healing fine. I wasn't even bleeding that badly." Remus looked at him warily in the eye as he took some of the salve on the end of the cotton swab. He leaned closer and spread it carefully on Sirius' cheek. "Please don't trouble yourself with it."

Sirius grimaced at the cold sensation on his cheek. "Trouble is my middle name."

"I thought it was Orion," Remus said gently without blinking an eye. He swept the rest of the salve from the swab on Sirius' hand, and lifted his eyes once he was done. "Sirius, I'm used to this. It's not like this was the first time I was alone, injuring myself." As Sirius merely watched him with a miserable pout on his face, Remus hurried, "Smile, please? You look pathetic."

"I just... cleaning this sorry scuff nipped for me. I can't grasp how you muddle through."

"Well," Remus began, and leaned into press a light peck on Sirius' cheekbone, right above the glistening mark. Against his skin Remus chortled faintly, "I think we have established quite a few times ourselves that I endure different forms of pain far better than you do."

"You're still on about that?" Sirius groaned as Remus pulled away to place the equipment back in the drawer. "Fine, we'll try again, and this time I won't –"

His sentence died as Remus moved back from the nightstand towards him, and slowly pressed himself against his chest, demanding Sirius to enfold his arms around him. He hanged onto Sirius just as he always did; and quickly the strangely desperate way changed into him frantically trying to breathe in the entire boy.

Being nicely squashed in the tight hug, Black managed to mutter quietly, "Oh... Hello. How are you?"

Remus eased a bit and pressed his forehead on Sirius' shoulder. His hands clung on his shoulder blades as he shook his head and whispered, "I missed you."

Sirius kissed his messy hair, and uttered, "Me too. More than it's healthy actually."

"I guess it's true, then." Remus smiled against him. "The saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Sure," Sirius said. "But I wouldn't have minded fondling you during the past two weeks."

"That's not what it –" Lupin began, but he let it drop. "You're right. I wish you'd been here."

"Egypt could've been nicer, too. I almost jumped this one bloke at the market because he looked alarmingly like you."

"Well, _I wish_ it'd been me," the geek chuckled against Sirius' t-shirt. "But I've only wanted to stay in bed. I hadn't the energy to go for an adventure abroad."

Sirius buried his nose deeper into Remus' locks. "Oh, if we're competing who's been more pathetic, I think I'll win. I borrowed one of your t-shirts."

"The green one? I thought I lost it."

"Yeah... It's safe, I've been sleeping next to it," Sirius fessed warily to his roots. "Sounds dodgy, but I swear it's true. When I closed my eyes it was like I wasn't alone with Potter." He huffed, and faintly shook his head. "How soppy can I be?"

Remus exhaled as he moved so his lips grazed Sirius' neck – he laughed against it a bit, making the boy shudder. "Two weeks, and we're like old women pining after their Hogwarts sweethearts."

"If that makes me an old woman, then you can call me Shirley."

Remus chortled again. "Shirley, you're the reason I haven't had any appetite in two weeks. I hope you're happy, making me absolutely miserable."

"You feel skinnier," Shirley said.

"I surely am."

"Also..." Sirius ruffled Remus' hair. "You know I love you, but this whole bohemian thing – you stink like you've started to rot."

"I know, I'm sor–" Remus pulled away, and squinted. "Bohemian?"

"I'm starting to become a proper dictionary," Sirius said and winked. "You can call me Dictionary Black. I'm here to teach you words and sleep under your pillow."

"That's ridiculous," Remus told him with a smile.

"You're ridiculous, love," Sirius said, poking Remus' nose with his index finger. "Ridiculously _ripe_."

"There hasn't really been anyone around sniffing me that much; I don't really know why my parents would want to do that."

"Well," Sirius muttered, and leaned closer again, kissing his forehead. "I'm here to sniff you, so please go shower?"

* * *

Once he had helped Remus to salve his lower back and change his bandages after the shower, Sirius had settled his stuff in the guest room, which was right next to Remus'. Granted, the room wasn't exactly his style with the exquisite flower papers and the white furniture, but he thought that he would probably sneak into Remus' room at some point during the night anyway, so he was all right with everything.

And the room definitely wasn't his biggest problem.

John Lupin stared at him sideways over the table. "So, lad. How come it took you this long to visit us again?"

Sirius sweated tremendously under that somewhat irritable stare (krhm, so here Remus had inherited it rather than from his mum), and he wanted to tell the man the absolute truth.

As if lying to a man staring Sirius like that was even an option.

He wanted to say that he had not visited, because he has been having inappropriate thoughts of Remus three lovely years now, and during the past year he strained every night not to shag him in his sleep, sir; and Sirius had somehow thought John wouldn't have appreciated him sleeping under the same roof as Remus when all that was happening. Also, to that exact moment the only thing _your son_, sir, had to do to Sirius was to give him a certain expression or say his name in a particular way, and Sirius would support wood so hard his pants would probably tear from the stitching – and no one would be able to tame the said boner except _your son_, sir. Yet, ever since they had finally gotten together and Sirius had tasted that oh so sweet, sweet loving – sorry, sir – he had learned to control his desire for the nightly molestation adventures in Remus' bunk, and Remus had _finally_ given him the permission to visit his home again, so... _basically_ everything was Remus' fault?

Sir.

Sirius lowered his utensils on the plate as he beamed at John. "I've been busy, sir."

"Doing what?"

John kept his eyes on the piece of roasted chicken he was carving on his plate. Sirius managed to take a quick peek at Remus who was sitting right across the table from him, and the boy's mother, who was at the end of the table on Sirius' right. She gave him a comforting smile.

Uh, what? Sirius blinked. Turning to John, he thought how he's been dreaming about John's son, talking about his son, talking to his son in his dreams... shagging his son, snogging his son, trying to do those two simultaneously to his son – usually succeeding quite well actually; wide awake and in the depths of his deprived mind. Also what passed his hollering brain cells was how he's been trying to make his son happy, but every once in a while accidentally only managed to make him mad by thieving his pants in the morning or barging in the bathroom whilst he was in the shower. Should John know he's been stealing kisses from Remus during classes, in the library, in the Owlery – that Sirius has stopped pranking Snape, who, by the way, was _very_ appreciative?

Sirius swallowed heavily. "...Stuff with people, sir."

"What sort of people?"

"Mostly two-legged," Sirius answered truthfully. With widened eyes he pondered if he was going to die because of this conversation.

It was extremely likely.

Sirius agreed with his brain – well, at least we was to die in the company of Remus. He squinted as he stole a glance of the boy. Had he told Remus he wanted to be cremated?

"They sound legit," John said, and took a long sip from his water. He turned his eyes to his son. "Just like Remus here. He has two legs."

Sirius shushed his brain, and smiled at the older man. "Yeah, bendy legs are nice."

"So, what exactly have you been doing with them two-legged friends of yours, then? Anything sleazy?"

"No, just snogging," Sirius heard his mouth say. His eyes widened even more as he saw John narrow his eyes at him.

"Snogging?"

Bloody arsemouth! What the hell?

You should be sewn shut!

Sirius nodded feebly at John's quizzical expression, and oddly enough thought he should continue with a straightforward, "...And shagging, sir."

Good one.

John kept eyeballing Sirius as he stuffed boiled broccoli and baby carrots in his mouth. After munching his food he swallowed, of course, and repeated slowly, "Snogging and shagging? Is that what you young people do these days?"

Remus interjected, "Uh, maybe we could talk about –"

"Yes, sir," Sirius said despite Remus' warning voice, and naturally he didn't think through what he was to say next. His mouth just kept gabbing like it was the property of an idiot. And it was. "I'm constantly at it – when my partner's available and ready, that is. Consent is my thing, sir. Also it's fun, the shagging, and I don't have to exercise otherwise besides that."

Tell him the story of your life, will you.

"This partner of yours," John began, and missed the way Remus was drilling a hole in his plate with his eyes. "She's the only one you have? Are you hopping from flower to flower?"

"John," Remus' mother said gently behind her glass of water. "Play nice."

"No, no," Sirius said to her. Lovely lady. "It's fine, ma'am." After giving her an admiring smile, Sirius turned back to John, who was still giving him the Ultimate Lupin Stink Eye. What a spine-chilling experience, just as he had pondered earlier. "I only have one partner, sir. I was horribly reckless before, but... this might sound off, but honestly I had reasons for doing so. That said, I've bettered my ways since. I only hop on... one particular flower."

John nodded. "Do you make her happy?"

"God, I hope so, sir."

Remus smiled carefully to his mashed potatoes. The mash didn't smile back, but only thought there was something wrong in that idiotic face of his.

Sirius nodded at their direction. "Sir, I think Remus knows." After Remus had frowned at him as a subtle cue to shut the hell up, yet he _had_ asked Sirius what he had meant by that, Sirius said, "You know if she's happy, don't you? You're... mates with her, yeah? Good mates. You know each other's minds, you know if my... _girlfriend's_ happy."

Struggling not to bit his lips off, Remus noticed rather quickly that his parents were watching him.

Eagerly.

"Yes, _she_ is very happy," he then said hastily to them whilst keeping his eyes on Sirius. Cautiously he continued, "Apparently she keeps thinking about you all the time."

"Really?" Sirius asked him, trying his best to cover a lewd smirk. "She said that? Brilliant." He turned to grin at Remus' mother, who was smiling back. "I knew she fancies me."

John grunted at his end of the table. "It's not right. Son, why are you friends with his lass and are not stealing her for yourself? You should. Be a man, Remus." John said, but since the people around him didn't even give him a glance and kept very quiet, he continued, "A man of your age should be exploring. Just like Sirius here!" He lightly smacked Sirius on the shoulder. "Bang anything that moves! Yes, yes, you have perfectly valid reasons not to, but you still should try to find a girl who's not only interested in looks. Snatch yourself a cute blonde who likes your..." For a second or ten he studied Remus' appearance. "Reading habit."

Remus lowered his glass on the table. "I don't want a girlfriend."

His father huffed, "What's the matter with you? Every bloke needs a lass! Why not?"

After taking a careful eyeful of Sirius, Remus said to John, "I know you want me to get a girlfriend, dad, I understand that very well." He turned his head and smiled to his mother. "You _both_ have said that a thousand times. But... recently, I found myself fallen in love, and it changed everything in me."

"What?" His mother coughed. "You're in love?"

"What are you talking about, son?"

"Yeah, Remus," Sirius said flatly. "What are you talking about?"

"Sirius... I'm so sorry. I just..." Remus muttered as he dropped his gaze on the mashed potatoes again. "I can't lie."

The mash nodded sadly at him.

Sirius looked around the room, and as he returned to eye Remus, he looked horrified – like a frightened deer in headlights. Or rather... a dog. "What?"

"...Son?"

"Sirius, I've been... playing around behind your back, and I feel it should be me from whom you hear this." Remus left the mash alone and turned his eyes on Sirius, who was gaping at him.

"What are you talking about?"

As if it told them everything, Remus nodded in a doleful manner. "I've been having... relations with your girlfriend."

"What? Honey, that's not nice!" his mother then shouted. "If you plan on falling in love, don't fall for a taken girl! You know that! We've talked about this!"

"With my _girlfriend_?" Sirius asked so feebly no one at the table heard him.

Of course his boyfriend did.

"Good job, son," John said and smacked Remus on the shoulder blades.

Remus kept his eyes on Sirius as his mother growled from her seat towards the other end of the table, "John, that is not something to congratulate him for!"

"He's finally showing some symptoms of being a proper man," John said to her. His face lit up. "I think that's something we should be quite proud of." He smirked at Remus, who frowned in the direction of Sirius.

"But it's not right! A taken girl –"

"It's not right for him to be a man? What are you saying?"

"What are _you_ saying, John? That he cannot be a man without betraying his friends? I did not raise my son to do this! He's a good boy! You have egged him into this with your nonsense!"

Under the yelling competition Remus intently watched Sirius, who seemed to fit perfectly amidst the shouting parents. Carefully Sirius mouthed, "_What is this?"_

"_Be quiet_."

"You've done a great job raising our son, darling," John said loudly to his wife. He gestured towards Remus. "But now that he's chosen the life of a scoundrel, I think it'd be best if I would continue from this."

"A scoundrel? What do you know about the life of a scoundrel?"

"Plenty!"

"You are a shopkeeper, John!"

"Yes I am," he admitted, and made a stabbing hand gesture. "But I've always stuck it to the man!"

"What man?" his wife yelled. "Who are you talking about?"

Finally tearing his eyes from Sirius, Remus asked the table, "Can I say something?"

His parents, who had unconsciously stood up from their respective seats, looked at him. The table said nothing.

Remus smiled to them. "We're still having guests."

"Oh! I'm so sorry," his mother immediately said to Sirius. "We should be ashamed –"

"I'm used to it really, ma'am," Sirius said without a delay. "This is actually nice compared to those wall-wuthering shouting marathons my parents held when I lived with them. Don't worry about it."

Remus nodded at him, and said to his parents, "This little adventure of mine to the dark side, over which you're now yelling, showed me that I'm not ready for a girlfriend. I can't get over my first love, so I cannot have anyone else. So please, stop pushing me."

"Son..."

"Dad," Remus interrupted him sternly. "Also I don't want to be a scoundrel. I like sleeping and reading, and reading until I fall asleep. I would be, without a doubt, the worst scoundrel ever."

"Son, I could teach you –"

"Mum," Remus said, ignoring his father completely and turning to the other end of the table. "You don't have to worry about me and... _her_. She wants Sirius, it's not me she chose."

Sirius was still frowning to the extent that he seemed constipated, and was not certain where any of this was really going. Remus smiled faintly as he turned to Sirius. "Your... _girlfriend_ – every time I was alone with her, I tried my best to make her happy and, without a better word, satisfied with what I have –"

"Oh, darling," his mother muttered, shaking her head and rubbing her temples. Sirius thought she looked as though she was going to shatter.

Remus kept his eyes on Sirius, and didn't spare his mother even a glimpse. "But I realised that I cannot even begin to compete with you. Once, when I was touching... her, she wished out loud that these hands were yours." He pulled the saddest face he was able to muster. It was quite sad. "She gasped for air, and what came out was your name."

Not even daring to blink, Sirius stared Remus back. He seemed as if his brain had reached its full capacity with the information Remus had just shared with him.

Which was exactly what happened.

John grunted. "Son, you need to quit whinging and tell her who the man is in that relationship."

"John..."

The older man took the near empty water pitcher from the table, and shook it, spilling the water all over the table. "Make her yours! You take her and you kiss her. Kiss the crap out of her!"

"John, please!"

Tearing his lips from the pitcher's side, John finally quieted down, and placed the water on the table. He angrily took his fork, and shoved another round of boiled baby carrots in his mouth.

Regardless of his overly enthusiastic father, Remus held his eyes on Sirius' flabbergasted face. He tried his best not to speak too softly to him in front of his parents. "I've tried to make her understand that you cannot always be there for her, that she _needs_ to learn to be alone, or with someone else." He quickly glanced at his mother, who was still shaking her head. "But she won't have it. She just wants you."

Sirius gaped back at him without being able to say anything.

Which was nothing new.

All of them were thinking what an odd moment it was. Remus' parents were trying to grasp the idea that Remus was indeed a bad, bad boy.

Why, of course he was.

Sirius, on the other hand, was having a rather hard time realising that Remus had basically just told him he had wanked off whilst thinking about him – in front of his own parents.

No, he was certain Remus hadn't masturbated in their faces during the five o'clock tea – if by certain one means _absolutely not very sure_.

John leaned towards Sirius and waved his fork at his face. As a few droplets of gravy flew on Sirius' cheek from the piece of chicken John's fork was holding, Sirius didn't even flinch. John muttered to him, "Lad, she sounds clingy. Ditch her."

"John!"

* * *

As Remus had pulled the front door shut after his parents, and locked it, he pressed his back against it and tugged Sirius with him by his shirtfront. He slowly caressed the boy's chest, and said to his face unhurriedly with an adoring smile, "Five days. Where do you want to start?"

Remus' parents had left for Scotland to visit his grandmother, and naturally they had asked if it was all right with the boys if they were to take the cat with them to see the Gran – Sirius had barely been able to hold onto his trousers as he had wanted to scream _yes, take it with you and toss it to Nessie, please, it's trying to molest my beloved boyfriend._

He hadn't said anything, though, and with tearful eyes he had just watched them shove Ophelia in a cat carrier.

As expected, he had flipped the cat off once everyone had turned their backs to him.

Sirius had also done his everything to reassure Remus' mother that no, he was _not_ going to sleep-murder her son because he was mad about the whole girlfriend business – and after hiding all the knives and nail clippers they had in the house, she had indeed believed him.

Remus had tried to protest, but according to his mother, he had no saying in the whole thing since he was already willing to fling his life to the mouths of engaged harpies.

What that had meant, even she had to be unsure of – but Remus had still smiled at her respectfully, thinking all the same how it was the very first time he had considered his mother to be an idiot.

He tried his best to ignore the fact that her idiocy had surfaced immediately after Sirius had walked through the front door.

That probably wasn't at all important.

Admittedly, it wasn't Remus' first time being in the house without his parents, but it _was_ the first time he had a friend over while they were out. Even though his mother paid no attention to him, he had attempted to assure them that they were not going to starve, neither were they going to trash the house. Why would they even do that? James and Peter _weren't_ there.

Sirius leaned closer and waggled his brows at Remus.

After giving him another doting smile, Remus asked, "So do you want to watch a film? I checked earlier, and there's one on the television. There always is around this time."

"We are finally alone, and you want to do that?"

"Five days has a plenty of hours to spend in bed, don't you think?"

"Yeah, sure, but –" Sirius began but Remus gently pushed him away. Not wanting to whine any more than he already had, Sirius watched as the geek started to make his way towards the kitchen, and after sighing in the most pathetic way possible, he walked after him, ruffling his own hair. "That Muggle television box thingy... Why do you have it again?"

Remus smiled to himself whilst he ambled towards the cupboards over the sink. "Well, they told me that at first they had it solely because we have a lot of Muggle family friends, but it's obvious they're hooked now. You saw my father last night, right?"

"Why did he yell at it? It doesn't say anything back." As Remus said nothing and only filled the tea kettle with water, Sirius sat at the table and smiled lopsidedly at his back. "He was pretty good with that Muggle car today. Why's that?"

"They both learnt to drive when they were young," Remus told him as he put the kettle on. He turned around and flashed the smile to Sirius. "They asked me if I wanted them to teach me. I've thought about it – that might be useful since I'm not really a fan of flying. What do you think?"

"Please don't do it," Sirius breathed immediately. Slightly frowning at him, Remus placed two teacups on the table in front of him. "It will kill you. Use the Knight Bus."

"The Knight Bus might kill me as well," Remus muttered as he turned to search through the drawers. Soon enough he was back at the table again, now holding two infusers and a pair of spoons. "I won't do it if you don't want me to." He stared at the table, and jumped. "...Ah!"

He turned around again, giving Sirius the impression of an adorable turnstile, and snatched a few packets of tea and a bowl of sugar from the kitchen counter. "Would you like biscuits?"

With a smile, Sirius shook his head, and watched Remus sit at the table across from him without the biscuits. He snickered, "Why don't you use your wand? You have one, don't you?"

Remus shrugged as he opened the infusers. "This is one thing I like to do with my hands."

"Not the only thing, though..." Sirius said under his breath as he ogled at the table. "But _seven_ packs of tea?" He laughed as he took the nearest one. "You sure that's enough? What's your favourite of these?"

"This one," Remus said and tapped a yellow packed. "Yours?"

"I think I've drank this before, actually. It was pretty tasty," Sirius said as he inspected the red packet he had in his hands. He read from the label, "_Includes bits of strawberry and real wine gum flavour_." His eyes found Remus again. "Isn't this from Honeydukes?"

Remus nodded at him.

"All right." Sirius stretched out his hand. "A spoon."

"Yours is right there," Remus said, but after a moment of staring at Sirius' waiting hand, he sighed and gave him a spoon anyway. He watched Sirius shoving it in the packet he had already opened. "You are going to have that one?"

"You'll see." Sirius took a half a spoonful and put the red leaves in his opened infuser. Then he snatched the yellow packet that Remus had pointed at earlier, and repeated his actions. Remus frowned at him.

"You're... making your own blend?"

"And for you too," Sirius said with a smirk, and loaded Remus' infuser the same fashion he had filled his own.

"Have you made it before?"

"...No."

Remus blinked. "So it might taste absolutely horrible, yet you're still making it? Are you sure about this? Why don't we just have our own –"

Quite rapidly Sirius' eyes were on him. "Of course it won't be horrible. What are you saying? It's made of _our_ favourite teas! They must be well-compatible!"

The kettle whistle went off, and Remus quickly stood up without saying anything else; with a few swift moves he was holding the kettle with a potholder in his hand, and he poured some of the water into their cups, over the filled infusers. The water turned dark red.

"Two, was it?" Sirius asked as he started to toss pieces of sugar into Remus' tea.

Remus nodded as he lowered the kettle on the stove. "Yes, and for you as well. Six is too much."

Sirius stared unbelievingly at him sitting down by the table again. Remus just smiled lovingly back.

"Fine, as if I needed that much sugar anyway," Sirius huffed, and managed to make Remus snigger at him. For a moment he just happily watched Remus concentrating on his teacup, and after the boy had gathered their infusers in the sink and sat at the table again, he said, "Ah… This film then. What's it about?"

Remus lifted his eyes to his face but kept stirring his tea. "Oh. It's a story of a family man who's disappointed with his life, and an angel comes to show him how he actually already has everything he needs to be happy."

Sirius frowned. "Is there any explosions?"

The lycanthrope thought about it. "No, not really. The man drives his car to a tree, though, and contemplates on killing himself because he is awfully miserable."

"Pete showed me and Potter something that exploded. It was brilliant."

"Are you certain he didn't explode the television set?"

Sirius' eyes gleamed excitedly. "No. There were Muggle cars flying about, and golden dead people and tits and this one badarse bloke in a great suit, and –"

"Well, _this_ film is heart-warming," Remus told him briskly. "It's either this or Monty Python, and they don't really show that around New Year's."

Sirius stared at him again. "So... it's either suicidal people, or snakes? Sounds like my family reunion. Brilliant." He flashed a hopeful smile. "Maybe we could skip it?"

Remus blew into his tea. "You'll love it."

* * *

As he pulled his legs on the sofa, Remus glanced at his right and took in the sight of Sirius, who kept his peepers firmly on the flickering television and the black-and-white image. He frowned. "Are you all right?"

Sirius wiped under his nose and sniffled comfortlessly. "...Yeah."

"Are you crying?"

The boy gauged his eye. "Of course not, there's... dust in it, I think." His chin trembled immensely. "Or a cockroach, am not sure."

Remus stroked his thigh as a gesture of consolation. "It's all right to cry. I cried the first time I saw this, as well."

"I'm not crying, I don't do that."

"You don't cry? At all?"

Sirius shook his head, and cleared his throat. "Often I feel like crying, but I don't cry."

"So you didn't cry a few months ago when that Muggle singer died, what's-his-name, from America?"

"Wha–" Sirius' nostrils flared as he turned to glare at Lupin's questioning face. "Well, I'm sorry if I cried when the King died! ...Remus!"

Remus tried not to smirk at him. He nonchalantly wiped something off Sirius' shoulder. "You did cry, then."

"Okay, I _wept_!" Sirius went on, and feverishly rubbed his eyes. "For days! You would have, too, but _you don't care_!"

Shaking his head, Remus turned his eyes back on the television. "I'm absolutely heartless."

* * *

Remus opened his eyes at the feeling of something bony poking him in the nose.

He saw a hand wave in front of him.

"Don't sleep like that," Sirius said, and smiled at him as Remus lifted his eyes to see his face. "Your neck's going to be sore."

"I'm not sleeping," Remus mumbled against his shoulder. He raised his head a bit and tried to remove the drool stain from Sirius' shirt, but as he saw his attempts were futile, he closed his eyes again and pressed his head back against the fabric. "I'm just thinking very hard."

"Look, I just basically admitted that I cry. You could admit that you fall easily asleep."

Lupin rubbed his eye as he tried to stifle a huge yawn. "But I don't."

"Don't be so stubborn, it's unattractive."

"If you want some of me," Remus said slowly. "You're going to get all of me."

Sirius petted his left cheek. "I'm fine with that."

* * *

Remus' eyes drooped dangerously close again.

Of course.

Sirius smiled adoringly at him as he leaned closer to his face, and whispered, "You're seriously going to have an aching neck if you're to sleep like that."

"Mhh..."

"Here," Sirius said, taking Remus softly by his shoulders and leaned him into his lap the way the back of Remus' head rested against his beat buckle. "Nap there."

As Remus nuzzled his face into Sirius' thigh, burying his nose deep into the cloth and hauling his hands to grope his knee, Sirius gradually realised that the sleeping solution he had come up with had been the worst ever.

He tried to move the boy so that he _wasn't_ breathing hot air straight into his leg, but the sleepy geek had something else in his mind.

Remus turned suddenly around in his lap, his face encountering Sirius' surprised groin, and he moved his hands behind the Animagus' lower back. Whilst his fingers tightly gripped Sirius' jeans' belt loops, his mouth, _of course_, met with his buttons.

And Sirius greeted the habitual feeling of wanting to ravish his boyfriend into a sex coma.

He tried to move Remus again. "Love? ...Wake up."

But Remus only pressed his mouth more firmly against Black's crotch.

Sirius felt the blood from his head rush straight downstairs, waving his brain goodbye and laughing at his speeding heart on the way.

Bastard blood!

As his brain was seriously lacking some juice, Sirius did what any other young man would have done in a similar situation.

He smartly slapped Remus on his arse.

Contrary to Sirius' expectation, Remus didn't even flinch. He just quickly opened his eyes and aimed them upwards, giving Sirius one of his unwavering stares. He growled lowly, "I've told you. I don't like being slapped."

Sirius laughed nervously. "When have you _ever_ said –"

"Last night."

"Well, it's your own fault," Sirius whined. "You should stop doing that air thingy!"

"I can't stop breathing, now can I?"

"Towards little fellow there, sure you can."

Again Remus pressed his mouth against the slight bulge, and mumbled, "I thought you wanted this... And he's not that little."

"Remus..."

All the while as he listened to Sirius' pathetic bleating, Remus' fingers moved from his trousers to under his shirt, dancing on the skin of his lower back, and every now and then pinching him and making him jump forwards. Sirius tried not to bit his lips raw as he muttered Remus' name.

But just as he had once again gotten used to Remus' rousing nipping, the fingers left his skin alone and were right where Remus' face was, in front of it, opening Sirius' trousers and making their way under the harsh cloth. Sirius placed his left hand on Remus' neck and tugged his hair ribbon off, whilst the werewolf was blowing blistering kisses on the fabric, riskily close to the neatly opened line of brass buttons.

A thought of getting a nice, wet kiss on Little Sirius was burning on Sirius' mind.

Yet suddenly, before Sirius even realised the boy had moved, Remus was straddling his lap, and was hovering his lips above Sirius' slightly opened mouth.

"What did you say?" Remus murmured against him, unexpectedly moving his hips forward in the rhythm of his words, grinding his groin against Sirius'.

After swallowing hardly, Sirius whispered, "I said... your name."

"Please," Remus breathed. "Say it again."

Sirius pressed his eyes shut as Remus pushed more tightly against him. "...Remus?"

"Again."

"Remus –"

As he ardently tried to grind Sirius inside the fabric of the sofa, Remus closed his eyes as well, and crooned, "Are you mine?"

"Yeah, sure, of course," Sirius whispered into Remus' mouth, and brought his fingers onto Remus' trouser front. "I am..."

And then, obviously thinking that the boys needed something else to talk about, the doorbell decided to ring.

Remus muttered against Sirius' lips, "Stop ringing."

"Sorry," Sirius said back as his hands worked their way into Remus' pants.

The doorbell wanted to tell them that it was functioning perfectly fine – and later on it would be able to brag to everyone down at the Doorbell Academy that it had succeeded in a remarkable fashion, indeed, especially if its job was to bother people; Remus furrowed his brows as he pressed a kiss on the corner of Sirius' mouth. "You... Hmm. It's distracting."

"I know," Black exhaled. They realised in a very unhappy unison that the ringing had already turned into a non-stop noise and it was trying to break their skulls into pieces. "It's... so annoying –"

"Then do you..." Remus swallowed at the feeling of Sirius' fingers against his skin. "Have to do that?"

"Though, I'm not sure it's me..."

"There really is someone there, isn't there?" Remus asked Sirius' lips whilst the movement of his hips ceased a bit. "I... I should drive them away."

"Please kick them," Sirius whined as Lupin reluctantly stood up from his lap, red faced and slightly panting. The werewolf searched their surroundings with his eyes, and as Sirius realised what he was doing, he tossed Remus a pillow, which had been behind his back on the couch. "And quickly, hmm, love? I'm starting to hurt."

"You're not the only one," Remus said with a scowl, and hid his bulge behind the frilly pillow. He lifted his finger up, breathing heavily, "Just one second."

As Remus disappeared from him, Sirius pressed his face against the sofa cushion and seriously contemplated if someone was pulling a mean prank on him – a prank called _The Time and Life of One Sirius Orion Black and Other Wretched Things_ _That Might Make Him Suffer_.

He also _seriously_ wanted to know who was bothering them, and then punch them in their throat.

Not in that order.

Yet soon enough he got the answer to his question of which only his insides knew about.

Because, you know – Sirius didn't talk to himself.

Never.

"Hi!" James squawked as he entered the living room, carrying a bag of a size of a size suggesting it had been filled with five days' worth of change clothes. Peter, holding a sleeping bag, waved awkwardly at Sirius from behind James' back.

Sirius managed to keep his discomfort in as he politely addressed James, "Do you get paid for interrupting us, you utter knobhead?"

"Calm your tits, all right?" James said as he sat down on the sofa next to Sirius. He studied the room around him. "It's less than a week until the school starts so... We're here, yeah?"

"Yeah, but you very well could have waited at your place, you bastard!" Sirius snarled at him as soon as James looked at him again. "I haven't seen him in two weeks. _Two weeks, _James! You know what that's like? I can't –"

A bright red Remus, still subtly holding the aforementioned pillow in front of his groin, entered the room and cut off Sirius' train of thought. Lupin sighed in a drawn-out way, and asked James, "Is it all right if I set up the guest room for you two? Sirius... uh." He stopped, closed his eyes and swallowed. Then he tried again. "Sirius can sleep in mine. I hope you are able to share a room?"

"Sure," Peter said and waved his sleeping bag at Remus' face. "I'm all set. Were you cooking, by the way? Is that why you're so red?"

"Yes," Remus answered grumpily. "I always carry a pillow around when I'm cooking."

James nodded at Remus, who after throwing a _very_ needy look at Sirius, left the living room with Peter, who was blabbering about beetroots and the time it takes to boil them thoroughly. Once they were alone again, James turned back to Sirius, and flashed a grin. "Missed me?"

Trying his best not to tremble, Sirius threw daggers at James with his eyes – those were the only knives in the house at that moment. "Yeah, and now I want you gone. Bye."

James detected an apple bowl on the table, and leaning forward he took the topmost, and judged it carefully. "You sounded pretty desperate last week."

"I am that now, too."

"So, how's it going?" James asked as he leaned back to the couch. He took a bite from the apple.

Sirius seethed as he warily started to button his trousers. "What do you mean how's it going? Haven't you heard a word I've said? Do you think I'm happy looking at your smirking mug? I want to be alone with him!"

"Gross."

"Not like that, you twat," Sirius whined and smacked his head on the backrest once his buttons were done. "I mean... yeah, like that too, obviously, but mainly in a way that you'd not be here, that we'd be alone. You know what that means, don't you? Without you? _Alone_?"

"Sure I do," James said cheerfully and took another bite. "Bah yoh mahan to beh wehot heh holhoh heighhe yeah, ho howble moh hayh mohnt khe yuh."

"How can you be sure?" Sirius muttered, and pulled the constricting fabric away from his crotch. "It might. I'm aching already."

James swallowed. "You should stop whinging and start thinking of me as your guardian angel."

"You're bloody far from an angel," Sirius said, and watched James shove his fingernail between his teeth. "What do you mean?"

"Tell me," James began, inspecting his finger. "What would've happened if I hadn't come here? Or Peter hadn't?"

"Oh, I don't know," Sirius answered, shrugging exaggeratedly. "At the moment I might be enjoying my free time with the person I want instead of sitting on the couch with you, bearing wood hard enough to break through steel."

"Yes, uh-huh," James agreed, waving the apple at Sirius. "You certainly would enjoy everything at first, but slowly yet surely you two would get fed up with each other – you see, staring at each other and _only_ each other, all day long, every day... That, my man, makes people go berserk. You would start snapping at one another, driving each other bonkers until the point in which you cannot even stand to see his face anymore, and breathing the same air with him makes you want to set yourself on fire."

Sirius asked quietly, "Like us?"

"Exactly."

Now shaking his head, Black said, "No, that's not going to happen to me and Remus."

"You say that now, but after a little while you both fall into this pitch dark pit, where nothing exists except the wild urge to kill the very person in front of you," James went on, and a fearsome shadow moved across his face as he spoke. Sirius shivered because of it. "And even though you try to reason yourself – I love him; why would I do this – the need to quiet him down is too strong for your weak mortal body, and soon enough you witness yourself rummaging through your mother's medicine purse, trying to find cyanide to pour into your best mate's morning tea."

Without daring to blink even, Sirius stared at him. "...What?"

James nodded dolefully. "I'm glad she didn't take it with her."

Sirius breathed, "I'm sorry if I was annoying?"

"And I deeply apologise for shrouding your wand with my dirty socks."

"I didn't mean to smear your linen with honey," Sirius said. He moved closer to James. "It... It was an accident. Also the bugs..."

"Figured as much," James accepted instantly. "And... when I tried to strangle you –"

"That was an accident as well?" Sirius offered, and watched James nod silently. He extended his hand. "I'm sorry. Shake on it?"

"No," James said, and tugged Sirius into a bear hug. "You're my best mate, and I _hate_ wanting to kill you."

"Yeah, it's nasty," Sirius mumbled, and then pulled away. "But... I don't understand. Tell me – if you wanted to murder me the past two weeks for being annoying, _why_ did you follow me here?"

"There is a simple truth to James Potter," James started, and as Sirius merely stared at him with a deadpan expression on his face, an adorable smile preceded the incoming explanation. "And that is to make my friends immeasurably happy during my lifetime. Sirius, I'm here to teach you to open your heart's doors to _the_ _soul's calm sunshine_, as Mr Alexander Pope suggests."

"What?"

James explained slowly, "Let me help you to be happy."

"I am happy!" Sirius growled. "I was _immeasurably happy _but now I'm mostly infuriated, seeing you before my eyes. Cheers for that! How can I ever repay you?"

James merely smiled at him.

"And during your lifetime?" Sirius asked. "You have, like what, 50 years! Why the hell did you have to start right _now_? That's not a proper reason to bother us!"

"All right," James started. "Today I came here because I don't want what happened to us happen to you two. Really, I want you two to be... happy." He shook the apple at Sirius. "Also, I do not want my only sane friend to lose his marbles and commit a homicide during the holiday. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man shouldn't slaughter anyone before finishing his school first. I need that, Sirius – _I need_ one level-headed friend. Please, let me have that."

Sirius smiled to him. "That's the first time you've called me sane, James."

"I wasn't talking about you."

"Wha–" Sirius began but then he closed his eyes in passing as if to count to ten. "Please tell me you realise I only was frustrated the past two weeks because I wasn't with him."

"You sure were."

Sirius gawped at him. "I'm with him _now, _you bastard! Why would I be frustrated here?"

James seemed to think about it. "Yet apparently you are."

"That's because _you_ are here! See the problem?"

"...No."

"Wait here, and let me get you a mirror, then!"

* * *

Remus stepped into the bathtub of his own small bathroom, and drew the pale yellow shower curtain around it. He opened the faucet, and had to take a step back as the cold water gushed out first, but with his hand stretched under it, he felt it warm up gradually, and was able to move beneath it.

Cold showers were more Sirius' thing than his, anyway.

Standing under the balmy water, he brought his hands to his hair and let the water run all the way over his scalp. Naturally he kept his eyes closed as he stood under the purifying feeling, but he opened them immediately as he took another step forward, letting the water spray on his back.

All he saw was pipes and the clinically white tiles on the wall in front of him.

He pressed his forehead on the aforementioned shower pipes, and closed his eyes again.

He just stood there in silence and let the water fell on his back.

Suddenly, it stopped.

Remus tilted his head back up again, getting the last drops from the faucet on his face. He swept his hair backwards, spat the water from his mouth, and turned slowly around.

Sirius pouted childishly at him. "You were supposed to wait for me."

Blinking at him, Remus ran his hand on his dripping face. "Sorry."

"I forgive you this time," Sirius said, taking a step closer and snaking his hand under Remus' armpit to open the faucet again. "Only because you look gorgeous."

Remus sniggered as he stepped aside. "Hardly the right word."

"It's exactly the right word," Sirius said and moved under the water. He gurgled, "Real...ly."

As Sirius watered himself completely, Remus took a shampoo bottle from the small holder hanging from the pipe. He opened it, took Sirius' blind hand and poured some of the liquid on it – a moment later as he saw that Sirius was completely wet, Remus helped him out by closing the faucet.

Sirius wiped the water from his eyes, and asked, "Are you even listening to me?"

He took a glimpse of the shampoo, and then Remus, who was smiling at him. Remus said, "Not when you're complimenting me."

From that look of his Sirius knew exactly what he was to do with the stuff. He brought his other hand to help and slowly spread the shampoo evenly on every finger on both hands. "Why not?"

Carefully, he slammed his hands on top of Remus' head, and lathered the shampoo.

Remus tittered as he was being shampooed like a little boy. He steadied himself by keeping his hands on Sirius' waist. His eyes caught the boy's tummy button. "Well... your compliments usually are quite absurd."

"You're absurd," Sirius huffed. He tilted his head to catch Remus' eyes. "I'm the King of Compliments, James taught me. When have I ever said anything that's been anywhere near absurd?"

Shaking his head, Remus took a soap from the holder and gave it to Sirius, who immediately started to move it against the werewolf's chest – Remus, on the other hand, opened the shampoo bottle again and poured a drop sized of a Galleon on his own palm. He eyed Sirius' long hair, and then the shampoo on his hand. "How should I –"

"Do it like you did before," Sirius said as he ran the soap on Remus' shoulder. He tilted his head forward a bit. "It's fine."

Remus foamed the shampoo into Sirius' scalp, and tried to gather the tips on it as well. He smiled faintly. "Do you remember how you complimented me on our first date? That was rather absurd, my dear king."

As Sirius closed his left eye, he thought hard about this. The soap left Remus' other shoulder. "You're... shaggable? It makes total sense."

The werewolf gazed at him. "That was on our second date after I had recovered from my concussion. Think again."

"No," Sirius began, and relocated the soap on Remus' stomach. "_That _was our first date."

"No, it wasn't." Remus smiled at him and stopped his hands. "Our first date was when you got me... liquored up."

Sirius nodded slowly. "And that has basically been all our dates. Not that I mind watching you get pissed – you always start singing."

After showing him the widest grin possible, Remus gave Sirius' hair the last scrub after which he moved again towards the shower. "I mean the time we got drunk in the middle of the day in the Three Broomsticks, before your Pie Confession? Recall that one? You said I was perfect."

With wide eyes, Sirius asked Remus' back quietly, "That was our first date?"

"In my book," Remus started as he began to open the faucet. "That was our first date."

Sirius moved quickly closer to his back, and as he put the soap away, he pressed his hand on Remus', thus stopping him. Against the boy's ear, he breathed, "If that's true... doesn't that mean you fancied me even then?"

Trying his best to hide the huge smile on his face, Remus looked over his shoulder and shook his head. "I never said that."

"But you did!" Sirius gently grabbed his waist (careful not to hurt Remus' bruises), and with a few quick moves, he pressed the lycanthrope carefully against the cold tile wall. He leaned closer as he watched Remus gasp because of the icy sensation. He studied Remus' face from close proximity. "You said, and I very clearly remember this because you just told me how it was on that lovely autumn day that you, Remus John Lupin, first fell in love with my stunning personality, and my gorgeous face and, ooh, this incredible rump –"

"What?" Remus laughed at his face. "You're so full of yourself!"

"And that right there is why you love me," Sirius said and waggled his brows. He pulled Remus from the wall, and brought his hands back to the boy's hair, ruffling them under the already dripping shampoo.

Remus smiled at him as he tried to keep the shampoo from his eyes. He said, "I do, don't I?"

Sirius stopped the lathering and feigned a baffled expression. "Do what?"

The werewolf just gazed at him with a ridiculous pout he had learnt from Sirius.

"Pet?" Sirius asked, moving his hands from his head to his sides – he carefully spread the soap from Remus' stomach to his sides and lower back, whilst he leaned even closer and tried to loom over the boy; failing at it, of course, since Remus was a mere inch shorter than him. "Do I need to tickle this out of you, like I did the first time you told me?"

"No," Remus quickly exhaled and continued immediately, "I love you, please don't tickle me."

Sirius smiled. "You do what?"

"I love you," Remus repeated without hesitation, but added, "Please don't tease me."

The smile broadened spread on Sirius' face, and he pressed a quick kiss on Remus' lips. "I wouldn't dare to goad the bloke I fancy."

Remus frowned. "Yet your motto is, 'Bet his bum while you can'. Even during classes, Sirius. Professor Slughorn probably thinks I suffer from a permanently reddened face."

Sirius just managed to shook his head at him as they heard James' voice behind the bathroom door.

"_Moony_," he puffed as if it was hard for him to breathe. "_The film you put on for us..._"

"Yes?" Remus hollered at him, trying not to halt his gaze from Sirius' eyes. "Did you like it?"

"_It was brilliant!_" James shouted back. "_That man... I mean – he's me! I'm him, Moony! He was so breathtakingly splendid; it's unbelievable! So spectacular it hurts! I can't feel my legs! Can you hear me?_"

Remus smiled at Sirius, and reached to take a soap from the holder. He said, with a slightly lowered volume than earlier, "I thought you'd enjoy it."

"_What?_" the voice behind the door yelled. "_Anyway! Remember this, lads: I'm going to name my first-born child, were it a girl or a boy, after that man! Mark my words, I shall do it!_"

His voice disappeared from behind the door, and Sirius and Remus were alone again.

So to say.

Sirius huffed something as Remus soaped his chest and shoulders, and without asking him to elaborate, Lupin said, "He means well."

"What?" Sirius asked whilst rubbing the boy's hair in return. "No, he doesn't."

"I heard you talking in the living room. He does."

A pout appeared again on Sirius' lips.

Remus turned him around, and started to soap his back. "I wouldn't worry too much about us if I were you."

"Why not?"

"Well," Lupin began, but he had to stop since the grin he had on his face made it hard for him to talk. He chuckled lowly. "Unlike you and James, _we_ are much too different, personality-wise." Sirius did not seem to understand, so Remus continued. "Think about you two. At certain times you're both... rather volatile."

Sirius turned swiftly around. "What, I am not –"

Poking him in the chest with the soap, Remus interjected, "You two almost blew up a hole on the dormitory room wall fighting over which one of your names should be presented first on the Marauder's Map." Remus lifted his brows. "And how did it end?"

Sirius dropped his eyes. "We were last."

"Yes you were. Both of you."

"Which is ridiculous, by the way," Sirius mumbled as he lifted his gaze back to Remus' eyes. "Pete's name is before us! He only mapped out the kitchen, and left all the hard work for us!"

Remus just smiled at him as he ignored the ridiculous complaining – he turned Sirius around again, and ran the soap on his lower back. "Moreover, I'm fairly certain both you and James have some sort of experience with Lily, who can also be _rather_ ill-tempered when someone irks her. Remember the time you thought it to be a majestic idea to pinch her knickers from the house-elves? That being said, think about what happens when Lily and James are in the same room when they're both irate."

Sirius stared at the pipes and whispered, "A massacre?"

"I wouldn't bet against it," Remus said flatly to his neck. "What I'm saying is that we are not like that. You are animate, passionate, and rather expressive, and I do my best to calm you down when it seems you're about to do something irresponsible, like blow a hole on a wall. I don't add any dynamite in the equation like James does."

"But you sure are fuming at times," Sirius said to him over his shoulder. "Every now and then. Like five weeks ago when you hit me with a book."

Nodding amusedly, Remus said, "I was a victim of circumstances. My time of the month was near, so I was on the edge; also the nude pictures of James didn't help at all."

"I try to remember that next time."

"Hmm, thank you." Remus smiled, and moved his lips to hover over Sirius' ear. "Look, we might not share too many personality traits, but there is something we have in common."

Sirius suggested immediately, "We're both incredibly sexy?"

"We are both total idiots."

Once again, Black turned swiftly around. He shook his head. "No... yeah, _no_. Not an idiot, not our fault. Potter made us idiots. I've never been an idiot before the plan. The plan..." Sirius nodded overdramatically at Remus' baffled expression. "_The plan_ made me an idiot."

Remus smiled at him. "So you are an idiot then?"

"...Bugger."

"Anyway," Remus continued, and briefly kissed Sirius on the lips. "As I gather, he merely presented it to you. One must already be an idiot if the plan sounds suitable."

Sirius frowned. "So... you're indeed calling me an idiot? Cheers, love."

"Yes, but I am one as well, so we go perfectly together," Remus told him with a grin. His hand travelled on Sirius' stomach. "Just like the tea did."

"_Moony,_ _I need to watch it again!" _James' voice sounded somewhat more distant. _"Put some pants on already! How can I watch it again?"_

Sirius groaned as if he was in pain.

Which he probably was.

"_Help! How does this thing work? Pete, what are you doing? I don't think you should touch it like that!_"

"We should go before they explode the whole house," Remus sighed, and opened the faucet again. "I haven't the slightest of idea what I would tell my parents if that happens."

Sirius huffed as he let Remus walk under the shower, and then naturally glued himself against the boy's back. "Who was the bloke in that film he was talking about?" he asked Remus' shoulder bone after kissing it.

"What of it?"

"Need to remember that one when that imbecile manages to knock Evans up. Leverage, you know?"

Remus tilted his head backwards and rested it on Sirius' shoulder. He laughed wholeheartedly at that. "Don't be daft. Lily's not going to let him name any baby after _Dirty Harry_."

* * *

**A/N: **I thank everyone who's been sticking with this story until the very end. I hope this made you laugh at least once. This is, indeed, written for you.

Leave a review if you enjoyed reading it, or... if you didn't. Cheers :) xo


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